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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/greenwillow/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11
Review Requests: ON
791 Public Reviews Given
791 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
I will not review...
NSFW
Public Reviews
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Review of I lean  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings,

A thoughtful little poem considering loneliness and the long expanse of empty days without a loved one.

I don't have much to say about poetry generally, especially free verse. Since I don't follow many rules of poetry myself, I'm hardly qualified to criticize anyone else's work. I like how you set off the thoughts with dashes. The flow is good and it all makes sense.

I also like how you've gathered all the details surrounding its creation for future reference.

Congratulations on winning an award for this item. It's well worth it, bringing forth emotion with a few simple words.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of Cool House  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

This was a brief and amusing read. I like flash fiction, especially when it states itself as such in the subtitle, because I know I can read it quickly and get it over with while giving myself a pop of daily fiction to enjoy.

The situation described here sounds almost autobiographical. The irony of imagining how cool the owners of that house must be and then finding out it belongs to someone like that in such an absurd manner… good grief *Laugh*

I would like to make my usual recommendations on formatting:

~ size 4 font is a good idea on WDC to ensure readability across devices
~ It’s always good to include a word count at the top or bottom of the item.
~ If you wrote it for Arakun’s Daily Flash Fiction contest, it would be nice to know what prompt was used, especially when you look back over your portfolio in the future.
~ It’s also good to use all three genres, and not just “contest entry,” because people use the genres to find stories they’ll like, and also it gives you more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award. I would recommend “Relationship,” “Emotional,” or “Community.” It doesn’t have to be particularly relevant, just as long as you have all three.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I enjoyed reading this bright, upbeat play about high school students crafting a play. It was creative and fun, showing us the different characters interacting with a few simple adverbs. Usually everyone says “adverbs are off limits!” But they are necessary when writing a play script because one is unable to describe facial expressions and body language without asking too much from anyone who might have to act the parts *Laugh*

It’s been a long time since I read a play script. As far as I can tell, you’ve done great here, bringing us a tale that catches our fancy with colorful characters and humor, and ends well. You have the classic triad of “goals, stakes, and obstacles,” which, no matter how simple they might be, are necessary for creating a tale that flows and draws us in. It doesn’t have to be a “high stakes” story; it’s all in the telling and showing.

I don’t see any major typos here; perhaps you can underline and center the act headers to tidy it up. Also, I usually recommend using size 4 font to ensure good visibility across devices.

I’ll probably check out your other items soon; your port is small but interesting.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to Writing.com!

I love a good children’s story, and you’ve done a charming job here, creating a cozy world of friendly talking animals that could easily become a series.

All good stories need characters, goals, stakes and obstacles, no matter how small or simple those are. You have it all here, with Pippin the kitten entrusted to fetch the milk for his family’s breakfast, inviting a puppy friend to join him, and encountering someone who needs help along the way.

When you say “Lilly shot up...” it would probably sound better to say she “perked up” or she “smiled through her tears” or “jumped to her feet” or something similar, depending on what you had in mind to convey.

It’s always recommended to use all three genres so people can find your item more easily, and also to provide more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award. I would suggest “Family” and “Community.”

Another thing is, it’s usually a good idea to use size 4 font to make sure people don’t have any issues with seeing your words, depending on what device they may be using.

Also, it’s good to see a word count in either the subtitle or the top of the item, so people know if they have time to read it (aloud, as the case may be) in one sitting.

Thanks for sharing tho lovely little story,
take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of Final Prey  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to Writing.com!

I don't usually read something like this, but I kept seeing in in the "Read a Newbie" sidebar and figured the subtitle looked somewhat interesting.

A "slice of life" type of story, focusing on the demise of a fat slob who works in a dollar store. I wasn't sure at first if I should be sympathetic towards the creepy sounding employee or not, but by the end of the story I was guessing at the horrific crime he had committed, presumably against the young woman or someone close to her. That was clever to include a subtle foreshadowing of such in his dream; I wondered why it was that particular type of dream rather than a nightmare.

I do wonder what she means by reducing his status to a mere "thief" when she accuses him. Is she referring to the stealing of one's innocence?

