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51
51
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi Naomi

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: My Room With A View,

First Impression: This is a simplistic approach to the author's existence that she is sharing with the reader.

What needs your attention: There are a lot of filter words that throw off the cadence of the poem and drag the pacing down. And some awkward word choices that made the reader stumble.
1. My room has a nice view as I open the window. It's redundant because we know the only way to have a view is either a window ore or sliding glass door.
2.When full moon, it's more lovely when night starts. If it's intended to flow from the previous line as you have it, the line should read. with the full moon it's more lovely. We don't need night because the line above tells us with the bright stars.

I suggest the author look at redundancies, and filter words.

Redundancy happens when the repetition of a word or idea does not add anything to the previous usage; it just restates what has already been said, takes up space, and gets in the way without adding meaning.

https://joynellschultz.com/2017/01/23/writing-tip-...

What part I liked best: The descriptives are pretty and offer the reader a glimpse of what the author sees.

Overall impression: The poem has potential but needs tweaking to receive a better rating from this reader. I've included a link on filter words.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Reviewing is more than hi, I like this.
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52
52
Review of Superhero Mix  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Angelica

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Superhero Mix

First Impression: Well, I did better than I thought on the bottom, the top half kicked my butt. I only got one right there and six of the bottom correct. Kudos.

What needs your attention: The author knows one clue needs fixing.

What part I liked best: Not just Marvel comic books and movie characters are heroes. I never think of them when I think Hero. Heroes to me are nurses and doctors, military men and women, fireman, and emergency responders. I used to put law enforcement in that category but after all the recent incidents involving law enforcemnt I think a lot of them are simply criminals in blue uniforms. And the good ones sadly are being painted with their peers crimes.
But then I was at some of the marches with Malcolm X, and I wanted to be at King's so I got to feel the other side of law enforcement. We got to see Michael Brown, George Floyd, in Ferguson. I'm sorry I do get riled when it comes to unjustified murder.

Overall impression: Good job on the puzzle for the Game of Thrones. And you learned to do another thing on WDC.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Westeros is calling you.
created by Gervic
53
53
Review of Little Bat  Open in new Window.
for entry "High Waves" Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Angelica

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Little Bat

First Impression: Interesting collection of stories about Little Bat and her adventures. Ot looks like it might be a collection of stories for children.

What needs your attention: You have a lot of filter words that slow the pacing of your story. Like for instance here- When she made it to the beach Roger the hermit crab-- when is a filter word that is unnecessary. The author could simply say. She made it to beach. Roger the hermit crab called out to her.
There are a lot of long sentences as well that slow the pacing. In that one sentence I used for an example I changed the pacing and eliminated the filter words without changing what information you wrote.
Children are rambunctious and long-winded sentences don't keep their attention either.

What part I liked best: Lightning and the little bat playing. And Little Bat sharing with Alicia about his day.

Overall impression: The story has potential but needs to be edited for unnecessary words to pick up the pacing.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
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54
54
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.!


Hi Cuzzinjoe

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Wisdom of King Kurt and Princess Megan

First Impression: Princess Megan is one of my teammates in GOT. Her username is Tigger. She would get a chuckle at your story. Mighty crafty old king filling his castle and marrying his daughter to the man she loved. Best of both worlds indeed.

What needs your attention:
1. Princess Megan was in love with an Army captain. I thought at first she was in love with King Kurt because of the way this sentence. It would have been clearer if you had said Captain Spock. Then went with the King loved his daughter and she adored her father. It makes the connections clearer.
2. Consistency sometimes you capitalize Princess and other times you don't.
3.her doesn't need to be capitalized Her beloved Captain's Spock
4, nor does the after The Captain's Spock after The Accidental demise

What part I liked best: The King had a plan and he followed through knowing that Duke Randolph was greedy and predictable. His fortune was replenished and his daughter was happy.

