Hi Jimmy! When I saw the rating on this, I wondered why in the world would someone give this piece a 2.5 rating. As I read it, I realized they were seeing some grammatical errors. Some readers simply look for a good message in a piece while others look for correct grammar, punctuation, etc.
When I read a piece, I look for a good message and also check out the spelling, grammar and punctuation. This is a great piece with a very important spiritual lesson; a lesson you want the reader to be sure to take to heart. If you were simply talking to someone face to face, this would be as near perfect as it could be. However, when reading something, you don't always catch the subject matter as much as the errors; especially if you're actually editing it, which is what this site is pretty much about. I want to encourage you to keep writing.
Writing is good therapy for both the writer and the reader.
I, myself, still have problems with when to use a comma and when it's best not to. Just try using them where you think they might need to go and rest assured, if you use them in the wrong place, someone will let you know.
Later today, I'll try to edit it, making some corrections and suggestions. I'll email it to you.
You've written this well with only one error that I saw. I checked for spelling errors and found none. You have used good strong sentence structure. I found no sentence fragments or run-on sentences.
Gosh! What an interesting read. I don't know which part of this story was my favorite; I enjoyed all of it. I think the humor you used throughout is what kept me hanging on.
I have a question. When you have to go back up on the roof, are you going to use a parachute in case you fall?
I only found two errors.
Keep up the good work.
Grandma Penny
In your last sentence of the first paragraph, you forgot to end it with punctuation. This is an error that is so easy to make when we are trying to hurry and get our thoughts written down. I think it's something we all have to keep going back and checking for while editing our work.
I gave this a 5 rating because I found no typos or misspelled words. It's written well. You've used good sentence structure; no sentence fragments or run-on-sentences. You absolutely held my attention from the beginning to the end.
The subject of this little story has pretty much become a family joke. I've heard wedgies called many things in my lifetime, but I heard the word wedgyfor the first time when I was 50 years old; therefore becoming the butte of the joke at the time; and even now.
You've given a good description of the beauty of your new apartment when the sun shines through, making colorful rainbows. You mentioned the bland walls. This goes to prove that sunshine is not only good for the body, but it also lifts the spirit.
I found no typos or misspelled words in this. The way you had it laid out, I thought it was a poem. Since there was no rhyme or rhythm, I decided to go back and check the description. That's when I realized it wasn't meant to be a poem.
Instead of having short lines, it would look better if you just wrote it out in sentence form.
In your description of this folder, you stated Feedback is welcomed, not only on the quality of my writing, but on the relevance of my ideas.
There's a saying that if we don't believe in something, we'll fall for anything.
If you were to say, "There's no such thing as an electric washing machine", I'd have to say, "Yes, there is. I know, because I see one sitting in my laundry room. I can reach out and place my hand on it and I actually feel it. I can turn it on, and I can hear it running."
If you were to say, "There is no such thing as the wind, I'd say, "Yes there is. I can feel it and hear it. I can't see the wind but I've seen trees the wind has ripped from the ground during a hurricane."
You may say, Face it. There may or may not be a god, but, if there is, we really know nothing about him or her or it. I'd say, "There is a God. He gave His Son, Jesus to die for us that we might be saved (salvation; not just religion). I haven't seen Him, but I've seen His mighty works. I've felt His presence. I've trusted Him and He has answered prayers. He's real. I see proof of that everyday. If you don't know Him, and would be interested in meeting Him, email me. I'd love to introduce you to Him. He's the best friend anyone would ever want to have.
Grandma Penny
Religion: a cause, principle, or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith
Salvation: deliverance from the power and effects of sin
Wow! Looks like you've done your homework. This looked all too familiar. I've been disabled since January of 2006. When I worked, my job was "Job Developer" for the Senior Aides Program.
We live in a county where there are hardly no jobs. Then when one would come open, it wouldn't be something an elderly person could do. However, my supervisor and I did manage to get some of our folks to actually make jobs just for the Senior Aides.
Sorry, I got carried away again. I need one of those shirts that says "Help, I'm talking and I can't shut-up."
This is another good editorial. You've hit the nail on the head. I like what you said about not worrying about whether their shirt-tails are in or out, but raise our eyes from their belt lines to their mines and hearts.
