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26
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Review of That's impossible  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Nyctophile

Title: That's Impossible

What works: I want to thank you for the ideal font size for your story. Lily's curiosity felt natural in the story. All of us are skeptical when discouraged by another and secretly want to try it anyway.

This reader would have liked more details about the watch.

Time travel appeals to many readers so your story would definitely have a good target audience.

What needs attention in my opinion: I do feel I should point out the spacing between the first and second and then its different between the second and third. Between the second and third works but the others are spaced too far apart. It made me wonder if the author had cut out sections.


Thank you for sharing your work.


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27
27
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Amy

Title: The Primary Role of Universities

What works: In an ideal world your suggestions as to how universities can help a student better be prepared for the world. On paper it sounds logical but in this ever changing world some of these skills will never happen.
There are many schools who do offer co-op opportunities for the student to actually work in their field of choice. But when it comes to practical skills a teacher can only do so much.
BY the time a college age student is learning a trade they should already have learned time manage skills by having part-time jobs.
And in our present situation after covid many students are online students which also impacts your theory. I have a good friend who learned is electricians license by online instruction and in person workshops with hands on instruction from an electrician. He passed everything but in the real world working construction he struggled because he was very methodical in the job but was let go from several different job sites because he took too long to complete tasks. In conversation, he told me what the instructor said a job should take but in reality that's not what most contractors accept.


What needs attention in my opinion: This would be easier to read if it was double spaced and an extra indent between paragraphs so the reader doesn't feel rushed as they read. Better use of the white space helps the reader pause and absorb the points you're making.


Thank you for sharing your work.


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28
28
Review of The Coffee Monkey  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: James Fox

Title: The Coffee Monkey

What works: I'm the one who rises early here and makes the morning coffee, so in your story I would be the coffee monkey. I spend time with our younger cat while the coffee is brewing while my husband and our older cat burrows in where I was sleeping. I think we're all creatures of habit.
Fifteen years was a long life for a dog, your family was blessed.
I'm reminded of a morning when our younger kitten decided he would try what I was having. My cup was on the end table and I was reading a book, he took a lick, immediately sputtered, spat and shook his head definitely in disagreement of my beverage choice of black coffee. I've since offered him sips and he shakes his head. Animals are the joy of our lives that keep us going.

What needs attention in my opinion: The pacing of the story was good. I don't think I could make any suggestions to improve it.

Thank you for sharing your work. Welcome to WDC!


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29
29
Review of Curmudgeonly  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Sandra

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Curmudgeonly

First Impression: I'm the curmudgeon in my house. I'm forever reminding people to turn off the lights, replace the toilet paper. Are you brought up in a barn I know I say at least two or three times daily with just one child. I know when my children were young Isaid it at least fifty times a day. So, I found this story absolutely hilarious.

What needs your attention: Grandma called Grandad a kvetch, I believe Granddad has 2 d's. And my pet peeve about double spacing so it's easier on my old lady eyes.

What part I liked best: The comparison to his dad, no one wants to be reminded they're just like their parent. I know Vic tells Amanda, my daughter she's just like me and boy does he get dagger eyes.

Overall impression: Mother of Pearl I haven't heard in years, I'd forgotten it was a W.C. Field's phrase. The pacing was good, the punch lines were delivered smoothly. That is definitely a strength I've noticed in your writing now that I'm seeing more than your blog entries. Game of Thrones has really upped your writing skills, you're ready for anything now.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? I'm so glad you said, yes!
created by Gervic


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30
30
for entry "Mirror Mirror #21" Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.!


Hi Jeff

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Mirror, Mirror # 21

First Impression: I think I'll pass on immortality in your world. I am not a bug fan at all and the thought of being devoured by bugs gives me the willies. I'm not familiar with glow-sticks. Are they cracked open as in broken to make them work? Do they shut on and off?

