The poem was great... I could really relate to it. It also reminded me of the song "Good Enough" by Evanescence. If you haven't heard of it, Google it, the song has great lyrics.
I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors, good job! Some rhymes are good, but it doesn't exactly follow a pattern. Not all poems do/have to, but maybe it could. The peom is already a good one and could definitely be expanded if you wish.
Please ntoe that these are my own comments and do not need to be taken seriosuly unless you want to
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Hey there! I liked your poem. It was a good, quick read. I completely unerstand (in my own way, of course), what it means. I connected to it, which is very good.
I do think that you could expand on this poem, however. If you do, please email me because I'd like to read it.
A woman steps out of her car and sees it: the murder in a New York City alley. The victim ends up being her brother (or other close relative). She believes the police aren't doing as goood as they can, so she takes the matter into her own hands!
Hmmm.... maybe I should write this. Ha!! Yeah right, I'm terrible at mystery.
Hello. I like daily contests, but i would like to notify you that your link is broken. The link to a how to use BITEM format is an invalid item. Just wanted to let you know.
First off, I'd like to welcome you to WDC (Writing.Com) and hope you enjoy your stay here at our encouraging, supportive community.
I'd like to tell you why I rated this piece with a 3.5/5.0 (Please keep in mind that a 3.0 is average.)
It was a thoughtful poem and your message & poem is real. Your rhymes are acceptional when used and there are no confusing literacy play.
Suggestions to receive a better rating:
The title is great, but the "[X]"s are a bit distracting and people may not look at the piece. It's strange to hear, but it does happen. The description and title could change the difference in who looks at it and who doesn't.
As I pointed out before, the description and title could change the difference in who looks at it and who doesn't. Your description is ill-confident and you chould be confident in your writing. Putting "Not my best work" changes the reader's opinion of looking. If you way it's not your best work, readers most likely will think it's probably not good at all since you say so.
I think that your rhythm is a tad bit off. By changing a few words it could make the poem more simply read. Read the poem aloud and fix what doesn't sound long enough or short enough.
he description and title could change the difference in who looks at it and who doesn't.
~*~Additional Comments~*~
I hope you enjoy your stay here at WDC. If you have any questions email me (darikna@writing.com) and ask! I will know your answer. But if I don't, I know some one who does
First, I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Darikana and I am pleased to welcome here to WDC (Writing.Com). YOu'll find this an encouraging, supportive writing community and I hope you enjoy your stay.
"A Time And Place For Everything" was a very interesting piece. Of course, I've never seen anything like it. Your optimism is the same as mine, but with it, I am forced to be pessismistic. Anyways, your opinionated writing was well written. I liked this piece because:
It did not have "I belive" spattered about the piece. Those words can be wuite annoying, but you used it once, at the beginning, but did not repeat yourself. This is an excellent notable thing.
It had a good mood of fact and dim brightness. The mood of the writing was optimistic, but not a 'heavy yellow,' Wal*Mart Smiley face stamped on it, if you know what I mean.
Your use of "interference" was magnificent and well selected.
~*~Addition Comments, Suggestions, and Tips~*~
I enjoyed reading your opinion. I hope that you continue writing and hope to see you around the WDC community.
If you have any questions about the site, you can ask me via email (darikana@writing.com). Cheers!
I like your use of oxy morons here.It is short, but great. I do wish it was longer. The Word Choice and Idea Develoment is definitely the strengths here. Hope you like the welcome cNote!
Great poem L. A. Powell! It's very general to your audience, which I like because then people can realte to it more. It wess really good in voice and wrod choice. I must say that I don't think parenthesis around unexpectedly is appropriate though. I think it would be more poetic and meaningful if it was in dashes.
Your piece here was absolutely terrifyingly great. The wording is great and I love the darkness in it. It rhymes with nightly sorrow, I love it! I give you a 4.5
Very odd pole you have here. I voted that he didn't have anything to do with it, but I believe he isn't a very good president, or, at least, my grandmothers and mom think so. I couldn't agree more with them though. The attacks on us on 9/11 were sad, but true. Again, odd pole.
This poem was amazing! I loved the lighning tressed, queenly robed part. The rhymes were great and not overly placed into the poem. Your words placed a clear picture in my mind, even though it may not be the picture you see. 5
Sincerely,
-{user;darikana}
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Hello! I received the email about the birthday bash and I would like to donate soemthiung to the birthday pool: a two month upgraded membership credited to "Invalid Item" . Cheers!
Hello there, Kiyasama! I was just skimming through all the Angel Army "stuff" and I noticed my birthday wasn't in here. My birthday is on November 14th. Thanks!
This was... WOW! Very deep. My favorite part was the ending
"It squeaks.
The bed squeaks, it still squeaks, but I guess
I guess
I guess
it always will."
The enitre thing sounds like it could be read in a funny kind of dramatic way and very slowly. Then, this end is like IguessIguessIguess......it always will. It's the only quick part. I like it.
The only reason why I gave you a 4.5 is line No. 8: at the end, "busted down my door" I personally don't think that it flows very well and if you put "busted my door down" it flows better and it rhymes with around.
Hmmmmm..... This was interesting? Short and scary. Strange keyword, though: fantasy? it doesn't sound like fantasy. It sounds more like an emotion: fear. Good. I like it.
I thought that this chapter was really good. The sentences are short and come to a point and very brisk. I love that. the names are very interesting, so may I ask you where they came from? Great chapter. I wish mine were as good as that.
Hey there! This group sounds awesome and I would like top join if I could. The group looks like a place where you help a lot of people and I want to do that. Since I'm hoping to join, I guess I should start reading your different items. There's so much pages I can't read all the tabs. Haha!
This essay sounds terrific. I seriously can't wait to read it. I love how you put this entry to the essay in this format. it is not seen very much within WDC so I think that it was creative in a way. I do ahve one question though: Why did you use this format instead of a book?
Good Afternoon Fushia. These are really nice quotes you have written. my favorite quote is this: "The greatest catch of my life caught me." I like the words. It's like a backwords, I guess. Well, I'm really glad I read these. I love quotes, and there was a quote in there and it read "Carpe Diem does not mean Carp of the day" or something like that. Please elaborate what this means. I know that Carpe Diem means seize the day, right? Well I would like to understand the "Carp of the day", please.
I also think it is really great that you are putting other people's quotes in your item. Here are a couple of mine:
Friendship is a piece of fragile glass that grows stronger by the minute, but is still easily broken.
Love is mind candy where friendship is worth a-living.
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I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors, good job!
-- Above Average
The title is great, but the "[X]"s are a bit distracting and people may not look at the piece. It's strange to hear, but it does happen. The description and title could change the difference in who looks at it and who doesn't.
Putting "Not my best work" changes the reader's opinion of looking. If you way it's not your best work, readers most likely will think it's probably not good at all since you say so.