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787 Public Reviews Given
787 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
I will not review...
NSFW
Public Reviews
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151
for entry "Poetic Form" 
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
Nothing like a nice little poem to read for the 2024 I Write. I’m trying to get this taken care of as quickly as possible in the week so I don’t forget, with GoT going on and everything.

Your eight lines are exceptionally well poised, as we see the structure you’ve employed and admire how you’ve put it to good use. I see how you sort of “ran out of ideas” and used the poetic structure itself as a thing to ponder on and create something that’s not exactly “worthy of note,” but you’re being humble, as it’s pretty creative and adheres to the requirements.

The rhyme and structure is easy to follow, and you’ve expressed a classic feeling here of spilling one’s thoughts upon the page. It reminds me of an old deep cut from OneRepublic, Made For You… (everything reminds me of a song in some way, I’m obsessed with music!)

I don’t have any suggestions to make, because I believe there’s plenty of leeway in poetry for many different forms of expression, and I’m quite laidback about structure and form. Don’t ask me to confirm your syllable counts, nor expect me to advise you on measuring your trochees or iambic pentameter, because I detest that kind of thing *Rolling* I believe poetry is a highly subjective art form, and approach it from a mostly instinctive standpoint. This is good, and that’s all.

Thanks for sharing, take care, and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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152
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*

Oh my goodness, I’m not sure whether to take this seriously as an autobiographical story or assume it’s an exaggerated fiction. It reminds me of the John Ciardi poem, Mommy Slept Late and Daddy Fixed Breakfast. I enjoyed reading the rollicking misadventures of the narrator’s mom as they tried to create edible food. That thing about adding food coloring - blergh *Sick* That reminds me of an old science experiment where they made people sit down and eat in a room where the light was green or red or purple or something, and it made everyone barf because the food looked gross under the crazy colored light.

First thing I would suggest is to not use all caps in the title, as that is considered shouting, and for a child’s voice and POV that would be quite rude. Then, “all of the things that was on the list” should be “were on the list.” Then, a word count would be nice to have, as I believe this qualifies as flash fiction. You can also center and underline the title heading.

Everything else is fine; you’ve captured the simple voice of the child quite well as they tell the absurd tale, and included plenty of concrete details that show us the situations.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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153
153
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


A dreamily descriptive poem we have here, flowing smoothly and freely along as it muses about the mysterious and beautiful figure strolling through your dreams. It feels almost as though this figure is your muse, one who inspires you to create and stirs your imagination. I enjoyed the way you write about the floors and the lines and everything; your symmetry is pleasing to read as you move from verse to verse.

I would suggest centering and underlining the title header, and also using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. Adding a line count is also a good habit to form, in case you would like to enter any of the various poetry contests around here.

I don’t have much else to offer as suggestions, especially for free verse. I view poetry as a highly subjective art form, a vessel for us to fill with words forming our hopes, dreams, and emotions, or telling a created narrative, or anything else, in whatever way we choose. I’m unqualified to advise on structured poetry, as I detest counting syllables and measuring meter. Instinct is my main tool I use to consider others poetry and create my own. And my instinct tells me this is a good one.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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154
Review of The Coffee Monkey  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*

I’m so sorry, I almost completely forgot about this review request! Thank you for asking.

An enjoyable, folksy anecdote about your family and the morning coffee routine. I don’t see a whole lot to correct, though perhaps “It was a puppy and we are its first owners,” could be reworded so that the tenses agree. Also, it’s a bit of a ramble… there isn’t a whole lot of “point” to it, as we wonder if it will be a satirical sort of story or simply a lighthearted anecdote. But not all tales have to have a “point…” I guess I’m thinking of the oft-repeated short story triad of “goals, stakes and obstacles,” which doesn’t really apply when telling a “front porch” personal memory. It was fun to read, and I can’t think of anything to say that you should change.