What needs your attention:
1. It was raining terribly, terribly is an adverb and doesn't tell this reader anything connectable about the rain. May I suggest In the torrential rain, we had already lost one of our crew.

What part I liked best: The first man grabbing a hold of his partner and the chain reaction happening. I've done that hiking with my daughter and she's cursed me out for making us both tumble downwards. The three men's excitement gave the reader a good visual as it was described, it felt like typical men bonding moments when they've accomplished something.

Overall impression: I thought the opening about
how great men do live on figuratively was a good lead in to the man wanting to literally discover the fountain of youth. A team of men were seeking the legends in different legions of the world until they entered Ron DeSantis territory. That in itself is dangerous before you ever get to the bugs. Your descriptive of the men being devoured reminded me of the childhood song the worms crawl in the worms crawl out in your stomach and out your mouth.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
created by Gervic


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31
31
for entry "A Distinct Humming" Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.!


Hi Tracey.

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: A Distinct Humming

First Impression: That room must have made Sharon feel overwhelemed I know it would me if I had discovered it. My curious nature would have kept exploring like Sharon did despite feeling uncomfortable.

What needs your attention: I think in this sentence the author intended that not the ---in her University, the she'll forever wish with everything she has, that she would have minded her own business.
Logistic question here- we traveled with her through corridors and wrought iron stairs that climbed in a circular motion but then when she released the androids- released the locks holding them to the chairs and opened the ground door that led outside to the woods. How did they get to the exit so easily?

What part I liked best: I loved the ending when Sharon realized that her good intentions may have released something more sinster than she could have imagined. Sounds to me like we need a chapter two.

Overall impression: The story was interesting but there is a logistics question that I think the author needs to consider if she decides to continue this fun story.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
created by Gervic


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32
32
Review of Mary, Mary  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.!


Hi T.

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Mary, Mary

First Impression: Wow, nicely woven story of a mother and daughter's relationship. I've never asked a mirror a question in all these years, it never crossed my mind to do so. These days when I do actually look in the mirror I seen an old lady, and wonder where did I go?

What needs your attention: Nadda, Joey would tell you that you have the spag under control. (spelling, grammar and punctuation thing) He would be right, you do.

What part I liked best: The Monkees song made me chuckle. I used to sing quite a few of their songs. Last Train to Clarksville and Daydream Believer and A Little Bit of Me , A Little Bit of You. I hadn't thought about the Monkees until I read your story.
The girl waking up to realize she's an adult now and the tune is playing in her head. Wishing she could have more time with her Mom. For me it would be with my Grandma.

Overall impression: A stroll down memory lane with Mary as she recalls annoying song lyrics her mom would sing while fixing her hair in front of the mirror was beautifully crafted.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
created by Gervic


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33
33
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.!


Hi Sandra

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Battle of the Bulge

First Impression: Oh can I ever relate to this story. I decided after my daughter was born to take aerobics class with a friend of mine. She should have been called e-friend after signing us up for an aerobics marathon fundraiser for the high school. I didn't know what was involved but figured okay I can handle this, I'm not in that bad shape. I made it through 6 hours of aerobics with a ten minute break between each time-frame. I couldn't walk or sit or even lie down on my bed without muscles screaming at me. My friend calls and wants to know if I'm ready for class in the morning. GRRRR

What needs your attention: Nothing, I didn't see any punctuation, grammar or spelling errors.

What part I liked best: Millicent collapsing on the floor as her reflection jiggled. I can relate. I jiggle in more places than I want any dang mirror to expose.

Overall impression: It's a fun story to read with good pacing as we see exercise in front of a large mirror. I loved the self analysis as Millicent worked out.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
created by Gervic


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34
34
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.!


Hi

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Invisibility Potion

First Impression: I knew I gave the potion to the right person. You did an excellent job on your reconnaissance mission and definitely showed our team who we needed to keep a close on. Kudos. I thought it was hilarious that Kit was the one to uncover you.

