I found this by hitting the "Read and Review button. "
I always read poems aloud. And as I read this one, I have to admit that I was confused. I just didn't know when to pause and when to breathe. It appeared that there was some rhyming.
Perhaps if you were following a specific type of poetry, you might explain the form and the rhyming pattern. Or, perhaps provide a link other to poems of this type?
Thanks, Max. I found this by hitting the "Read and Review" button.
Your title and description are perfect for your work.
The first thing I noticed was that you didn't list it in 3 genres. It's just listed as "other."
I lived this:
More precisely, readers are the author's partners and, together, author and reader create the fictional world. Readers hear the nasal whine of the clerk's voice, roast in the sun, smell the roses, taste the coffee, and feel a lover's caress in their heads. Even more, they know the heat of embarrassment, the chill of fear, the giddiness of love.{b/}
Reading about abuse, whether it is about abuse of a child or spouse, always makes me sad. The words are usually written by someone who has personally experienced that abuse, making it even more sad. You listed one of the genres as personal. If you experienced abuse as a child,I am so sorry.
You wrote well about this. I wouldn't change anything.
There is no love in abuse. To me, the best definition of love is in
1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
When speaking of the abuse of a child by a parent, the words "love is patient, it is nor easily angered, it protects" stand out. That is what we expect of a parent.
Hi Wilder. You gave us an interesting peek into your life. You already acknowledged that you probably have run on sentences. You do. I'm sure that most young people can ignore that and any other faux pas that you had. This old lady,who has been paid to write and to edit cringes, though, when someone's work is good except for the grammar mistakes.
Thanks for sharing. I think that I already told you that I met my hubby right here. We used to have a group of couples who met here.
This is an interesting creation. It's fascinating that you were able to get in the part about being free to wander around while future generations would not have that freedom.
I love this part.
But you are my fire and I am yours,
each somehow dependent on the other;
feeding off the oxygen of ourselves.
You don't sound evil. Not yet, anyway. You have already addressed the fact that you probably have errors in this rant. You're right. I would point some of them out to you, but I'm not sure that you care.
Personally, I would never work in fast food. Long ago, I created a list of jobs that I would never do : podiatrist, pedicurist, dentist, waitress, flight attendant and fast food worker. I did work in retail, in some of the most e expensive stores. I went to work every day with a smile on my face. I usually had a 3x5 card with me sharing the positive motivational message of the day. I'm not sure whether it's the fact that the stores were high end or that I arrived every day with a positive attitude expecting great things, but I definitely didn't experience the customers that you seem to have encountered.
I enjoyed reading this aloud. (The only way to read poetry.) It made me wish that I known my grandpa's, like my older cousins did.
I watched as my dad became a wonderful grandpa. Yes indeed, the grandkids could complain about his scratchy face. They loved playing cards with their grandpa, but the more special and memorable moments were orchestrated by their grandma.
Untitled? One of my favorite things is a good title. Untitled works make me sad.
What would I call your poem? Perhaps "Emptiness Stares Back".
I think that sad poems, sad reflections, are some of the most difficult to read. How in the world can I say, "Hey, I enjoyed reading about your pain"???
I can say that I am glad that you have joined us here at Writing.com. I first arrived almost 23 years ago and have enjoyed "meeting" so many people since then. (I met my hubby here and we have been married for 18 years.)
I'm with you. Sometimes, I write poetry specifically as directed by the form required in a contest. But when no such structure is required, I create what my pen and paper decide.
I also agree with your last idea. Many comics make a living mocking themselves.
I pay attention to titles and descriptions. I loved your title. Your description tells me that you must be about 50+ years younger than me. (Baby boomers don't often use text shorthand in writing poetry or stories.)
I did enjoy your poem. The only thing that I would change is here:
As I read your poem, I have to admit that I was a bit confused because you chose to type your contractions without apostrophes. For some contractions, it is immediately obvious what you meant. Theres is obviously supposed to be there's.
But this line is different.
If were lucky enough and have the stars on our side
You definitely need the apostrophe so that were is not confused with we're.
I'm always amazed at the creativity the contests on WDC and the creativity of the entries.
For this contest, you had to have only 24 syllables and you not only met the requirements, but you also won the contest. Congratulations. I love that you used the echo voice form of poetry for your entry.
What a creative work. I can see why you won first prize in the contest. As I read the words, though, it sounded more like a song from the hills of West Virginie than a regular country song. At least it did to me.
I do live the lines about mama praying for the singer. That's what mamas do.
By the way, I didn't think that "mamma" looked right. I found several websites that said that the spelling should be either mama or momma.
The contest said, "Can you tell a story with only a few words?" And that you did, with only 55 words. Your word choices were quite good, allowing us to see the story.
I was quite surprised that these few words reminded me of two with whom I corresponded in the late 90s after "meeting" them on a Christian online dating service. They both ended up being horrible human beings who preyed upon Christian women. I didn't get hurt by them, but I knew women who did.
Wow. I didn't expect to have that memory from your story. It makes me wonder what happened to those women who were emotionally hurt.
I love that you are so able to share your faith in poetic form. Throughout my life, my favorite people have been pastors, pastor's wives and preacher's kids.
In our area, the fact that the government was able to shut down churches because of covid , it affected current attendance. It's, perhaps, as some were only attending out of habit? Or are some still afraid now of getting sick among strangers?
This really touched me, Sophy. You expressed well the feelings we get when we reminisce about what life has been with a parent and what life later becomes. It brought back my first memories walking with my mom, and some of the last ones. A you write, I definitely liked it better when my mom was guiding me.
It certainly appears that you followed the prompts. And in doing so, you created quite an interesting story.
I tried both knitting and crocheting and mastered neither one. I knitted a pair of slippers and crocheted one Granny square. I do understand, though, how a splintered needle would not be kind to the yarn.
Loved your flash fiction and the idea of naming parts of a garden for past love interests. What a fascinating idea. It wouldn't work for me though, because I have not mastered the ability to keep plants alive. I suppose that I might name a few cacti after my past experiences. But then I would have to decide which ones had the worst spines.
For people who have not read Isaac Asimov's thoughts about writing books for children and adults, you did a good job of summarizing his thoughts and adding your own.
I've also heard the pros and cons of writing for each group, as well as the differences between writing poetry and prose.
Perhaps it comes down to the first advice I had about writing. Write what you love. Share your passion. That's how I ended up at our local newspaper years ago. I wrote letters to the editor and guest columns. And then I got offered a job. I started as editorial assistant and ended up as community news editor.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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