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Plot
I am a bit confused by this plot. The story was shrouded in mystery and I don't feel that it was explaiened when the story ended. I was especially confused when Samantha suddenly came into the picture - I couldn't tell if she was alive or dead or just gone. It think there could have been some more explanation as to what was going on - at least to explain that perhaps Kevin was off his rocker or he was hearing things or something.
Setting
I think the setting could have used just a tiny bit more detail. This thought might be due to the fact that I was lost in the mystery of the plot though. The details that were provided gave a general idea to the location and setting of the scenes but not much - like I said, it's likely that I am caught up in trying to figure out the plot and missed the setting details.
Characters
Kevin - again I was lost in the plot so couldn't figure out what Kevin was suffering from, or doing, or thinking. The mystery was too deep to fully understand the point of what was going on. The side characters were described perfectly well. I just feel that the mystery of the story needs to be explained better then Kevin's character will be more clear also.
Grammar/Spelling/Dialogue
No grammar or spelling mistakes that I found and I have no suggestions on those matters either. The dialogue was believeable for what it was, again with the plot being so confusing to me, I got lost in trying to figure out who was saying what and WHY.
My Point of View
I'm sure it's just ME here not understand the plot of this story as this piece has an awardicon. Regardless, I feel that some things should be explained more clearly - like why would Justin suddenly know Kevin's wife's name if Kevin himself seemed to keep his family a secret? Just one part that popped out at me. I did enjoy reading the story!
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Plot
The plot was very interesting. There was mystery that kept you reading since the real reason for the visit was never spoken about. I do wonder what was the importance of the painting. I think if a specific painting was mentioned that it would allow the reader to make their own conclusions about what the painting meant to Anthony.
Setting
There was the perfect amount of detail to the setting. Enough to let us know what location they were in and what the comfort level was. There wasn't too much detail to take away from the actual plot of the story.
Characters
Alexia, the psychiatrist, was presented well. I do wonder why she didn't have a stronger reaction -such as calling the authorities - with the bruises on Anthony's arms. The ending did explain the true reason behind the marks but I feel that any type of doctor would do something about that. Anthony, the boy tormented by something, is described perfectly. I do love the description of his hair in his eyes.
Grammar/Spelling/Dialogue
No mistakes or suggestions for grammar, spelling, or dialogue. The dialogue was very believable for each character. I do want to suggest that when you the scenes change from one day to another, it might be best to put a line of astericks to indicate to the reader that there is a change so that they do not become confused. Sort of like dividing a chapter in a novel.
My Point of View
Interesting story. I wonder what spurred you to write this! I do like that you explained Anthony's story at the end. You wrote the ending well also as it was a surprise and a relief in a way. Great job!
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Title
The title doesn't seem to fit at first until you read the piece. The last few lines clear up why the piece has the title. The description also helps to begin to understand the reason for the title but the poem really tells why the title fits with this piece.
Persona
The "i" persona is talking directly to 'you' - each person individually. It works well with the topic of this piece especially since the topic deals with the struggles of the teenage years and high school.
Diction
The words chosen for this piece are wonderful. The comparison and analogy of 'war' and 'high school' fits so well with the way the words are put together in this piece.
Imagery
Great imagery! The analogy use throughout the piece along with the diction used, creates a truthful picture of what the teenage years and high school are like. It is also a great way to describe the emotions and feelings during that time of life on the bazaar chance that no one had ever experienced those feelings.
Rhythm
The rhythym isn't consistant throughout the piece. This works perfectly with the subject matter as those years of life are never consistant or 'patterned' in any way.
Rhyme Scheme
There is a rhyme pattern of sorts in the piece, however it isn't perfectly consistant throughout the piece. Along with the rhythym, I feel this works perfectly as the teenage years of life are never 'constant' or 'normal' for that matter.
Structure
The structure works well with this poem for the same reasons as the irregular pattern of the rhythym and rhyme.
Theme
Wonderful theme chosen for this piece. The analogy, while initially seems to be too much, it is perfectly worded and used in this piece. I think a lot of people can relate to this piece.
