Hidden Writer's (hidden_writer) Reviews

Hidden Writer

Review Requests: OFF

397 Public Reviews Given

508 Total Reviews Given

1

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#3161181

Review of Last Moments

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
Last Moments

My Favorite Parts

Good title/description

Good, but sad, topic

Good description

Conversation

Flow/pace

Questions or Confusions

--None

Some Fixings

--None that I saw!

Overall Impression...
Sad, heart wrenching--yet powerfully moving and motiviating! The amount of love these two sisters had for each other beamed brightly in every word they spoke, in every touch, in every second they were together--even if it was just fictional.
Their emotions were raw but real. their conversations were real, something that woudl happen any day, any time. And the subject matter was very relatable.

I loved the place you chose to have them meet--they picture only enhanced it and made it more stunning in my mind! The ending was sweet; I liked the little angel and how it, and the meeting with Haven, brought closure to Julia.

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#3161171

Review of Tanya

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
Tanya

My Favorite Parts

Great description to draw people in to read your work

Love, love, LOVE Vampires!

Refrence to Bella and Edward--that was great! it's a current thing and not worn out yet

LOTS of detail in a perfectly delievered way

Questions or Confusions

When will it be continued?

Some Fixings

You Wrote:"...seemed to twinkle in elation as well, above all those ..>"
Should Be: I think the 'as well' slows it down so try: seemed to twinkle in elation above all those

You Wrote:"Just that single word seemed to flow like music to Tanya's ears."
Should Be: I think it should be reworded-slwo for me. Maybe like... Hearing her name on his lips played like a beautiful melody....Hearing him speak her name flowed to Tanya like music to a musician...maybe use a similie.

You Wrote:"..when he spoke as well, as if rejoicing those words of his."
Should Be: Again, slow and the as well made it choppy

Overall Impression...
Short and sweet--an interesting prologue. It definetly makes me crave the fruit of knowledge for what the heck happens with the two!
Your descriptions were excellent--not too much not too little--VERY good at show don't tell

Other than above, I don't have any other suggestions! Although I do wonder of her appearance..how they met, where this is going etc etc

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#3142225

Review of Spice

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Item's Title
Spice

My Favorite Parts

Cute story

Section Titles

Dogs

Ending

Questions or Confusions

--None

Some Fixings

You Wrote:" After Rahul’s latest outburst ..."
Should Be:Rahul's-->Scott's

You Wrote:"...and shelter manager Steve’s passionate persuasion. "
Should Be:manage, Steve's,

You Wrote:".. had aroused Ria‘s protective ..."
Should Be:Ria's -->Anna

You Wrote:"...stretched in contentedly on the .."
Should Be: stretched contentedly

Overall Impression...
It was a cute story; I loved the dogs, their personality, their profile--very cute!
I reccomend that you make the section titles different--like bold, color etc them or something so that it makes more sense...I didn't understand at first, but afterwards it was really cute and I liked that a lot. I also like the ending a lot. Very cute that she ended up with Steve!

4

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#3142215

Review of Diamonds are for Forever - or are they?

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: E

| (3.5)

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Item's Title
Diamonds are for Forever- or are they?

My Favorite Parts

Cute title/description

Unique names/story

Was quick and short but good

Questions or Confusions

See below

Some Fixings

I didn't see any

Overall Impression...
There weren't any grammatical errors, spelling, sentence structure, etc like that that I saw so that's a plus. I also liked the names of your characters; it was unique and cute. The story line was one that is often done--girl marries controling, self-absorbed guy and meets new guy she's really into, so she has an affair. Classic, but you added some uniqe touches and made it your own.
You have a good beginning to your story and it was enjoyable, I'll give you that. However, I felt like the story was missing parts.
One thing, where are the descripitions? What do your characters look like, especially the man she's having an affair with. You don't have to, but you could go into detail abit in their love affair to show how or why he's so great in her mind.
Next, the missing parts. Towards the ending, you have your MC go home from the affair then she's suddenly leaving her friend's house. What happened there? It happened sooo fast that I was like woah-how did that happen? I thought I missed something. I reccomend adding detail there.
But by the way, the strategy the girls use is very good--that's very uniqe and very clever =)
Lastly, so did Tina tell the husband about the affair? Why did Tina keep the necklace?

