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Review Requests: ON
378 Public Reviews Given
413 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am honest, respectful, and diplomatic when I review a piece of writing. I use a template and I give you my personal thoughts and feelings about it. I rate fair and equal to the review I give, but I only give a rating of 5 if the piece is perfect, in my opinion.
Favorite Genres
Mystery, adventure, paranormal, historical, disaster/survival, political, detective, young adult, animal, folklore, comedy, inspirational, nature, romance, and fantasy
Least Favorite Genres
Psychological, gangster, steampunk, horror and gothic.
Favorite Item Types
Flash fiction, short stories, blogs, chapters of novels, and essays. I will read a whole novel one chapter at a time, but ONLY if I am very interested in it after reading the first chapter.
Least Favorite Item Types
Articles, non-fiction
I will not review...
Technological, erotica, gay/lesbian, or novellas all at one time.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 -3- 4 5 6 7 ... Next
51
51
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Bob. I've chose to review your story, When Bobby Met Ken.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

This story was probably the most unusual vampire story I've read so far. Not the most frightening, mind you, but definitely unusual. I've not come upon a sarcastic vampire before, but then, I don't read many stories in this genre. I found your story absorbing. It caught my interest, and I continued to read on to the last word. I admit, The title didn't excite, but it told the tale, and the description clinched it in my mind. It was easy to tell this was a vampire story, since it's marked as folklore. It was the folklore genre that intially peaked my curiosity.

The story was well-written and strangely captivating. Something in his mannerisms made me think that Ken didn't seem to be gay, yet, he was acting gay. Of course, at that point, I didn't know for certain what Ken was, but I had my suspicions. This was a good plot, because I never saw the ending of the story coming! Talk about a twist! I can almost imagine how angry Bobby must have been when he learned the truth! Bobby and Ken are totally and completely different types of people. I see Ken as this savvy, flashy sort, while Bobby seems to be more earthy, and simple. They have clear differences in their appearance and verbiage, making them real in my mind.

Your stories always flow well, as does this one, and it has a fast pace to it as well. I'd say the highest point of tension would have to be when Bobby wakes up in the dirt. Either that or when Bobby learns Ken isn't gay. They are both high tension points in my opinion.

Once more, I would just mention the few things I noticed in the grammar department. A few passive verbs, as "was buried," a few readability issues such as, found himself, and did need, and several adverbs such as longingly, strangely, gallantly, etc., which are always a bit on the pesky side with editors.

*NoteR* Suggestions

Just a few tweeks in grammar is really the only thing I noticed. All other writing elements are spot on.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

I don't often read vampire stories, but upon occasion I find one or two I enjoy. I got a good surprise out of this one, that's for sure!

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
52
52
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Bob. I've chose to review your story, Termination of Employment.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

My first impression was how unique it was, combining folklore and sci-fi! I thought this was extremely entertaining. You kept the flavor and feeling of Christmas, and added those Terminator sci-fi moments to the story! The amazing part? That it worked really well! I loved this story, and found myself laughing and commenting on it as I read it, much like I did with an earlier story of yours I reviewed. You definitely have a good grasp on the world in which we live, as evidenced by so many excellent situations you put into the story such as, forced retirement, no pension for Father Christmas, not allowing him to sell his Grotto because the state took it over as a historical site. (Hm...sounds like our Agenda 21, no property rights plan!) Very funny, but yet, quite realistic, shown in parody form. I thought this story was your most carefully crafted one, regarding subject matter, humor, satire, and entertainment. You have a knack for this type of strategy in your writing.

The plot was, actually rather complicated, with many things happening due to Father Christmas being retired. But let's face it, bringing a terminator into the mix to eliminate him when he disagreed with the State, was perfect! I have to say, this is a most original story! The characters were very well designed, and yet, there was plenty of reader association attached to each of them, to make the story seem almost, normal! Dialogue seems to be one of your strong points, and this story was no exception. I loved how you show the ridiculousness of being politically correct. This phrase became one of my favorites in the story. "Citizen Holidays!"

Lots of tension in this. Great pacing and flow. There were several grammatical items I noticed that could be made to strengthen the story, and make it spot on in every detail, but despite these items, everything worked smoothly, and succienctly. I loved the ending to this, but one of my favorite parts was Rudolph's role getting rid of Citizen Holidays!

*NoteR* Suggestions

Again, the only suggestions I can offer you is that there were several passive verbs and readability issues in the story. And as usual, nothing that couldn't be picked up with a quality grammar check program. I always end up missing things in my writing, sometimes even with the checker!

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

I rated this a five-star story, because I think you did an amazing job at entertaining, while poking fun at, or perhaps, while making the unaware aware of the world we live in today. I laughed all the way through it, but I kept saying to myself, Uh huh, he knows what's going on!