Morning coffee, kids and dogs is a universal and relatable sort of experience, and we can all chuckle at your “training” as a dutiful husband. I’m glad you have a satisfactory marriage. A word count would be nice to have in the subtitle, as this looks like it counts as a “flash” story. Formatting is excellent; perhaps you should underline the title heading.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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155
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Review of Checkmate  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

An interesting story we have here, with the two separate perspectives set off in alternating italics. I thought it was quite interesting, but it wasn’t exactly a mystery so much as a paranormal genre type. The use of the chess theme was a thoughtful technique; I’ve always liked chess. You have portrayed Mrs Richards sympathetically, and we don’t feel particularly disgusted at her actions, nor distressed by the ultimate outcome, though it’s understood that the last years of her life that should have been a release were actually a torment because of what she had done. The elements are set out well, with the checkmate and the missing piece, and your descriptions of the scenery are visually appealing.

In formatting, a word count in the subtitle or right at the top of the item would be useful in determining whether one has enough time to read and review in one sitting. I always recommend size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. Other than that, the story is quiet and easily understood, and I enjoyed it and have nothing to suggest by way of correction. Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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156
156
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
I’m stalled on Door 9 because I think I’m going to try to combine it with the Quotation Inspiration (good luck doing that *Laugh*) so in the meantime I decided to collect the five reviews in the Mystery genre for Door 10, and here you are! I set my search to 13+ and this showed up. Your twinkling AI picture is inviting, and I hopped right in to see how you handled this prompt.

A sweet story about a little girl and fairies. We see her excitement at catching lightning bugs and her desire to keep them, and then her discovery that they’re actually fairies is well portrayed. It was a good idea to add urgency by making one of them fall ill, and Andrea’s kindness in setting them free is a relief.

I found a typo at one point: “which her snapping her head” there should be a “had” in there between “which” and “her.” Other than that, everything is perfect: the font size, formatting, genre selection, prose, etc. I enjoyed reading it and look forward to browsing more of your collection for this project, if I ever have the time and energy… Thanks for sharing and have fun!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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157
157
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Oh my, this was adorable! Traveling space rabbits with a cliffhanger ending! How did this not win the day’s contest? Nuff said…

I loved every bit of it: the captain, the ensign, the way their characters meshed, the descriptions, the rollicking tale of disaster and adventure across the galaxies to a place that looks suspiciously like the Third Rock From the Sun… it would make a cute opening chapter for a children’s book series. I wonder how many people ever get really good ideas from the Writers Cramp and go on to make larger works out of them.

Your formatting leaves nothing wanting: large clear font, a tidy drop note (with a cute title, I might add) and three relevant genres. There are contests that will take previously written stories under 2000 words; I keep forgetting to submit my own hodgepodge to them, what with all the other activities around here. Let me fetch the link… "SENIOR CENTER FORUM" , a spot that I should visit each month with whatever story didn’t place in the previous month’s official contest *Laugh* Thanks for reminding me.

I really enjoyed reading this, thanks for sharing and have fun writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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158
158
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Ok, my first thought as I read this is “this won the Writers Cramp?” I didn’t find it particularly appealing to my own personal tastes at all. Bleh.

But enough of the subjective! You wrote with strong visuals and engaged all our senses, building a fantasy world as good as any other out there. We don’t have any further details than what we need to move along this particular moment; the goal of what exactly they were trying to accomplish is left unexplained to focus on the deception and the variety of colorful and peculiar characters. My favorite was the big green giant who wanted to hang out with the trees; I had a lot of sympathy for him. I chuckled at the diversity of the bunch, including a lady monk, who is pretty much nonexistent in actual history. I’d like to see more with those characters, actually… I think it’s just the piddling details of the dung in the city and your chosen vocabulary that put me off at first.

Which reminds me, if you’re going to use the word sh*t it needs to be rated 18+. I’m no ratings police, but I like to let people know before a moderator does. Also, you can add two more relevant genres to the item. I would recommend “Drama” and “Folklore.” Adding genres helps to increase visibility when browsing and adds more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award.

Thanks for sharing , take care and keep writing!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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159
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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Whoa, this was good. When I saw the Dark genre and the way it was headed, I didn’t know what to expect. Usually when stories are dark here, they’re dark. But you’ve brought a soul shaking relief to the end of the story, as we see Caitlin peacefully giving up her life for the little girl to have her mother back. I don’t want to wax too “Christian” on anyone here, but this is a fine example of a parable or metaphor inspired by and pointing to the great sacrifice of Jesus. The sacrificial element is a classic and memorable staple of good stories for a reason.

