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867 Public Reviews Given
867 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Just dropping by to drop off some GPs
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Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Just contributing some shiny GPs because I like the stories.
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Review of The Storm  Open in new Window.
Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I saw your piece on the HUB. I am not a poetry buff and maybe am not a good judge of this. If a layman's opinion is what you want, I can give you that. I prefer poetry that has rhyme and meter, since that is not what yours is about all I can do is give my opinion on content.

The title would not have drawn me to your piece. I am only here because you asked for honest opinions in your request for reviews. Genre and ratings are appropriate.

I get that you are the tree. But unless this tree is on the ocean, it has no way of knowing what a ship on the ocean looks like.
I know why you used the senses, but I do not have a frame of reference to know how the tree has a mouth or eyes. For instance you say the tree screamed. I don't have a frame of reference for that. You say, Missed by inches. How could the tree tell that?

These are just my layman's observations. I hope it helps to see things through my simple eyes.

You are the artist, you can use these suggestions or toss them, it's all choice.
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Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this little gem in one of the newsletters. I was laughing the whole way through. It is so good I did not have to turn on the editing button. I see it was written a while ago, thank you for sharing your lessons learned.
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Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You sure can tell a story. I am getting the idea that the only way to stay in the word count limits of these flash fiction things is through dialogue and fast pacing. Nice little twist at the very end.

Looking forward to more of the stuff that sifts through your brain and onto paper.

Later,
Cheri
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Review of A Winter Morning  Open in new Window.
Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
So happy to see Spartacus made it to grandson type age. He is by far my favorite. And the rake has a soft side to boot. Who knew?

I always like what you write. I have the editing button off unless i see something outrageously out of sorts.

Another fantastic job. Always a fan
Cheri
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Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I found your work as part of the Wodehouse challenge. I normally do not review in this genre, so forgive me if I do not “get” it.

Starting out with positives: You have this fantastic ability to lay out the characters and story in clean unadulterated lines. The story was woven together cleanly and I could follow it most of the time. You have an interesting turn of phrase that kept me interested in where the story was going.

Despite this being a strong story, I turned on the editing button for a brief bit at the following things:
What do you think your [you are = you’re] Just a pet peeve I have…
Your awake.” [you are = you’re] Same pet peeve I have…
about drinkin’. [forgot close quotes] sorry, editing button is overlooking a lot, just not this.
your kinda okay [hint: my pet peeve]
But if your not back I can’t send the troopers [pet peeve]

Sometimes you indent paragraphs and sometimes not, if that is artist signature, leave it == if not, fix it. You do not punctuate the way I would == drop commas all over the place. It does not detract from the story, just interrupts the flow a little.

I personally think this is a little more graphic than 18+, but then this has been around for a long time and I guess smarter people than me are okay with it.

Overall: Strong start, strong finish, and lots of interesting stuff in between. Excellent work.

WDC power award
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Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found your little gem as i am tripping through the horror fiction genre as part of a challenge that i managed to agree to. The best part of this challenge is exposure to authors i would normally not access.

I liked the premise of a ghost story. I like that it was a sweet ghost story and not dark. You can't detailed character or plot development in so few words. You did a good job with what you had. when you have so few words, your punctuation and grammar have to be tight. So thank you for taking the time to put together a technically correct piece.

looking forward to more of your work.

cheri
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Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I found this story in the newsletter and loved the title. Read the story and found it really funny. You don't need me to add my five star to the rest of your collection, but this story deserves it. Kudos
cheri
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Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like your poetry. I can't do poetry myself and appreciate those that have the gift. I like everything from the title to the word choice and laying out the emotions.

Cheri
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Review of Attention Adults  Open in new Window.
Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I am reviewing this item at the author's request. I usually don't do poetry because I don't get. With that disclaimer in play, I make the following observations.

When you have a short poem the title has to be tight. I probably would have passed on this had it not been for the specific request, only because it sounds confrontational and I am not in the mood for confrontation at Christmastime.

That aside, when I look at a poem, I expect it to lay out much like song lyrics, where there is a cadence and formulated rhyming pattern. I got the cadence and I got that most of the stanzas have some form of rhyme (albeit none of them are the same pattern).

What I liked is that you took on words that would be hard to find rhymes for. You have a good vocabulary. I like that you had a point of view and were not afraid to say it.