What needs your attention: I didn't see any spag as Joey calls its, spelling, punctuation and grammar. But don't tell Gaby, I didn't look either. As I told Jayne or Annette in one of reviews punctuation is my sadness.

What part I liked best: I chuckled when you decided that you needed the second swig and our reaction as you vanished right in front of us. I didn't know turquoise was your birthstone, see it was meant to be you. I chose that vial becasue 3 is my favorite number.

Overall impression: The potion's goals was to determine the other teams strengths and weaknesses which was accomplished in a delightful story that will be remembered long past the games.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? 3 more days, wingman! Team Florent can do anything we set our mind too!
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-


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35
35
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Sandra

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Lyn's Other Battle

First Impression: Ahh, I'm a star of my own story. My hubby would definitely stand there and chuckle first before rescuing me. He does have a warped sense of humor. I called my husband over to listen to your story. He was laughing his ass off as I read it out loud to him. Thank you for bringing some humor into today, we both needed that today.

What needs your attention: The first hyperlink didn't in the second line. I didn't notice any punctuation or grammar issues. I was reading and laughing.

What part I liked best: Vic and I both loved the analysis along the way in the story, He said, it would be just like me to forget to put the water in the teapot when I'm trying to meet a deadline. I definitely gave him the wife glare with that snarky comment. Of the two of us, I'm not the absent-minded one, he is. I should write a book on all of his antics.

Overall impression: It was a fun story to read with good pacing and lots of punch lines throughout. I love how you tied it into two prompts.. Go Team Florent Fox.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-


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36
36
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi SeanFear

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Me, Myself, and I (2019)

First Impression: Interesting concept but this reader is left wondering is the author talking to himself or is he speaking to the reader. I see in the description that it says my thoughts but in some lines it feels like the reader is being scolded.

What needs your attention:

1. I'll use this line as an example: When innocent, explain your reasons and excuses only in front of an intelligent form. Otherwise, your words are irrelevant to the accuser and silence becomes a virtue.

By simply changing your to the it takes away the feeling the line is directed at the reader.

2.Wish if my mood is as predictable as a weather forecast. Wish my mood was as predictable as a weather forecast makes more sense.


What part I liked best: The author entries transpire for a year giving the reader a glance into his life pre-covid times.

Overall impression: The concept is interesting but there are many places where the author gives the reader the feeling of finger pointing or judgement that I don't believe is the author's intent.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-


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37
37
Review of The Weaver's Tale  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.!


Hi Pappu Kumar

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Weaver's Tale

First Impression: In your introduction to make it work with the 90 character constraint.. The Weaver's Tale set in a small Indian village and a talented artist.

I've seen some beautiful tapestries in my life but unfortunately, it's an art that has been corrupted by modern conveniences. I do a lot of embroidery and quilting myself so I'm very aware of the time constraints involved in making a tapestry by hand.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar issues. Kudos. The only suggestion I would make is to eliminate the cliche Once upon a time. The story begins with In a small village.

What part I liked best: I enjoyed his inclusion of his village by his observations and the color choices that would best portray their daily activity. It showed his pride in his surroundings and his desire to please the king as well.

Overall impression: I enjoyed reading about the weaver and his desire to share his village's way of life as it was when he was commissioned to do the work. The tapestry would hang in the castle for all to see like a permanent history lesson.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-


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38
38
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Tim Chiu

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Love's Spirit

First Impression: The poet idolizes love in this poem about romance and the love that follows in four quatrains in a free style form. What I'm feeling is a lot of wordy lines that take time to pull together.

What needs your attention:
I'll use this stanza as an example

Energy and stunning beauty,
Changing clues we cannot miss,
Swept away by breathless smiles,
Done with yearning, now we kiss!

Energy and stunning beauty
subtle clues we're unable to miss
breathless smiles are swept away
as yearning succumbs to a kiss

These simple changes give the poem a sense of movement between the lovers.

