Hello -
I found this searching for 4th of July items to include in this week's Contests and Activities Newsletter. (I will be adding this one, so look for it!)
I like that you have included a variety of words and phrases... and also how you mention that there were all based on the letters of a phrase, instead of just haphazardly chosen. That adds a really unique aspect. I admit that I haven't looked at many word searches on here, but I haven't seen one that has done that.
Why I Am Reading This: I saw this sponsored on the main page of the site (or otherwise advertised) and was intrigued by the "2 moms" bit in the title. If I had read the brief description closer, I probably would have skipped this (and am very glad that I didn't!)
My Thoughts: This is one of the funniest items I have seen in quite a while! I love that you made this not only personal to your life, but also something that people who don't know your circumstances can truly enjoy and laugh at.
I think my favorite part was the part about the toilet... or no maybe the part about the 3-way... hmmm... so many good parts!
You may nominate yourself, but if you do, you must nominate at least TWO other items/authors per ONE item of yours you nominate. Self-nominations without other nominations WILL NOT be considered.
You may nominate as many items as you wish, so long as you nominate at least one other author per self-nomination
Hey - you contradicted yourself here. At first you state that two items need to be there for each self-nomination. Next you state one.
Seeing that this is a 2nd round, I am wondering if voting was as long last year, as it seems like an extremely long time, beyond what seems to me like it would be beneficial.
I am including a link in this week's Contests and Activities Newsletteer.
Good luck in your contest.
There's a few things I'm noticing looking at this:
The prizes seem a bit small for the amount of work that will presumably be put into entering this, espeically since reviews are not guaranteed.
You state that any rating is allowed, but that all posts must be E. Because of this, you might want to mention that the titles and brief descriptions must be E as well (AKA the intro ratings must be E.)
You mention the Dialogue 500 (might want to capitalize the D). For thos unfamiliar with it, you may want to provide a link instead of just typing it.
Make a post; this isn't searchable without out to start things out.
For your genre choices, I suggest not using "Writing.Com", as this contest is not about Writing.Com. Instead you may want "Nature", perhaps?
Those points aside, you seem to have everything mentioned that would need to be known by someone wanting to enter the contest. The expectations and incentives are clear. Best of luck.
I will be including a link to this in this week's Contests and Activities Newsletter.
This is a great auction, benefiting a great variety of wonderful charities! Thanks for hosting it.
The one thing that looks strange is the fact that only every other item has a different color for the current bid amount. It looks very nice with this contrast, as it makes the amount easy to see, makes the items easy to separate.
Otherwise: very nice everything: layout, charities, donations, keeping on top of bids, etc...
Oh, do you want another package to auction off? Or too late?
This was quite an intriguing piece. I'm no sure how I first got to it, but your description of "Not a female" is what caught me (and I'm glad I read it, even though it isn't what I typically gravitate towards.)
I enjoyed this... but am very confused by your brief description. Am I missing something in the story? If not, isn't the main character female?
Also, WHY did it have to be that person who took the job? And, does the husband know what her job is? What's the motive?
Why I Am Reading This:
I am looking through this to find the pertinent information to list on "Invalid Item" , as requested.
My Thoughts: Again, it seems redundant that you have a link to this item right at the top.
and members of Moderators Squad (MS) to join Authors Spotlight. If "squad" is used in this context, it typically is written as "Mod Squad". Maybe a better way to write this information is: This activity is open for all members except for staff. Or: You must have at least one item in your portfolio (thus being a "Registered Author" in order to participate.)
(After reading further, I see that this is no longer open for sign-ups. Perhaps you should mention that at the beginning.)
Why do you list out more spaces for donations than you have received? It seems almost like begging.
Who chose the participants for this contest? Should people still fill out the survey? Would those be looked at for future rounds?
Who will be doing the voting? Are you emailing people? Sponsoring this to get more activity? How are you going to get participation for that?
After reading through, I have a vague idea of what this might be, but am not fully clear.
You have too much bold text. As such, nothing stands out. Consider using bolding only for the important bits.
While I've mentioned that this isn't fully clear as to what it is about, it does seem to be unique and fun. I hope to have a little more information about it so I can consider participating in the future.
Best of luck with this!
I'm very confused about the last line of this. I guess I'm missing something in this story!
That aside, I enjoyed this. I felt creeped out and interested through most of it.
When you write "This is a real story..." near the end, I feel it takes away from the story, leaving your reader (or me, at least) to move outside the events to a point of hearing a story instead of being there.
