Almost perfect, just the part where you say "Just trust your heart and come to me." I think it would be better if it was left as one sentence to give firm composition to the eye. It could also serve as a start of second paragraph if fitting is an issue. Thats about it, great read although a little too brief I think. Kinda wanted to know more about her. TC
Alex
This has become a familiar platform for me ainshu, and if I did poems like these for every girl I have met in the past, I would be a depressing wreck! lol Anyway you're rhyme is excellent in my opinion and its short to the point. You don't use any tricky metaphors that when used the wrong way, tend to bog down a good poem sometimes. It's a natural touch of the senses. Good Job!
LOL, funny stuff! That happened to me about twelve years ago. The only difference was four numbers of my usual had won and I didn't really tell anyone about my usual lucky numbers I play so I was safe from the possible murder, lol. I decided not to play that day and gave up over $1500 bucks! Augh!!! Anyway , you may wanna stay away from those psychic line, thats a whole other story for me! lol Good Job!
Well written! I like the way you shadow the womans charactr in this first chapter. It made me want to know more about her, background, appearance, but most of all who Henry is based on. Is it a past lost lover, son, or even friend? Keep it up! Its a winner with the right combination.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/darkknight99
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 10:15am on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