You’ve brought together eeriness, danger and surreal elements like a mysterious underwater being to create a world that could easily be a short movie, with strongly visual elements that draw us in and keep us looking forward to what happens next. Your prose is clear and simple, and I see nothing to correct or suggest to change. As a story written for a contest, it takes up the prompt excellently and creates an unforgettable moment. I almost cried at the end, in a good way.

Now that the contest is over, you can add a third genre to it. I would suggest “Death,” but there are other possibilities.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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Review of Batter Up!  
Review by
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
A simple and somewhat predictable story of kids running amok in the good old days. I see it’s most likely autobiographical, and I admire your forthrightness in writing something of the sort for a flash fiction item. Yours is the only one I’ve seen today that wasn’t part of a larger item to hold all the GoT stuff that’s presumably going to accumulate over the month…good heavens, this is turning into a long month!

You’ve set the scene well for us, showing us the houses going up and the wasp’s nest in the bush. I held my breath as Mikey came so close to getting stung to death… I hope Pete wasn’t stung too many times, since he ended up being the one without the shirt. A quick tale of friendship and foolishness that suits the prompt well. Yours is one of only two today that aren’t about dragons, which I find refreshing… sometimes it seems as though there are just too many dragons on this site *Laugh* But whatever. I have no suggestions for anything to change here; you could do with a couple extra commas, but I never fuss about that.

Thanks for sharing and have fun writing!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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161
161
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
Oh, this was cute and fun. I love how you drew in the other members of your team without actually tagging them. It’s always good to have a bunch of names you can use for characters.

Your vivid descriptions bring the story to life as we excitedly read through to see whether it becomes a disaster or a success. They arrive alive, without the treasure they had hoped to confiscate, but with a valuable lesson and a story to tell.

I appreciate the large clear font you’ve used, and I have no suggestions for improvement. You made a perfect little story using the prompt phrase. I love how everyone has managed to come up with stories that are almost the same basic themes, but at the same time each reflecting their own writing tendencies and habits and styles. It is easy to brush off flash fiction as not worth bothering with, but I can see it’s taken seriously by you and your team. Remember the classic triad of goals, stakes and obstacles; one may not think such things matter in a brief story, but they do make all the difference.

Thanks for sharing and have fun with this activity!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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162
162
for entry "A Final Decision" 
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
Bleh, the desperation of the desire for freedom. Vividly painted in harsh scenes I’d rather forget as quickly as possible, I’m glad it was only flash fiction. You’ve done your job well, making a vaguely GoT flavored item that could just as well be anything else.

What can I say? You’ve encapsulated everything in a fleeting, memorable snapshot. I call to mind Max Griffin’s favorite formula of goals, stakes, and obstacles, and I can quickly see that all three of them are laid out here, however briefly. The resolution is quick and hopeless, and there’s no need to drag it out any further.

A good job using the prompt phrase, and I like that you remembered to add it in at the bottom. Do you ever go back to a flash fiction and add to it, or take the idea you’ve made and use it in a longer work? One can perhaps use these somewhat annoying flash fiction challenges as a way to collect ideas for bigger stories or even novel concepts. One could make a collection of ideas that way. The prompt phrases are usually vague enough to allow a lot of room for things you may already have in mind.

Thanks for sharing and have fun!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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163
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Review of Targaryen Musings  
for entry "Dragons on High" 
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*

Ah, a nifty story we have here. It’s not too steeped in GoT lore for an outsider to understand. A simple premise: two guys heading for the gold don’t expect a dragon to be guarding it! Your descriptions are clear and help us to envision the scenes well, without overstep the word count. I like the dialogue between the two, rather than just a dry narrative or a first person inner dialogue. This helps us stay engaged… although the story is over quickly anyway.

Are you planning on a series of stories? Can we do that, or is it going to be a disjointed hodgepodge as we continue down the GoT journey? Whatever happens, it looks like we’re all as well equipped as we could expect. I have nothing to suggest for corrections for this; seeing as that it’s flash fiction, you’ve done well in creating a brief snapshot of action and tension. The smell of brimstone is a grim warning, a foreshadowing of what we find at the end. Remember the magic triad of goals, stakes and obstacles to make your stories pop, no matter how brief.