You have woven the story well, describing and showing the grubby shop and the different characters with clarity and accuracy. It has good atmosphere.

I'm relieved that the seemingly senseless violence that appeared as I glanced over the item turned out to have some solid reason behind it in the end. This is a chilling horror/comeuppance story that many would find to be quite good in its genre.

I don't have too many suggestions to make; you have written well without any obvious typos. You could choose two other genres, such as "Drama" or "Horror" to make it easier to find and nominate for a Quill award.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartbl*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

Despite not being able to make the selections on my screens, I can still appreciate the basics of your word search. My lack of a real desktop computer isn't your fault *Laugh*

I like the choices of words; you've covered pretty much every romantic subgenre that I can think of. Are there romantic crime stories? Mystery Romances? Perhaps a husband/wife detective team? Hmm, now I'm giving myself ideas!

I have one suggestion to make the list appear tidier. You can capitalize the beginning letter of the second word in the two-word items, ie "RomanticSuspense." Since all the letters become capitalized in the search pool, that won't give away your hiding places, while making the list easier to process.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*
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Review of i am a lazy man  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings,
Welcome to writing.com!

Amazing, the power of a single sentence to spark the imagination and make us consider our own lives and conduct. “Sad, lazy and bored” sounds unnervingly like me *Laugh*

I like the form of this; three sentences all in lowercase, as though we are peeking inside the mind of an unhappy man. Poetic license allows for what might be considered poor formatting.

Of course, it lacks detail. We wonder who the man is, what the story is behind his ennui. Perhaps this could be built into a brief paragraph, a vignette of sorts. I would suggest using more specific words to create more concrete images, such as saying “I stare out the window for hours, forgetting what I was thinking about, lacking motivation or energy to accomplish what I have set out for myself” rather than simply the three words “sad, lazy and bored.” Show us how the man is sad, lazy and bored and what exactly that means, rather than simply telling us that that’s how he’s feeling.

I would suggest adding two more genres, to make it easier to find and to nominate for a Quill. Perhaps “Emotional” and “Drama” would do.

All criticism aside, this is a haunting three sentences that linger in the mind.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of Hippie Woman  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings,

I enjoyed reading this elegantly formatted poem. It describes a mysterious lady with respect, even appreciation, despite her strange behavior. It is all too easy to brush unusual people off as eccentric and deranged, but you have not done so.

Instead you paint an image of a hippie lady, one who wanders in search of something that we can only guess at and appears at the police station, presumably seeking friendship in a safe place.

The quiet repetition from beginning to end brings balance to the poem, and the centered columns in a sort of mulberry color match the almost autumnal feel of the words.

Thanks for sharing, happy new year, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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for entry "The Secret Passageway" 
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings,

I enjoyed reading this flash fiction entry. It created a mystery, tension and resolution, with simple and relatable characters, all in under 300 words. The grandfather’s puzzling actions are explained by the discovery of a secret passage and a musical band. I love that the father and son get to sit and enjoy the show when they find out. I also like the choice of genres and lack of darkness or unnerving twists. It’s good for kids, and that’s ok.

I would be afraid the grandfather wasn’t getting enough sleep, or damaging his voice by singing in a rather untrained fashion. But I looked again and I see it only happens once a week and the gramps isn’t always the host.

I like how you’ve arranged all the little details of what contest you entered and the prompt and word count and everything. It’s always nice to look back on these things and see what the process of creation was inspired by.

Perhaps the quick bits of dialogue between the unknown men would be better set off in separate lines. The dropnote at the bottom is a tidy way to gather the extra information. I don’t see anything to correct or modify.

Thanks for sharing, take care, happy new year and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

This was an enjoyable and amusing spin on the old fairytale. I liked how pathetic the wolf was, and his reasons for gobbling up the other two pigs are well thought and understandable. The female wolves were hilarious; it’s nice to know that such tough ladies were good friends with that kindly little girl piggy.