Why I Am Reading This:
Hi there - welcome to Writing.Com!
Before Reading: Great to see you've chosen 3 genres for this and filled out your brief description with something descriptive. These things help people find your pieces.
During/After Reading: You wrote an important message here, one that everyone really needs to know and be reminded of!
You used perfect rhyme in most of this, and such it feels forced, as if you chose your words only to make the rhyme fit instead of for the impact of the piece.
You used the word "sometimes" six times through this! Vary your language for a more powerful presentation.
Nothing ever changes, it's all really the same The comma should be a period or semi-colon, as you have two full thoughts.
Consider replacing the &s with the word "and".
You have a good start her, and like I said - you wrote about an important topic. Keep on writing and if you change anything with this, let me know and I will look it over again.
I have an alternatives list in my port as well. If you want to add that to your list, I can show you it.
Also, have you called the SAFE number (1800 Dont Cut). I may be wrong, but if I remember correctly, I don't think they do crisis calls.
Also, to answer your question in content rating, I believe 13+ is okay ... IF (And only if) it is not graphic. I will double-check, though, as this is just my first thought... not a researched answer.
Why I Am Reading This: I searched for this while looking for items to include in the comedy newsletter (that came out a couple of days ago.) I love the idea of it!
Before Reading: Select a third genres for this. That should help get some additional reviews/visits.
3) Please stick to the rating. Nothing over PG13. I will be very strict with this story Actually, the rating is called 13+.
During/After Reading: I will only review based on what you wrote (the intro and first chapter/s.)
Its been raining for three days now and none of his friends want to come over to his house. Its should be It's. But, perhaps "It had" would be more correct.
There is something a bit 'off' about how this is written, but I can't figure out exactly what it is. I think it might have something to do with the fact that your sentences are so short. It almost feels like you're changing tenses, but I'm not sure it is that... If I figure it out later, I will send you an email.
I love the idea of this story... and can't wait to read further!
Why I Am Reading This:
submitted this item to the "Get Out There!" portion of Round 56 of "Invalid Item" . Good luck!
Before Reading: Great title an brief description!
During/After Reading: A small note on style: Consider adding an extra space between sentence.
Great article! I'm not a forwarder. Typically I see "FWD:" and press D-e-l-e-t-e with a grin on my face. But now and then I find an interesting joke or uplifting story. In those cases (if I am impressed enough to forward it on), I remove all headers and any promise of doohickies and other hooplah. In the mean time, my delete button is sure seeing a lot of action!
Anyway, thanks for writing, thanks for the laugh!
Why I Am Reading This:
I'm reading this to suggest some clues for "Invalid Item" .
Before Reading: Your set up looks great: spaces between paragraphs, interesting title and brief description, genres chosen, etc
During/After Reading: I guess I'm not very good at reading between the lines, but the blissful silence: this applies to the woman? Why choose "blissful"?
You did a great job creeping me out! I'm curious as to motive now, though.
Before Reading: If you are hoping to receive reviews for this outside of the contest, change your brief description to something that will pull a potential reader in.
While I have no problem with it, I don't think everyone can see the color you chose very well.
You might want to consider changing "Contest" to another genre that describes your writing instead of its purpose.
Do you find that requiring reviews works well for you? So you know, as a reviewer, sometimes close an item when I see that, as it is frustrating if I don't have a ton to say.
Thanks for putting a space between your paragraphs. It makes it easier to keep place.
Why did you indent the first paragraph but not the rest? Was this intentional?
During/After Reading:
Don't forget - you can't edit your entry until after the winners are posted.
I yelled at her saying she was a mean old lady Add a comma after her.
“Momma, I don’t want to play anymore. Comeback!” Come back should be two words.
Very touching story. At first I was going to say it felt like a cop-out to mention that it was a dream, but really it was okay for this story.
Before Reading: You misspell picture in your brief description. Even so, I suggest changing it all together to be something that would entice someone to review your item. What would get you interested in it?
Great title!
You don't need to put "The End", as it is obvious.
Great to see you choose 3 genres (should help with exposure) and put spaces between your paragraphs (helps the eyes).
During/After Reading:
Don't forget - you can't edit your entry until after the winners are posted.
You change tenses. Your first line is past tense (seemed) then you change to present (move, drives). Glancing at the rest of this, you seem to switch back and forth through the rest of this as well.