Overall impression: Interesting short story that needs a bit of editing.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Keep on writing.
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55
55
Review of SMOKEY'S LESSON  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Foxtale

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Smokey's Lesson

First Impression: I chuckled that a bear wandered in to a campsite undetected by the leaders because typically they avoid humans. Not that I blame them any. We're not exactly the best cp-habitant an animal could want.
I also chuckled at the cajoled into becoming a boy scout leader. been there and bought that t-shirtl I was a den mother first and then a boyscout leader. Equal opportunity I also was a girl scout leader. What got me both jobs was my guide and kayaking skills. The boys loved discovering what creature left their foot prints behind. The girls were quit fond of kayaking down the river.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuaion or grammar issues.

What part I liked best: Your struggle with getting the food cooler out of reach of the bear reminded me of a camping trip with our family when I was a kid. My father thought putting our tent by the lake was great. A moose wandered by, catching it's rack on one of the tent lines tied to the tree. It tore our tent and scared the daylights out of us kids. Thankfully, none of us was injured but we did learn moose are quite big.

Overall impression: The pacing of the story was good. The three Jim's added humor to the story. The characters felt believable to this reader.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Be Prepared
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56
56
Review of What Did He Say?  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.!


Hi Sandra

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: What Did He Say?

First Impression: Thanks for putting it in the family category, it was the first one listed when I went under family looking. You did much better than I did on that prompt.
I agree with Aiden, KFC used to be good. At least, it was when I was a kid. Yeah, back in the dark ages.

What needs your attention: Sorry, Sandra but my same pet peeve applies, the font size is so small. 20/20 is another dark age thing. I didn't notice punctuation or grammar issues.

What part I liked best: I could see Aiden crushing the egg with his hand and wiping it on his teeshirt so vividly. My grandson used to do that. Everything was wiped on his clothes. It's gotta be a boy thing.
Nothing is safe for licking these days. There's always germs lurking.

Overall impression: Your story was a flash fiction entry with required words of bottle, chicken, and shoe. The author created a story that felt natural and had good pacing. The little boy felt adorable to this reader. Do you have grandchildren? It feels like you do.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Thank you for rising to the occasion so Team Florent successfuly did the prompt together.
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57
57
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Purple Princess

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Superhero's Abound

First Impression: Dang, woman. I've tried this several times now and I couldn't solve it. I'm not a fan of the genre so for me to even know the characters is very slim. I googled three answers and discovered that there were a ton of spidermen, I didn't even know that there were that many spiderman movies.

What needs your attention: a cheat sheet for non-super hero fans. Just kidding, maybe not.

What part I liked best: The Clues could be mutiple answers. I'm reasonably confident that Iron Man is Downey, Fury directed Shield and Doctor Strange but then after that I'm clueless. This is where Jeff Author Icon skills are needed. He does owe me a favor. hmmm I think I need to call in one of those favors for the good of our team.

Overall impression: This is a well-thought out puzzle for the Game Of Thrones. I am surprised no one else Has solved it or reviewed it for the points. The author chose a popular theme among the writers I've reviewed recently so this odd to me.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-
58
58
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Hi Gaby,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Wishful Illusions

First Impression: Interesting foreshadowing with the scene in the kitchen with his Mother that something strange was going to happen.

What needs your attention: But with that said, the reader has no concept of the time that trasnpired until we're in the tavern with Jace which you did provide after the net scene break. Consistency works.
In the next scene break where we join Trisha again is this the same night that Brandon insisted he join him at the tavern or another.
"Tell that to Trish, old man. Tell that to her," he chuckled This feels redundant I think just the first one tell that to Trish, old man he chuckled.

What part I liked best: His determination to find out about the woman in his mind despite he was with Miranda. The silent interrogation made me chuckle. I do that a lot when I'm trying to resolve something.

Overall impression: It's a fun story concept but there are some jumps with the setting and the time frame that distracted my reading. It needs some tweaking for me.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Plugging away. I'm going to be more familiar with your port than my own.
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59
59
Review of Hello, Kitty!  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi Gaby,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Hello Kitty!

First Impression: That cat conned the author big time into a warm house for her babies. I know how adorable kittens are, they're hard to let go of when relocating them. I don't know if you know but Momma Cats don't have litters that large. 1-9 can happen but typically it is 4-6. I realize you're going for the comedic affect.