What I did not like is that it comes off as self-righteous. I grew up in the 60's, an era that invented self-righteous. If you want to leave the adult reader irritated, you did that.

So you wish all adults were dead? I hope your parents and older family members are out of your radar. I was young once. Probably had the same arrogant smugness you do. If that is the reaction you wanted, you hit your mark. If not, you missed it.
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Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I love your poem for the deployed. It says it all.
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Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I cleared the previous review because I see you made an effort to address my concerns.

still a couple technical things that I want you to consider.
But if we all come from another world why we like humans? -and why was I left here and why were my memories erased?” [...why are we like human? And why was I left here? And why were my memories erased?"][am not a fan of the - after a ? or !, but it is one of those things that can be your signature, so I resisted the urge to correct the other instances. This one needed correction.]
A normal looking man came forth. [What? Try: A man who looked much like Curinus came forth.][Or something else, just lose the word normal.][I'd even be okay if you used a celebrity look alike.]
Curinus’ clapped his hands together [do not need an appostrophy.]

I still love the curiosities in your writing because it makes you unique. Still love the way you turn a phrase, lay out the story and the characters. May I suggest that the only weakness I see may be that you assume we "know" more than we do. Unless you are under word count restrictions, take the same amount of care teasing all our senses at the end of the story as you did in the opening paragraph.
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Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Saw your review request in the HUB. I don't know why I selected it....maybe because the word ordinary was misspelled in the teaser. Just a piece of advice that was given to me that might serve you in good stead, try to avoid other as a genre. Even if it is holiday as a genre, it is better than other.

This is such a cool holiday mystery. You did a very good job of laying out the scenes and developing your characters. Just a few items I want you to give some consideration to.

covered in falling snow [I would have used fallen]
cense [cents]
Thank you John [I set off names with commas]
Christmas with.” [I end questions with a question mark]
cover the lost memories [did you mean recover]
I knew I this place was not my home [doesn't read correctly.]
“All become clear as soon as you rejoin your people.” [word is missing I think]

These are just my thoughts. You can use them or not. It's all choice.

Cheri
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Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
It took me five minutes of diligent persistent to figure out how to find the city referred to in this masterpiece. I probably could have used my Junior Sleuth skills and figured it out if I had read the date first. On the plus side, i found the website where i can figure out the other story links. whoot!

Where the heck was Spartacus Kane when i was young and single? He is by far my favorite ... and also the most irritating. How can the two occupy the same space? That's weird.

Another five star from Mr. Kane's biggest fan.
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Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Okay. Short and not so sweet. I like your vibe. This could easily go a thousand directions. When you have a very short story, you have to have impeccable word choice and punctuation, and yours was.

I feel like one of the little kids who would have sat at the table screaming for more.

Looking forward to more of your work.

Good job on this tale that left me wondering what the heck happened.j

cheri
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for entry "Stormchild" Open in new Window.
Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Found your request in the HUB.

As I said before you have an interesting take on things and a unique writing style that I appreciate.

This story has character development, decent plot and a hook that makes me want to find out what's next.

Thank you for bumping up the font and rating this appropriately.

Overall, there is nothing that I could see that left a question mark over my head. Very good job on this one.

Cheri
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Review of Who & Why  Open in new Window.
Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Always love what you do with a pen and paper. I write to deployed military and this one touches my heart in a unique way. I don't do poetry, but i appreciate the artistry of those who can. Very well done. Thank you for sharing.

Cheri
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Review of Seven Sins : Envy  Open in new Window.
Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Oh, my, you do tell a tale. I get the characters and plot pretty clearly. I see you are tying the sins together in the central hub of the diner and keeping all the characters within kissing distance of each other.

I prefer a larger font just because i have old eyes. The genres are correct. The rating? Not sure. If it's 13+, it's just by a smidgeon.

Maybe you know this, but the first paragraph swings between first and third person perspective. Is that what you wanted to do? Another thing I'd like you to try and that is read this out loud. There are spots where I had to go back to see if there was a word missing, a little clumsy phrases, you know - like that. I don't want to silence your author voice, but I think by reading it out loud, your brain will inform what needs to be tweaked.

I think intentionally dumping food on another person is a hard sell for justifiable homicide. Might want to take some time to build the mental instability and picking the wrong person to bully.