5

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#3138238

Review of Glass Lovers

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

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Item's Title
Glass Lovers

My Favorite Parts

Title

Imagery

Content

Plot

Questions or Confusions

Inspiration came from...?

Some Fixings

You Wrote:"As the stork went up on her shelf, she overheard a conversation"
Should Be:period after conversation

You Wrote: "Ir's you, isn't it?" asked the ceramic duck.
Should Be:It's

You Wrote:"Can a crystal stork and a ceramic duck find hapiness?"
Should Be: happiness

Overall Impression...
This was a sad story at first that ended with the two lovers being brought together even if it was through being broken.
The story, when it started, and up until the two 'animals' were moved to a new place, reminded me somewhat of an old, married couple. They love each other and are fully, completely devoted to each other but...they don't act like it. They don't touch, they don't laugh, they don't speak...they co-exist around each other YET are fully aware of each other's presence.
You did an amazing job on "Show, don't tell"--I do believe I turned green with envy when I first read the first paragraph. I was like "wow...I can totally see it."
what little speech there was, was adequate and fit the situations well. I loved that while the 'animals' could always see each other, they never spoke or anything. yet...they were together and happy.
Pretty good all around and it was romantic, sad, dramatic. A good story all around

6

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#3137337

Review of Different and Cool- Part 5

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
Different and Cool-Part 5

My Favorite Parts

Good speach the two made

Good reactions

Good ending

Questions or Confusions

None

Some Fixings

Didn't see any this round

Overall Impression...
Quick chapter--very cute picture at the end!! I it! Tarah is just so cute; I think she is by far my fave out of the bunch.
I liked that you did this book in parts--each day was a chapter; that was really unique when coupled with the assignment and the events that happened. Really nice!

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#3137333

Review of Different and Cool- Part 4

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
Different and Cool-Part 4

My Favorite Parts

Good events and convo

Mari scene

Questions or Confusions

--None

Some Fixings

You Wrote:"..Tarah was least liked person .."
Should Be:the least liked

Overall Impression...
I recommend that you italzie their thoughts instead of (); it works better.

You did well again on showing how teenagers act--especially with the notebook thing; that is so childish yet very typical of teen boys.
I liekd that you had he and Mari talk--he wasn't even nervous or anything! Now...am anxious to the see the ending

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#3137321

Review of Different and Cool- Part 3

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
Different and Cool-Part 3

My Favorite Parts

Love the title, by the way--fits really well

haha bathroom scene

Questions or Confusions

-None

Some Fixings

You Wrote:"OOutside Starlight Jr. High, there was..."
Should Be:Outside

You Wrote:"...small hallways of thge complex, ..."
Should Be:the

Overall Impression...
I think you chose well by having Andy open up to Tarah about his parents; I also think you did well on showing their emotions and actions after they kissed, well she kissed him. Very teen like.
The boys in the locker room was hilarious; I laughed so hard mainly b/c it reminded me of a time my friends and I did the same thing! Haha, they never tried to get back in there...
Good job

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#3137308

Review of Different and Cool- Part 2

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
Different and Cool-Part 2

My Favorite Parts

Sad thing is, I could soooo picture the total chaos such an assignment can produce! haha

Good dialouge

Nice events/incidents/action

Questions or Confusions

Where are Andy's parents?

Some Fixings

You Wrote:"It's was bad they were losing; the teacher..."
Should Be:Not sure what you were trying to say?

You Wrote:"...his accession of his friends' fancies...and into a fancy all his own..."
Should Be:I believe you mean fantasies not fancy? fancies-->fantasies, fancy->fantasy

Overall Impression...
Once again, not too many errors in grammar/spelling etc. You're pretty decent at that. Your characters are becoming more developed so and their personalities shine through each scene they are in.
Did I miss something about what happened to Andy's parents?

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#3137079

Review of Different and Cool- Part 1

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
Different and Cool-Part 1

My Favorite Parts

Cute little Tarah

Interesting subject

I like the subject of the assignment

Questions or Confusions

--None

Some Fixings

--Didn't see any!