I have always enjoyed these walks thru the fields where my dreams seem to dance about like the butterflies one flower to the next Spell out through. I love your description bout butterflies. However, you seem to be missing a few words. (from one flower, perhaps)
Sometimes in a whisper but other times it is a feeling or urging. Like the time she told me to wait beside the school, tell that dark van pulled away or the time she hid my lunchbox so I missed the school bus. You don't need a comma where you have one, but perhaps one would be helpful before or. Tell seems like it should be until. Lunch box should be two words.
What are you trying to show me? I ask. Use quotation marks around the spoken part. (There are other places you omit this in this story.)
I love your message. It is very touching. It really makes me think about the world and some of the people I encounter. A bit of a fix on the grammar, and this would be great!
Before Reading: I suggest changing "Contest" to another genre that shows what your piece is about instead of why it was written.
Prompted by the fact that your word count was exactly at the allowable mark, I checked this myself in a few different ways, and it seems to actually be 2008 words.
During/After Reading:
Don't forget - you can't edit your entry until after the winners are posted.
You don't need to put quotes (as in the second line of this and throughout) on a new line.
He was hanging down from a scrap of his jeans like a monkey from its Mother. Perhaps "down from" would be better as "onto" You shouldn't capitalize mother, as you have "his" in front.
One day he would have to stop this behaviour, he was nearly five and David cringed You start a second thought at the comma, so change it to a period. (A semi-colon would work as well, but since the second half of this is so long, a period would probably be the best option.) Runon sentences like this are throughout your story.
He landed ‘plop’ onto one of the dark stained wooden chairs with oatmeal cushions. What is an "oatmeal cushion"?
Is there a reason you chose not to put a period after "Mrs" (and later, "Mr")?
David laughed at his son as he clambered into the passenger seat of their old holden. Is holden a make of car? If so, it should be capitalized.
The words in the title of the book you mention should be capitalized and italicized.
Thoughts of a new love that had long been forgotten raced in his mind. This line doesn't read quite right.
I love the last line, how it brings the story back to the beginning. Interesting story.
Before Reading: Great title and brief description.
Congrats on the awardicon.
Typically I don't like larger font sizes, but I've only seen them used in activities. It seem to work very well in a static item.
During/After Reading:
Don't forget - you can't edit your entry until after the winners are posted.
What interesting descriptions of Sarah's legs at the beginning of this.
he thought made her feel queasy, sick to her stomach as if she had just discovered shards of glass in the honey jar/i} This is a unique description. Very strange, but somehow I guess it works. Knowing you, I shouldn't be surprised by this thinking outside the box.
Your descriptions were amazing. You creeped me out, you made my stomach churn, you awed me with beauty.
I have no suggestions for improvement. Good luck in the contest.
Before Reading: Where you write your title in the item body, you might want to bold or center it.
During/After Reading:
Don't forget - you can't edit your entry until after the winners are posted.
Using "said" and "replied" take away from this. They are not very descriptive choices.
It was early Monday morning, she did not want to give it up, she said she wanted him to be free. Use semi-colons instead of commas here. (Also, the word said here works fine. I was referring to its use after the quotation marks.)
Perhaps you should italicize the song, maybe even putting it on separate lines.
I didn't feel anything reading this, and found it hard to place myself into the story. It needs a bit more.
You did a good job at writing this how it really would sound. Oftentimes, people have trouble making dialogue feel natural, but you did well.
Before Reading: Capitalize the words in your title.
Congrats on receiving the awardicon.
During/After Reading:
Don't forget - you can't edit your entry until after the winners are posted.
I love the last line of your first paragraph. How descriptive!
As I looked out, a small girl appears in the field, standing not on a rocky expanse of earth, but staring into a waving field of gold. You change tenses here: looked... appears. To be consistent with your story thus far, change appears to appeared. Look over the rest of your story to keep your verb tenses consistent, as I notice at least one more occurrence of this just glancing ahead.
As the girl observes, this woman is everything she wants to be; independent, strong, and beautiful. Your semi-colon should be a colon.
Your descriptions through this are beautiful. You have a wonderful way with words.
During/After Reading:
Don't forget - you can't edit your entry until after the winners are posted.
Not that Fish Bend had ever been a vacation destination and the fact that it was nearly thirty miles from the nearest highway or interstate didn’t help matters any. This line reads awkward to me. Maybe "Fish Bend had never been" would be a better start and make this read more clear.
