Heehee, oh the ideas that this has given! A delightful story! Filled with all the promise of something just a bit more than it actually is. The pure fun of this story drips with mischeviousness! I enjoyed the idea of planning something intimate, but the ending nearly had me falling out of my chair!
Haha! What a wonderful little story. Oh, how it is so very true, and I do think that everyone can easily relate to this. I love the diologue that you present from each one, and how easily it reads. It is simple, yet truthful and a delight to read.
I found no errors. I love that it is left open to move forward should the idea come.
A beautifully written story lies within these lines. It starts out with darkness engulfing the reader. The unknown torture bearing down with pain. However, the ending is brightened with the gentle love from someone very dear. Well-written! I found no errors and enjoyed this.
A delightful letter indeed! And one that will salvage more than you will ever imagine. If we could all go back and give ourselves advice, none would be as great as the words you spoke here. My favorite "There will be times in the coming years that you will want to curl up and slip into a fantasy world, but I assure you that things will get better." How many times have we all felt this. Just seeing these words will lift darkness for others in the future!
The beginning of this story started off with interest, grabbing ahold of the reader's attention. From there, it seems to teeter out. I think it would have done great, to have an unexpected ending instead of the lead up to the fall. It leaves the reader knowing how it will end.
I was scrolling through the Newsletter when I came across this. First, congratulations! It is a wonderful achievement. Secondly, WOW! This is beautifully written. And even with the sadness that lies underneath, it is as if the beauty lays a soft layer of protection. I really enjoyed reading this! The only area that was a little bit off was the last stanza. It did not seem to have the same rhyme pattern. Even though, it is an awesome piece and I am glad you shared!
Oh, what a wonderful thought. And so true. How hard could it be, to pass this on? You have my mind racing, what, seven years later. I know there's ways of doing it, and I think I will give it a try. I will find the app, that allows texting and just give a little gift soon.
As beautiful as always, and a delightful idea. You, once again, have shared an inspiration through your writing. I found no errors...but to be honest, I didn't think I would.
What a delightful story! As someone that is a huge fanatic of old cars, it is a delight to picture this story and the life coming back into one that has been left to forget. The stories all these cars could tell if they could talk, would enrapture people for years to come! I love the life you were able to breath back into this through words!
I found no grammatical or spelling errors. (Or I was too enraptured by the story itself to notice.)
I read this all the way through, before I realized it is YOU! As alway, a joy to stumble upon such a light-hearted piece filled with good natured fun and surprises. As alway, I found no spelling or grammatical errors. And today, a much needed laugh! Thank you for sharing!
I wish I had thought of this all those years ago, and sage advice to pass down from here on out. What a delightful treat. As I am sure that I can pass those same looks, I enjoyed the sheer thrill of seeing it in writing. Excellent story, and advice for all! Great job once again!
I am actually quite grateful that I came across this. As someone who enjoys writing, I have never really and truly looked at my poetry, merely writing from the heart. And although, I am part of the grammar and spelling Patrol, I have never really looked at syllable counting nore meter. This gives me a new focus as much as the contests here do. Thank you for sharing your knowledge!
Wow, such heartfelt sentiment in this. I loved the first person feeling. It gives the reader a true sense of understanding what a person goes through when a loved one decides to go forward into the military services. Even then, you can feel the pride through the pain in this story. I give props to all families that have or ever have had loved ones that serve. It is a challenge for both, I believe.
Whew! I bet when that convertible finally came to a stop Todd swore he would never get into another one again!
My first thought on this was a six year old child in a car alone! How? Why? Who would do such a thing?! I am glad I followed through with the intended pull into the story. Such an incredible feeling. You mix the emotional pull of something that should NEVER be, along with the thoughts of a teenager into the mind of a child. Then, gracefully, you add the real truth into it to give a spin that isn't expected.
I found no errors and enjoyed the story (once I got past the first few lines).