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Title
The title of the poem gives one impression of the poem and then with the description and the actual poem, you seem to get a different idea of what the author meant. The title works very well, but the initial thought I think gives you a surprise when you actually read the piece.
Persona
There isn't really a speaker perse to this piece. The Invisible I tells a 'story' so to speak about how life's tests can leave it's toll on a person. The audience is directed at the 'Collective Them' and not one person specifically.
Diction
The words in this piece paint a picture that leaves goosbumps on your skin! Not 'graphic' but definately intense.
Imagery
Fantastic imagery. Like I said before, it's very intense and gives the impression of "wow" when finished reading the piece.
Rhythm
The rythym in each line is very short. The syllables fall between 3 or 4 counts in each line and it works really well with this piece as it makes things pointed - in your face sort of - makes everything enunciated so you pay attention.
Rhyme Scheme
Some of the rhymes were indirect but the pattern was consistent with the lines. I do feel that the indirect rhymes helped with the flow as it made you stop and think about whether it was a true rhyme or not. This caused you to reread the lines and helped really cement the meaning into your head.
Structure
The structure was put together very well. I have no suggestions about this as I feel the way it is written works perfectly well in this piece.
Theme
The theme is very important I feel as it talks about things that every single person goes through and feels at one point or another. I feel that many people can relate to this piece for one reason or another as it generally describes feelings that happen to all people during different situations. It covers all aspects of life.
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Title
The title to this piece initially does not give way to exactly what the poem is about. Even with the description, it is not expected to read the poem that is filled with a lot of seeming metaphors and anaglogies. The last line of this piece however makes the title make sense.
Persona
The speaker of the poem is the "invisible I" as it seems to talk directly TO another 'person'. The persona was maintained perfectly throughout the entire piece.
Diction
I think the words that were chosen for the detail in this piece were chosen wisely. They gave an air of mystery - that like you're missing something that is right there but you can't put your finger on it. I think it fits well with the topic and imagery of the piece.
Imagery
Wonderful imagery. Like I said before, this piece gives a mysterious feel to it - like I'm missing the real meaning but it's important for me not to. Great job.
Rhythm
There isn't a set rhythm pattern, but I feel that it works well with this piece. With all the mystery in it, not having a set pattern of anything just adds to the feel of the poem as you read it.
Rhyme Scheme
No rhyme scheme at all. Again, I feel that if it had rhymed or had a pattern it would have taken away from the imagery and mysterious flair.
Structure
I do feel that the structure could have been better in the sense of the way the lines were written. It doesn't need to split up into stanzas or anything like that, but since puncuation is used, I feel that capitalization should be fixed to coincide with the puncuation. Otherwise nothing should be changed in this piece.
Theme
I feel that the theme of this piece is important but as you read it and understand it, you still get the sense that you missed a vital truth somewhere. So you read it again - it's right there but you can't see it. Just like the last line clearly suggests 'a phantom'. Great job!!
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Plot
Ahh, the damsel in distress so to speak! I love it that she started to repair the car herself - girl power!
Setting
While there wasn't much actual detail to the setting (trees, dirty, etc) it was very clear how the character felt and reacted to her surroundings with her actions and thoughts.
Characters
Nicole - good detail with her, especially with her personality. Jason "tall dark and handsome" - while the seeming hero of the story, he is not mentioned much as the story is told through Nicole's point of view and about her day.
Grammar/Spelling/Dialogue
There wasn't alot of dialogue but it was to the point and didn't take away from the point of the story. No grammar or spelling mistakes that I could see.
My Point of View
This is a really sweet story. I like how it ended with a little hint but not quite telling what could happen next. I would be interested in reading more of Nicole's and Jason's story if you ever write more. Great job!
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Plot
The plot was well put together in such a short story. It was very clear about what the "prize" was and why it was being given.
Setting
At first, I have to say I wanted more detail about the living city and other things like that, but then I realized as I reached the end, all of that would take away from the real point of the story. Very nicely done with finding the balance between detail and plot.
