Cheri Annemos's (cheri55422) Reviews

Cheri Annemos

Review Requests: OFF

867 Public Reviews Given

867 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4397790

Review of ruwth is writing...

for entry "~ ruwth rewrites St. Patrick's Confessio. ~"

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi, my name is Cheri and I'm reviewing your work today for I write 2018. My suggestions are intended to be helpful, not hurtful.

What I like: Hello, again. The thing most intriguing about this work is your easy, friendly presentation. You write like you talk which is the only thing that makes this piece understandable and relateable. Without your research and the way you write your commentary, I would have passed over the confessio quite quickly, and most probably would not have known that it existed at all.

What needs your attention: This is just my opinion, but what would happen if you just cut out all the "He shares", "He writes" and "He tells"? It would be direct and enhance your freestyling way of writing.
For example: What did Patrick do after coming to this realization? He writes that he could not keep silent in the light of the grace that God had given him while he was in captivity. He expressed his belief that, in response to the goodness of God, it was almost an obligation to repay God's blessings by telling everyone about God and about how wonderful He is.
[Try out: What did Patrick do after coming to this realization? He could not keep silent in the light of the grace that God had given him while he was in captivity. His belief that, in response to the goodness of God, it was almost an obligation to repay God's blessings by telling everyone about God and about how wonderful He is. It gave Patrick the courage to fully express God's glory to anyone who would listen.] Or something else to replace the filler words that were taken out.

Overall impression: I like your unique way of approaching challenges. This particular contest is daunting to me. Good luck and congrats on pushing yourself in this contest.

Thank you again for allowing me the pleasure of reading your work.

Cheri

2

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14 days may be credited.

#4393169

Review of The One That Got Away

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi, my name is Cheri and I'm reviewing your work today. My suggestions are intended to be helpful, not hurtful.

Title: I chose this title because I like stories like this. That it had an award was extra incentive.

What I like: When tackling a subject like this, there is always the potential to dive head first into the implausible. You handled that hurdle nicely by making the implausible the truth. I like little twists like that.

What needs your attention:
int he [in the (2 places)]
He came after me. He grabbed her shoulder [lost your POV tense here]
her self [should be one word]
couldnt [couldn't]
no where [probably should be one word]

Overall impression: This is a great story that followed the prompt beautifully. Just needs a little polish, but the core competencies were all there.

Thank you again for allowing me the pleasure of reading your work.

Cheri

3

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4391188

Review of Light and Dark

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, My name is Cheri, Part of your I Write 2018 Team.

INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
The title was okay for the subject matter of the poem. The teaser was concise and genres selected were spot on

IMAGERY:
I got the madcap, pressure filled plea for some sanity when all that is tangible is what can seem like never ending stress.

RHYMING & RHYTHM:
You did a good job of picking words that have the rhythmic syllable count that you were aiming for. I don’t know if your gift to stay true to a poetic form is a gift or if you worked on it all week, I just know that I liked it.

OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I don’t have any comments about your poetic stylings, you seem to have that well in hand. What I would request is that if this is a prompt based poem, that you include it at the end of the poem. I had no idea what a Pantoum was and had to look it up. Only then did I grasp how intricate this poem truly is. Contest judges also like it because the person who posted the prompt is not always the one who will be judging it.

Good luck in your contest.

Cheri

4

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14 days may be credited.

#4388274

Review of Homage to Romance

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Welcome to my I WRITE 2018 review of your entry.

INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
The title is pretty self explanatory. Using the prompt as the teaser to draw the reader in is much more interesting than the standard “contest entry” statement. Ratings and genre are appropriate.

IMAGERY:
Lovely way to capture a fleeting moment in time. A little sweet, a little forlorn, a little special, a little regret. Beautiful.

RHYMING & RHYTHM:
This line is out of rhythm.
of magic and moonlight [easy fix would be of the magic]

OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I have not heard of this poetic form before. Thank you for sharing your gift. I enjoyed this piece very much.
Good luck!

Cheri

5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4387947

Review of Bride 2 Be

for entry "Chapter 12 ~ Decisions"

Review by Cheri Annemos

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi, my name is Cheri and I'm reviewing your work today. Congratulations on winning my donation to Krysha's Winter Charity Auction. I always review the chapters requested, if none are requested, I do 1, middle, last. My suggestions are intended to be helpful, not hurtful, and will be focused on technical things, polish and story gap.

