I liked the sound of this poem. It is an enjoyable read. That said, it does seem that some of the wording's main purpose is for the endrhymes rather than to describe autumn to best effect or for clearest meaning.
"...successful authors, those who actually write and finish a novel..." >>>> You are defining success as an author as finishing a novel. Are you saying authors who only write poems or short stories are not successful?? Maybe you should say successful novelists here.
files sent to them on (a) floppy disk.
The last part of the Tools needed section gives advice about how to write rather than the tool needed.
Overall, practical advice that should help a novice novelist get started.
Overall, a very well-told tale. I enjoyed the read.
I have just a few suggestions for you to consider:
born by (C)aesarean section >>>> Capital C since named after Caesar
hired a doula >>>> doula?? Not in my dictionary. Same as midwife??
He helped Andy and (me)[I] make .....>>> He helped me make
decision to go to a (C)aesarean section [operation] >>> redundant to say operation
didn’t do (C)aesareans.
new-father[-]eyes meeting mine.
Where is he(?) [and can] May I get up now(?) [and] (W)ho has him(?) [and] (H)e’s crying(.) [and] I’m crying(.) [and] (T)here are Andy’s eyes again(.) [and] (H)e is holding our son so I can see… >>>>> Too many and's!! The effect is stronger to me by having a series of short sentences instead of one long run-on sentence. Your choice...
Since the poem is initially so structured with four-line sentences, the 6-line sentence near the end was jarring. Plus the rhyme scheme of lines 2 and 4 of each sentence endrhyming in 3 of first 4 sentences was dropped thereafter. I'd suggest some work on the structure to make it as great as the content.
My first review in the WAR group is for you...quite fitting!!
If my life were just the total of my experiences(,) then I am
Even if I believed my palm (I learned a bit about reading palms), I died over thirty years ago >>>> Even if...I died doesn't make sense to me. Maybe 'If I believed' or 'According to my palm'....'I should have died'
go to ball games >>> ballgames
sometimes the intensity increases, but it never leaves. >>> ?? sometimes... decreases, but it never leaves OR sometimes... increases, but it never decreases
This essay is a wonderful affirmation of the pleasure in living life, even under difficult circumstances.
This seems so simple at first glance, yet it captures so much meaning about the older person's not
feeling his age, i.e. the body aging while the mind stays young. I like it!
Well, it sounds very poetic....not sure I understand all the meanings. The structure of the poem caught my eye. Was it deliberately done to have every stanza's second line longer than the others, particularly in the last stanza?
I did not like "Whatever the rings do mark,". You have the clock bonging, the tones, chimes, and tolls elsewhere. Somehow 'rings' did not fit with these others; they are individual sounds, whereas ring is a continuous noise, inappropriate for a clock striking the midnight hour...more suitable for an alarm clock.
Overall, your story was good. However, I did have some problem areas:
his head(,) revealing short(-)cut(,) blond hair and sleepy(,) light-blue
the top two team(s) would
each team would meet each team for the preliminaries for two innings, then the top two team would play for the championship. Round three, Team Six and Team Five battled inning after inning with the score tied.
>>>> Confusing? Round three ? What happened to rounds 1 & 2 ?? Is this the third preliminary game of round one? Is this game in extra innings (was supposed to be only two innings?)?
Two runs scored. = ?? If it was the last inning and the team scoring was the 'home' team, the game would have ended with the first run scoring! Since game ended with that inning bottom, only one run would have counted. Should be "The winning run scored."
a one(-)armed hug
“Since they’re only going to play one inning, = ???
>>>>No way! The championship game is only one inning when the prelims were two innings??? In one inning, only one-third of players might even get to bat in the championship game. Very, very unlikely.....without a whole lot of ticked-off players and parents!!! It is unbelievable that a championship game would not be at least three innings to allow all players in the starting lineup to bat at least once!
“Uh, oh, the first batter struck out. Shane’s up next. He hit one to left behind the short stop. He’s on first.” >>>> Too fast for live play by play! Need to slow it down somehow.
“Shane stole [to] second
Wow! (H)e hit one deep
Man! (H)e hit a
the head coach[,] from the university team hosting the camp[,] said as
fight sometimes[,] and do tend
Cheers!
Harry
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