Overall, this is a great beginning. It's interesting right away, and the characters are beginning to flesh out from the start. I would add more details about Jesse and his dad, since that is who you are focusing on. Maybe a little more background, but not too much. The only thing I would change is to just tighten up your sentences, cut the unneccessary bits and focus on the important stuff to keep the pace flowing and straight-forward. I would be interested to read more, though, it is a promising beginning.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/gadget6211979
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 2:58am on Nov 11, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