Title: Chapter 12: Decisions

What I like: You surprised me with this Chapter. I like this method of changing the POV as it works better than the old school method of having a guy doing a dissertation to fill in the blanks. Let's face it, most men do not talk the way as done in novellas from days gone by. I did not see any story gaps in this chapter.

What needs your attention:
stream from the Boutique,” [Boutique."]
Just an observation from a fan of your work, if you can find a more descriptive word than "said" or "stated" I would like to see that.
make sure you double check to make sure there is double spacing between paragraphs.

Overall impression: Your passion for this character is very evident. You set up the next book quite nicely. I especially like the way sexual attraction and restraint is interpreted from the male CC's POV.

Thank you again for allowing me the pleasure of reading your work. Let me know if you want me to do different chapters. I love your work. Despite a few boo boos, I give this chapter five stars, it is that good. I can really see the characters and they are realistic and believable, the story arcs in the right place, and the boo boos are technical that can be fixed easily.

Cheri

6

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14 days may be credited.

#4387938

Review of Bride 2 Be

for entry "Chapter Five ~ Life of Illusion"

Review by Cheri Annemos

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi, my name is Cheri and I'm reviewing your work today. Congratulations on winning my donation to Krysha's Winter Charity Auction. I always review the chapters requested, if none are requested, I do 1, middle, last. My suggestions are intended to be helpful, not hurtful, and will be focused on technical things, polish and story gap.

Chapter 5: Live of Illusion

What I like: That make out scene was fantastic! Whoa! I put away my church face and just got into the scene, feeling the full brunt of the intensity, and all that. I LOVED it.

What needs your attention:
With all the manpower he had on his payroll and contacts in different states, Calvin at a loss didn’t make sense. [Can you tweak this? If others understand it, leave it. If others are struggling to get this, it should be tweaked.]
“I need to see you. Tell me where you are and I’ll come right now,” Lisa said. [When it's obvious who is speaking, the "Lisa said" is not necessary. Now if you used "Lisa demanded" or "Lisa choked out" or "Lisa spit out" or "Lisa begged", that would have been more show don't tell where I could get in the flow of the story.
Running off to marry, Edward, a man you don’t even know. [Putting commas on both ends of a name is addressing that person. Take the first comma off.]
folded across her chest [can you be more descriptive, like "arms crossed with each hand tapping a rhythm on the the bicep" or something...I'm sure you can figure out a better way to say it.]

Possible Story Gap: When you are sitting right next to somebody, can you carry on a cellphone conversation of the intensity dialogued between the two sisters? I can't. Either the CC or Calvin has to get up and move away. You can stare at a phone and fall back into a seat just as easily as not moving out of the seat. I get that they are in a limosine, but they are not even distracted by the conversation going on right next to them. And when I am on a call and I can hear background noise, I say something. I don't know it just seems a little bit of a problem. It is needed! I know that. I just think there has to be a way for one to step out of the car until the conversation is complete and get back in. You know?

Overall impression: A few polish issues, but this is a fantastic chapter. I truly love the way you lay out the sexual tension between opposing forces. Well done!

Thank you again for allowing me the pleasure of reading your work.

Cheri

7

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14 days may be credited.

#4387935

Review of Bride 2 Be

for entry "Chapter One~A Little Note"

Review by Cheri Annemos

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi, my name is Cheri and I'm reviewing your work today. Congratulations on winning my donation to Krysha's Winter Charity Auction. I always review the chapters requested, if none are requested, I do 1, middle, last. My suggestions may seem blunt, but they are intended to be helpful, not hurtful, and will be focused on technical things, polish and story gap.

Chapter 1: A Little Note

Title: I personally don't like text scripting in a title or any part of the work unless texting is an important element of the story. In this case, just from a quick read of the first few paragraphs, you may be telegraphing the end of the story just in the title. It's your choice, but I think a more mysterious title would work better. It's up to you.

What I like:You did a very good job of showing how rich and penny counting react to the same situation. I like that you sprinkled nuggets throughout to bait the reader to want to read to the end to find out what happens next.