Characters
Jimmy was the focal point of the story. He was described well. His mother and the neighbor are side characters but play an important role in the story and were detailed as such - not too much to draw attention away from the point. Timmy, another young boy is really the purpose of the plot and without huge detail about the boy, the reader can't help but feel for him.
Grammar/Spelling/Dialogue
He’d turned the entire living room in a city, and now he got to make things happen. "got" in this sentence doesn't fit very well. Perhaps saying it "now he must make things happen".
This was where the fun was. The repetition of "was" in this sentence makes it hard to read. Perhaps like this, "This was the place for fun" or "This was where the fun happened" - something to that effect.
He tried to get his mom to let him light a fire, but she refused, handing him a flashlight with orange plastic over the light to make it look like it was on fire. This is a run-on sentence that could also be worded a bit better (to me). "He tried to get his mom to let him light a fire, but she refused. Instead, she gave him a flashlight with orange plastic over the end to make it look like fire."
My Point of View
This was a very cute story. You were able to put a great deal of emotion into the story with so little words. It was all summed up nicely with one sentence really! Great job! Wonderful story and I would recommend this to other readers.
Hello! You are receiving this review as part of a prize package you won from "The WDC Artists Auction for Charity" . You will receive a total of five short story reviews and an awardicon to my favorite item. This is review 2 of 5. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Plot: Interesting story here about a strang man that has such power over people.
Characterization: The shadowed man - great character. You described him very well yet without giving away too much leaving him mysterious - great job.
Setting: Fantastic detail! Way to bring the reader right into the tavern.
Grammar & Puncuation: Grown men slammed up to each other chest to chest, like bullys' on a playground."bullys'" in this sentence doesn't need the apostrophe after it - it's simply plural.
Opinion: Great story! I really liked this one. I love reading mysterious fantasy stories! They are the best. Fantastic writing!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:Once again, fantastic flow and perfect rhyme. I like that you used the pattern abab cdcd - I find it hard to rhyme like that and have the poem make sense. Nicely done.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:How true this poem is! I love it! I like the added little heart emoticons too - that's a nice touch. Great job! I enjoyed visiting your port today!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:Wonderful flow and the rhyme pattern was perfect. Just as a suggestion for the "look" of the poem, seperate the lines "Thank you Mother" to stand on their own line, especially since they don't rhyme with any other line.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:This is such a sweet poem about your Mom. Does she know you wrote it? Great job! I enjoyed reading!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:I think some of the lines could be rewritten - or some needless words taken out to make the flow a bit better. It was an easy read - just a few jumpy parts.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:The last stanza is my favorite and good advice for everyone to live by. Great job! If you'd like me to point out specifically about the flow I mentioned, just let me know. It would be my pleasure to help you with that you want - I don't know why you wrote this so I don't want to impune on your style if it is written this way for a reason! Great job!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:Perfect flow and rhyme. Very smooth read. Perfect detail and imagery.
Grammar and Spelling:Do not hope for any mercy, not if he looks your in the face. your should be you
"at last! Someone has come to stomp that foul demon out." Even though this quote is part of a sentence, it should still start with a capital letter since it is the beginning of a sentence inside that quote.
I must inform the local folk of the dangers that await / so bring them all to the church, before it is too late. These two lines should be in quotation marks.
then thought perhaps his vengeance should at last, now be forgot." No quotation mark needed here
Personal Opinion:WOW! I have never read an epic poem on this site before! Fantastic! I just love it! Great work! I wish I could write something like this but I doubt my brain could take it! This is just awesome!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:Perfect flow and rhyme! Nicely done!
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:This is a great poem. It definately deserves the awardicon it displays. Well written, with great detail and descriptions - the imagery is simply fantastic! Way to go!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:Fantastic flow and beat. There was rhyme set up in couplet with the exception of one set. I'm a bit nitpicky about rhyming in the sense that if you start rhyming you should keep rhyming so these two lines I think should somehow be editing to rhyme also - but that's my personal opinion.