Overall Impression...
Good character development; their personalities came out strongly in the little that was provided. There was good conversation flow, veyr typical of teens, good content.
I think every teen should be given that assignment from Clark and see what they do...that would be interesting.
You also created relatable moments that probably everyoen has witnessed like the spitballs--I have to say I have seeen that quite a few times in my life lol
I'm interested to see where this little project/story goes...

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#3132571

Review of Diem ~ Chapter Two

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
Diem

My Favorite Parts

Interesting idea

I

the name Diem

I

the spell she did; that was a cute idea!

Questions or Confusions

See below

Some Fixings

You Wrote:"... me the silence treatment.."
Should Be:silent

You Wrote:"Diem at her brother, mad. She fell to her bed, frustrated."
Should Be:Don't do that. SHOW how he is mad, SHOW how she is frustrated...that's bad to keep writing it that way. It makes your writing appear weak.

Overall Impression...
I don't remember reading the first chapter so I am a little confused...
Despite that, you should detail the mission a bit to let the reader in on it a little more. You need to work on SHOW as well; SHOW DON'T TELL!! That's the most important thing ever to learn as a writer! Show how she was mad, how she felt, how everyone you mentioned felt. How did the mansion look? was it huge, small, purple, green, brick, wood, did it have towers, how many floors? Etc...see where I'm going?
I do think you have a good idea here so keep writing...just show more.

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#3132565

Review of Racial Discrimination

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
Racial Discrimination

My Favorite Parts

Nice examples used

Good 'voice'

Point/opinion clear

Questions or Confusions

This piece is focused on observations from Taiwan, correct?

Some Fixings

You Wrote:"I would like to talk about racial discrimination, which stood out notoriously in the history."
Should Be:Might sound better if you just say something like "Racial discrimination has stood out notoriously throughout histroy." We already know what you are goign to talk about so you don't need to say "I would like to talk..."

Overall Impression...
Let me start off by saying that I agree with you that discrimination will never be rid of. It will always exist no matter what the people of this world do. I also agree that people shoudl learn not to sterotype people just by their race. An example would be 911--ALL muslims/Arabics etc are clumped into the 'terrorist' category b/c of it and it isn't right...
anyway, good right--you did well on getting your point across; your view/opinions were clear and you had agood strong voice.

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#3129954

Review of Looking for Adventure ~ Chapter One

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
Looking for adventure

My Favorite Parts

Awesome description in the opening paragraph

I liked the characters a lot

Storyline

Questions or Confusions

"...He rolled his eyes and knocked again.
sounded inside the house. The doorknob ..."
What?

Some Fixings

--Didn't see any

Overall Impression...
***If you are going to use hyphens to signal speech come up wiht a better system..it looked messy

Awesome story idea! It was very unique, one I haven't come across before! Right away you started with the drama--who is this hooded figure adn where is he going? answered of course, but really good job on peeking the interest of the reader.
Good job all around!

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#3128700

Review of BUTTERFLY WINGS

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Awww very sweet! Too bad that fairy doesn't really exist--could use that these days! However, if it were always lollypops, gum drups, and rainbows I don't think the world woudl be as fun...It might get a little dull--the drama, bad things, keep us moving on. How else would we learn from our mistakes you know? Even though a LOT of bad things happen, like the things the fairy inyour poem want to heal and/or get rid of, they help us out b/c they teach us lots of things on a daily baisis that I don't think we'd learn in a perfect world.
Anyway, good poem--flowed well, made me feel and smile. I didn't see any errors and found it to be a very sweet poem! Gooooooooood job ma'am!
BTW, you said non-rhyming but some end words in each stanza did rhyme! haha, nice job for unintentional =)

15

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#3128502

Review of The Charm Bracelet

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
The Charm Bracelet

My Favorite Parts

Love the cat

The bracelet sounds beautiful

I liked the situation--girl wanting inspiration, it was acute and unique way played out

Good ending

Questions or Confusions

**See at the end about Alice

**The ending, see below

Some Fixings

--None that I saw--you write very well

Overall Impression...
Was a cute story; I personally didn't find it chilling just interesting. I have seen this kind of thing done before dozens of times, the part about the shop being at the end of the alley one night and the next it's gone...that's done a lot. I know the prompt for this round b/c I had thought about entering myself so I think you did a good job at using the prompt in a unique way. I did like the ending with the cat walking away-that was cute.
Onto my confusions/questions...
You said that Alice was exotic looking...but how? You didn't describe her at all really.
You wrote "A sudden shiver crept down Elena's spine as something unpleasant dawned on her." BUT you didn't explain it...what's with that?
So does the narrarotor have insipration still? Does she write on? What happens wiht the cat/woman?

