This is a cool poll. I like the choices that you have given and how you used six different statements to come up with the combination answers that you allowed us to choose from.
Are you planning on writing a story, poem, etc. when you get the results from this poll? I can think of a few ways to use a couple of the outcomes that you let us choose from to create stories and/or poems.
Lots of luck, and keep right on thinking up cool activities for us to try!
Wow! This poem really got to me! Your message comes through loud and clear, and I love the way you told this story in poem form. It is a very beautiful and powerfully told piece, and yet it is quiet and solemn and sad at the same time.
Beautiful job of word weaving!
Keep up the great work, and keep right on writing!!
I lost a sister several years ago, and I must say that your words echo the sentiment that I remember feeling so strongly in the days after she passed on.
Lovely, lovely poem! Very peaceful and soothing.
Keep right on writing and sharing your feelings with us!
You have the makings of a very good story going here. The characters you have created seem realistic and have possibilities for growth.
Here are a few things you might want to check out and change or fix:
Your first sentence is in present tense, but the rest of the paragraph is in past. Change all present tense verbs into past tense to keep the tense consistent throughout your story.
the environment surround -- add "ing" to the end of "surround"
Teenagers were going to the movies, college students were drinking, parents were waiting up for there kids, couples were dates, and as usual Ann was sitting along the window of her apartment on the top floor of a run down building. -- This is a run on sentence. Put periods after whatever each group of people was doing instead of commas.
her parents past away -- change "past" to "passed"
all by her lonsom -- "lonsom" should be spelled "lonesome," but "self" would be a better word here
she’s never even had a companion -- change "she's" to "she"
frantically trying to find a way to ail his desperate and closed off heart -- "ail" is not the right word to use here. Think about what you are trying to get across to the reader and pick a word that fits better.
Ann looked strait at him -- change "strait" to straight"
The one day, once I was on my own -- change "The" to Then"
One of the things I would do to make this story even better than it is now is to cut down on the amount of narration the narrator does. Show us what Ann and the man on the roof are thinking and feeling through their actions and words rather than through narration. If you do this, your story will come to life as the reader reads it, and the reader will be able to share in the experience these two characters share. Right now, there is a glass wall between the reader and the action, making the reader an outsider looking in.
Keep right on writing and working on improving your writing!!
You know what? This is a very profound little poem! And, the "I" would stand out more in the middle line if you had centered the whole poem. Try it! I think it will make a world of difference seeing that "I" as the center of the poem rather than off to the left as it is now.
There are so many different ways to take what is being said in this poem! I love the multifaceted effect you created with so few words!
I like the way you have the children running in fear. Their emotion comes through very clearly. When they finally stop, they must face that fear...death...and come to terms with it. The image of the child's fist clenched around a clump of dirt is profound. It is so simple, and yet it resounds with everything that the child would fear...being covered by the dirt, being unable to breath, being separated from family and friends, and so much, much more!
This is truly a lovely poem, and it has a nice lilt to it as it is being read.
The items that you chose for the speaker to be work well together. Sometimes in a repetitive poem like this, it loses steam toward the end...not so with your poem! The ending is even stronger than the beginning here!
I particularly like the way you start off by mentioning the Psalms and end with the meaning of life. The Psalms are repetitive to make them easier to learn, and we are all searching for the meaning of life, be it through religion, politics, or whatever. Nice!
Having lost a sister to cancer a few years ago, I can really relate to what you have written so eloquently in this poem, Ann.
You are right that people tell you that time will heal the wounds, but they never truly heal. They do scar over, but they also leave a throbbing, sore spot in the flesh of one's life that never quite goes away. The pain does dissipate, but then the memories take over and even though they may be wonderful, sometimes they are overwhelmed by the tidal wave of emotion that stems from knowing they are never to happen again and that there will never be any more memories added to the bunch.
Thank you so much for sharing this poem with us! It is nice to know that none of us is quite as alone in our grief as we think we are.
Having gone through a divorce myself with someone who tried to make me fit his pattern of what he thought I should be, I can totally relate here.
My favorite part is the ending where he ends up as so much splinter and ash in a fireplace while you end up as a priceless heirloom! Way to go! If no one else will put us up on a pedestal, we have to do it ourselves when we realize just what it is that the other person gave up!
In the first stanza, I can see that the speaker is having trouble expressing him/herself to the person being addressed. But, in the second stanza, I'm not sure if the person being addressed adores the speaker and puts him/her up high, or is just shoving the speaker out of the way at the back of a high, unseen shelf to get rid of him/her. However, I do like the contrast between the darkness and light vying for position around the person spoken to.
Have you thought about maybe creating a second poem or a short story about this in which you have the two characters converse about just what their impressions are of whatever sort of relationship they have with each other? It could work very well...think about it!
This is a fun contest that could create wonderful assignments that not only home schoolers, but traditional teachers as well, could use to enhance their students' educations. I like the idea that you allow multiple entries and encourage creativity and flexibility. The fact that the assignments should be usable and adaptable for different age groups is wonderful!
Good luck with the contest and with home schooling your children!
I like the little telegraphed images we get throughout this poem of someone purchasing a ticket, dreaming about winning, and seeing the actual outcome of the drawing. I've been there myself many, many times.
What I don't feel is the emotional impact that each part of the process usually brings...the anticipation when buying the ticket, the build up of excitement when dreaming about winning, and the sense of let-down and back-to-realityism of ultimately not winning.
If your intention was to show a collage of the things that one does when getting a lottery ticket, you've done a great job and should leave the poem alone. If not, you may want to leave this poem as is and work on a revised and expanded version of this one in either poem or short story form.
This looks like a fun contest! I'm currently trying my hand at creating an entry for it!