What needs your attention:
Since this is a trilogy, or series, I would put a brief recap at the front as to where the story is picking up. You tried to do that with actions and Central Character ("CC") self talk, but if it stops the flow, you need to rethink it. With a brief recap, I can figure out what happened and the emotions you want to pull from me will be available and not suppressed because I am trying to figure out why this is a big deal.

though the later seemed next to impossible [latter]
while you take jibes at me [try "make jibes" or "take out your jibes"]
She pushed away from his body and sat, slid closer to the door and away from Calvin [fix it somehow. it sounds weird.]
term all business [I would do "all business" so the reader does not have to re-read the sentence to see if there is a mistake there or not.]
Seriousness took over, etched his dreamy brown eyes, and crinkled his forehead. [slipped into two different tenses here.]
double check formatting. There is at least three places where there is single spacing between paragraphs.
google "slang terms for married". Tie the knot is overused in this chapter.
The kindness that she noticed in this man made her have faith [I think a show, don't tell power statement would be better than "made her"]

Try not to put the same phrases in close proximity...for instance, "night sky" could be "evening shadows"
With the bright lights engulging the big room [engulfing]

Possible Story Gap:I know you have your heart set on this timeline. But it sounds like your CC is starting a new business, taking care of her sister, and burying her parents all at the same time. Are you are trying to justify insurance money as the source of her financial stability? Was that explained in the first books? I just know that five years is a mighty tight timeline to line up a business deal with the "big and powerful" when you basically have trouble making rent. Or am I missing something?

Overall impression: I like the way your writing lays out and your author's voice. I like that you stay in First Person Limited and do not bother to jump heads. I was not counting "was"s and "with"s which tells me you have a firm grasp of show, don't tell. This promises to be a pretty good novella.

Thank you again for allowing me the pleasure of reading your work.

Cheri

8

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4387254

Review of The Cave Delicacy

Review by Cheri Annemos

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi, Angus: Found this little gem in the Short Stories Newsletter. I know it was written a while ago, and recently modified. This is so funny, still smiling at shenanigans of this intrepid quad unit.
You know if there were any boo boos I would let you know, but it is polished, well written and down right funny.

9

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4383603

Review of The Good Book

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hey, saw this in the mystery newsletter. What a fabulous read. The nasty part of me is happy that the curmudgeon got what he deserved, and the nice part of me shutters that anyone would have to experience that fate. That's pretty awesome thing to accomplish. I can't find fault with anything, although maybe with the hint that the wizard will destroy mankind, maybe a 13+ rating is more appropriate.
But I seriously loved this story as written with all the twists and turns, the way the character developed and the cliffhanger at the end.
As always, these are JMO. You have a fantastic author's voice, I look forward to more interesting reads from your port.

10

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4383248

Review of Revenge

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Congrats on the highlight in the comedy newsletter. You are a mean spirited little so and so every once in a while, aren't you? I guess we all need to be at some point in life. I am secretly smiling at this through my church face. At least you have the talent to pull off the digs in a humorous way, it's a gift to walk that line and not trip over your toes. Later,

11

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4383244

Review of The Green Heart

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi, my name is Cheri and I'm reviewing your work for I write 2018. My suggestions are intended to be helpful, not hurtful.

Title: Title is appropriate for the story line. Rating and genres are appropriate. I would add a third genre to get some additional audience. Action/thriller is often a good catch all that marries well with Horror/scary.

What I like: These characters tugged at my heart. I got the flavor of the characters pretty quick and liked them.

What needs your attention: The only thing I saw was that okay was capitalized in the middle of a sentence torwards the top of the piece. Not a big deal.

Overall impression: You grabbed my attention quick and I read this faster than usual because I wanted to see what happened next. Thank you for putting the disclaimer first so that I did not have to sit on pins and needles wondering if they opened that infernal box or not. This was cleverly done and I liked it very much.

Thank you again for allowing me the pleasure of reading your work.

Cheri

12

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4383083

Review of Poets and Paupers

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Welcome to my I Write 2018 review. My name is Cheri, and you are one of my favorite authors.

INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
I like the title and the teaser. I was unfamiliar with Verse Libre so this was a treat for me. Genres selected and rating are appropriate.
IMAGERY:
I am amazed at the beauty that flowed across the page in this work. I am touched deeply by the love and respect you have for these talents.
RHYMING & RHYTHM:
There is no noticeable rhyming in Vers Libre, nor should there be. I did get the ebb and flow of the rhythm and did not feel any hiccups or disruptions.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Sometimes you see a work that you would like to share with the world through a published work. This is in that category. This must have been fun to write. When I looked at the prompts, I hit the wall. So glad you wove them into this beautiful piece. Best wishes on your contest.

