Another well-written description of a topic most people choose not to acknowledge or accept.
I have, throughout my life, experienced, many times, different presences around me. My most memorable moments were the three times my younger brother was taken to the hospital. Each time I had no idea, and each time, both my deceased mom and my deceased brother came to me in my dreams. I also could not only see them in the hall, but they continually messed with electrical and computer things. Lights and the TV flickering. Once my keyboard would be typing one letter across the screen, the mouse arrow would be moving, and I was not touching either one. I had this overwhelming feeling to contact, or just check on, my younger brother. I finally got a hold of my sister-in-law, his wife, and sure enough, my brother had had a heart attack twice, and the third time his liver was failing. Not only that, but I might mention my younger brother was always my mom's favorite, as he was the baby.
Anyway, thank you again for breaking this information down. This could, along with your other writings, go into a sort of reference or guidebook.
BJ
I like how you broke this down and explained each category.
I'm a big fan of Ancient Aliens and Secrets of Skywalker Ranch. The facts they present are really compelling. I just wish with all the advanced technology on Skywalker Ranch there would be clear photos of the UFOs. There's not one, which I believe, discredits the show.
Again, another nice job describing a topic that is not usually accepted, or acknowledged.
BJ
Yes, I feel your turmoil. Having ADD I am constantly doing something, even if I'm sitting in a chair, my hands are crocheting, making, doing something. Needless to say, I'm not very good at meditating
When I have boredom forced upon me, this is when my mind goes free. I refuse to have anything forced upon me. This time is where my stories come from. I'm in a whole different world, my world.
Nice story, very intriguing. It makes me think of our world now, present day, and all the new interactions we have and more we will have with AI.
You did a good job in describing how easy it is to get drawn into the AI world and possibly lose yourself. This can also represent other "things" brought into our lives. When you realize this, you rethink your life and what your true dream was/is and do something about it. You showed how when confronted with life events, rather than concede because they are things you're not happy with, you found a solution to make your life better. Working with things that are challenging in our lives, and not against them, is what builds character and fortitude.
Well done and thank you for writing this.
BJ
Thank you for writing this, it isn't always easy to write things that are so close to the heart.
Reading your story, I can't help but feel they are more notes of different events, and/or ideas you are working on? If so, it's a good draft and drafts are always a good start. I tend to do this. After I have written my draft, I then go in and expand, or refine, what ever idea I'm writing about.
It's a good start and I look forward to reading more of your writing.
This was an enjoyable story to read. You topic brought forth the exhilaration, then your frustration, the big letdown, and then the finality of having your dad be understanding. Nicely done.
A suggestion, maybe if you broke your paragraphs up, and create more paragraphs by defining each topic/event?
Also, for example, maybe condensing the description of your first grade? "I was in the first year of two during which I would ace first grade, as I was so repletely skilled and proficient, I was enabled to ace the first grade not once, but twice." Maybe something like, "I was so skilled and proficient in the first grade that I was enabled to ace it not just once, but twice."
Thank you for writing this, I thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to reading more of your writings.
This is an interesting topic, and I'm drawn in by your questions about love and happiness.
When referring to love, you only use the example of giving a piece of yourself to a stranger, Maybe you can include different kinds of love. What about love for self? What about love of a child? ect. Even your example of love for a stranger, would that include all strangers?
Your example of happiness is very good. It shows how in order to understand, or appreciate happiness, there is usually some suffering involved. Some darkness. Yet when there is happiness, all the suffering and darkness are set aside, and the happiness can truly be embraced.
Your final sentence: My mind keeps wandering to the truth behind what we call “goodness” in the world. Is it real? Or are we just building illusions to keep ourselves moving forward?
In my humble opinion, it's probably some of both. Maybe writing examples for both.
All in all, a good short read. I look forward to reading more of your writing.
A really good start for a possible great story. This can go in so many different directions.
I'm seeing and feeling every word you've written, and can't wait to read what happens next. Nicely done.
I would suggest separating the paragraphs for easier reading. I could see that there are possibly a couple of minor corrections or changes which could be made, nothing major.
Thank you for writing and sharing this. Again, I can't wait to read what happens next.
I love this. I saw and felt every word. You took me right there to that hospital room. I felt the loss, the sorrow, and I understood the pain of the deliverer of news, there at the end. I was left with tears.
I'm not sure if this is notes to self, or a start of a possible psychology piece?
If it's self notes, then, it is a good start.
If it's writing a psychology piece, then, it is a nice draft, and I would suggest breaking this down.
Create more paragraphs, then take each paragraph, and go into more detail. Break down those feelings, and how they were acquired, they're impact, and what solutions would you suggest, if any were needed.
This writing is a nice start. You lots of imaginative ideas, with a good story line.
I found for myself, it really helps if I take each paragraph, and break it down. Read, then reread it, thereby, write, then rewrite each. After doing this many times, I think you'll find a very cohesive story.
Also, by reading each paragraph, you'll notice that many of them consist of your sentences being really long, and might possibly be broken up.
Thank you for writing and sharing this. I look forward to your future writings.
This is sound advice, and a good core for creating a story. A story where you find a way of describing how each point you've made is achieved. I can see possibilities of an adventure in how you are achieving your stated goals.
Thank you for writing this. I look forward to reading you future writings.
I am very intrigued about bears, and it always interesting to read any and all information about them.
As with your description of dogs, you also have a good start here with your description of bears. Possibly you can draw the story out also. Make paragraphs, each describing in detail specific aspects of that paragraphs topic.
Again, thank you for writing this, and I look forward to reading more of you work.
Being an avid dog lover (having them all though my life, to present day), it always interesting to read any and all information about them.
You have a good start here with you description. As a suggestion, possible draw it out. Make paragraphs, each describing in detail specific aspects of that paragraphs topic.
If you are wanting to write a story, including a dog, then possible create an adventure incorporating the topic of each paragraph. I.E. The dog, even though having the gentle name of Bella, held the primal instants of her ancestors, those which were domesticated 12,000 years ago.
That's not the greatest example, but I think you get the idea.
Thank you for writing this. Hopefully we'll get to see a story grow from you story of dogs.
If I'm not mistaken, Marvel, Disney, and all the others you mentioned, probably have already created exactly what you've described. For it is their sole purpose of squeezing every penny from consumers who are fanatical about their movies.
If they haven't, you might contact those on your list, providing them with your idea, as they are the ones that would be needed to approve trademarked products.
Like you other writings, you have a way with words that takes the reader right to the heart of your stories.
If I were to critique this one (which is really difficult, and this is only my perception), I had trouble with the last part. It was as though I were reading the first part again, only worded slightly different. I'm wondering, was part of that last part, showing Mark's perspective?
Either way, I really enjoy reading your work.
Thank you for writing and sharing this. I look forward to seeing more of your writing.
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