I think you've coined your own term here lol. Mad props for that.
I thought the gears shifted a bit quickly from adoration to dismissal. I'd have liked to see a more gradual progression, something to draw me in deeper before the final rejection.
What I liked: It definitely emotes. A promising piece.
lmao..oh, that's brilliant! Did you write it for his bday? (cuz I remember hearing it was coming. I have no doubt that was incredibly difficult to write, I could see the struggle in some places, but singing it along to Major General, I didn't care! I think using Pirates of Penzance was a hysterical idea. I hope he enjoyed it as much as I did. Nice work, Tracey!
lol,this made me laugh! I have to wonder, what prompted you too write it? Since you describe it as cheeky, I have to assume it was to poke fun at your friend. What did he think about it? lol There are some clever, cute lines here..shows potential for someone so young. Keep it up!
Hoo-ah! This was irresistible. A strange, enchanting blend of the surreal mystery of love, and the mundane details. Never has the imprint of leaves been so sexy lol. "what my heart deciphers, I know best" ....beautiful line. Liked it almost as much as the breath stirring blood one. Nice work!
Thank you!!! For the most part, I knew how to interperate my stats, but I did have a couple of unclear areas. This actually answered my questions. I am not used to getting that from a tutorial, lol. (On, other sites anyway!) I found it very clear and easy to understand. Much appreciated,
Chenoa
Fantastic fantastic!!I am going to send this link to all my forward-crazy friends. I had never thought about it to such an extent, and i think this is an important an eye-opening point. Thanks for making it!!!
This is the best poem about the need to make an impact that I have ever read. I am so, so impressed. Totally original language, all put together so nicely. I want to scratch the earth.....lovely. Phrases like that gave the piece some nice, strong imagery. Thank you so much for sharing it!
I felt compelled to read this, and I was not disappointed. Though the piece craves and feels a loss, it also communicated to me a kind of hope. That eternal element, that only saving grace. For me, personally, it said, "even if i am not here, my love always is." That made this piece as comforting as it was painful. Delightful feat. And the language was lovely as well. Very nice write!
At first, I was put off by the double-rhyme thing, but by the second stanza I was pulled right in, and I forgot all about it. First, i am impressed with the language. All very simple, but put together very well. Was the best part for me. The last stanza is a gem. I really enjoyed this piece. Thank you.
I thought it beautifully sweet, and the ending was a real blast. Gave me a very lovely image of what you were talking about. Also an incredible scene of love. Lucky, lucky you...lol. I thought the rhyming was a bit forced here and there, but this piece won me over nonetheless.
OH, a lovely piece of work. I thought the rhythm was a little off here and there, but the content was so sweet, I didn't care. A wonderful gift for your wife. I hope she liked it as much as I did.
What I really liked about this is how you worked in safe sex. Don't see that in erotic poetry, at least I haven't, so it was a wonderful surprise. Very exciting piece..lol. Good work!
I really enjoyed this piece. I thought your descriptions and word choices were captivating. I was really drawn in. Excellent, excellent work. The language is a bit elavated for children; it's a wonderful story, but it doesn't read like a children's book. Maybe junior high language. Aside from that, I think kids would enjoy it. I'm gonna show it to my ten-year old, and I'll let you know. Well done!
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This was incredibly personal and also inspirational. You have to lay yourself out there for people to take you seriously, let alone act on your example, and you have done just that. Outstanding work.
This was sensational..really a beautiful little piece. It gave me that feeling I get when I stand alone on the top of a hill, just me and the wildflowers. Lovely....
AH! For me, this was a "yes, exactly!" poem. Very cool to read. I used to attepmpt this approach when I was young, but you are better at it by far! So strange, the last line, but, if read right, so deep. I really liked this, all of it. Well done!
Grammar advice, huh? Well, I'll give you the whole canoli...
Second stanza~take 'the' out of the 2nd and 4th lines~flows better...
3rd stanza~how bout...'for both of us, a choice'...? Again, flow.
4th stanza~2nd line~remove 'of' ...last line, no grammar issues, etc, but maybe a little thesarus surfing will produce a synonym for 'consequence' with fewer syllables, but still is pleasing to you.
Honestly, unless the nine poeple who rated this before me already corrected your grammar, I don't see the problem. Your grammar is fine, your rhythm is just a little off in places. Punctuation looks good, too..although, I don't pay attention unless it is distracting. I like this poem~' a gathering of clouds'... my favorite line...Well done!
Except for a tiny bit in the middle..I really loved this piece. That metaphorical flow is hypnotic....I have one like that too...fascinating stuff. I love the way you worded things here. Just some beautiful imagery and emotion. Most interesting!
I found this to be an incredibly interesting piece. What I see here is the promise of a very talented writer, and I look forward to seeing how it develops.
The emotion here is very well communicated, and the story beautiful. If I had any complaint, it would be the dialogue. It gives too much detail where simple, minimal wording would suffice. This story touches me on a personal level, and is hauntingly familiar to me. I intend to read all of it, which will probably take all day!
If you really think you are not a good romantic writer, you're cracke dout. This was beautiful. At least in my opinion, if a work evokes emotion, if the reader feels your words, it is a success. This one fits the bill. Thank you!
This is a very interesting story, but is way too short! Who is Moe? How does he know all this information about Josie and the main character> Why was the bet made in the first place. There are some very interesting descriptions in here...(like the choice of drink) but no where near enough story! Run a spell check on it too, especially in the first paragraph. Honestly though, if you add some information and develop the story more, it will be fantastic. It's really a good start! Good luck with your writing!
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