Cheri

13

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14 days may be credited.

#4378013

Review of Misplaced Love

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

This is a cute little story. Saw it in the comedy newsletter. Congrats on the nod. the only suggestion that I see is that you have contest entry twice as a genre. Maybe romance would be a cute alternative to that. JMO. You don't need to change the story as it has already gotten the kudos it deserves. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face this day.

14

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14 days may be credited.

#4357962

Review of Maybe

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi, my name is Cheri and I'm reviewing your work today. My suggestions are intended to be helpful, not hurtful.

Hi, Jon:

Title: I am reviewing this at your request. I shall endeavor to do a good job.

What I like: I am glad you took my encouragement to turn your gift to poetic form. You have such a talent in laying out the scene and the emotion in a way that only poetry can present.

What needs your attention:Looks along with emotions have become posable [did you mean possible? Posable has a fakeness about it that I don't like.]
Knees wet with morning due [morning dew.]
Also, I have found that "other" as a genre is a place holder and does nothing. Look through the genres and pick three that most fit your work. It gets the foot traffic and helps anchor your author's voice in the community. I would suggest "dark", "death, or "emotional" as good alternatives to "other" for this work of art. The first two are good genres. Rating is appropriate.

Overall impression: I think this is awesome. It would be perfect if there were not typos.

Thank you again for allowing me the pleasure of reading your work.

Cheri

15

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14 days may be credited.

#4356040

Review of Lost in Thoughts

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

"Game of Thrones"

Hi, Naveed:

Title: I was wandering through your port and found this award winner there. The title and teaser marry perfectly to get this reader to dive right in for a read and review.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: Your author's voice is so clear and unique. The thoughts that roll off your pen are presented in a complete and coherent story. As always, the character is fully developed, the scenes are laid out fully, the pacing is engaging enough to get the reader from the beginning to the end at a decent speed. You usually polish your fairly well and that is appreciated.

What needs work:
An year after we got married, [A]
Sorry, Naveed, you can't have an E rating with profanity. Bump it up to 13+.
I don't know if this is a plot hole or just me, but when you say he is homeless and then say he is going home .... where is home? It's just a question that was left in the air that did not need to be there.

Overall Impression: The story is beautifully written. You have a gift.

My favorite part of the story is the last lines where you compare an ordinary person's idea of good or bad luck and this old man's view of good luck verses bad luck.

Thank you for letting me read your work! As always these are just my opinions. It is your work to use or not use at your will.

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON

16

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14 days may be credited.

#4355561

Review of Remember When It Rained

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

"Game of Thrones"

Hi:

Title: I was browsing the thriller genre and saw the awardicon and stopped my roll. It tells me that there is exceptional writing here. The title and the teaser are perfect for the story presented.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: I need a fantastic first line to draw me in and I need the story to pace so that I stay interested. I need flawless punctuation to keep my attention solely on the story and not be distracted by boo boos. The story has a down arc to a plausible ending which left me wanting more.

What needs work: It is perfect. No suggestions for changes, other than I would like to see what happens next.

Overall Impression: You present a character with a dark side that I can empathize with. I got clear imagery with your word pictures, there are very few authors on this site that can pull together a simple scene with such clarity. I don't know many who would choose this retribution for betrayal, but it works for the story.

My favorite parts of your story are the first and last paragraph. You give such a lovely depiction of rain, how the character became one with the rain, and how rain brought her alive.

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON

17

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14 days may be credited.

#4355554

Review of The Resting Place

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

"Game of Thrones"

Hi, Audra:

Title: I was in the Thriller genre and found this story. The title stopped me and the teaser go the nod for a read and review.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: I see that you are an accomplished writer. You tell a complete story, knowing how to start to capture the reader's attention and where to stop to keep us wanting more. This paced correctly and arced in the right spot. When you have limited space for defining your characters, you did it right by going to the psychology and letting the reader fill in their own appearance ideas. I was happy to see you chose the appropriate genres and gave it the proper rating.

What needs work: It does not impact the story, but the first line is a little clumsy. Other than that, the story is fine the way it is. If you have a mind to expand it, there is plenty of room.