Wow! I'm not sure I can say much more. I admit, I had to go and read The Jester, and between the two... My heart is confused. This one doesn't give as much of the pain as The Jester, but the history is made. I will have to raid the whole folder soon!
Curiosity has me ahold of me with taloned claws... Did you write the ballad yourself? Oh, the ancients times feel alive in this poem. You show even more of your versatile skills. A story written for those of the sea, when men and women both learned survival skills that truly meant life or death. I enjoyed this so much and to my delight sang it in my head. Another great piece finds its way to me!
Oh, the Grammer Nazi in me is screaming at the top of her lungs, all while the writer is giggling in delight. When I first began to read I nearly groaned and thought "There's the first thing." But to my delight I continued and found this quite enjoyable! I is... Oh, I is...
What a wonderful poem. Filled with a deep longing and love that the ember forever burns a lighted path. The anticipation of having even a glimpse leaps from the words of a beautiful woman, waiting. While the deep need draws the man back each time. Neither are able to resist the other.
Once again, no errors were found and you have given a beautiful picture to behold.
What the h e double hockey sticks! Holy smokes, not a hunter, but I'll be darned if I go out with my father, husband, or daughter ever again after this one! It puts the Chupacabra on the back burner! Nope, not me. Heck, as much as I like nature, I'm not sure I want to go back out in it now!
Loved this story! Even with all the gruesome (which, fyi, I do NOT care for) details, this story is alive with lore and truth. It is written so that it catches, entrances, and leads the reader right up to the kill....
Laughter nearly bubbles from my lips as I read this. I completely am at home in this story as the mother. 100% all the way. The attempt to look nonchalant while the pure terror plays havoc with my insides. The calm “over just a little more next time sweetheart” while I don’t understand how they can’t see my heart that I am sure is jumping out of my chest as we pass the parked car that I could easily have reached out and touched. The plot of the story is great!
There are no spelling or grammatical errors. I do have one suggestion. I would move the second paragraph to the last. The reason for this shift is that it ends the story. The way it is written gives the finalization to it. As it sits, I was confused at why I was done reading this story, and there were two more paragraphs. This will help close it out and not cause confusion. Keep the “Safe driving everyone!” at the end.
Again, this is merely my perception and my suggestions are to be used at your discretion.
Spooky! Ugh, I have to get these spider webs off of me! I was great with the moss, but the instant you added spiders...it seemed like everything in this story had them after! Oh, but the truth does lie in this poem. As most people have forgotten, the "wives tales", and "folk lore" and all other stories, are usually based upon some truth. Hence the locket. It is definitely a creepy *is that a spider crawling on me* poetic tale, but not gorey, and I love it!
Ugh! No! Just as I begin to really, and I mean really, get into this story......It stops?!?! This can NOT be happening. Ok, well on to the review. Holy smokes! And no, I am not talking about a smoking gun. This is a very good start to a very interesting story. I do hope somewhere it is finished, or at least in the works of being finished. I did find a grammatical error and would like to make a suggestion. Third paragraph, sentence reads "It was something that they were used to doing that for me." I would take out the second "that" so it reads, "It was something that they were used to doing for me.". It flows smoother. Also, fourth paragraph, first sentence. Club is in this sentence twice. Maybe change the second one to bar, or even the first one to lounge? Having it in the sentence twice creates a bit of a stumbling block for the reader. Otherwise, it is a great read, and I look forward to more!
Creepy! It seems that Holloween is the perfect time of year to begin talking about all things paranormal. It heightens the mood, along with the senses, and gives enough spook to make it exciting. Of course, the stories of each hometown are ripe for the hauntings that happen due to the past. We have several in our hometown and this time of the year brings out those that want to travel to find out for themselves. I love that you brought the horsemen to life, feeding upon the curiousity and the reader's imagination. Well-written, and I see no errors. Great job!
Today, of all days, this reaches out to me more than it may have normally. My tears again threaten to overflow. I apologize, for I am not able to give a proper review. However, this is beautifully written even in sadness. Thank you for sharing with us.
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