I like the fact that this is a mystery contest and that certain objects have been provided to be included in the story. I also like the idea of allowing more than one entry per person, but not more than one winning entry per person. That makes things fair for all entrants.
You might want to consider offering smaller gp prizes for second and third place, instead of just a ribbon for first place (which by the way is a great prize).
Keep right on writing and creating innovative contests for us to enter!!
Hi there! I want you to know that I read this entire piece and liked it! I actually felt a bit deflated when the little girl told her dad that she knew he was the tooth fairy. There is something special about those magical childhood years when kids actually believe in fantasies. And, I agreed with the dad that there should be some way to hold on to more than just the memory of those wonderful times as our kids grow older.
I like the way the ending jumps forward to the girl's twelfth birthday without jolting the reader. And, although it ends on a somewhat misty-eyed note, I think the ending makes sense and follows through on the message of the story.
Keep right on writing, and tell that inner critic to go take a flying leap!!!!
Ahh, Tracey, you've got me wanting to go to the beach!! I could almost hear the cries of the seagulls as I read your poem! Lovely images, sounds and sensations! You really allow your reader to share in the things you find beautiful about the summer!!
Keep right on writing, and keep up the great work!!
Though this poem is tiny, it carries a big message on its shoulders! I like the simplicity of this poem and the clarity of its message. Too often, my own poetry gets long-winded and tangled up in itself. It is nice to see such a pure and simple poem written so well.
Keep right on writing, and let me know if it would be all right for me to print out a copy of your poem, crediting you as the author, of course, to put up on the wall over my desk. Thanks!!
This is a really good stream of consciousness piece of writing.
I like the way you keep playing out the thoughts of the main character without ever once getting outside his head like an omniscient narrator would. I like the way his thoughts pinball from one thought to the next, sometimes not finishing the one before starting another.
I just hope your main character gets some food in him real soon!
Oh, by the way, was this story taking place in a prison? Is the main character a worker there or just visiting with his kids? Who is he visiting? The three prisoners or the "screws"? Think about adding a bit to the thoughts of the character to show us who he feels closest to in that location.
Wow! This certainly is a scary situation for the woman to be in.
I like the tension you build with the man standing at the window and the woman going through a range of emotions before taking any action.
The ending leaves me a little flat since she just sits there, thinking. The killing of the man seems unresolved here. What does she do next? Wake her husband? Call the cops? And, why was the man stalking her in the first place? Was he someone from her past? Why didn't she scream when he came rushing at her from the front door?
It would be interesting to see the answers to some of these questions in the story. Think about it, okay?
Keep right on writing and creating intriguing tales like this one!!
Nice poem about the transience of just about everything on earth. I love the fact that you chose a robin's egg to write about since I just found one broken on our walk the other morning with my daughter, and we had a conversation about how it really wasn't meant to last here on earth very long.
Thanks for sharing this poem, and keep right on writing!!
You certainly gave me a terrific laugh with this very funny poem! I worked with lawyers for several years while going to college, and I found this piece to be quite hilarious!!
Your rhyme scheme and the flow of the piece are very upbeat and light-hearted. I really enjoyed reading this piece. Thanks so much for sharing it!
This story really caught my attention and held it all the way through. Your descriptions are quite crisp and clear. Your use of sensory details give the reader the opportunity to share in the experience of the main character.
Thank you for sharing this piece with us! I'd like to highlight your story as one of my picks of the week in my short stories newsletter on 8/2. I think other people would like to read this story, too!
This is a very nicely written story! I like the way you draw the reader into the story and keep adding twists that keep both the reader and main character off balance.
Your characters and their situations seem very believable and real, as does their conversation.
Keep up the great work!! I'm going to feature your story in my 8/2 short stories newsletter.
What a great resource for home schoolers or for creative writing teachers in general! You have obviously put in many, many hours worth of effort into creating and gathering the assignments that you provide for students from grade one through senior year of high school.
Keep up the great work, and keep those kids of yours writing and using their imaginations! So much about traditional education crushes that spirit...it's nice to see someone honing it for a change
I really like the warning you put at the beginning of your article. I warn my students about that all the time, and still I find them gleaning information from articles written by other children that have no documented validity at all.
Paragraph I:
Owning books is not the only way to reference information through the print media. Most town libraries are now linked, via computer, to a network of other libraries, thus making many more print sources available to the researcher than ever before. Also, the computerized catalog at the library can make the search for information on a specific topic easier and much less time consuming than use of the old card catalog system. You might want to list this as an option for at least checking on the quality of the often dubious material that appears on the internet.
Paragraph II:
Why is knowing about the play on the word googol so important here? You might want to refer to the fact that the creators of the site wanted their users to feel that the number of hits for each topic would be as immense as the number googol itself represents.
Web:
Good description of how to narrow down the search by being more specific.
Images:
Fine as is.
Groups:
Fine as is.
News:
Fine as is.
Froogle:
I learned something here because, like you, I shop Amazon.com most of the time.
Maps:
What a great idea! I wouldn't have thought to use this function to clarify street locations in my writing, but I will be using it from now on! Thanks!
More:
Okay, you've whet my curiosity. So, can't you list a few categories of google products that one can find here? Or state that it covers everything from soup to nuts or something like that?
Overall:
This is a very good article about the use of google as a search engine to make one's life easier.
Cool poem, Bill! I love the way the light of the firefly leads to the light of sunrise and day and then back to sunset in your poem. I also like the use of similar first and last verses.
Good job! Good luck in the contest and in the rest of the decathlon.
Annie
PS: I think the Writing Assignment Scenario challenge is going to be the one to do me in since my time is so limited right now...but we will see, won't we????
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/inkyshadows
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 2:24pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