I chuckled at the end when the wolf and the girl pig decide to be friends; one can only wonder what happened when she found out he’d eaten her brothers. I would be suspicious of a taxidermist pig who had acquired a wolf’s head, myself, however *Laugh*

I don’t see any typos or anything to fix or modify in the story. Perhaps a word count at the beginning or in the subtitle would be helpful. It might also be good for the older people on the site if you used a larger font… but I’m so tired of saying that, it’s beside the point *Rolling*

Thanks for sharing, take care, happy new year and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

I’m glad I saw this. It is very important that we all understand the dangers of online scammers, especially these days when finances are tight.

I would like to offer some helpful tips about avoiding scams for us all from the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, or FDIC:

~ Do not open email from people you don’t know. If you are unsure whether an email you received is legitimate, try contacting the sender directly via other means. Do not click on any links in an email unless you are sure it is safe.

~ Be careful with links and new website addresses. Malicious website addresses may appear almost identical to legitimate sites. Scammers often use a slight variation in spelling or logo to lure you. Malicious links can also come from friends whose email has unknowingly been compromised, so be careful.

~ Secure your personal information. Before providing any personal information, such as your date of birth, Social Security number, account numbers, and passwords, be sure the website is secure.

~ Stay informed on the latest cyber threats. Keep yourself up to date on current scams. The Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency (CISA) can provide you with Alerts.

~ Use Strong Passwords. Strong passwords are critical to online security. Review CISA guidance on Choosing and Protecting Passwords.

~ Keep your software up to date and maintain preventative software programs. Keep all of your software applications up to date on your computers and mobile devices. Install software that provides antivirus, firewall, and email filter services.

~ Update the operating systems on your electronic devices. Make sure your operating systems (OSs) and applications are up to date on all of your electronic devices. Older and unpatched versions of OSs and software are the target of many hacks.

Also remember that legitimate companies will never threaten to have you arrested or put pressure on you to send them gift cards. Gift cards are never a legitimate way to pay bills.

Thank you for sharing this warning with us. I am very sorry that you have lost so much money over this. Take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of The Lighthouse  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to Writing.com!

A beautiful and touching autobiographical story here. Thank you very much for sharing this with us. At least, I’m assuming it’s a true story. I don’t know if your poor formatting and grammar errors are due to an unfamiliarity with the English language; I would hope a college educated architect would be able to write better *Confused*

But never fear, I’m not criticizing your sincerity and hard work at all*Hug1**Smile**Hug2* There is nothing in this item that the use of the free online writing assistant Grammarly couldn’t correct (though I would ask, was it 7 years or 2 years since you had last seen your sister?)

I love the symbolism of the lighthouse and its connection to love and forgiveness. You have painted a simple, memorable and heartfelt image of family.

I would recommend adding two more suitable genres to your item and also a word count in the subtitle. The word count helps people know whether they have time to read the entire item in one sitting.
The additional genres help us find your item when browsing through the categories of different stories. I would suggest “Experience,” “Family” or “Drama.”

Take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well well, hello old pal,

I noticed this on the sidebar and thought it might make a fun read. Turns out I’ve already seen it and didn’t bother reviewing it *Laugh*

A cute and mouthwatering poem, carefully counted out to make an inverse pyramid of syllables. The task of resisting the temptation of jelly donuts is one I can sympathize with, as can anyone I suppose. Yet I don’t have to worry much about my own waistline… people tell me I’m too thin, even though I eat like a horse *Donut* *HorseHead*

Looks like you’ve used the largest possible font size, which makes it fun to read like a board book. As usual I recommend adding two relevant genres, such as “Food/cooking” and “Experience.” Also, it would be helpful to know which contest you entered it in.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* I look forward to continuing our friendship in 2024.


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

I enjoyed reading this little Bible study of yours; it was enlightening. I have often wondered about the origins of the book of Esther myself, as it has always struck me as the odd one out in the Old Testament. There is no mention of the Hebrew religion at all, and one would debate why it is included in the Bible. The Essene scribes who wrote the Dead Sea Scrolls did not have copies of Esther in their cavern libraries. This would make perfect sense if the book of Esther was actually written by the Gentiles.