Not only do our teachers in our schools need to teach the basics but so do our churches.
Keep up the good work.
Grandma Penny
Way to go! How about the remark, "She wouldn't want you to cry for her". I would hate to know those I loved didn't care enough or miss me enough to cry at least one tear. There are so many others, but I don't want to take away from (or add to) your essay. I do tend to get carried away sometimes.
This is written well. I found no typos or misspelled words in it and you held my interest. You've used strong sentence structure, which is also important in a good write.
I have one question. Would you really take a holiday to honor your wife? I like the way you added her to your list.
I found no typos or misspelled words in this piece. You held my interest and that's one sign of a good writer.
Hmmm...nope, I don't think it would work. I'm certainly glad we're not bringing this to a vote. I have one question. Would a generic church house a generic god? I'm sure that's what a lot of folks would like for us to have.
I'm sure you wrote this all in fun. But being serious, I just don't see how a bunch of people worshiping a bunch of different gods could actually worship together. Do you? You think maybe the gods would be jealous? I know the Bible says God is a jealous God. He's a loving, caring God. When disobeyed to the max, he's a wrathful God. Just like our parents or just like us as parents. We love our children and want what's best for them, but we also get very angry with them when they disobey us.
I'm off to see what else is in your port. Oh, by the way, this is a port raid.
This is another interesting poll. I think the weather, in my case, has a lot to do with what I write. However, since we very seldom see snow, I'm sure I'd have a hard time writing if I had a chance to watch those beautiful flakes falling and sticking to the ground and trees. Afterwards, I'm sure I'd have a lot to write about.
Wow! What an enjoyable story. The story plot is great. You held my interest from the beginning to the end. I think my favorite part is the end; not because it's the end of the story, but because all ended well.
I found quite a few errors that you really need to fix, but with a story this long, you still didn't do bad in that area.
Keep up the good work.
Grandma Penny
Sonny didn't find his uncle too comforting.This sentence wasn't supposed to be italicized.
Sonny backed up into the shadows as his uncle's killer neared the crate, keeping a firm grip on his crowbar.
His uncle's voice was no longer in his head, but projected around the boxes like the rustling of leaves <--You need a period here. I'm sure this was just an oversight.
You've come up with a might good story for writers' cramp. I don't know how you do it. I remember a few years back, I'd enter once in awhile. I even won once. Of course, that's because for some reason or another I was the only one who entered.
I found and marked a couple errors you might want to correct.
Keep up the good work.
Grandma Penny
The remaining eight in his group straggle<--Here you've used present tense, but in the sentence before and the one after it, you've used past tense behind him in single file.
Answer before I’vem forced back to the cave forever.
I gave this a 5 rating. It would be silly to do any different, since the person who wrote it isn't here.
I've enjoyed reading about Lisa Lansing. I always stay a bit confused. I don't know which is fiction and truth. Am I right in thinking it is a bit of both? I know I've asked this before.
Somehow, this diary thing just digs at my curiosity.
I found no typos or misspelled words in this and you've used good sentence structure. Since this is coming from your heart, I can't find fault with the writing content.
You've really told yourself off.
I encourage you to get busy and meet some of, most of or all of your goals. You can do it. I have confidence in you!
I'm not the best at writing or understanding poetry, but I do know this reads smoothly and the rhyme is good.
This has the same effect as a good short story. You've put the reader right there with you (or should I say, right there in your place).
I saw no misspelled words.
It reminds me of the time I had to write a piece telling if worrying about your grades causes writer's block. I wrote about nothing except how worried I was about my grades. Mine turned out well, and I think yours has also.
Keep up the good work.
Grandma Penny
PS I'm off to the dictionary to see what a sonnet is.
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Way to go! How about the remark, "She wouldn't want you to cry for her". I would hate to know those I loved didn't care enough or miss me enough to cry at least one tear. There are so many others, but I don't want to take away from (or add to) your essay. I do tend to get carried away sometimes.
Do you? You think maybe the gods would be jealous? I know the Bible says God is a jealous God. He's a loving, caring God. When disobeyed to the max, he's a wrathful God. Just like our parents or just like us as parents. We love our children and want what's best for them, but we also get very angry
with them when they disobey us.