I like you writing. I am a fan. These are just my ideas. As the saying goes, You can use them or lose them.

Later, Cheri
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Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
My husband is sitting there wandering why I am laughing so hard I cry.

This is the best story. I can see it all play out. Right there feeling all the aches and pains and bravado. It's perfect as written.

Thank you for sharing.

Cheri
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Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Better than anything I could come up with. I'm not a good judge of poetry, because I usually don't get it. And i like your little seasonal piece.

thanks for sharing.
cheri
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Review of The Letter  Open in new Window.
Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found your story in the HUB. As always, these are just my thoughts, it is your piece and you do what you want.

You have a very formal style of writing, which I find interesting. I see the mystery in the story, but would have liked a solution ... unless this is part of NaNo. If this is part of a larger work, then it has a good hook to see what happens next.

I did not see any glaring mistakes, other than these two small items

he glanced at but showed no reaction. [looks like a word is missing.]
but I hope that I can some light on the strange occurrences that [looks like a word is missing.]

If you meant to write it like that, just ignore my comments.
Just an afterthought...your introduction implies the letter is eagerly awaited, and every other thing would indicate that there was foreboding surrounding the letter. Just a thought that wafted through my mind ...

anyway....good luck with your writing.

cheri
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Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
I found your piece in the HUB. And will try to give you a decent review.

Your writing is consistent and tight with what there was of it. I like pieces that have decent punctuation and grammar. The piece is appropriately rated, if there was a bizarre genre, you could use that too. You have talent that much is evident, you just need to dig deeper.

These are the things that left a question mark over my head.
1) How was such a creature captured? If she can lose limbs and they regrow, she can also escape whatever man-made prison is created. What makes your encasement special? Describe it to me so that I get it.
2) There are certain bodily functions that occur, aren't there? How can she remain a goddess if she is in chains? Aren't there certain smell of the odoriferous nature that will linger?
3) Why is this researcher not trying to communicate with this creature? Dialog to lay this out for the reader so that we get the characters and scene set.
4) Where did the creature come from?
5) What other environments have been tried? Solitary confinement is what caused the insanity, why was it the only one used?
6) What is the reason for the endless experimentation?

This sounds almost like something out of the Twilight Zone. If this goddess is a demon and the researcher is the Guardian of the Light or something like that, then you need to fill in the blanks.

This is a good try and worth a rewrite. The subject line requires a story in the 1500 to 3000 word range. Take your time and use your senses. Put yourself in the scene, and tell/show the reader what is going on and why? Remember that smell is the one sense that triggers instant reactions in, or enhances, the other senses. Remember you can relay a lot with dialog....for example

If the good researcher walked in the room and the first words out of his mouth are "What is that smell? What did you do?" and the response is an hystercal laugh rather than a scream. Push it, man! You got this. You can do this!

Hope that helps.

WDC power award
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Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Wow. Found this little gem in the HUB. I will attempt to give a decent review.

I did not find any obvious errors in punctuation or grammar, so thank you for that.

What worked: I like the way you turn a phrase. The story was well paced. I got the characters and scene layout pretty well.
What did not work: The only thing I did not get and may have to be tweaked is how people end up in the sack on the first date. That irritated my sensibilities.

Rating and genre are appropriate.

What can be improved: I liked your story, but I think dialog should be added to show what attracted these two people to each other. I saw where this was going at the initials on the five plates. Instead of "relayed his hypothesis". Put it in a statement. There are lots of spots where you could take a shot at dialog and see how it lands. Eavesdrop on people and see how couples talk to each other. Then put it in the story.

You included all the senses, so that is good.

Keep writing. I like what you do.
Cheri
Cheri
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Review of Bite of Vengeance  Open in new Window.
Review by Cheri Annemos Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this little piece of wonderful in the Comedy Newsletter. I see it won some kind of award. And it is well deserved. I got the characters, you painted the scene well. Giving a voice to a dog was well done. I could see the story laying out and felt such empathy for Daniel.

Genres and ratings are spot on. In order for a comedy to work, the story has to be paced perfectly and grammar/punctuation has to be spot on. And yours was.

Nothing I would change. Looking forward to more stories of the trials and tribulations of Vesta.

That's all
Cheri
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