Thank you for sharing, take care, happy new year, and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb* *Pray*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Paul,

Nice to read an item from you.

I enjoyed these two little dialogue bits inspired by the prompt words. It's amazing what one can do with just a handful of words. And your personal anecdotes add a touch of realism and charm to it. Siamese cats are some of the loveliest and most intelligent ones.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of Rest In Peace  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings,

Good grief, I thought Roald Dahl was zany! This is a zany little story, alright. Exaggerated and amusing, it tells of the escapades of a man and his self-exhumed grandma.

It switches formats in a somewhat experimental way, from the first person description of what happened from the grandson's POV to a couple paragraphs of brief summary. But that carries it along quicker than it might have otherwise.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile*


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Review of The Library Lady  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings,

A charming story about orphans and libraries and a shared love of books. I enjoyed the warm and simple narrative style, though I felt as though it "told" more than "showed." Everyone tells us to "show" around here, but it isn't always necessary.

I love how you mentioned the Trixie Belden series at the end. Those were a hallmark of my own childhood, and I had fun reading them. As I grew older I realized I didn't like some of them as much anymore because they victimized the heroine too much, but I did learn a lot from the series about using dialogue among characters to bring stories to life.

Thanks for sharing, take care, happy new year and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb* *Quill* *Reading*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings,

I greatly appreciate this defense of staring. It’s well written and clearly explains your reasons for doing something which may seem quite rude to others.

I know how it feels both to be stared at and to be the one staring. I often find myself lost in various strange thoughts, and sometimes I accidentally fix my gaze on people while I’m thinking about something else entirely. Other times I’m looking at someone’s vehicle, studying the make and model, and it seems like I’m looking at the driver or the people inside. And I cut such a skinny and mysterious figure (dressed in dark colors and nonbinary clothes most of the time) that people often stare at me and even ask if I’m ok *Laugh*

And then there are the times I smile or laugh to myself and happen to catch a man’s eyes and they think I’m grinning at them… *Pthb*

As usual when I review items here, I would recommend using a larger font size such as 3.5 or 4; it makes the items more engaging and easier to read.

It’s also a good idea to include a word count in your subtitle, so people can see that it’s a brief article that can be read quickly.

And I usually remind authors to add a suitable third genre to their writing. A category such as "Experience," "Personal," or "Philosophy" would be fine here.

Thanks for sharing, take care, happy new year and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of The Big Race  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings,

I wondered what the punchline would be on this one - powdered donuts, indeed! The ones from The Chin had pocket lint on them, plus once the guy consumed all of his winnings he wouldn’t be in any shape to run at all *Rolling*

A thoroughly amusing read as we see a situation with enough ambiguity to keep us guessing. It’s a good old “tortoise and hare” style fable about pressing on while others flounder. Your details are visceral and realistic.

I would recommend using a larger font size for your items; I’ve noticed you use the default size, and though it can be enlarged on most devices, I find a story looks more engaging and easier on the eyes if the font size is at least 3.5 or 4. Some people even take points off of the score for that.

I also see that you’ve only picked one irrelevant genre for this item. I would suggest “Sports,” “Comedy,” and “Community.” There are plenty of others to choose from. It would help people find and enjoy the item if it has three appropriate genres.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of Jettison  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings,

A heartbreaking story… I don’t often seek out or read stories that make me cry, but this one did. It reminded me of a short story I had to read in my Elements of Literature textbooks years ago, something about a girl who stowed away on a delivery flight and had to be jettisoned because she ruined the precisely calculated fuel allotment. I can’t remember the title or who wrote it at the moment.

Every detail here was touchingly rendered, from the main character’s hopes and dreams to the little boy’s space Lego project which becomes the final reminder of his mother’s love.