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
53
53
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Bob. "I'm back," and I've chose to review your story, The Presidential Press Briefing.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

Another great story! Yes, I just love a good tin foil hat tale! The story was really fun to read. All the way through it I wondered how Chris would treated, and how he would be proven correct, or if he would be. I figured aliens would show up, as it was obvious by the President's reactions that she either was a part of the alien takeover, or she knew about it, and was hiding it. Although it was a little predictable, it didn't ruin the ending or my enjoyment of it in the least. It definitely did not disappoint. Nice work.

Great plot! It has lots of tension, and the way you wrote it made it difficult to know what direction the story was going to take next. That's a big plus in any story. It kept my curiosity peaked. The tension ramped up as each sighting was reported and the President ignored it. Talk about waiting for a size 12 wide shoe to drop! After the sighting over London, I figured the end was about to arrive, literally! You never fail to entertain with these flash fiction pieces, and this story was no exception.

You made this story fly off the page between the pace of the story, and the flow. I loved how you used TV and news journalists we're familiar with in the story to give it a realistic feel. And how damn funny was that, having Chris wearing his tin foil hat to the briefing! I thought I'd die laughing. Chris is a familiar character, because we've seen this person in the real world many times, making reader association happen without much persuasion. The dialogue was brilliant and natural. It did not sound like a “story.” It felt like a real incident, the way you wrote it. That's not an easy thing to do either!

*NoteR* Suggestions

Again, I really don't have much to suggest in the way of punctuation, grammar, or spelling. You do a good job of checking your list, and checking it twice. Oops, wrong story! *Laugh* Seriously, you do a good job checking your stories for those things, and you catch most issues before we see it, so again, good job.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

All the story elements necessary for a intriguing experience was in this piece. And what an ending! Wasn't what I expected, as far as the gun fight is concerned. And the part where the President speaks with Chris in the last paragraph, well, I admit, I saw that coming! I figured it out when the last denial about aliens came out of her mouth. And yes, I had my tin foil hat on while reading this, too! *Laugh*

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
54
54
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Bob. I've chose to review your story, Thomas Jefferson's Legacy. And Happy WDC Anniversary!

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

This was an excellent piece of flash fiction, encompassing semi-true historical facts. I found the fictional story you placed the real characters in, to be a situation that could possibly have occurred in their lives. We do know Jefferson freed Sally's children, so who knows, this dialogue could have been close to an actual conversation in their lives.

The title is more than a little interesting, because I didn't know what type of legacy you would be writing about, so the title and description you list made me curious. The plot was put into action from the first sentence, and that was probably the one thing I enjoyed about this story more than any other element. I wanted to know what promise Sally was speaking about, even though I had a good idea what that might be. This story has a very definite structure to it, with it's beginning setting the issue at the forefront, the middle being the discussion, and the decision to change the will as the ending. And historically speaking, the perfect ending.

Your writing is beautiful, as it flows like a gentle river, easy to navigate, and nice and smooth. You have an excellent grasp on the writing elements that make a story come to life, and it's a pleasure to read.

*NoteR* Suggestions

Your punctuation is spot on, but you do have a few words that slow the readability down such as words like, some, really it isn't, do, etc., that can be deleted or reworded, and a couple of passive verbs such as were created, be settled, and be made. Nothing that one more quick grammar check couldn't catch. No big deal here.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

I truly enjoyed reading this piece. To me faction, (fiction based on certain facts), is even more interesting that plain old fiction, depending on the story. Great work.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
55
55
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Serge. I've chose to review your story, We Don't Repair Alien Spacecraft.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

What a great story! This has excellent humor, with some warm, comedic moments. The title is very funny. Of course, I didn't know that until I read the story, and saw the genre tag, but it sure fits the plot! And your plot is one of the more original alien comedies I've read! Good work! I liked the personal way this story was told, from your main character's perspective, in a working man's, or working class style, if you will. So, the story narration was handled well. It was light, fun, and easy to read, well, all except the name of the alien, perhaps! It has a bit of mystery to it, (referring to the reason the alien wanted to work for the owner). Although this is an alien, your story still provides reader association due to that very reason! So, good job with that! Suddenly, we aren't thinking about his four arms, and one eye any longer. We're thinking about the things we have in common, such as that reason he is working at the shop! The best humor came at the very end of the story. I don't want to spoil this for other readers who might be reading this review, so I'll just say that, that was a perfect way to end it! Talk about showing how we are alike in many ways.

*NoteR* Suggestions

One thing I do that you might want to try, is to use the description line to hint at what your story is about. You'll attract even more readers. The story does have a few passive verbs that should be changed to the active voice to stay in the main character's POV while showing the story, rather than telling it. Some examples are: were terrified, be made, be made had won, and been forgotten.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

This was really good. I loved reading it! Write On!

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
56
56
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Hooves. I've chosen to reivew your story, The Night I Ate My Words.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

My first comments are always about the title, description and genre. I must say, this title is a keeper! What a way to lure me in, making me think that Hooves was perhaps being, "put in his place" by some rude reviewer! But alas, I was pleasantly surprised to find that was not the case at all! And that by your foreshadowing, and misdirection of your story, Hooves in fact, literally ate his words! The description was very funny, and apparently, delicious too!

