Typically I'm not a fan of dark poetry, I must confess. In my experience it's considerably harder to draw upon the positives in the world and create an attention-worthy piece than it is the negatives, because for whatever reason the darkness is always easier to paint than the light. As a result I'm not particularly drawn to the latter.
That being said, I really like the idea of suppressed memories chasing someone through their life; rather than rising from the ground where we've buried them (which is far too easy), or focusing on the idea of nightmares clawing at us from the dark which has been done to death.
The use of 'tearing at my heart'; imagery which we typically associate with love (for good or ill) is also quite original.
By the end there is of course no indication of what these memories are, leaving it up to the reader to interpret as they will, but my impression was of someone escaping the grip of trauma, perhaps suffering from PTSD, weighed down by an experience or event so grievous it seems an impossibility that the writer will ever be free of it. I daresay I know a number of people who would associate with it.
So as I say, not my favourite subject and I think a short form like this demands (for lack of a better phrase) more 'punchiness' to really stick in the reader's memory, but it's by no means bad and stops itself from falling into the trap of being whiny or asinine, which is all too easy when in this area. Good work.
One quick suggestion I'd make is that given the similarity between memories and dreams and the imagery we associate with them, I might say in the fourth line that even in the light or surrounded by distraction you're not safe - I've never had trouble recalling memories alone in the dark.
Alliteration may well be a literary no-no, but I've always been a fan and think you do well here with the constraints you've placed upon yourself. There are odd words I'm not sure about ('sneaking' in the third stanza being one that seems slightly out of place). I'm particularly fond of the second stanza as a whole though, especially the first two lines.
The progression of the seasons throughout is good as well, never seeming forced or rushed, despite the relative shortness of the whole. Nice one.
I don't have a great deal of feedback to give on this, save that I enjoyed it and it made me chuckle. The satire is good (particularly concerning Seahawks fans) as is the misinformation (Grenada). There are a couple of parts (the third to last paragraph being one) where it reads as deliberately tongue in cheek as opposed to a heartfelt call to action against this menace and as a result, some of the earnestness of the writer is lost.
Nevertheless, as said I enjoyed it, and would happily have read on. Perhaps a dove-like disagreement response - 'This is yet more American arrogance trying to police the world's birds. As a superpower it is our duty to understand their motivations rather than simply condemn them' - or something to that effect.
Interesting point of view. I've certainly heard many a mournful tune on the pipes but the idea of associating them with dismay and defeat as opposed to victorious joy is a new one to me (though as a rugby fan, perhaps it shouldn't be). The contrast between misery and joy is lost somewhat though, when you refer to the current city as deadly and deceitful, while spending time establishing the idea that the bagpipes mournful whine overpowers the joy and happiness of the band. In effect, the result is 'I want to leave this miserable place, because I've heard a miserable tune, but I like the miserable tune and it makes me think of a better place.'
Something else I would note is that it's somewhat unclear if the pipes in the pipe and drum corps are the bagpipes themselves, or the latter is something the writer hears only in their head. If the former then I'd change the beginning of the second line to, 'The...' as opposed to 'While...' as the current writing suggests a separate event to the corps itself. This confusion is repeated in the fourth stanza and right at the end. It reads like, 'I hear the band and I hear pipes' rather than 'I hear the pipes as part of the band.' All of this seems somewhat odd when coupled with the fact that the way you describe the bagpipes doesn't make them sound particularly pleasant.
I like the format and some of the imagery, but even on subsequent readings, the nature of the noise heard is unclear and so the reaction gained is one of confusion. Are we supposed to be inspired by the band or perturbed by it? Is it the band's music that moves the writer, or the memory of a more emotive tune? Complexity isn't something to be avoided, but the message appears to get lost here.
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