Poetically, you write well enough to express what's going on in your world view. This is what good writing encourages. I like the flow and rhythm of your poetry piece. However,
Why, as a woman, did you
God me in this world bring?
Please tell me what was my crime.
I’m called a sinful thing!
The second line in here broke my reading flow. I understand what you were saying, but it took me a few reads over to accept it. But I do like it, I may be hesitant to actually use this style, only because, the reader will have difficulty, and the message is lost. That's the risk you take. Not too sure how to edit it either.
I am also wondering, I can sense the feelings beneath the writing, anger, frustration of inequality, this is good, you have used words that enhance this. But...
after reading, I am unsure who you are angry at, or why?
Example, are you angry at God, Man or, that you were born a woman. Without reading the comments below your piece it's hard to tell.
Regarding the comments below, I am now wondering, is it culture you are angry at? One would argue, particularly with your comments on Muslims law, from the points you have raised, that these are actually practiced among christians and western society. Think about that. The difference is, legislation.
Legislation does not guarantee, it's not practiced.
Christian churches and Western society have the same policies, just different environment. So what concerns you, the act, or the culture? Just food for thought.
You are a good writer and I hope you keep writing.
Looking forward to more. |
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