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#3123047

Review of Secret Admirer

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
Secret Admirer

My Favorite Parts

Interesting title and description

Great story line

LOVE the ending

Questions or Confusions

--None

Some Fixings

--Didn't see any...

Overall Impression...
Well that was certinaly emotional and ...devastating! Wow! I didn't see that ending coming but it fit great! I liked that you ended with teh Romeo and Juliette quote although clearly that was NOT their relationship.
I liked the little girl with a crush fantasy thing that was going on--the whole ,he says one thing but the girl hears what she desires him to say...I think everyone has gone through that BUT not the ending lol
Good story!

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#3114482

Review of Discarded

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
Discarded

My Favorite Parts

LOL--first have to say, random story idea but it worked great!

the story line

conversation that really wasn't a convo between teh dress and the girl

Questions or Confusions

--None

Some Fixings

None

Overall Impression...
Nice unique story!! I've never come across one one like that--I loved the dress in the closet and even though you couldn't heaer what was said on the phone, one could draw conclusions adn it was pretty typical of a teen. Been there done that, fun till it's over.
No suggestions of change really, thought it was well written and thorough.

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#3110965

Review of A True Miracle of Life

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
Yesterday's Child

My Favorite Parts

It was interesting pretty much the whole way through so I was able to read it quickly and stay interested, hungry for more.

Awesome plot

Loved the ending/Les

Questions or Confusions

--None

Some Fixings

You Wrote:"how much more can I loss? Can ..."
Should Be:loss-->loose

You Wrote:" I have to get make to the hospital."
Should Be:get to the

Overall Impression...
I really liked this story. It is very typical of the time period but you made it your own; you took a classic story, tweaked it in all the right spots and made it unique. My favorite part was when Les came in and told her he was going to bethe father and all. It takes a brave, strong man to do that and he became an amazing father to all their children. I don't ahve any suggestions of change or anything; it was really good.

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#3106035

Review of I Never Left

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
I Never Left

My Favorite Parts

The title is strong and gives the fortelling of something bad

the description made me laugh and I just had to read it, especially with what you wrote

I love how you wrote this; flows great

the poem/riddle you added at the end

Questions or Confusions

I am curious as to what you made you write this

Some Fixings

You Wrote:"Of Course you..."
Should Be:Course-->course

You Wrote:"Some Kind of monster..."
Should Be:Kind-->kind

You Wrote:"...ith a smile to wide to fit your screens.."
Should Be:too wide to

You Wrote:"What a riddle Am I."
Should Be:am

Overall Impression...
Wow. That is a very powerful and moving story. It may be short but it is straight to the point; a point that is delievered powerfully. I like how you chose different, classic monsters to compare hate to such as vampires. That really added a personal touch.
But my favorite part was the ending where you did the riddle/poem. You wrote that very well and althought it's the sad, grim truth, it was great!

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#3105711

Review of I don't know yet

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
I don't know yet

My Favorite Parts

Good details in the beginning of the type of sorrow she felt; it made me feel

cute names; although Cayden isn't as rare as hers

Questions or Confusions

I'm puzzled as to where this story is going...

Some Fixings

--None that I saw, you wrote very well

Overall Impression...
It was a good story; lots 'show, don't tell' detail and such, however I am puzzled as to where it is going.
One can gather by the way Aurora acted that she is in an abusive relationship. One can forsee that Cayden may perhaps have a roll in her future; maybe he helps her get away?
regardless, come up with a title...i suggest something to do with struggles, or overcoming a great battle. Maybe "The Rising of Aurora" or "Aurora's Rising"

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#3104103

Review of All Gods' Children, chapter 1

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
All Gods' Children, chapter 1

My Favorite Parts

I liked that Nana spoke german and that she had to be and have things translated--with that,I love that Paulus lied about what she said to Murphy--that was cute

Very good family ties

Questions or Confusions

I think you need to introduce Paulus quicker--I was under the impression it was a girl getting beat up lol I also thought they were children--HOWEVER, it was a good intro

Skunk? what was tha tabout

Some Fixings

None that I saw

Overall Impression...
I thought it was a godo beginning, definietly has me curious enough to keep reading--why the heck was a grown woman beating him up? at first i thought, ex lover really pissed off lol but...It was very interesting to have the family all protective over Murphy when she was the one beating their relative up! It made me chuckle, several times I laughed--which is good.
You definetly started out good...I wanan read more and see what's really going on here!