A great plot with a good conflict, and I knew exactly where Hooves was during his lockup! Being stuck in the library was bad enough, but no food? How creative and industrious you are Hooves, and your friends who help with the idea to eat your words. A very easy story to read. And Hooves is an amazing character with a marvelous personality. There is so much potential for endless ideas with this character, and I believe you've explored a great many of them already!

Good pacing in this short piece. It was a nice quick read, and most of all it was funny. Hooves' voice is so heartwarming. His personality, the comments he makes and his actions all carry throughout. His personality always shines when he speaks. He has such a unique sense of humor, especially when he calls his owner, "his human!" The story flows well, and while I wouldn't call it tension, I would say the story evokes a lot of anticipation, waiting to see how he will resolve his hunger!

*NoteR* Suggestions

I spotted a few passive verbs and adverbs, but the spelling, punctuation, other grammatical elements were fine. I'd say run it through a good checker, and it will catch all of these items. No problem.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

I never fail to enjoy one of your delightful tales (pardon me there!) There's nothing better than a comical, writing bull, and this story entertains in hoovely fashion!


Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
57
57
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Winnie. I've chosen to review your story, The Reluctant Patient.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

This was one of the best stories using foreshadowing and misdirection, that I've read in a long time! I really believed they were going to see a doctor to have Jim hypnotized to quit smoking. What a misdirection! You did a great job at it too!

And what amazing and image provoking descriptions you wrote. I could literally feel for Marie! My husband could almost be Jim! I know her pain! *Laugh*

This plot was very well designed, not only to entertain and tell a good story, but to surprise the reader, and you accomplished both, beautifully.

Jim and Marie could easily be my hubby and I! It wasn't a stretch for me to know who they were, because I could relate to the story and the situation. My hubby is a smoker too, hi mannerisms and attitude sounded exactly like Jim's, so excellent work with reader association.

This story has good tension, created by the character's personalities and actions, and the pacing is perfect. The tone seems to be determined by Jim's reluctance, And that spirit emmanated throughout the piece. I would say this has a mood of displeasure.

Very good use of punctuation, grammar, and spelling. It was a pleasure to read. Your writing style has a easy, no-nonsense feeling. Very comfortable.

*NoteR* Suggestions

I can't offer a suggestion, because this was very well written.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

Its unusual for me to find a story I associate with so closely, but I certainly did with this one. Write On!


Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
58
58
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Cheri. I've chosen to review your story, Mrs. Dabney's Game.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

Very good piece of micro fiction. This was a smart, and humorous look at life on meds, and the cunning of some patients.

This title flowed with warm humor, and the description conveyed that a light, but campy story would follow, without giving away the ending to Mrs. Dabney's game. Of course, these elements are what drew me to your story, and I wanted to know what the game was she was playing.

This plot reminded me of a cat and mouse game, and Carrie, being the new tech, fell for it, as evidenced by her frustration, which seems to be the mood of the piece.

The tone has a shade of humor that seems to represent Mrs. Dabney's actions, as we are led to believe, from Carrie's statements, that Mrs. Dabney does this quite often.

The banter between her and Mrs. Dabney showed me that --- Mrs. Dabney isn't an unaware little old lady after all, but she's actually rather cunning, and manipulative. Great job with characterization.

Your story reads easily, as the flow from paragraph to paragraph is smooth and coherent, and the pace is relaxed, despite Carrie's impatience.

Your use of punctuation, grammar, and spelling were all handled well. I saw nothing out of place.

*NoteR* Suggestions

About the only suggestion I can offer is to write out "4th" as the word "fourth."

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

I found this story sweet, but sly on the part of Mrs. Dabney's actions and personality. An interesting combination of characters made this story a winner.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
59
59
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi SandraLynn. I've chosen to review your story, Medical Treatment is a Pain In The...

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

Well done! And I agree, there is some humor to be found in medical treatment, and you found it with this story!

The title and description really drew me to your story. Lets face it, anything with a title like this screams humor, and showing Dorothy's humiliation regarding the hospital gown, was priceless!

The plot to your medical madness is one that will resonate with many people. We've all experienced the insanity of medical procedures. So this plot is easy to follow and has reader association attached to it. Excellent work.

Dorothy is a wonderful character, with her Erma Bombeck look on life, dealing with medical personnel, and her resilient personality and attitude regarding her pain and inconvenience.

The dialogue in your story was was so pointedly accurate and real, it reminded me of an experience of my own. Your characters and their conversations were very realistic.

Very good flow to your story. It read easily with no abrupt stops or jumps. Each paragraph flowed into the next beautifully, and were well written. Good descriptive writing.

Tension built, as the personnel screwed up her x-rays. The tone was pure frustration throughout, and her unhappy mood prevailed.

