Very interesting story and subject. I've not read many stories about Purgatory. I noticed a few grammatical errors but, all in all, you wrote this quite well.
I liked the imagery until the end. I can't understand the scream from a blank countenance. No eyes, nose or lips? How did she scream? Was it a silent scream? If so, how did you hear it?
Please forgive my questions. I'm not a fan of Gothic.
This is a great poem about a gemstone. I love the way you have described the color and brilliance of the topaz. "Moonstones of marble cut from the Alps" is a great line!
It's difficult to write 250 characters about this poem. It's like defining the topaz; few words do not do it justice and too many words take away from it's beauty.
This is a very cute story. I enjoyed reading it and it certainly held my attention. I do, however, find myself wondering why Isaac didn't get the hairdresser to simply put another, more normal color, on his hair and cover up the green?
Thanks for giving me a chuckle on St. Patrick's Day!
Kat
I liked this very much, but I do see some corrections that are needed. I think in the first line,
"tag's" should be "tags'" if there are more than one tag. If only one "tag" you can leave off the "s".
In the last line of the first verse, I think "mowed" should be changed to "mown".
I loved this poem. It is for "every" man and every couple who have worked a life together. I like the rhythm, first and third lines rhyming and then second and fourth lines rhyming.
I especially liked the story of this couples lives exemplified in the golden wedding band...how the years have taken their toll, but only making them stronger.
This did, indeed, touch my heart. It's a lovely, tender poem about new motherhood!
I think I would change one thing. Perhaps, in the last line of the last verse, "Putting him to bed" would be more in keeping with the POV of the rest of that verse and would flow more easily.
Heart wrenching, amazing and painful poem! It's wonderful what God's grace can do. I hear your pain in every single word of this poem and I will be praying for this awesome child.
This was certainly different, and I loved it! I did, however, suspect that what I was reading wasn't what I was reading?
You kept my attention and made me read to the end. That, in itself, is very good.
I didn't quite understand this one sentence, “So, after this is done, they won't be the topic of discussion every time my name comes up?" Perhaps you could write it a little bit differently or, simply, enlighten me.
This was a lovely story, but I have to admit, I didn't see much of The Glass Coffin here. The only resemblance was Tristan, the brother, who had raised his sister, after their parents died.
I think perhaps you should use "adaptation" instead of "adaption" in your title.
I think I would change the first paragraph a bit:
Dusk came with the bursting of the sun, touching the horizon. The world was bathed in a yellow-orange light, emanating from the glowing orb. Although the light from the setting sun was brilliant, it paled in comparison to the glow of Evelyn.
I seldom give "5s" but I thought this really deserved a 5! Such a wonderful imagination, humor and satire all rolled into one, like the English Truffle at the end.
I was entertained. I could envision these two people and they were interesting! Thanks for sharing this wonderful tidbit!
I enjoyed this poem and the poems' content and rhythm. My favorite lines are:
"Can't wait to see them pop sleepy eyelids,
Grandma's presents will have them a-gawking!"
I think this was a lovely twist on Alice in Wonderland! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and I think it would make a terrific children's book with great illustrations! I found a few things I would change in punctuation and grammar, but all in all, it's a marvelous imagining.
Suggestions:
In the second sentence of the first paragraph you might try this: The tree grew around the door's arched outline and looked as if it had been there for years.
Also in the third sentence of the first paragraph, this might work better: The door was only six inches tall and the knocker and hinges were no more than an inch wide. You could also make it into two sentences.
In the second sentence of the third paragraph, you need to take out the comma before "and".
In the first sentence of the fourth paragraph, there should be a comma after "hair".
In the first sentence of the eighth paragraph, try this: As his family ate dinner, Julian stared through the dining room window at the park across the street.
In paragraph twelve, take out the comma after "shoelace".
In paragraph thirteen, start a new sentence after "darkness" and say "Each step was no more than four inches wide and one inch tall."
In the last sentence of paragraph thirteen, put a comma after "shoelace" and "attached".
This sentence in paragraph 25 should be made into two sentences and change "flickering" to "flickered": Deeper and deeper into the cavern they went, the torches flickering with each gust of wind, and although they passed many other tunnels to the left and right of them, they never strayed from the main path. Try this: "Deeper and deeper into the cavern they went as the torches flickered with each gust of wind. Although they passed many other tunnels to the left and right, they didn't stray from the main path."
In this sentence, "And Ecila was right...the Queen did indeed look angry", take out the "And" at the beginning of the sentence.
In this sentence, "Down, down, down into the darkness he flailed, and he screamed like he'd never screamed before", try this: Down, down, down into the darkness he flailed, screaming like he'd never screamed before.
Keep writing!
Kat
Join me at - http://katkola.ning.com
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is a lovely story. I enjoyed reading it and it is one that I will remember. The Granduncle was, indeed, trublue.
I enjoy stories that teach and give meaning to life. This story did that in a warm and unusual way. We learn a lot about you and your Granduncle without a lot of description and dialogue.
I think I may have preferred more dialogue, especially when Granduncle was telling about his "near death" experience. That is my only criticism.
Thanks for a very enjoyable read.
Kat
Join me at - http://katkola.ning.com
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is such a lovely story about bittersweet memories and what we can learn from them. I think many of us have had relatives who embarrassed us at times. Whether the embarrassing was from a habit or an illness, it is, nevertheless something that touches us and makes us who we are. Hopefully, as with you, your father helped you to become more compassionate person and an excellent writer. Those are wonderful things!
Keep writing!
Kat
Join me at - http://katkola.ning.com
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Very cute story for children and one that teaches how easy it is to misinterpret the actions of others. I feel that it also teaches a lesson of gratitude and how to express it to others.
Thanks for a lovely vision of simplicity!
Keep Writing,
Kat
Join me at - http://katkola.ning.com
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
What a lovely homage to our Thanksgiving holiday. I think you presented the history of this day in a very understanding and knowledgeable way. I had no idea about the Thanksgivings of the early colonies in the northeast.
Only this year did I learn about the pardoning of one Thanksgiving turkey, thanks to President Bush and Sarah Palin. Quite a custom!
Keep Writing!
Kat
Join me at - http://katkola.ning.com
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/katkola
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 6:35pm on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