In Fish Bend, everyone knew each others names, who your parents were, children addressed adults with respect, the kind of town where if you kissed your boe on the front step, your parents knew about it before you could twist the doorknob open. others should be other's to show the names belong to the people. This sentence really contains a few separate ideas that don't work well together. First you are listing what people knew and then you move on to other facts about the town. This could be written more clear if you just used one thing people knew and then moved on to the other items. Or perhaps you could combine those two ("knew each other's names and who your parents were"). Also, I'm realizing the "Fish Bend" is a very strange name for a town.
As you walked passed others on the sidewalk Either "As you walked past" or "As you passed".
I t was always, the girl, that thing, her and a plethora of other titles he gave me, but never did I hear my dad utter or call me by my name. You have a space between the letters in it. You don't need a comma after always. Consider using itallics or quotation marks around each of the names the narrator was called. I'm starting to feel the emotions of this story. (I'm still not very sure where it is headed, though.)
She was a patient teacher who never gave up on her student. This would work better either as "her students" or "a student". I love the description of the mother in this paragraph.
How proud I was the day I cradled you in your moms arms for the first time. Moms should be mom's to show whose arms they are. Since this is the second time I've mentioned an apostrophe error, I will leave the rest for you to read over and find, as I already see another in the next sentence.
Outside of this falling apart farmhouse and land Falling apart would read better as falling-apart.
When the letter begins, this story really gets going and I really get drawn in. I enjoyed that part. Maybe you can quicken the beginning a bit if you decide to edit later.
b}Why I Am Reading This:
I am reviewing this as the judge for "The Writer's Cramp" . Thanks for entering! Sorry your review is coming so late. I read all the entries while judging but had a busy day so hadn't been able to send the rest of my reviews until now.
Before Reading: If you are hoping for additional feedback on this item, I suggest changing your brief description. What can you say to draw a potential reader into your poem? Maybe use your favorite line.
Capitalize the words of your title.
To increase the number of potential readers, choose two more genres for this. Here are some suggestions: Biographical, Emotional, Experience, Writing
During/After Reading:
While the contest does NOT count spelling or grammar, this review WILL point out errors in those areas.
Your punctuation isn't very consistent through this. Maybe you would be better to use none?
You capitalization is not consistent through this, either. I suggest capitalizing every the first letter of every line.
I don't quite get your second stanza: my hand can't stop
but for pain.
A tree doesn't stop for pain, so you lose your simile there.
Your last line seems out of place. It just doesn't have the same feel as the rest of the poem.
Make sure to capitalize the word "I".
You followed the prompt well and took a unique twist. I like your subject matter and many of your word choices.
If you change anything, let me know and I will look at this again.
I saw this linked in the end of your signature. You have this written with "facts"... but it doesn't get to the heart. I see you wrote this for a class, but are you interested in a little glimpse into the "rest of the picture"? If so, I'll give you a better review on this...
I came to this folder in hope to find something that would spark my interest. They were contest winners, so they should be good!
Unfortunately, all your brief descriptions were only the titles of the contests, so nothing has really *grabbed* me. I'll look elsewhere for something to read.
Why I Am Reading This:
This is the review you won from your mushroom pizza in "Invalid Item" . I chose this piece because I loved the combination of your title and brief description.
Before Reading:
I suggest using typical capitalization for your title (at least in the title line.)
During/After Reading: She says she would rather be dead than live in this hell we call day to day life
Hyphenate it out: day-to-day life.
You talk to her probation officer, school counselor, resource officer, social workers, teachers, church going friends and police officers.
Hyphenate church-going.
Is there going to be an opening in the stratosphere and all reality shifts and she finally gets it?
You change verb tenses part-way through this sentence. You go from "is there going" to "shifts" and "gets".
You have shown us all a sad life here... and didn't hold back. Great job at expressing the reality. Best of wishes.
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I saw this sponsored on the main page of the site (or otherwise advertised) and was intrigued by the "2 moms" bit in the title. If I had read the brief description closer, I probably would have skipped this (and am very glad that I didn't!)
The prizes seem a bit small for the amount of work that will presumably be put into entering this, espeically since reviews are not guaranteed.
I will be including a link to this in this week's Contests and Activities Newsletter. 
Again, it seems redundant that you have a link to this item right at the top.
Consider using itallics or quotation marks around each of the names the narrator was called.
If you change anything, let me know and I will look at this again.