The readability of your story, it's coherence, and the punctuation and grammar were all spot on, in my opinion.

*NoteR* Suggestions

Honestly, I could find nothing in error, missing, or out of place.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

I truly enjoyed your story, and found that it actually gives me some release in frustration when I realized we all have dealt with this situation. Excellent writing!

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
60
60
Review of Dementia  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi rockchic01. I've chosen to review your poem, Dementia.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

First of all, welcome to WDC! I see you just signed up, and I'd like to say hello before I talk about your poem.

Dementia is a subject we hear about all the time, especially lately. The title makes it clear what your poem will be about, but since you're new here, you probably didn't realize how advantageous it is to use your description line to it's full use. I can only speak for myself, but I look at title and description first and foremost, when I decide what to read and review. Since I enjoy reading new writers on the site, I still read things that aren't described, but I do like to have a hint about the piece, aside from the title. I have a mom who is 78 and her memory, while it isn't dementia yet, is less reliable than it has been, so the name of your poem got my attention. Reader association is something I think about a lot. It's so important, and you wrote about a subject so many people have to deal with today. Good work with the subject matter.

As soon as I read your verse, I was saddened, almost moved to tears, as you put it. While the verse isn't long, or complicated, it expresses the man's happiness and normalcy, and then the demon dementia whooshes in on a whim, stealing the memories away, and turning that happiness into such sadness in an instant. The change on the man's face is so clearly visible (from your writing), that I felt his happy moments suddenly turn into terror with the unfamiliarity of the environment to his aged eyes. I can't even imagine something so disconcerting than having something like losing your memories happen from one moment to the other. You did a good job with the emotional aspect to this piece.

I liked that you used free verse for this. Somehow, other forms just don't seem to fit it or be appropriate. I can't think of a form I've seen so far that would be better than the free flowing verse of yours, with no restraint on expression of emotion. It would seem the device you used was to tug at the heartstrings, and you did that with few words. Very nice work.

*NoteR* Suggestions

My suggestion is that you should use the description line to your advantage, and list the genre, if you think about it. You'd be surprised how many more readers your writing will attract by doing that.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

I enjoyed reading one of your first pieces, and I think you did a wonderful job with it!

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
61
61
Review of The Wedding Day  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Schnujo. I've chosen to review your story, The Wedding Day.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

The title interested me, because I find that wedding stories almost always entertain, but it was your description of the bride receiving a shock that lured me in to read it. The plot is easy to follow, since most of us are familiar with weddings and their traditions, and this story followed those traditions through to the end. However, with a wedding being a very personal story, I would have liked to have known the groom's name also. It's certainly not necessary, but I tend to feel I know the characters better when I can call them by their first name, rather than using a pronoun like he or she. The dialogue was perfect. It built the tension fast! It went from 0-60 in an eighth of a micro-second when the groom mentioned second thoughts! Great job with the tension element. Pacing and flow also was spot on.

There were a couple of things I noticed in the way of grammar/punctuation. There were a few words that could be either deleted, or the verbiage changed to make the story stronger and read better, such as changing the phrase, "beginning to fill," to just "filling," and "started crying," to just "cried.". A few adverbs and a passive verb here and there slow down the reading a bit, but nothing difficult to catch with a good grammar check.

*NoteR* Suggestions

The story was wonderful, and other than a few tweeks in grammar, I couldn't offer any other suggestions.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

Very enjoyable piece of micro fiction. Good work.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
62
62
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Whitemorn. I've chosen to review your story, A Pig Named Snorty.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

You've written a very sweet story. What I call a "feel good tale," pardon the pun. I love stories that make me laugh or smile, and this one did just that. Your title was cute, and appropriate, telling the name of main character, and a brief description to entice the reader. You did a great job with it, because I wondered what the amusement would be. You used the third person omnicent POV, and it works for a children's story rather well. While I generally like third person limited, this one is better for kids, I believe.

The plot to this is actually quite appropriate for a children's story, (well, perhaps it would need a little revision regarding the part where he tries to shoot Snorty), and the ending would even be a surprise to a young enough audience. As an adult, I pretty much figured out what the ending would entail, but I didn't know how it would happen, so you did a good job keeping me reading. Snorty is sweet, a likeable pig, and obviously, very smart. He knew to chum up to Farmer Bill. Farmer Bill is also a pleasant man, with feelings, as shown by his inability to shoot Snorty, and have him butchered.

There were a few missing punctuation marks, but nothing to really worry about.

*NoteR* Suggestions

I think a quick check with a grammar checker would be all you'd need to catch the couple of missing marks.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

I enjoyed your story very much. Nice work.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
63
63
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Espero. I've chosen to review your poem, Unexpected River Landing.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

I must say, for having a title that actually tells the outcome of their story, not only does the poem remain a whimsical and a pleasure to roll off the tongue, but it's very comical. I laughed all the way throught it. Not only did I laugh, but I could barely read it out loud, I laughed so hard, especially at this stanza:

The cows mooed and the sows snorted,
now that my trip was aborted,
as if to say, "What did you think?"
"Your age landed you in the drink."