Overall Impression: I see your author's voice all over this piece. It is well done. I like short and not so sweet stories like this.

My favorite part of your story is the last line. It is a simplistic and realistic statement of being for the villain in your story.

Thank you for letting me read your work! Looking forward to see what more you have in your port.

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON

18

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14 days may be credited.

#4355549

Review of The Kidnapper

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

"Game of Thrones"

Hi, Nikki:

Title: I was checking out the triller genre when I happened upon your story. I was looking specifically for a newbie, so stopped at your story for a read and review.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: The good news is you have the bones of a good story. I can tell you have a story line and you have sketched out the characteristics and quirks of the villain.

What needs work: This would be easier to read with formatted paragraphs and dialogue leads.
You drift between first person and third person. It reads better as first person. With first person you were talking about not being able to talk through the gag. In third, you slipped back into telling the story and not experiencing the story.
well I should say you're very loud husband [your]
After the story is formatted, it could really use a loving polish with punctuation.
This should be rated 18+, what with the axe murderer and all.

Overall Impression: I would like to see this when it is expanded. There is a lot of room to reveal the mystery of why this goon hated this couple so much. It could easily be turned into series of stories that revolve around the hunt for a serial killer. Maybe you don't want to write gruesome all the time, but it's a possibility with a villain like the one you created.

Thank you for letting me read your work! These are just my opinions. They are meant to be helpful, not mean-spirited or anything like that. It is your work to do with as you wish.

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON

19

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14 days may be credited.

#4355033

Review of Seafoam

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

"Game of Thrones"

Hi:

Title: I was wandering the fashion genre and stopped by this piece because of the reference to unicorns. It got me excited to see how you could tie the three genres selected with a unicorn piece.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: This is a perfect poem for a piece aimed at children. It has that singsong quality and repetition that children adore, and the hints at fantasy and fashion that I love. I see this is your first piece --Welcome to Writing.com!

What needs work:
more beautiful then any [than][in both spots]
I did not see any rhyming patterns. It's too artistic to be considered prose. I take it that this is a free verse, there's a word for it, I just don't know what it is. I have seen other poets put their structure inspiration at the bottom of the poem. It might help in future work when you want to enter the contests where that sort of thing is part of the judging process.

Overall Impression: The imagery created is breathtaking. I was right with you watching the unicorns play and dance in the sea. I like your work very much and encourage you to keep sharing with us.

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON

20

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14 days may be credited.

#4354916

Review of A Lawyer Tells the Truth

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

"Game of Thrones"

Hi, John:

Title: I needed a laugh today, so Satire genre seemed to be a good fit for my mood. I used to work for a lawyer and I wanted to see what you did to poke fun at the profession.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: Well, I can't find anything wrong with your writing. I want to bite you in the pen finger for slandering my legal profession, but that's a different story. (LOL!)
I like your author's voice, so it was a quick fun read. You have a knack to pace it so that the story arcs in the right place.

What needs work: Punctuation needs some fixing. Not enough to distract from the read.

Overall Impression: I can tell you write great stuff no matter what genre is thrown at you. It's a good thing you called this satire because I am still trying to figure out how the guy remembers he has a terminal disease, but can't remember anything else. Maybe you should stick nonsense in as a third genre. (hint hint)
Detective Ryan reminds me of some of the cops up here where I live. They know all the attorneys in town and know just how fast they can go without getting in trouble, and which ones deserve their undivided attention (usually the ones that represent the police union)

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON

21

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14 days may be credited.

#4354017

Review of Fishing for Trouble

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

"Game of Thrones"

Hi, John:

Title: I was wandering through the Cultural genre and stumbled onto this little gem. The title and teaser marry nicely to get me to stop for a read and review.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: You have a very clean, in your face, style to your writing which I appreciate very much. The pacing works beautifully. I like the little hints to a mystery and the way the solution presented.

What needs work: The rating should be 18+. When you use words like damn, s*** storm, jackasses and bitched, it automatically bumps it out of the E rating. When you start talking about being drunk, and messing with drug cartels, it automatically bumps it up to 18+. Granted those words are necessary to forward the story, you just can't rate it E.
maybe from the blood lose [blood loss]

Overall Impression: What a completely honest, if not legal, way to get even with the locals. I am impressed with your author's voice. Thank you for letting your hero live to tell. I like it when people overcome their stupid. You have a new fan.