Thanks for sharing and have fun!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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164
164
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
I enjoyed reading this recap of basic story writing info. It's relevant to anyone who writes stories of anything longer than flash fiction.

I know from personal experience that the rewriting is the most important part of getting a story out there. Four times now, my good friend Joey has helped me rebuild stories from scratch, often taking whole paragraphs and rewriting them in his distinctive style to show me how to make a more vivid showing tale rather than a dull, predictable narrative.

Characters are crucial to any story; as Jack Tyler, another writing friend, likes to say, the characters are the engine that drives the story. A flashy story will fall flat if the characters aren't strong enough, but good characters can help along a thin storyline.

And Max Griffin always reminds us of the three most important things that draw people into a story: goals, stakes and obstacles. This precious triad is like a magic formula; if you can figure that out in such a way as to bring true depth and a strong character arc to the story, you've done well.

Thanks for sharing these helpful tips with us. I'll keep them in mind when I write my next story of any substantial length.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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165
165
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

I assume this is the story you were writing for last month’s What A Character contest. I hope it’s ok if I review it for you, because I did write one of my own, and it’s somewhat similar to yours (weird fun fact: mine is about a teenage garage band… when my good friend Joey scribbled his own version of the opening of my first draft to show me how to make my writing more “showing” and “colorful,” he made up a random title of a song the band had written: Cool Running! I had never heard that phrase before and thought it was just some silly thing he came up with to sound modern and hip. When I saw it in your story, I looked it up… and all the pieces of what you did fell into place quite cleverly, with the names and the Jamaican characters and all. Isn’t that funny? I didn’t bother including that “song title” in my final draft…)

Ok, I’ve managed to say nothing about your item *Laugh* I found this an enjoyable read with a happy ending. I love the cultural theme and the way you’ve set it up in California with the friendly Jamaican cousins. Derice’s determination to “make it big” before he marries Barbie is admirable, and I relate to Junior’s laidback attitude. No hard feelings arise between them as the contest turns out unexpectedly, and they can use their winnings to keep things going quite nicely for everyone.

Your writing flows smoothly and carries the story along quite well, as we wait for Junior’s chili to be appreciated by someone in the shadow of Derice’s jerk. I’m not going to fuss about the font you’ve used; you can see my recent newsfeed post with screenshots if you’re interested in knowing why I might not always like using Comic font. Perhaps the contest expects us to include the prompt at the bottom; I’ve included it in mine in a drop note with the word count. Congratulations on having 250 words left over! One concern when writing these contest entries is that I’m making the best use of the word allotment without going over.

Best of luck on your entry, and don’t forget to add a third relevant genre to the story when the judging is over. I would suggest “Regional” because of the California vibes.

I enjoyed reading this. Take care *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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"The WDC Angel Army" 


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166
166
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


What a beautiful story! I love a charming fantasy like these, with animals and fairies. You have painted a wonderful picture of love and heartache and relationship without too much drama. I do see an inconsistency in that the underlying conflict was not originally laid out at the beginning. When the rains came and the land sprouted anew, it came as a surprise because we were not told that the land was under a desert curse. Also, the Queen’s apparent lack of empathy for the feelings of others should be explained a little more so we can sympathize with her. You could say that she learned to numb and suppress her own feelings because everyone blamed her for the tragedy of the curse, or something like that. I don’t know how that could be understood from the limited perspective of the boy Marsden, but since the word count is beside the point now that the contest it was perhaps written for is long gone, you can feel free to restructure and tinker with it as needed.

Also, I looked up the name Marsden, and as far as I can tell it has nothing to do with being born singing. But since it’s a fantasy story anyway, it hardly matters. Also, for that matter, the name Queen/Lady Victoria is a little confusing. Perhaps a couple of new names would be better.

I always recommend using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices and ages. Also, it would be nice if you had remembered to include a drop note with specific contest info, such as why the opening and closing lines are in bold (I assume that was the contest prompt requirement, but being a newbie I haven’t yet seen a contest that asks for a specific opening and closing. That’s a good idea.)