I could almost see the author landing in the water, and the cows walking away! So amusing. Good use of pacing. This was a fast read, and rightly so. The flow of your poem was lovely. It was lyrical, image evoking, and better yet, I felt like I was standing there with the cows watching the spectacle! Your use of the poetic devices with this quatrain, such as alliteration, consonance/assonance could be seen and heard in several places, which helped create the lyrical sound I spoke about, along with very good rhyme, perhaps not 100% true rhyme as with words like, fun and everyone, and the last two lines of this quoted stanza, but nevertheless, very good.

*NoteR* Suggestions

That's about the only suggestion I have. I normally don't like to know the ending of the poem or the story in the title, but in this particular case, it actually made the tension in the piece. I was just waiting for it to happen...somehow! Nice job!

*NoteR* Final Thoughts



Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
64
64
Review of Rainstorm  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hello KatVon. I've chosen to review your poem, "Rainstorm."

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

In my opinion, this is an exception poem. I am new at reading and writing poetry, but I know what I like, and what moves me to emotion and action. I believe you are trying to communicate the importance of the rainstorm, and its wild, untamed nature at the same time. It would seem that the author is speaking to the rainstorm, and encouraging it for it's lifegiving and chaotic properties and abilities.

Using the line "You were born to be a rainstorm," in several places, gives the poem a firm structure to it, and reinforces the message. Your have excellent usage of consonance, assonance, and rhyme. This piece seems to be free verse, which I found myself drawn to. I understand why so many people are. It does feel free, when reading or writing from the heart and mind with no constraints.

I noticed a tone of gratitude worked its way all through the poem, and the mood throughout was one of ambiance and wonder.

*NoteR* Suggestions

I have no structure suggestions for you, other than perhaps leaving an empty line between each stanza, just to make it easier to read, but I know this isn't necessary in free verse, it's just my preference.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

As I said, I felt this is a five-star poem. I don't often rate anything five-stars, especially poetry, because I'm still in the learning stages, but this wonderful piece shows the pros and cons of a rainstorm that we often take for granted, and it feels like the author is giving tribute to mother nature herself. Very pleasing poem to read.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
65
65
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Angels in my Ear. I've chosen to review your story, The Stick Shift Diaster.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

This story of yours really appealed to me when I saw it. As a professonal trucker, I know all about driving a vehicle with gears! I have 13 of them in my truck. But I do remember learning to drive a stick shift when I was 15. So I found you story, humorous, campy, and above all, a learning experience! What a story! Did Taylor ever speak to you again? *Laugh* This piece held my attention all the way to the end of it. I had to know if you were going to succeed or not. Yeah, that pesky gas pedal is just too darn close to the brake, isn't it?? *Wink* When your learning on a stick, sometimes it feels that way, and you conveyed that perfectly! While your title told me what the story would be about, it didn't give away the incident that you experienced. Even your description didn't give it away, yet it really made me wonder about the "unlucky" people who you came into contact with.

The plot told the story of your learning experience on Christmas morning and the not so successful day it turned out to be! I'll say good story, the way you wrote this! (Of course, I don't mean what happened, just that the story was well written). It kept me wondering what happened, because with the title and description, I knew something was about to occur.

This had a warm-hearted feeling to it, as we've all been in your shoes, learning to drive, that is, and remember the trials and errors we all faced, and the tone was light and even a bit humorous, if you can call it that. I would venture to say since everything was fine, it was a bit funny. I'd love to know what Taylor and Cindy said to you after the diaster! *Laugh*

*NoteR* Suggestions

I really don't have a suggestion for this. Your punctuation, grammar, and spelling looked good, you used all the story elements in an interesting, and creative way, and the narration was from your personal point of view--a story of remembrance. I thought you did a great job.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

Good story, great memory, and well written for your memoir, and for entertainment.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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66
Review of The conversation  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Ironworker. I've chosen to review your story, The Conversation.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

This piece has all the story elements for a tragic melodrama. It has a good, edge of your seat plot, well drawn characters and characterization, and excellent dialogue! Your descriptions are excellent, and Ben's character can be seen through his thoughts such as, "He’d seen all kinds of undesirable articles, scum coated lingerie, used depends pads and s*** soaked socks with matching underwear. He was truly in the business of cleaning up filth, and he loved it."

The tension, tone, and mood of the story builds from the first line, holds it throughout the story, all the way to the end, never losing momentum. I especially loved the way you introduce Ben, in the middle of his work, which happens to be the "place" the drama begins at. And you did a great job introducing the conflict, or rather, the source of the conflict, Old Man McAllister.