It’s interesting to see that this was inspired by one of those Media Prompt Challenges; I’m a newbie and I find those little monthly activities quite fun. I love coming across old ones. I noticed you went almost three times over the recommended word count… I went over the recommendation myself in my most recent one *BigSmile*

I see you picked out all three genres, and none of them were science fiction. The technology described here is fairly straightforward and nothing too far-fetched; one can only hope that something like this never happens in our lifetime (gee, have I ever stopped to consider the total number of casualties involved in our exploration of space to date? *Shock2*)

I found some minor typos:
~ Carters's face was animated, waving the box Might be better rendered as “animated as he waved the box” and an extra s in the name.
~ … Well, I thought there was another one but I can’t find it again…

Thanks for sharing, happy new year, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartBl*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

This is awesome! I love every bit of it: the poetic structure and centered columns with easy flowing prose, the snowflakes between each set of lines, the simplicity of your theme.

You have captured the essence of the seasonal cycles of life and the fragile beauty of nature, balancing the melting snowflakes with the falling flower petals in a memorable image. The personification of the snowflake family is charming and unique.

I see you’ve had over 60 reviews of this over the years, so I doubt I could offer much in the way of improvements. I would perhaps choose a third genre for the item, maybe “Environment” or “Inspirational.”

Happy account anniversary, best wishes for a happy new year, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of Harry's Prairie  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings,

Oh goodness, this was funny. I totally wasn’t expecting that “heartbreaking” twist at the end, but it fits so well with my own experience as an environmentally minded gardener. Poor Harry and his well-intentioned dreams of having a natural prairie garden, plowed under by an annoying neighbor.

I loved your writing style and found it easy to read and follow along. It’s a lighthearted item, with a serious theme about the environment and taking care of the land. We see two men whose ideas about how to manage land are at odds, with comical results.

Perhaps a larger font size would help make it easier to read for older people and those with eye issues. Larger font also makes a story look more visually engaging.

Thanks for sharing, happy new year, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartg*


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Review of Spotted Pup  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

Here’s the review you requested *Smile*

First thing I noticed is you have a bit of empty space at the top of your item, about the size of one verse.

Formatting aside, I like this poem. You’ve used repetition to reinforce the theme of a spotted ranch pup, advancing through the cycle of life and expressing hope for the next generation of spotted pups. The brief and simple vocabulary paints a picture of the western cattle ranch and the faithful, hard-working dog without using too many words.

I can’t usually think of much to say about poetry; I don’t like making suggestions about syllables or meter and all that technical stuff, and anything else is highly subjective and purely up to the author’s discretion.

I enjoyed reading this; thanks for sharing, happy new year and keep writing *Heartb*


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Review of WDC Pro-Tips  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Tina!

This is a great idea to help the community with a handy resource. I also really enjoyed learning more about Schnujo Enjoyed Colombia and her rise to WDC fame. I’m a newbie, so I’ve only noticed one or two of her pro tips.

I noticed a few minor typos in your writing:

~ a well-known prominent member Should be “well-known and prominent”
~ The following sentence is quite long and could use a semicolon or be two sentences.
~ gained over 300 fans and you can insert a comma at the “and.”
~ During the 2017/2017 Quill Awards, should be “2016/2017”
~ recipient of 3 bachelor's degrees needs a comma.

Ok, that’s all for tiny typos *Smile*

Thanks for putting this together. Take care, happy new year, and keep writing *Heartb*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings,

I found this in the I Write 2024 project.

I appreciate you sharing this with us, as it must be more than a little embarrassing to have your work so scrutinized by people who are mostly total strangers, and then to post that criticism for other strangers to look at and say "oh my, you had so much room for improvement!"

I have a quick suggestion for this item: when you direct us to dropnotes, you should specify that those are found within the essay you are speaking of and not within this particular item. It may seem like a no-brainer, but for some reason I was expecting the whole essay in several editions to be embedded in this item *Laugh*

I know all about the excitement of first joining WdC, posting that first item, and waiting breathlessly for feedback on it. If you are interested in looking at my first item, it's "Virus" . I have received lots of helpful feedback on it, and I know it's a work in progress that I'm just a bit too lazy/busy to get back to. Part of me also cringes a bit at the story itself, which is something I was glad to finally get out of my head, like an exorcism.

Thank you for sharing this consideration of your writing journey, take care, and keep on writing *Smile* *Quill*


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