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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/chelseamaree
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135 Public Reviews Given
158 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
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Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this adventure. What a great idea!

Am a Jedi Knight myself, so I do appreciate the attention to the missing 18 years. It's been bugging me for a while. This is great.

I have added a chapter, and will probably do so again at some point.

I intend to review the chapters I needed to read before getting to my chapter.

My chapter is called 'The Academy of Dantooine'.

This is an excellent idea, hence the five.

Thank you once again.

Chelseamaree
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Review of Morlapodicus  Open in new Window.
Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Heee hee hee... very nice millhouse. I think you have invented the 'giggleoffis'! Yes it seems appropriate for this piece to be recorded as one of the first of the century. Well done Millhouse!!


A very enjoyable piece, and though the ending isn't really that surprising, the journey to the end was more than enough to make it worth taking the journey. Nice.

giggling out loud this is perfect for a cup of tea smoko break read!!


Chelsea
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Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very meaningful. I like it. I haven't read your author's notes yet. I don't believe in reviewing after reading the notes. I prefer to let the original piece inspire my reaction. So here goes.

I like this piece. Short and description. Sensual in its use of words, rainbows that kiss, big skies that can be inhaled. Wonderful imagery and again, sensuality. Also an inspirational message. Nicely done, I might go outside and breathe and escape for a while. Thank you for this


Chelsea.
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Review of Rudy Can't Fail  Open in new Window.
Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Not too sure what to say. I am now imagining the possum in the headlights look hee hee hee.

Nice work. You have detailed descriptions in this piece, I enjoyed this. The thought that a deer prays to the lord to, how cute. That may be quite arrogant of me. I wonder if his God is in his image? Just a thought. That's why this is a good piece, it provokes thought. Well done.

With regard to writing itself.... hmmm, perhaps you didn't need 650 words. Not too sure what you would cut out, or, maybe you should concentrate on inner dialogue for Rudy. (You weren't inspired by Rudolph for the name were you). Think the deer needs another name, maybe... oh I don't know what about... Richard!

Nice read, thank you very much.

Chelsea
5
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Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
well, what can I say. Am ever more curious about the boy with the one-string guitar. This material would make for a great song, or poem. Was captured by your description of him. I did enjoy the read. I like your short sharp, yet descriptive sentences. Nice, keeps me in the picture. However, a couple of things;

The title grabbed me, so I wanted to read the piece. You have painted a nice picture of a vintage spanish street scene, with glazing heat, tattered and torn visuals etc. I liked it. But, the boy with the eyes of ocean that reflects his dreams. Either this story goes on, or the last piece doesn't fit. Sorry. There are four sets of characters iin the story, yourself observing from the side, the boys playing soccer, laughing and enjoying life with no apparent concern for future and dreams, the boy playing the one-stringed guitar and the boy with the ocean eyes. the problem is, nothing binds any of them except for the sweltering heat, and you. Each deserve their own complete story, with the others as a backdrop. Perhaps not all as the main story with heat as the back drop. Keep working on it, i like your writing style.

Good luck
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Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice rhythms, nice work.

These are cute and work nicely.

Do not edit...

for more animal possibilities,

here's a challenge,
try..

..oh to be a platypus... or

How nice to be a giraffe... or

how nice to be a wombat...

or should be go domestic farm animals...

like...


how nice to be a romney!...

the world's your oyster give anything a go... ooh,...
there's one...

How nice to be an oyster....


Yeah..

Have fun....
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7
Review of The Seer  Open in new Window.
Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Question answered 'Nostradamus'.

The last two pieces lead to this one.

They work well together as a collection. The first, brief and introductory, the second, meat in the sandwhich.

This piece, the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle.

You self-contemplate well, I find you more interesting than you do I think.

p.s.... I need some sleep too!!

Chelseamaree:)
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Review of Solar System  Open in new Window.
Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is certainly another ponderer!!

I guess you're an observer? I guess that's why you never sleep.

I think I like your ponderings. Not unlike the painting, which are you? The solar sun, magnetic and gravitational, or the lifeless star that once was?

Do you speckle, do shine, which are you?

Thanks again... can't wait to read more.

Chelseamaree:)
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Review of 9 Lines  Open in new Window.
Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice working,

but working...
hee hee hee

An enjoyable piece with form and structure.

this is about wanting and not wanting I suppose.

The uncontrollability of wanting, the weakness in desire.

Nice work.

It's a shame it's not longer, that's all. It's a nice piece of work. Keep it up.


Chelseamaree

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Review of Pieces  Open in new Window.
Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is exquisite.

A commentary on how women are. It almost feels like, well reads like, women who love too much.

But it's written beautifully. Love is sacrifice, and perhaps she sacrificed too much, love itself even.