The third person limited POV helps to make this story breathe. I felt as though I was standing there doing the laundry with Ben when he finds the girl's clothing. Ben's thoughts really ramp up the tension as he tries to reason his way out of getting involved after seeing the blood on the clothes. The dialogue in Ben's mind between truth and denial was fantastic! This was by far the most telling statement to convince him to call the police, I believe. "Truth, beckoned, “Look at yourself.” You deny me, and I will haunt you with this no matter how dark and deep a hole you climb into. You will never live free of me.” I loved this! When I heard it, I KNEW he'd be calling the police.

The only issues I had with the story is with punctuation and grammar.

*NoteR* Suggestions

The story does need punctuation, to be a top rated piece of writing. Without it, the readability is lowered, so a quick punctuation and grammar check would take care of most of this easy enough. Also, there did seem to be a piece of narration that felt like third person omnicient, rather than the limited view. That was this line. "He had spent most of his life in prison, for all manors of crimes and offenses. Most in town left him to himself. He was once convicted for killing four men after a card game as a young man, two he killed with his just his hands."

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

Once again, let me say how much I enjoyed this story. Well done.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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67
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Sammy. I've chose to review your story, Watching the Clock.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

When I saw the title and description of your story, I wondered how you would make this piece keep my interest. But as I began to read it, I realized that your character's anxiety and nervousness, and all the things that would go through his mind, would create a story full of tension and keep me reading. You did a good job using the clock as the benchmark, because a ticking and tocking clock is an excellent tactic to create this type of anxiousness.

Your use of descriptive writing is quite good! I found they not only conveyed HIS emotions about how he felt going into the the exam, but the writing evoked a feeling of heaviness, and fear along with him. I could feel his thoughts. The metaphors you used were also very good. I especially liked this particular line, "A statue he’d become, unable to move, unable to think, pen gripped in a sweaty hand." I can remember feeling that way many times! Good job creating association within your reader. I could relate to the situation HE found himself in.

One more sentence that I thought was brilliant, in relation to the story, but also to other writers: "Head cleared, he looked down then wrote a single word. Then another. Then three. The dam broke and a wave of words swept across the page, drenching it in ink." This is such a truism, and one that we need to remember whenever we sit and look at a blank piece of paper.

The plot, while simple, was powerful. While we didn't know your character's name, we knew HIM and what he was experiencing.

*NoteR* Suggestions

I think in a piece of writing like this, naming your character would make a reader connect better with your character. It's such an easy story to follow and feel, that without a name, in my opinon, it loses some of its power. One other thought--if you made one or two lines a bit shorter, broke them up into two, that would increase the tension and tone of the piece by making it pace faster, making me feel the clock at work.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

This was a great piece of writing in my view.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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68
Review of The Harbor  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Ethan. I chose to review your prose piece, The Harbor.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

First of all, I enjoyed reading this piece of prose. You chose the perfect title, but you opted not to use the description line for a description of the piece. That sometimes makes a reader bypass your story. I always try to name a story appropriately, which you did, and use the line below it to get people to want to read it. I found your prose quite beautiful, and absolutely reflects nature, your genre, in every way possible.

Imagery in poetry or in prose is crucial, and you have that in this piece of writing. I could feel the salt air, hear the seagulls, and experience the wind and motion of the waves, and the sounds of the boats in the harbor as I read it. The pace feels good, and the prose has substance. The author is having his lunch and experiencing all the sights and sounds of nature. And while I could find no issues with the imagery or pacing, I had a little issue with the flow. The descriptions are crisp, even pristine in some ways, but the sentence structure is a bit difficult to read. The sentences are long and flowing, but the length of the sentence structure often makes the reading more cumbersome.

*NoteR* Suggestions

Perhaps breaking up a few of your sentences into shorter ones, interspersed with longer ones to make the read flow easier.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

This is a lovely piece to immerse oneself in, and I enjoyed reading it, despite the sentence length.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Ode to the Editor  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Zen! I've chosen to review your poem, Ode to the Editor.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

The minute I saw the title to this poem, I knew I had to read it. I was certain of the perspective you would take with this. The description line pretty much gave that away! Writing a piece about a heartless editor was rather humorous! I suppose it feels that way when we get a rejection letter, but your poem pokes good fun at the difficulties of getting a piece of writing past one.

I laughed as I read through this because it seemed that your editor truly enjoyed his bashing and slashing wordage. I envision a Scrooge-like editor sitting at a desk taking out his own rejections on other writers! You have fantastic imagery throughout the poem, no doubt about that! I saw you used rhyme for the poem and I thought it flowed well. I also noticed some alliteration and consonance. This made the poem sing. Basically, the poem begins and ends the same way, with a negative flavor to it. While funny from a certain point of view, the mood is rather depressing, and the tone, tense.

*NoteR* Suggestions

I wouldn't change a thing. I will say the last three lines felt a little "off" with regard to meter, but perhaps that's just me. I'm new to poetry, and I may not be familiar with all forms and styles of poetry.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

I truly enjoyed reading your poem. It had truth, humor, and

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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70
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Winnie! I've chosen to review your story, What's In the Box?