What needs your attention:
1.I hoped the raccoons weren't digging through my trash again. I believe racoons aren't digging through

"Two weeks later, the furry little creatures didn't budge an inch. If anything, their bad behavior escalated. I was determined to find a solution for it!"

The wording of these two sentences is wordy. May I suggest. Two weeks later, the furry little creatures behavior had escalated. I was determined to find a solution.

Tells the reader the same thing without all the extra wording.

What part I liked best: Foxy coming to the door and moving right into the place like she owned it. We had a cat named Quizmo that came to our door, moved in for about 6 months and then vanished again. I think he wanted a warm place to call home for the winter.

Overall impression: The short story was cute but there are some wordy sections that could be tightened up to improve the pacing of the story.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? going for those points, girl
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-


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60
60
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi Brittney

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Single Red Rose

First Impression: This was an emotion story from the eyes of an eight-year-old boy named Shane who believed his birth mother didn't want him because somehow he wasn't good. Sadly, children do believe that.

What needs your attention: The only suggestion I would make is to make better use of your white space. When the lines are close together the reader feels like they have to keep reading versus pausing to consider. Like especially where the dialogue is.

What part I liked best: The Mom's being willing to find his mom and once they did discovering she was dead. And following through by giving him the opportunity to see her grave. Dead in a child's mind isn't always the same as an adult. The graveyard vist was nicely done and gave the little boy and the reader closure. Nicely done.

Overall impression: This was a thought-provoking story from a child's point of view. The author did an excllent job in staying in the child's voice. Hopefully this writer comes back to WDC and offers more writing for us to enjoy.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-


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61
61
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi Brenpoet

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title:Smitten with a Kitten

First Impression: I can relate to the bond we have with our cats. I have two adorable blush tabbies Macavity is 10 and Pumpkin is 2. They sleep with me every night. As I'm reading your poem Pumpkin is on the armrest and Macavity is behind my head. I'm well supervised.

I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm sure Gobbolino was sent to help you with your pain.

What needs your attention: Ten lines have an end rhyme but the last two which throws the cadence off in your poem.

What part I liked best: Your kitten talks to you, that's definitely a sign from your daughter. His name is quite unusual.
My cats are boys, they prefer climbing and unwinding my yarn balls to being dressed up. Although they do tolerate my granddaughter dressing them for Halloween.

Overall impression: This was a twelve line poem about a special kitten that arrived when he was needed most to comfort a family after the loss of their daughter, Lucy. I believe animals find us when we need them the most as your beautiful black and white kitty did you.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-


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62
62
Review of Bandits Blow Out  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi Bellyinflater

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Bandits Blow Out

First Impression: Unusual means to free themselves from a bandit and to win the conflict in the end. Not what I was expecting at all

What needs your attention:
1. "They were told it was suppose to quite easy for it was only one bandit but she proved to be anything but easy for the Uzumaki's. " We're in past tense in this sentence so suppose should be supposed and you forgot the word be after to.
2."There was on other problem and it wasn't now escaping." on should be one

3. Naruto have them to her and Kushina shoved them down her throat. This sentence is misleading. I had to read it twice to realize the Kushina forced the bandit to swallow the pills. Simple fix change her to the Bandit's throat.

4. Please keep in mind that not all reviewers have 20/20 vision. The small font size is difficult.

What part I liked best: Naruto and Kushina fleeing together. Kushina is relieved that despite the unusual method Naruto did have a good ninja escape plan.

Overall impression: Unusual short ninja story with Naruto and Kushina escaping the ninja and making sure the ninja couldn't hurt anyone else.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-


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63
63
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Jeffhans

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Minds per square mile

First Impression: Interesting concept in the description so I decided to keep reading.

What needs your attention:
1." Gravtrains, ,Haulageways and Railgun launched cargo shafts on took up a few million square miles leaving orders of magnitude" launched cargo shafts on... but there's no transition tuck up a few million. The sentence needs clarifying.
2. You have a lot of long sentences joined by and that slow the pacing in your story. I don't know if you're familiar with Joy Author Icon she has an excellent piece on pacing that you might find helpful. I've included it for you.
 
STATIC
Pacing Open in new Window. (13+)
Pacing is manipulating the storytime to give the story its flow.
#1556311 by Joy Author IconMail Icon


What part I liked best: Instant updating eliminating the middle man, kudos. I think having immediate access to every mind that has existed would be awesome. Having an extraordinary mind would be fascinating in your world.

Overall impression: I found this brief dive into sci-fi interesting but it does need help with pacing. If we're going to moving thru the speed of light than the pacing in the story should also reflect that.
The story has potential just needs a bit of tweaking. I hope you do check out Joy's article on pacing.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-


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64
64
Review of Forty-Five  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi Jeremy,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Forty-Five

First Impression: It's looking awfully close to more stains in our future. So many crimes and convicted of none. We used to comment on the lawlessness of Somalia, Syria, Venezuala, Honduras and South Africa as being dangerous but all we're showing the world is that criminals can be get away with anything. They can become President.

What needs your attention: Not a thing. The orange last line in each stanza a mockery of the orange buffoon is perfect.

What part I liked best: I agree with each stanza with the sentiment when it was written but I don't think we should be sleeping at night. We're facing dangerous times if that monster is elected. He'll turn this country into a dictatorship, tossing everything the constitution stands for away.

Overall impression: I can't believe people are funding the go-fund me account to pay his legal fees. No one would do that for you or me. His children aren't any better. I don't think the stain will ever leave the world's memory. We're a laughingstock now, imagine how bad it will look if he is re-elected.

This is a cool approach in showing what damage was done by the stain called 45.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Excellent, Jeremy!
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65
65
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi Beholden

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: A Thanksgiving Remembered

First Impression: Thanksgiving dinner I have learned to avoid, religion, political and freedom for the same exact reason the silence that follows is deafening.I stay with good family and friends, the opportunities I've had this year to write poetry. No one gets grumpy that way.

What needs your attention: This free style form gives the author leeway to express themselves. There's nothing I feel needs changing.

What part I liked best: I chcukled when I got to and I, being caught unprepared. Yup, been there too many times. One time to be funny, I grabbed a small notebook out of pocket and said, I've written it all down. My brother said, we're thankfull Lyn has her pencil and paper. Everyone laughed and he added his grateful contribution. I didn't have to add a thing. Perfect escape.

Overall impression: The free style poem allowed the author his own voice to tell about a family gathering as they wanted. The flow was smooth and the ending was perfect.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Write on.
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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Chaka-khan

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: What does that say about me???

First Impression: This feels like a coming of age poem where the author is reflecting on things in their life without actually saying. The author has chosen to be vague so the reader is left wondering what the author is worried about what is sad.
What needs your attention: I think the poem needs tweaking so the cadence flows smoother for one. Two the poem would be more impactful if the author said more what they don't want to see and why. Is it because of cultural restrictions because that is what the reader feels in the beginning of the second stanza.

What part I liked best: This reader likes the closing stanza because the author is indicating they're weighing things in their mind that should or shouldn't be said. What that says is you're walking a thin line on how you feel and what you dare feel. It's wise to be careful not to be hurtful to others but it's equally as important to be truthful to ourselves.

Overall impression: This free style poem gives the author the opportunity to look at things he doesn't want to see but they exist. The cadence was off so the poem felt like it needed smoothing out specifically in the second stanza.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Be true to one's self.
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Review of Martell 2024  Open in new Window.
for entry "Led by a Cat" Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hi Maryann *ConfettiB* Happy Anniversary} *Confettip*

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Martell 2024 Led by a Cat

First Impression: I couldn't resist seeing how you responded to the prompt. The cat wagging his tail is adorable. The poem tells a story like a ballad with a beginning and ending but with end rhyming stanzas. Sweet ending indeed because the kitty now has a home.

What needs your attention: I didn't see anything I would change except I am wondering why you said Joyous thought to name him Honey but then in the next stanza called the cat Bunny. The end rhyme worked very well.

What part I liked best: Naming a cat is quite a process, and I agree it must be unique. Honey feels perfect for that kitty. My cats are named after poets with the exception of our youngest cat Pumpkin. He was named by the youngest grandchild. Mine are W.B.Yeats aka Yeatsie and Macavity afer T.S.Elliot's poem Cats. Yeatsie loved to be read too, Macavity thinks he can defy gravity.

Overall impression: I enjoyed the poem. The pacing was good and the rhymes felt natural. Nicely done. Happy anniversary, Maryann. It's been a pleasure visiting your port.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? I gave you Blog City's merit badge because it was one you didn't have.
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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Bikerider

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Rain Just Kept Falling

First Impression: I remember when my uncle went to Nam, he was the never same after being there. I never understood why he talked about the rain and how those days were the best. Course I was youngster and he didn't explain a lot to me. Your story did and I remember his conversation with my Mom.

What needs your attention: Not a thing.

What part I liked best: New Guy, is also familiar because my uncle drinking with my father after us kids were supposed to be in bed talked about not wanting to know the new guys name because it was easier to bury someone you didn't know.

McCarthy was an exception, he looked out for the new guy. And his parting gift a special act of kindness that was remembered long afterwards. By the looks of the picture, the ring still holds a special fondness for McCarthy.

Overall impression: This story gives those of us who didn't serve in Nam a glimpse into a soldier's life and what they faced without going into the gory aspects of war.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Thank you for serving.
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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi Staine

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Darkness and I

First Impression: I enjoy dark poetry very much so I decided to visit this poem initially because of the title. I like the one line opening and one line closing. It brings the reader into the poem and tells them when to leave.

What needs your attention: The first stanza throws me a bit because Just me and my thoughts and the line is repeated in the first stanza but isn't repeated again to carry the imagery of being alone. If the repeat matters than why wasn't the sadness is my thoughts not repeated nor in in the final stanza don't share my thoughts. I think the poem would be powerful with the repeats reminding the reader even in the darkness thoughts thrive.

I'm also curious why in the final stanza is don't is repeated.

What part I liked best: I like the final stanza just I would tweak it like this.
I don't understand myself
or the words I might say
Don't feel the tears I shed
or the anger welling inside
I won't share my thoughts.

Overall impression: The poem's cadence is off slightly in the second stanza with the line Loneliness is the darkness I'm in. If you read it out loud, you'll see it slows.
Darkness and loneliness are mine is a quick fix.

I think the poem just needs a bit of tweaking to reach its full potential.
Anyway, my suggestions are just food for thought.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Hope your enjoying the games.
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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hi Tracey

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Game of Thrones- House Lannister

First Impression: I've read some of your entries in your book. First of all, I must say how sorry I am about the loss of your grandson. It's not easy burying a grandchild. MY grandson was killed in 2019 and I haven't been the same since. Thanks for the update on Kit, I didn't know she moved to Scotland.

What needs your attention: I wouldn't change a thing, your entries are perfect the way they are.

What part I liked best: I enjoyed the tanka immensely. So true about leaving home everything does change. When I left Maine for New Jersey it was an eye opener. High speed internet, reliable cell service all the things I never had in rural Maine. When we decided to move from New Jersey, my friends tried to talk me into moving back. I spend two weeks and it was clear I was an outsider and the things I had grown accustomed to weren't available. So here I am 3000 miles across the country enjoying all the things I want.

I was pleased to see more poetry entries. Whoa, girl you do like the tankas. I would be nervous if my cats started talking. I'm sure I would get an earful.

Overall impression: It's a fun journal to read, You're a worthy opponent and ally.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Poetry is your jam, girl!
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Review of In all I do  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi Emerick

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: In All I Do

First Impression: The author did a four stanza with aabb rhyming pattern that doesn't feel forced. It flows smoothly from stanza to stanza. Romance is definitely your wheel house. Hopefully, your taking advantage of all the writing opportunities in The North Remembers.

What needs your attention: There are no punctuation or grammar issues. It's a free-style poem with an end rhyme pattern that the author has worked to his advantage.

What part I liked best: The opening two lines introduces the reader to the narrator and his love interest. The next two indicate they've got a connection the narrator values. In the next stanza there appears not everything is going as the narrator desires and friends are concerned. The narrator realizes love is like a beacon of light. In the final stanza the narrator realizes that together anything is possible. A beautiful tribute to love.

Overall impression: The cadence in the poem works. The rhyming feels natural. The poem tells a story from the beginning to the end. I enjoyed the poem very much.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Enjoy the games.
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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Frigid,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Road Less Traveled

First Impression: I like the direction you took in the first challenge of the Games. I like the menu items were tied to reading genres. That could be a fun menu for sure. I would have to try each one out before my vacation is done.

What needs your attention: I didn't see any punctuation or grammar issues. But I did see a spelling error in this sentence to spend the summer before collage -- college. It's in the first paragraph.

What part I liked best: I'm like your character my phone is never charged when I need it for directions so I am conscious of the battery.

Interesting name for a book cafe in the historic district. And yes food and a cup of coffee sounds perfect on a day of adventure.

Overall impression: The story fulfilled Gaby's prompt, kudos! There are a lot of long sentences that slow the pacing in the story. Joy Author Icon has a really helpful static item for pacing you might find helpful
 
STATIC
Pacing Open in new Window. (13+)
Pacing is manipulating the storytime to give the story its flow.
#1556311 by Joy Author IconMail Icon
. It's worth the time to check it out.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Hope you're enjoying the games.
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for entry "A Slight Adjustment" Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hi Beholden

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Those Who Live IN Grass Houses Entry: A Slight Adjustment.

First Impression: As I read I wondered about the Grass Houses, then it hit me like a bread. It's the blog title not the story title which I corrected in the title area of this review.

Yes, reviews matter in the literary world and a reader who doesn't consider the broader scope of the star really shouldn't be reviewing. It can make or break an author's spirit.I've received some that made me question writing at all.

I'm trying to picture outrageously dashing hair in my head. What exactly is that?

What needs your attention: I didn't see anything I would change. I appreciate the larger font size.

What part I liked best: Mr. Rhodes discussing with Mr. Brenner about the one star he received and how it came to be. The questions asked and answers given in my mind would make for a great comedy routine.

Overall impression: The pacing was good throughout the story. Dialogue worked very well in keeping the story moving. I loved Mr. Rhodes parting comment to Sally when she asked if he got what he wanted and he replied I always do. Clearly that man knew how to debate.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Nicely done!
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Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Hi Angelica

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Activities Entry

First Impression: Curiously missing a lot of entries for the Game Of Thrones that you chose to participate in for the month of April. Is this something you really thought through when you made the commitment.

It's clear to this reader that the author's interest lies in poetry because of the numerous entries.

What needs your attention: Obviously, the lack of writing is what jumps out first. The second is the amount of invalid entries.

What part I liked best: The Road Less Traveled Entry about Lily taking the road less traveled was an enjoyable read. It's so true not simply following the masses and to do the right thing as Lily did with the cow. She made the owner happy his cow was safe and in turn he promised to give her something she missed out because of her act of kindness.

Overall impression: The writing I see in this journal is sporadic and doesn't reflect what the other members of her team are doing and this concerns me. I'm unsure as to what the author thought the games were going to be like and how much writing was actually involved.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Sorry if this review feels harsh but I'm truly wondering why you wanted to participate in the GOT?
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Review of Lucky Irish  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Sindbad

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Lucky Irish

First Impression: I chuckled because I took each of my sons when they were finally of legal age to our local bar. They both liked the drink choice I amde and recommended others for me to try. Yup, they had already been experimenting.

My whiskey of choice is Jameson's. The blended whiskey slides down so smooth and I can afford purchasing it more often than the Redbreast. Plus, they're Irish like me.

What needs your attention: I didn't see any spag as Joey likes to call spelling, grammar and punctuation issues.

What part I liked best: Not letting the Jameson or the Redbreast go to waste. I wish Redbreast wasn't so dang expensive. We have a bottle of the 12 year but drink it only on special occasions. By the time we finish it might be 27 years.
I agree with your son, not a beer drinker.

Overall impression: This was a delightful story about a father and son that this reader could relate to with her own experiences with her sons. It was engaging and held my interest from beginning to end.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? I raise my *MugB* to you kind sir.
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