Ok, that’s all I have to say about this lovely and satisfying story. Thanks for sharing and take care *HeartG*


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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Review by
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I love a good children’s story, and this is one of them. I remember reading and reviewing one of your other Pickle Kids stories; I should read the rest of them as well.

A simple recounting of a girl’s “dad time,” enjoyable and memorable, as told by the little girl herself. The vocabulary and style reflects this limited first person perspective, and you’ve done a pretty good job with that. I might suggest giving us more scenic descriptions, but it’s not really required here… we all know what a pond in the woods looks like *Laugh*

I would recommend using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices. I also note a number of tiny typos that Grammarly failed to catch. I’ll list them here for you:

~ not like Dad'! When describing the mom’s hair
~ I hopped out of, ran around You could drop the word “out” here.
~ to get the line I'm. “I’m” should be “in.”
~ I noticed a lot of sentences are double spaced in between like this which was probably a result of using Grammarly. (Twitter does that sometimes when I write something using my iPad, and it drives me crazy)

Other than that, everything is fine. You may want to add a word count to the subtitle so people know how much time it’ll take to read and review. Also, it’s a good habit to begin taking a word count and posting it to everything you write in case you happen to be writing something for a contest.

Thanks for sharing and take care *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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"The WDC Angel Army" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
168
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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Consider this a congratulatory fluff review *BigSmile* I thought this was the cutest and funniest thing when Lilli made me read it *Wink* It has a warmly humorous style which is gently ironic while maintaining decency and still being a pretty good story to actually read to kids, as a lesson in sitting quietly *Laugh* I can picture the cute little animals and the kids interrupting with their questions, which are actually pretty good questions except that it’s a fairytale and the guy should tell them they need to “suspend disbelief” or whatever we adults like to say about make believe stories…

You didn’t mention how many words it actually is, only that it had a 500 word limit. You might as well include the word count just to have it there, unless it’s been embellished since the original contest. Remember, word counts are crucial to any contest entry, and forming the habit of including them is always good. And as a totally boring formatting suggestion, I would center all the award stuff at the bottom of the page. Merit Badges look nice when they’re centered. Also, it looks like you’ve maintained the default font size. If it’s a children’s story, it’s even more important to use a generous font size. I set everything at 4 myself, to ensure readability across devices and age groups.

Other than that, I’ve got nothing to say. Good work!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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Review of Glitch?  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


A fast paced and amusing story here, where every word builds up to the absurd comedic irony of the absent minded professor/mad scientist who has no idea what he’s created. If we weren’t paying attention at the beginning, we would miss it. The cliches are classic, reminding us of works like Ray Bradbury’s A Sound of Thunder, which established the rule of not modifying the past because it would cause irreparable harm to the present.

I like to recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices. Also, it would be nice if we knew which “keywords” or prompt phrase was used when writing it for the contest. It’s always good to be able to look back and remember why exactly we wrote a particular story years down the road.

The phrase “ding dong” could be italicized so you can drop the quotation marks, as those are usually reserved for dialogue. Also, it’s not rated E if the professor says “d*mn;” he could just as easily have said “darn.” It’s only a doorbell. You can also add a third genre: I might suggest “fantasy” or “steampunk,” to make it easier to find when browsing.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*


This was an amusing and quick paced read, as we hurry to discover the consequences of Rusty’s bad behavior. He learned a good lesson there, or at least we would hope he did. I like how you’ve added real Gaelic snippets and translated them for us, it adds atmosphere and style. I’ve learned what a Shillelagh is too. Story-wise I don’t have any real suggestions to make; you’ve told it with a good balance of showing and narrative, and we get a breath of smelly Irish bar air as we read *Laugh* *Drink* *4leaf* Congrats on the shiny green award icon *RibbonG*

As a newbie I’ve learned the basics of formatting quite rapidly: size 4 Verdana font, a word count in the subtitle, and a dropnote with any prompt or other contest info at the bottom. These little things contribute to a more polished item and a read that’s comfortable on any device. Word counts are necessary for entering contests, and it’s good to develop the habit even when it’s not needed, so when the time comes you do actually remember to include it.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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"The WDC Angel Army" 


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171
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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



I love personal contemplative narratives like this: peacefully considering what helps you along in your journey and sharing that with us.

