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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/gadget6211979
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Review by GiGi27 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Overall, this is a great beginning. It's interesting right away, and the characters are beginning to flesh out from the start. I would add more details about Jesse and his dad, since that is who you are focusing on. Maybe a little more background, but not too much. The only thing I would change is to just tighten up your sentences, cut the unneccessary bits and focus on the important stuff to keep the pace flowing and straight-forward. I would be interested to read more, though, it is a promising beginning.
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