What lovely piece.

Thank you for this.

Chelseamaree:)

Invalid Merit Badge #random
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Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is lovely. I live in this situation actually, and this piece is timely, and I can see everything you are saying. The irony.

I'd like to hear the tune, one day perhaps.

Nevertheless, this is a nice way to support two friends.

I will take some of this advice on board, rather than live in no-man's land, or rather, no-couples land.

Hee Hee.

Thank you for this,.

Chelseamaree
:)
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Review of A Self  Open in new Window.
Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Brilliant. Superb.

Couldn't have said it better myself. Oh yea, that's right, I didn't, you did. Bugger.

This is a nice introspective. I've often wondered about our own responsibility to our own creations. You've said it well (if that's what you said), that's what I read.

Nice piece, easy to read, don't change a thing.

I now have more food for thought. Thank you very much.

Chelseamaree:)
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Review of Where Were You  Open in new Window.
Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow, woo hoo,

this is powerful, judge, jury and executioner. Job well done.

I have read a few of your piece Ann Ticipation, and I have found this the most powerful, and relevant one. I have enjoyed this, regardless of it's dark content. It's the use of the powerful words, and direct delivery that makes this work. Do not change any of this, this is great work.

Thank you for sharing.

Chelseamaree
:)
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Review of rancid words  Open in new Window.
Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
You're right, and you shouldn't concern yourself with grammar when it comes to lyrics like these... this is art so don't be too exhausted by it. I've just reconstructed it here, there are only few typos and line breaks. Nothing to beat yourself up about.


However, you want comment on your lyrics so I'll talk about that soon...



When you first saw my face
did you expect a big disgrace
cause every move that i make
convinces you that im just a mistake

your words they cause
unseen scars that never heals
it never feels

-chorus-

rancid words you speak to me
the ones that rot so easily
in the corners of my mind
your diappointmens all i find
rancid words rancid words-

i never believed
that your words would humiliate me so
or your plans for me
that you couldnt let go
i shut them all away
for years and they decayed
just like my fears

- chorus-

when you say shes nothing to me
that is how i finally see
the way you think my world should be
and when my children need me most
your hatred will be nothing but a ghost

- chorus-


rancid words you speak to me
the ones that rot so easily
in the corners of my mind
your diappointmens all i find
rancid words rancid words-

Powerful words, they speak about your feelings alright. That piece of the puzzle is complete. I like the use of rancid, nice touch. It works actually. Not sure what genre music this is, but if it's youthful, I can only guess its contemporary.

You may want to actually mention your parents, or whatever it is your parents have done just a bit more clearly than you have. If they have rancid words, and you can remember them, use them, put them in your piece. Show us what rancid words are.... write from experience, show us your experienece.

This piece has potential, get gritty..

Good luck.

Chelseamaree :)
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Review of Spirit  Open in new Window.
Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an inspirational piece, and it softens a burdened mind. So thank you for that.

Regarding your choice of words...

My spirit is solid as a stone,

poetically you may want to consider the difference between Rock and Stone. Scientifically they are the same thing, but poetically they present different images. I think you may want to say...

My spirit is solid as stone
cleansing in streams,
evil spreads around me
as if in bad dreams...

It's only that stone as you have used it, doesn't quite mean solid, rather rock does. taking the 'a' out of the line gives it a sense of quality rather than personality. Hope I haven't confused you. If I have, feel free to email me.

Anyway, this is a lovely piece, I think perhaps you may just want to consider experimenting with different words, and discuss their differences and what images you wish to portray.

Good luck, good writing. Thank you..

Chelseamaree :)

A visual aura of grace within.
Let go and let God,
And my spirit will mend.
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Review of Ice Cream  Open in new Window.
Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice work, the anxiety of ice cream on a hot day. ell done.

Almost perfect, but you'll need to edit.

Then my joy turned to anguish

instead of

Then my joy turned anguish

Nice work,

I can't imagine this is your masterpiece, this is the light write. Normally written for the light read. Nice work.

Keep writing.

Chelseamaree
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Review of The Silent Moo  Open in new Window.
Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hee hee hee, MooMoos.

Nice sentiment, and yes, it happens.

I live here in New Zealand, and we learn early on in our lifestyle down here, if it moos, eat it.. We're a dairy farming country.

This is a nice point of view to read about. I understand your husband quite well. Nice work, only one typo...

A sole head popped above and over a fidgety comrades back and gazed at me.

it should be comrade's. That's all, nice work.

Chelseamaree


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Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Fascinating.

Are you by any chance a philosophy student, or cultural studies student? Just curious,

if you're not, you should consider reading creation stories from different cultures.