The third stanza is confusing and feels like the rhyme is forced to this reader.
What does the author mean dove the mist?
What does make pure love a fragrant twist?

Personally, the poem flows better without the third stanza into the fourth.

What part I liked best: I found the opening line inviting. The final stanza reminds the reader how sweet new love is and how everything looks different when we're experiencing it.

Overall impression: I made suggestions above what I feel helps and hinders the poem. Love poems show movement like the feelings between two people they shouldn't be an internal vocabulary battle which is what this reader feels the third stanza is.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
39
39
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Adherennium

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Your Preliminary Breath

First Impression: Interesting form of poetry I haven't tried yet. Dave introduces a lot of creatve poetry forms doesn't he? For me the lines are choppy and don't have a smooth cadence. Did you try reading this out loud?

What needs your attention:
1. Like for instance: Your preliminary breath, perhaps screamed could be perhaps a scream because it connects better with the first line and flows smoother into the next.
2, The third line is a lot. Try as you're shot into our world of sorrow
Joy sounds your triumphal entrance because it's less clunky and delivers to the next line smoother.
3. so long awaited since, then finish with you swelled your mother's belly. We don't need first because it's implied.

4. with others interact as you share... sounds better as Interactions with others
then have share or compete

5. to climb the steep precipice

6. Make the ending stronger by shortening each line.
Breathe
little one
partake your surroundings
live well

What part I liked best: You have created a good foundation that needs tweaking to reach it's fullest potential. Kudos for setting the groundwork.

Overall impression: The author has experimented with
a Genethliacum Ode which is a poem written in honor of the birth of a child. The poem as is choppy and doesn't flow smoothly from line to line but has a solid groundwork to be get there.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-


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40
40
Review of Food in Writing  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi Joy

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Food In Writing

First Impression: I've just written two poems on food, it's not as easy as one might think. The acrostic was easy but when I did the ode, I really had to think hard how to tie it all together. I should go back and think of the dynamites as a character. It's not usually my genre but Gaby put it out there.
We missed your talents so very much.

What needs your attention: Not a thing.

What part I liked best: Using our senses as means of moving the story I've heard that before but never tried it. I've had some interesting disasters with food I should try putting into a story. Your suggestions are pretty good and I'm looking forward to trying different recipes with my characters. Looking at my life I definitely have lots of food fodder to use.

Overall impression: Playing with your ideas sounds like fun. Food and idea of cooking does inspire imagination. Like the author I love food I don't usually read stories with food as the core but maybe I should. Who knows I might find some interesting reading.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Review 8 out of 10
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41
41
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Joy

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: In Creating Characters Empathy is Key

First Impression: I can relate to cardboard characters in my own writing and in a few I've recently reviewed. In one of my adventures at a writing conference they had us write letters to our characters. One being totally ticked off by something the character had done and one being happy that person was there when I needed them. Carboard flunked but knowing enough to help the character become real was huge. It was a fun exercise.

What needs your attention: Ignore this line, completely it doesn't apply.

What part I liked best: Characters are better shown is important. Neil Gaiman would totally agree with about creating a connection between the author and the character. He spoke in depth about the value of an author's character connection when he was at Rutger's University in 2016. I did workshops with Gaiman and Column McCann. Both men were magnetic speakers.

Overall impression: This was a enlightening reminder that this writer needs to read every time she writes and her characters come alive.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Review 7 of 10
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi Joy

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Creating Motion in Fiction

First Impression: It should say, dear Lyn at the beginning of the paragraph show don't tell. Your suggestions - "A practical exercise is to take an already written piece and circle all the sentences that can benefit from being shown and then re-writing the whole piece. Another useful way for the writer to find out if he is telling instead of showing is to circle all the adjectives and adverbs in his story. Afterwards, he can try to replace what is in those circles with dynamic verbs and sensory phrases that draw vivid pictures. " would also work in poetry as well. I find that true in some I've written that I need more dynamic verbs and less flowery adverbs and adjectives.