Since it’s a personal experience, I don’t have much to criticize about what you’ve chosen to say. I know in my own experience I need those quiet times where it seems as though I’m not doing anything, and your illustration of watering the crooked willow tree is a beautiful way of explaining our universal need to step back and rest and refresh ourselves before carrying on with our many challenging tasks.

I love the paragraph where you mention the power of music to affect our emotions. As an obsessive music lover, I know how it feels to tap into my deepest emotions and fears, finding a common ground with artists who share their hearts with us in various ways. It’s good to realize that so much of what we go through is actually a shared experience. We are not alone, either in our joys or our sorrows.

I would suggest using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices. You can also underline the title at the top of your item, and include a word count in the subtitle so that we know if we have time to read and review in one sitting.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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"The WDC Angel Army" 


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172
172
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



What an unusual and amusing story. I’ve never read anything quite like it, to be honest: a boy and a coat with a mind of its own. At first I was afraid it might be some kind of fetish story, as so many things are around here in the dustier corners. But it’s charming and harmless, albeit perhaps a bit pointless as well.

I see you’ve chosen a quiet narrative form, telling the story without dialogue and with nice descriptive details that show as well as tell. I understand the coat can’t actually “talk,” so no dialogue is required here. But I do wonder why it had to be his sister’s coat, when it could just as well have been his own. What became of it when his sister outgrew it? Did Timmy take it and stash it away safely? Also, it might be more fun to have stuffed animals with minds of their own, as that would create something more meaningful and memorable to bond with.

I would suggest usually size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices. Other than that your grammar and formatting are good.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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"The WDC Angel Army" 


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173
173
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

These are some of the most adorable dragons I’ve ever seen *InLove* May I ask how you get such lovely graphics? Do you draw them up on Adobe Fresco or another digital art app? And this is probably a silly question, but do you have a separate shop of dragon notes that aren’t just for SPD? If so, I really must stop by and send one out.

Ten notes is a good round number, leaving us with a host of too-cute options for the season. My favorite is the slightly bluer shaded one inside the Celtic circle; that epitomizes colors and designs that are dear to my heart, as being 1/4th Irish *Laugh* Your price is consistent and reasonable, considering how much effort must have gone into creating these delightful works of art. I consider myself something of an artist, but it would take me years of practice on my iPad before I could come close to your level of talent.

There are no suggestions I could possibly make here; I know for a fact you have many happy customers, because I’m one of them. Thank you for hosting this shop.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Well, well… I’ve never reviewed a C-Note shop before. What am I supposed to say about it exactly?

You have a good selection here, from simple and elegant to whimsical to steampunk flavored. They’re reasonably priced and cover a range of common occasions, including birthdays, “thank you” and simply “thinking of you.” I thought the “your muse has arrived” is cute and vibrantly colored. Perhaps you could list the number of options available somewhere at the top… never mind, I see the # of notes included is listed in the metadata. That “Dream” note is a little difficult to identify; it took several looks before I realized that’s the Eiffel Tower beyond the wet glass. Perhaps you should consider opening a separate shop for steampunk themed notes; that would be a fun place to shop at. I can think of several people I’d send one to *Smile*

I found this shop via “The Marketplace,” which is a link I’ve never ventured to click on before in the WdC universe. So much remains for me to explore here!

Overall, this is a good shop with a variety of options.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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175
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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


A thoughtful, loosely gathered free verse poem that reminds me of the lines from Twenty One Pilots Ride: “help me, I’ve been thinking too much!” We all have moments when we’re stuck hopelessly philosophizing ourselves into a corner and wondering what the point of life is, and I know I’ve written plenty of meaningless gibberish on the subject myself. I see and appreciate where you're coming from, and your conclusion about what it means to approach life with maturity is a good point. The opening lines appear to be several sentences run together, but when they’re teased out and read more slowly one sees the wisdom within the words, and perhaps even realizes that this is pretty good advice.

As a personal poem stating your own inner feelings, I have very little to criticize here. Anything I might correct could be looked at as poetic license, and certainly in free verse there are no rigid structural rules to follow. I view poetry as a highly subjective art form, where we are mostly free to express our deepest thoughts and emotions in any way that we would like. This was easy to follow along with, and I liked having a look at your thoughts.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 


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