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

What an great story you have here! And what a great way to capture someone's eye when they are looking for something to read! The title was very creative! Topping the title off with that description line worked perfectly.

I was mesmerized by the action in your adventure. You took a common plot, someone being held for ransom, and turned it into a unique and original premise that captured my interest through the entire story. I found Debbie to be a competent, and observant character. Good job making her and her daily life clear in my mind, so that when these incidents began to happen, they were realistic and logical.

Despite little or no dialogue, Debbie's inner thoughts and your descriptive writing carried the story very well. You used shadowing to enhance the tension and the mood of the story, which works great in the action adventure genre. Your story has very good flow and pacing. Nothing choppy or left out.

Your use of punctuation and grammar was pretty good, but there were a few readability issues and some passive verbs and adverbs. They didn't spoil the enjoyment of the story, but it would make the actual reading of it easier with unnecessary words or phrases removed or changed.

*NoteR* Suggestions

A grammar check should take care of the few items I noticed. With the unnecessary words and adverbs limited, the story will read even stronger.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

Again, this is a really good tale. The only reason I didn't rate this five stars, is basically for the same reason I rate many excellent stories 4.5--because I like to know the outcome of a story. Sometimes leaving it to the imagination is a good technique, but in this type of story, I want to know if her husband and child will live or die.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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71
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Jellyfish. I've chosen to review your story, "The Mystery of Pinhead Island."

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

Your story is the second one that peaked my curiosity with the use of title and description. Great job! You made the setting clear that the elusive Pinhead Island was somewhere in the Bermuda area. And there's the mystery, so the genre is a perfect fit.

The plot to this story is very entertaining. You make it all the more exciting by putting Jack right in peril from the first sentence. It was a perfect way to begin this story. Your plot has good structure. You've set the beginning up beautifully, the middle made it even more mysterious, and the ending was surprising and fun to discover! I thought it would be another "nothing there to see" Bermuda Triangle tale, but you put a little different spin on it by Jack learning the technology on the island is real and works, so good job!

Through his actions and his thoughts, I learned Jack is a more than capable agent, but one who is skeptical about the missions they often take part in, and seems to be a "see it to believe it," kind of guy. Except at the very last line, you used no dialogue, but Jack's thoughts and the descriptions conveyed the story through his eyes well.

I found the tone to be a bit on the skeptical and questioning side throughout the story, mainly due to Jack's unbelieving nature about the island. And that worked very well, because while I hoped the island would be real (in the story), I figured it wouldn't be real either. So, I suppose I felt a bit like Jack did.

I must say, your use of descriptive writing is very good. You gave good detail without overdoing it, and it made the story live and breathe. When I feel like I'm next to the character, then I know the writer did a good job taking me to another place and time. So, kudos to you for a job well done! The only issue I have is that several of your sentences are quite long.

*NoteR* Suggestions

If I could, let me suggest that shorter sentences can make the readability of a story much easier, and much more enjoyable. Shorter lines also speed up the pacing of a story, making the tension stronger. The story flowed well, but the pacing didn't feel tense, other than at the beginning. I think the middle of the story could benefit from more tension. It would make the ending even more surprising and satisfying, continually building upon the previous incidents.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

I really enjoyed reading this! You have a good piece of flash fiction here. And with a few tweeks, this could easily become a five-star story!

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

*Shield7* Lady Dee ~ House Martell *Shield7*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Alice  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Grace! I chose to review your poem, "Alice."

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem. Despite only being twelve lines, I found you spoke so many emotions and feelings in this short piece. I watch a lot of detective shows, and this poem reminds me of all those missing children I hear about so often. It's disheartening when families don't know what happened to them or why they are gone.

It seems that Alice needs to try and comfort her mother, at least in her own mind, knowing how her mother would be feeling over her disappearance. She doesn't tell her mother why she is gone, and I wondered why she left, if she loves and cares for her mother as much as she seems to. It starts out in a melancholy way, and ends a little more upbeat and hopeful.

I can't help but feel that the tone of the poem is one of sadness or at least, regret on Alice's part, adding to the question of why she would leave in the first place. The line, "It isn't my time yet," makes me think Alice doesn't want her mother to think she is dead. Very good use of emotion and detachment.

I am not familiar enough with poetic forms to know if this is a specific category poem, but the repeating third line of each stanza gives your poem a strong structure, and it makes the piece flow well. The line also gives a promise, and that promise provides hope throughout the verse.

*NoteR* Suggestions

I can't offer a suggestion because I found this to be worthy of five stars. I don't rate many items a five right off the bat, but I was moved by the author's intent to comfort.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

I'm sure any piece of writing can be improved, but this one encompasses so much with so few words, I found it to be perfect. Good work.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

*Shield7* Lady Dee ~ House Martell *Shield7*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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73
Review of Dollar Bill  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Dave. I've chosen to review your story, "Dollar Bill."