What needs your attention: Nothing, Joy. I should remove this line in your reviews.

What part I liked best: The suggestion of circling or in my case highlighting my verbs and descriptives to see if they can better serve me.
I hadn't thought about fluctuating the pacing from scene to scene, that would also work in longer poetry too.

Overall impression: Another well written article that should be plugged Joy. You have such great writing articles that are hidden in your port. A LOt of these newbies have no idea how great you are.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Review 6 of 10
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi Joy,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Weaknessess Strengthen the Story

First Impression: Weaknesses in a person are appealing to people in real life becasue we always want to fix someone that is broken. But as you noted weaknesses whether moral of psychological add to the character's persona and also can be the theme.

What needs your attention: Nothing, you're writing is enviable to me. Yeah, I know practice is key.

What part I liked best: I saw the list and I wondered why emotional detachment wasn't listed. Someone who never wants anyone, any possession, anything, has negativity buried inside. Whether its driven by hatred, jealousy or anger is up to the author. Or does it have more of mental illness connection which would put it on another list. Although you do have ignorance as a mental factor. Maybe I'm not understanding this article as much as I first thought.

Overall impression: Enjoyable read and a great refresher now that I'm actually writing more than just blogging. Though my poor blog must be missing me by now.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Review 5 of 10. We're halfway there, my friend.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Joy,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Fiction: Common Story Mistakes

First Impression: You would think some of them would also be common sense but as we know all too well that's not so common either. I'm guilt of not liking to return to the basics. I get easily frustrated which doesn't serve me well. It doesn't have the same feel as the initial pieces. I agree it is difficult to choose the best starting point.

What needs your attention: I didn't see any punctuation or grammar issues but my pet peeve is the font size. I give you kudos for the ability to read small font. I'm noticing it so much in this round of the games. I think I better add eye exam to my to do list in May.

What part I liked best: The author explaining the importance of story points, not building toward the climax and not developing the antagonist enough. The antagonist definitely has to strut its stuff to inspire a gripping story line.

Overall impression: The piece was well articulated, and the different suggestions were followed up with great suggestions.
I think one suggestion could be added is when we're reading a book to try to find the inciting moment and what story point made us connect with the character. It helps us understand the process by seeing it in action.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Review 2 of 10
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi The BusmanPoet

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: GAIA

First Impression: Have I found a fellow Wiccan among the many authors on this site. Beltane is soon approaching, and it is a great time to focus on creativity and prosperity.
There is nothing more joyful than listening to nature's incredible symphony with one's soul mate as the author reminded the reader. I've spent many evening sitting with my spouse enjoying the moon's glorious display.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the stanzas build upon each other and the cadence is perfect when read out loud.

What part I liked best: This stanza appeals to me.
Gaia with Her ever engaging --melodic night songs,--are singing to them.

The reader is reminded of walks together and evenings sitting together simply absorbing all of nature's bounty. We lived near a stream in Maine, the sounds of the cricket, tree frogs and the chatter of racoons made our evenings so special.

Overall impression: This reader is reminded in this five stanza, fifteen line tribute to Gaia and her blessings how priceless those moments are shared with the one we love.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi Tommy Gunns

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Goin' Crazy With You

First Impression: The author's intention is for this poem/lyrics to be put with music. I tried to imagine maybe a piano or a guitar alone in my head as I read.

What needs your attention: In the first stanza we have hair, wear, eyes, lips, hips and by which all feel nature. In the second stanza we have hi, goodbye,keep, coffee, tea and sleep. Coffee and tea as you rhyme feels like the author took the easily way. May I suggest It’s not the way you drink your coffee, its not the way your face shines with glee because in the next line we have It’s not the way you sigh when you’re driftin’ off to sleep. It feels more like a natural transition.