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#3100220

Review of Someday

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

WOW! That was a really touching song...although I am certain it sounds better when put to music, most songs do. But that was really powerful...moving..touching......emotional. You did an amazing job on it and it fit's its purpose perfectly. I would suggest maybe bfore you go into the song, writing a couple sentences explaining what it is for.
But otherwise, it was a really good song that even rhymed! GREAT JOB!

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#3100177

Review of "Mom, Who was my Dad?"

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
"Who was my Father?"

My Favorite Parts

Obnce again, you picked a great title and wrote a good description that would have drew me in even without you requesting a review.

Plot

Questions or Confusions

I am curious as to where you come up with such story ideas!

Some Fixings

You Wrote:"...about her condition then her specialists."
Should Be:then-->than

Overall Impression...
Very sad story...it was also moving and powerful, and uplifting at the same time. I was shocked to find out who Steven really was and could see why then she had never told Noni...but at the same time i was upset she didn't tell her. I mean, the mom was obviously so proud and happy as to who he was, she didn't care, she was in love! But it seemed she was ashamed to tell Noni the truth.
All in all, a good read!
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24

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14 days may be credited.

#3100169

Review of "Dear Joe, Paid in Full"

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
Dear Joe, Paid in Full

My Favorite Parts

"Joe continued to have and forget women as fast as he asked their name." made me chuckle

Interesting story line/plot

Questions or Confusions

--none

Some Fixings

You Wrote: "... hits and is now seeks a leader."
Should Be:now seeks a leader.

You Wrote:"tear in the wind as anxious ghosts with secrets that cannot rest."
Should Be: not sure what you mean here

You Wrote:"...to Mad Dog Joe 's songs."
Should Be:Joe's

Overall Impression...
Overall, it was a good and sad story. I thought it held lessons in it for anyone of any age as long as they take the time to read it. It was written well, the story was told, explained well what was needed to explain. the hand print was a unique trait/aspect to the story that I have never seen done before. that made it very uinque and special-something that just makes it perfect, an added touch...what happeend to the print? does he still have it?
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25

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3100154

Review of Jealousy Spins out of Control

Review by Hidden Writer

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello fellow WDC Member! Something about this particular work of yours has caught my attention and I decided to review it to share with you my thoughts. Please remember that the following is only opinion; take from it what you will. I mean no offense and apologize for any taken.

Item's Title
She was the Quiet One

My Favorite Parts

Interesting title and description; even without having you requested it I would have been intrigued and curious enough to read it. (That's key to getting reviews)

"She was christening years of her own neglect, as Daddy had celebrated Anita’s life, with gasoline in place of champagne." A very powerful statement that says a LOT.

Good plot!!

Questions or Confusions

"Phillip had raised the girls after Margaret died giving birth to a stillborn son."
In the beginnign you said their mother's name was Ariana

Some Fixings

You Wrote:"He would never mean to harm but their lives revolved around his."
Should Be:This is just worded odd...I had to read it several times.

You Wrote:"A harp solo by an gifted friend was a..."
Should Be:an--> a

You Wrote:"The sisters, Anita and Alice were planning ..."
Should Be: Alice,

You Wrote:"...cataloging, packing and dividing their Dad's art."
Should Be:packing,

You Wrote:‘Damn his soul to Hell for ignoring me,’ Alice thought as she..."
Should Be:since it's her thoughts, italize it

You Wrote:"go back to a therapist"
Should Be:needs a period

Overall Impression...
WOW--I did NOT expect it to go this way! I did notice that Alice seemed to be neglected throughout the story and it was all about Anita, but I did not expect the way it went...
Rather good story I thought, good twists adn turns, good emotions, plot...all good for the most part.
Did Phillip really die of natural causes? Why did he never paint Alice?
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