What's my favorite line? By far and away it's: There were no atheists in foxholes or those in the ocean waiting for that first shark bite to tear off his leg. That's so true and beautifully stated. The fact that he honored his word in the end made it even more better. (Oh, Lord, I sound like a tweenie writing it like that.)

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON

22

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14 days may be credited.

#4353520

Review of The Black Cape And Top Hat

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

"Game of Thrones"

Hi, Angus:

Title: I was browsing the paranormal genre and saw this award. The title was not very interesting to me, but your teaser sure was. Just had to give Black Cape and Top Hat a review.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: I always like the way you write. You have a firm grasp of how to lay out a story in this genre without going nuts or holding back. From what I saw, the punctuation and grammar are solid. The story paced well and arced where it was supposed to. I personally like minimal physical descriptions and heavy on the scene imagery. You have this weird talent to put together a paranormal character that has lasting impact. I

What needs work:
I think this needs to be re-rated to 18+. I mean a double dismemberment? That reads higher than 13+ to me. Explaining it away as imagination, no, I don't think so. Still reads higher to me.

Overall Impression: Congratulations on the awardicon and the newsletter feature. It is deserved. I think the only thing in this story that was just off is the reactions of the living to gruesome scenes, especially when one is seven years old. For example, when my brother discovered a dead body, he ran away. The memory is vivid all these years later, but he did not react with calm.

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON

23

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4353251

Review of Suitor From the Shades

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

"Game of Thrones"

Hi:

Title: I was wondering through the supernatural genre and this title was weird enough to catch my eye. I see it won a contest and that is always an indication of exceptional writing. I had to see what you did in Suitor From the Shades.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: Writing from Henry's point of view and using the type of words he would use got me to the core of the character quickly without getting overly detailed. I find your author's voice engaging. I was all in from the first line. I can see why this story won....it paces well, it arced in the right place, the characters were clean, and the storyline was tight.

What needs work:
with ever fiber of his being [every]
I did not see any punctuation mistakes.

Overall Impression: I don't usually like horror stories, but this one had the right rating, presentation, and story line to set my discomfort aside and appreciate a good read.

My favorite line: while his family showered her with the pale discomfort of second-hand guilt. [boy, that is so descriptive and accurate. Loved it!]

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON

24

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4353161

Review of 30 and Failing

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (3.5)

"Game of Thrones"

Hi, Anna:

Title: I was browsing the women's genre and found this interesting story. The title really grabbed me and the teaser made sure I would give it a read.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: You needed a strong opening to keep the reader engaged for the entire piece, and you delivered. You have a powerful gift with dialogue. I like the way you present the message you anted to convey.

What needs work: This story could really use a loving once over to fix the formatting issues and fix the punctuation mistakes. There are too many to go over each one, but simple things like a period at the end of a sentence would do wonders to keep a reader's attention.
She had to due her brown hair [dye her brown hair]
but of all of that is gone tomorrow [if all of that]
What will people remover me by [remember]
Well of your going to do it [Well, if you're going]
We can make one the spare bedrooms onto an office [one of the spare bedrooms into ]
couple people of the park today [in the park]
trying an failing [and]

Overall Impression: I got the jokes and I got the picture of the setting and people through your writing. This would be a fantastic piece when the typos and punctuation are corrected. I do like what you are saying about flipping a sense of failure into a chance at a new beginning.

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON

25

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4353140

Review of To Catch a Philander

Review by Cheri Annemos

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

"Game of Thrones"

Hi, Neva:

Title: I was wondering through the women's genre and came upon your story. I like your work and had to take a moment to see what you could do with the Daily Flash.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: I have always liked the things that come out of your pen. It seems you can always write to any prompt, put out a complete story, and know what's important when slashing a story to meet contest word restrictions. For me the first line has to be solid to keep me reading. I was definitely interested to find out what the big rush was.

What needs work: Star Bucks [one word]
Gloria set down beside the woman [Is it set or sat? I think it's sat]
is married the head of maintenance [missing words: to the head of...]

Overall Impression: I like the way you wrapped this up by making sure the philanderer was caught. I like it when poor behavior is rectified.

For what it's worth: If you have a mind to, check the that tenses are correct, [like checked her watch instead of checks]. You are probably more expert than am I on these things, it's just something I noticed that made go "what?".

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON