I'm not so into some acrostics, this starts off feeling like that kind where you say one word per letter and explain why you used it in the rest of the line... but it recovers from that form quickly and is an interesting poem to read...
Favourite Things:
Not much to put here, I realize acrostics can be difficult to write...
I did like the punctuation you used, it was creative and appropriate.
Least Favourite things:
Not much here... personally wasn't too fond of it, but there doesn't appear to be anything wrong here...
The rhymes.. wonderful rhymes! I'm a huge rhyme fan!
I love the message here too... it's awesome, theres a kind of naievity factor, but still it is very clear.
Least Favourite things:
That you called it poetry, although its also poetic it looks more intended to be lyrical so if I were you I'd switch the category. (especially on here you may get people reviewing it as poetry and telling you there's stuff wrong with it that really isn't wrong.)
No glaring spelling/grammar/punctuation issues... although the big central verse COULD do with some splitting up maybe into 2 verses... also in the same one the punctuation was pretty sparce but I'm not sure that matters for lyrics
Wonderful poem, its so full of magic... but practical magic... all capturing the wonder of nature...
Favourite Things:
The use of whitespace, it could be presented in so many ways but this makes it easy to read... it also gives the illusion the peice is bigger than it realy is, but it is big on the one thing thats most important... heart.
Least Favourite things:
The lack of punctuation.
Nothing else to put here really.
Perhaps you could split it into a second stanza (or perhaps 3 although 3 might be too many...)
In Conclusion:
One Special poem that I'm glad I had the opportunity to read...
in fact the only reason I didn't rate it as a 5 was because (although I aren't sure in what way) I FEEL that it can be improved... but there's definitely nothing I consider wrong with it in general.
Its not quite alliteration on the first line but the way you chunked it was nice... and the rhymes I really like! alot...
Least Favourite things:
the excess of periods where an ellipse (only 3 dots) ... would have done better, because the extra ones draw my attention when they shouldn't, also consistancy with the question marks I'd suggest removing the space after the l in feel and here on the end, but they're only minor edits nothing that changes my opinion of the peice
In Conclusion:
Great peice... its so much better than your other stuff sofar...
This is great the way you show your feelings here, I doubt I'd be able to write like that, so congrats in that sense.
Favourite Things:
The line: You’re my last thought of every day, I’m no longer afraid you’ll go away.
Being a rhyme fan this appeals to me but also the message here, comfortable, growing used to, very fitting and easy. And nice, I like the niceness of this whole peice...
Least Favourite things:
I couldn't find much structure in this but that's ok a poem doesn't necessarily need structure in order to be a poem
I'm also not into the religious stuff like referencing prayer and lord but that's your faith, so it doesn't matter what I think of it...
Brilliant peice! The nightmare made all for yourself... How insidious??? How inescapable it appears to be??? in this nightmare... sadly the self is trapped...
Content and Impressions:
Great, I tend to love all things cinquain, (well this is mostly a variant but still nice)
Favourite Things:
The theme, definitely :) big thing!
Least Favourite things:
Although it was complete for the form it was in... I had the feeling it was missing something... can't quite put my finger on what/why tho....
Content and Impressions:
Of course such a name suggests many polar opposites, or at least extreme allusions (as in light and dark good and bad, etc.)...
Favourite Things:
The stark way you ended each stanza, cute and striking.
The consistency of using Bright White in conjunction with the above to give it form...
The line: Blinding with its darkness
Least Favourite things:
The very fact it looks at White pessimistically... but then that was intrinsic to this peice...
In Conclusion:
Nice poem, but I have a different view of white...
Content and Impressions:
Well its kind of topsy turvy reading that as an Australian... The seasons here are in comparison opposite...
Favourite Things:
Nice rhymes, good theme, good punctuation, simple and effective...
Least Favourite things:
Perhaps a little short? That's not a major one, just wondering if your following a format to keep them in the collection, or if its just meant to be short... I just had a feeling this COULD be bigger (but doesn't HAVE to be)
Content and Impressions:
Wow! I hadn't heard of this form before but I think you did an excellent job of it, quite interesting...
I also like the message, very sad...
Favourite Things:
The form and simple, but effective presentation
Least Favourite things:
I almost couldn't find one! But I did eventually notice there seems to be a lack of punctuation...
Content and Impressions:
I'm not sure why it was you sent this for me to review, I didn't scour it with a fine tooth comb, nor did I even find myself all that interested to be completely blunt... but thats not so much a reflection on the writing.
It seems to have been relatively well written with no obvious errors, It focused appropriately on the characters, again I'm not sure why I was asked to review this exactly... I also did not notice any inconsistencies.
Favourite Things:
The parallels of the two characters, it gives the story balance.
Least Favourite things:
There was nothing in it that I really enjoyed, it just wasn't my style, nothing particularly fantastic happened (which wouldn't exactly fit this style of story anyhow...)
In Conclusion:
As far as stories go its probably better than I can appreciate!...
Content and Impressions:
An interesting recipe, you used all the ingredients appropriately in the method, and I'm sure there was more than simply a sprinkle of humour in there...
Ingredient/Equipment List
Being from Australia much of the namedropping here was lost on me... (Except Michael J Fox)
Method
Referring to ingredients as "the first two" is a quite iffy...
recipes might be edited or changed when rewritten or modified, so the first two might not be the intention if the recipe gets more ingredients added to (although as to who would add to the top of the list rather than the bottom I have no idea... still stranger things have happened)
Favourite Things: (*Note: Foley may cause an allergic reaction in some people, and may be omitted.)
What more can I say?
Least Favourite things:
One of the things important things about this competition was Creativity and I didn't put this prompt in for political purposes, the idea here I was looking for someone who perhaps made some contraption that forced Chili Peppers in his mouth, or kidnapped his favourite pet... That kind of thing...
Although I realize that there had to be some reading between the lines to
reach this conclusion, so I tried not to judge you too harshly on that point.
That all being said, I guess its hard to overcome the general programming towards rationality we all suffer... :)
In Conclusion:
Not the kind of thing I was hoping for... but presented nicely and
Note: I did intend to keep these recipes private but I'm so used to making reviews public lately.. and since the contest is almost complete I guess its not that big a deal...
Content and Impressions:
Nice! I like this, the message is clear... you use the elipsis (...) punctuation much like I do!...
Favourite Things:
The Rhymes here!... of course :) being the rhyme fan I am...
and much else... it's a good poem really (actually I'm just trying to fill out stuff in here to balance out the review because otherwise it makes the least favourite stuff look more important than it really should be... rofl!)
Least Favourite things:
There was nice punctuation but some capital letters to begin lines or even just sentences would have been nicer, the full stop after it is in the first stanza seemed wrong...
In Conclusion:
Nice poem!... Love may be forever... but situations don't always last...
Content and Impressions:
I like this!... it's message is highly enjoyable...
Favourite Things:
The fun of reading it!
Least Favourite things:
The awkwardness of the lines... it was fun but the rhythm was well off or the rhymes were mismatched or something, with the right end sound but the wrong start sound?
unless it was intended to be off, something that might help is if you check through the syllable count per line, and match them closer...
Danger and Anger didn't seem to rhyme nor did Language with Anguish
In Conclusion:
Possibly intentionally bad in places but it all added up to something fun to read!.. if you can get over the rhythm issues...
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 9:02am on Nov 05, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Item Type/Desc:
Content and Impressions:
Favourite Things:
Least Favourite things:
In Conclusion:
Method