What part I liked best: I really like the couplets that come after the first and second stanza It’s not the way my heart races when I’m alone with you It’s not the way my temp’rature rises when you thrill me like you do. It reminds the reader that the lover is filling him/her with each image.

Overall impression: Thank you for sharing your song lyrics with us. I thought the majority of the words delivered building upon each other.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi Ruby_MyDear

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: You Want To Know What's Beautiful?

First Impression: There's something to be said for that kind of love, it doesn't happen to everyone and the lucky ones long for it. I hope the author is one of the lucky ones. I wasn't the first time but I am now with my second husband. There's something to be said also for the second time around.

What needs your attention: In the title Whats should be What's because you're actually asking what is.
In the third stanza this line slows the cadence or pacing in your poem: When they ignite something in your soul, and the fire consumes you.
The author could easily shorten it to When that someone ignites your soul, the fire consumes you.
Same thing in the fourth stanza they are the diver, swimming deep below into the darkness to gather you up.
The author could say they're the diver swimming into the darkeness to gather you up.
We know its deep because of the word diver which implies depth.

What part I liked best: Love shared emotionally and physically over time may have different perspectives but always value the other is priceless. I love the image of two people rising together and help when the other falls.

Overall impression: The poem defines a special love, the kind we all long to have in our lives. I suggested a couple of minor tweaks to help the pacing when the poem is read out loud.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
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Hi

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: A Poets Rambling

First Impression: Looks like you're going to have move it into a different folder, it's been reviewed twice. Your poetic rambling is very engaging and made a few connections with this reader. I love reading before bed but before I settle in for the night I always glance up at the night sky and say good night to the moon.

What needs your attention: Nothing this poem has good pacing and the rhyming totally works. It feels natural. But this reader would prefer write yourself a poem a message with a game plan. instead of tying it to man.

What part I liked best: Taking time to appreciate the good in everything around us can't be said enough. Our world is filled with so much negativity that this line should be a daily mantra.

Overall impression: This five stanza with a rhyming pattern of aabb worked very well in conveying a positive message to readers. It was engaging and easily read out loud. That's a quirk of mine, reading any poem I review out loud because I hear the sounds and feel the cadence.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Poetry gives voice to everything in life.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi Pure Poetry

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Feelings and Emotions

First Impression: This is a new poem in your collection, nicely expressed in couplets.

What needs your attention: The rain is here this cold dark night as I dream a dream of light. This line changes the cadence of your poem changes with the choppiness of this line. Is it really needed to talk about I dream a dream of light. The rain is here on this cold dark night and it rhymes perfectly with tight. Or I long for dreams of light on this rainy cold dark night.
Just food for thought to consider

What part I liked best: I don't know where this poem is going but I'll write it anyway My pen is active here right now, I have many things to say. I know exactly what the author means becasue most of my own writing is in pencil when my family is sleeping and I'm still lying awake. I take my journal and curl up in the rocker and write by my reading light that clips to my book. I've been known to be there when the sunrises having lost all track of time.

Overall impression: I enjoyed the poem immensely except for the first line of the second couplet which reads choppy and changes the cadence of the poem for me

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Poetry rules.
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Hi Naomi

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Silence

First Impression: Unfortunately, silence is something many people fear because they aren't ready to reflect on themselves unlike the author who embraces it in her life.

What needs your attention:
The author's opening line indicates her love for song but skimmed the answers to her opening statement when she could have dived in deeper why she loves it, why it heals her.
Like here:
Silence offers me the answers I need.
It gives me clarity to make my best forward movement, a sure guidance. WHY? Give the reader something to actually connect with. Not just a broad blanket statement.

What part I liked best: "It is in SILENCE that I love myself more, I know myself more. It gives me great comfort as I get in touch with my spiritual essence, giving me the most nourishing power more than words can say." This section the author shared her vulnerability with the reader. That shared moment is what the author should build upon in the remaining parts of the piece.

Overall impression: I'm very familiar with the song, and the artists that chosen to do a cover of the song.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
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