Biblically, this is Genesis, and god created light etc..

culturally, now I teach Maori studies here in New Zealand, and am a Masters students, and our creation stories are based on the creation of the day, and the stages of light and dark, not unlike your piece. Our oral histories are woven in these ideas you have just presented.. very interesting. I'm curious about you now, may I check out your port?

aside from that commentary, here's these tips.


Light seeps

should this be light sleeps?

Light nuturing

,.. light nurturing


That's all, great work, thank you.

Chelseamaree
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Review of I Am  Open in new Window.
Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good on you...

Young woman that is you, I celebrate it with you, and keep staying you.

This is nice dialogue, agressive. Often this dialogue is needed when the people it is addressed to, don't even know why you're saying it. That's the irony of these things. Anyway, this is another piece to add to others such as classics like, 'I think, therefore I am', an underlying message I read in your piece, there's also, and you may want to read... Polonius speaking to his son Laertes (Hamlet) Act 1 scene 3 (about) goes like this.....

Neither borrower nor lender be
for loan oft loseth itself and friend
and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
To thine ownself be true
and it must follow, as the night does day,
thou canst not then
be false to anyone.....

I believe that's the crux of what you are saying..

well done...

Youmay just want to expand your thoughts, beef it up with more than I may nots and load it with, I ams.

Just a thought.

Have a great day YOU.

Keep writing.

Chelseamaree
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Review of Moon  Open in new Window.
Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, this is lovely, and humbling.

A mere onlooker to the glory of the moon. This is lovely work.

In my culture (Maori) native in New Zealand, we have a song that talks about the moon, gives honour to the moon...

..hei karu mo te mata o te po..

translates as .. as the eye for the face of the night...

that's what your piece reminded me of. Thank you.

Chelseamaree
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Review of Elusive  Open in new Window.
Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very nice, I'm a brown-eyed girl myself, and I think I'll take this personally.lol. This is a lovely piece. I have a few suggestions though....


The most perfect girl I've ever seen,
to glimpse her is a treat!

..to glimpse her is a treat.. sounds a bit, well dare I say it... reaching for a rhyme sort of thing. Treat isn't all that flattering for a woman, however,...

you could try...
the most perfect girl to meet.

when rhyme falls short, resort to other poetic tools such as repetition...

She fills my days and nightly dreams
and makes my mouth go dry.
If I don't find her very soon,
I'll lay awake and cry.

and makes my mouth go dry...

..I'll lay awake and cry.

nice rhythm but lacks punch, again not that flattering.
try another measure like..

..with moments of heavenly sighs...

...my desire may die in her eyes.

what I'm basically saying is, a woman, someone special will be allured to you, when she understand how you effect her, when she can sense it. Poetry is the same, use forceful, sensual words.

Good work, I like this, and you don't have to take on board any of my suggestions, the poem works anyway, but it can work better.

Have a lovely day.
Keep writing.

Chelseamaree
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Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hee hee hee, I like this piece. It smacks of sarcasm!

Great.

Short verse without provoking inspiration! You said it. It's funny how we humans get won over by seasonal sentiment. Fickle creatures we are. I like this piece, give me this instead of a hallmark card anyday!!

Thank you again Lean.

Chelseamaree

Happy Hanaka!! lol
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Review of A Hole in Me  Open in new Window.
Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Exceptional work.

As a single mother of a son, I understand this. I realised this when my son reached the age of ten and started taking on manly things etc. I could not possibly have provided for him, the things you have described. I knew this, so I did something about it, his father did not live in town, or even near us, but always made as much effort as he could, but it could not be constant effort. I surrounded my son with male role models I trusted. I am glad you wrote this piece, because now I know, I made a good choice, well the best choice for him. And even more so, I realise how important it is when it comes from the horse's mouth. ((That horse would be you) thank you for sharing that with me. It's been guesswork for me up until now.

Great job.

Chelseamaree
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Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This piece is truly remarkable. Superbly put together. Wow.

heaven is only an instant
that lasts forever
not this ruin of dreams
and good intentions
postponed to get to work on time
meet deadlines
perpetuating the status quo
a passionless desert of duty
peopled by intimate strangers
begging to be touched

I am drawn to this portion of the piece, reality in the divine dream of comfort.. irritating isn't it. But real.

Thank you for this, it really is extraordinary.

Chelseamaree
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Review by chelseamaree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very nice... a moment of intimacy on a special day.

I like this one. You have a range of expression, I've noticed this in your writings. This one in particular, I have enjoyed for its intimacy and simplicity.

Nice use of descriptive and active words. Tracing lips with fingers, appeals nicely to the sense of touch, and thereby, the sense of satisfaction.

An arousing and romantic piece. Thank you again.

Chelseamaree
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