Grammar and Spelling:When a child looks to you for comfort, relief from some oppression,
Do you tell them to grow up, causing another twisted generation
of people who just grew up too fast in lawlessness or chains. This needs a question mark, not a period
Personal Opinion:This is a deep and philosophical piece. It's written very well with long line and "big" words. Great job!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:The flow was good once I was able to find the beat. As a suggestion, I think it would help readers by splitting some of the longers lines up and adding more commas in the lines - to show the pauses where they need to be.
Grammar and Spelling:Until the time of judgment comes, Death will stalk the souls of men, aan eternal, moving blight.
So, he will wander ceaselessly over the surface of the earth, wondering about the his trade.
Personal Opinion:This is an interesting piece. I love the ending where "Death" actually speaks - putting a spin on what Death actually is. Great piece! I enjoyed reading it.
So sweet. Is this about your wife, I wonder? It seems too sweet and romantic to be about just a woman you fantacised (sp?) about. I love this story.
So, here you go - the last review of your portfolio. Finally done - as I promised - to review all the items in your port. I had such fun reading your work. You really do have a talent that I envy. You should be published - so work on getting there. I would be honored to have a copy of anything you publish - (hopefully autographed by you too *wink*).
Keep writing! When and if you add more to your port, I will gladly read.
Another hot and steamy story. *Fans her self* It is interesting to see that your short stories here are truely really short. Like your poetry they tell all they need to without having too much detail - they're perfect. Just the right amount of detail, description, and imagery. So you're great at poetry, articles, AND short stories! Ever tried a novel? I'm sure you'd be good at that too.
How interesting! Once again I was expecting a different story - but this is better than what I had in mind. It's funny how things come back when you least expect it and then other things that seem just as important or significant, never show up again. I wonder why that is?
Well I'll say that the topic of this piece was not what I expected based on the title. I was expecting a story about watching your kids play in the yard from the rocking chair on the porch. However, it turned into something much more graphic and somehow sentimental at the same time. I think my feelings can be summed up in your last sentence "...for alternately I wish and do not wish that this sweet woman-child would have her father's eyes." Fantastic words. This one should definately be published somewhere.
Great article to clear up some misconceptions about poetry. You are so smart! **bows to your awesomeness** You're going to be famous one day I just know it. At some point in the future they are going to ask some one who their influences are and they will say "Robert Frost and Eliot" - I have no doubt. Just great over all talent. Have you ever published any of your articles in a magizine or anything?
*LAUGH* So funny and cute. I just love how you share your feelings about your children. It's so sweet and sentimental. (Don't worry I won't tell anyone that you have a heart *wink*) I have always wondered what Dad's think about when it comes to there children, so thanks for sharing your Dad experiences with me.
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:Once again, you followed the form perfectly. Meter and line subject requirements exactly what they are supposed to be. Great job.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:While I knew what a Cinquain was, thanks again for putting an explanation of it before the poem - for those that don't know. Great job! Wonderful poem.
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:Followed the syllable requirements exactly. Nicely done.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:Thank for you explanation of the form you used. I usually have heard this form called the "Count up" form so when I first read the description I was curious as to what the form would be. Thank for you the description so that readers would know what to expect. Great job!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:Fastastic rhyme. I've tried to write monorhymes like this and if you look at port you won't see one because I couldn't pull it off. Great job!
Grammar and Spelling: No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:Wonderul! It's amazing to me that people can write monorhyme poetry like this - and have it make sense. A talent that I envy. Fantastic job!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your story/chapter. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Plot and Scenes:Great story line. I love the whole idea of the old man and his project - and how it in turned help Mary Alice. Great job.
Characters:Mary Alice is running away from something and she ended up being stranded with no money. A kind old man, takes her in to help her out. I just love Henry. He's so kind and "knowing". Fantastic character descriptions and development.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:I just love this story. It really deserves the awardicon it has. You did a great job with the characters. All the details were there - I was never lost reading the story. Wonderful descriptions. Gerat job!
Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
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Great job!