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

My first thought after reading this was, I wish there was more to the story. What a great mystery! I just watched a film similar to this the other day, and just like that story, yours kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time. Great piece, with a lot of potential, if you plan to expand it.

The mystery genre, combined with this title and description totally yanked at me. I had to read this! You did a great job using title and description to lure me in. It's something many writers fail to do. So, kudos to you. The plot is fantastic. While this type of story is fairly common, it's the details and the story elements that make them all unique. Your tale has mystery, intrigue, confusion, tension, and the tone needed to create the overall feeling of terror and apprehension. Good work.

Ray is an engaging character. He has personality, and we learn about him in a natural, easy way, as he journeys through a typical day in his life. Great way to show your character, rather than tell us about him. And when you do use a bit of telling, it works well, because it's brief, important to the story, and gives us a chance to get a few details down quickly.

Your use of dialogue advanced the plot. The conversations and the language were natural and realistic, and added tension to the situation, especially after Ray returned to Starbucks the next day. We clearly see Rochelle doesn't know what he's talking about, but it's your descriptions of Ray's actions, and his emails that made this story. You built the tension through each incident, and the last line of the story clinches it.

The story has good flow, but I noticed a few punctuation and grammar issues, for example, a missing comma after the word, "instructions," and the use of the words "must to," rather than using "must or have to." It's nothing a quick check couldn't catch, but it would add to better readability.

*NoteR* Suggestions

I have to admit, in this story, it felt as though you didn't end with a solid answer to the conflict. It is a very good story, but it doesn't feel like a short story or flash fiction, more like a longer piece unfinished, or a chapter. Perhaps with the scope of this story it needs to be expanded. The only other suggestion I could offer is to do a check for unnecessary words or phrases that don't contribute to the plot or the dialogue. It can help make the story even stronger, and can actually pick up the pacing to raise the tension.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

Overall, I loved this! With a few quick edits it could be a five stars. Expanding the story would almost guarantee it!

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

*Shield7* Lady Dee ~ House Martell *Shield7*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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74
Review of Castle Memories  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A "Game of Thrones" -- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Angel. I've picked "Castle Memories" for my review today.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

What an different way to begin! I liked that your viewpoint character, Alison, is dead, and is telling the story. Very creative! Your title and plot, while interesting, didn't really give any clues to the storyline though. It wasn't until I began to read on did the mystery of what happened to Alison, become clear.

I feel as though I knew Alison from the descriptions and narrative. She sounds young, and she speaks in a natural way, the way a young adult would. Your use of language is simple, but appropriate for the story, and it reads well enough. Where the story takes place is clear enough, but it only told me where she died, it didn't tell me how or why it happened.

For a very tight piece of flash fiction, you have the elements of structure, but your ending while satisfying, did leave a few questions, one that Alison herself even had when she thought, Today somebody found me, I wonder how! I also liked that you managed to keep a tone of remembrance and warmth through the story by using Alison's POV. Not an easy thing to do. I didn't feel the fear of what happened to her, but I did feel sadness until she was found. Another refreshing perspective. The story flowed well, but the pacing didn't seem to match it.

*NoteR* Suggestions

I always suggest writers use the description line to entice a reader to read their story. I read the story because the title peaked my interest, but it's easy to pass a piece of writing when there is no mention of what type of storyline we will be reading. I believe if you use a few shorter sentences, the pacing will add to the mystery of how she disappeared. And I would have loved to know why the man killed Alison. The ending, while happier that she would be with her family once again, felt a bit unfinished.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

A good piece of flash fiction that I enjoyed reading.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

*Shield7* Lady Dee ~ House Martell *Shield7*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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75
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Shield8* A Game of Thrones -- House Martell Review *Shield8*
House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hello Luna. I'm reviewing your story, "A Night at Bidi's."

*NoteR* Initial Thoughts

I noticed you used the present tense for Leroy's POV. I liked this very well. It made me feel like I was walking around Bidi's place with him and Bugs.

*NoteR* Story Elements

This is a good story. It has good structure, and it will peak a reader's curiosity, but Bidi disappearing, as well as other people who bought the house, could be a bit unsatisfying to some readers. Leaving what happened to my imagination was interesting, but a bit of a let down, as I wanted to know what happened to them, especially if George really died. I think you may have left too many unanswered questions. But this story has great potential! Perhaps an explanation from the police about George could help make this even more mysterious, yet give us a few more clues as to Bidi's dissapearance.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

While your story does have a few areas that could use some tightening up, (punctuation/grammar, and the occasional change of tense), this story kept my interest all the way to the last word. It's quite a good mystery! You proved that by turning a fairly normal situation into a baffling one, a mystery would be afoot. Nice work! The use of the constant crying from the cats helped carry an ominous tone all the way through the story. Good job. Keep writing!

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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