Yikes. You succeeded in making me a bit anxious. Not being able to escape doesn't sound like fun. I remember years ago when we had blizzards and the wind was so strong that it put drifts against our doors making it nearly impossible to get out. Not fun.
I would suggest that since they give us the ability to use 3 genres, it's a good idea. It can help you get more exposure.
Yes! Hands are important. They create music, art, poems and stories. They create furniture and crafts, quilts and photography.
Your first verse says so much:
Remarkable hands, storied hands.
Hands, hands can build.
Hands can mold, shape, and speak.
Hands can grasp for the heavens, touch it, and believe in the make believers.
I wondered where this was going. Ending it with a young boy noticing him was excellent. The man may be sorry that he wanted interaction.
I would be surprised that people didn't talk to a man sitting on a pier trying to fish. In my experience, people usually ask if the fish are biting. Perhaps he gave off "leave me alone" vibes.
Reading about the Christmas celebrations of others is interesting. In some families, sharing and opening gifts is important. In others, just being together is the reason to celebrate. It always saddens me to read about the Christmases of people whose parents have separated.
Thanks for making me envious. It appears that you and your wife were quite the green thumb gardeners. I wish that someone in my household could say the same.
I did wonder about your title choice. From the title, I expected to learn about one garden. Perhaps you should have called it, "Gardens Past Remembered"?
As I read your poem describing the emotion of peace, I thought about what might happen if every student throughout the world was asked to write about this topic, and to read their creations aloud to the adults around them.
I did have a question. Did you mean to use the word serine (an amino acid) or did you want to use the word serene?
Wow, Ben, as I read through how this was built - yes, built! - it made me wonder if you are an architect and a poet.
For some, just being able to write something that makes sense while making each line begin with a particular letter of the alphabet would be daunting enough. Adding "Written in abcb, 7-6-7-6 format. The last couplet is aa, 8-8" adds even more complexity.
And you did well.
I've said it before. I admire people who can tell an entire story in 300 words. You did it and you were still able to leave us wondering. Hmmm. Was he on a carnival ride? An amusement park ride? Whatever it was, his emotions changed from pride, to happiness to fear.
You do have one correction to make. Pedal is a noun referring to a lever activated by the foot. Peddle is a verb related to traveling around and selling goods.
Yes, you are correct. Sometimes leaders are blind to their drowning employees or other subordinates.
I would suggest that when you use a contraction, you punctuate it properly with an apostrophe. For instance, where you wrote "were" it looks like you said "were submerged" instead of the "we're submerged" that you probably meant.
Free verse using 10 words from your newsfeed. What fun! It was 3 years ago. I wonder if you remember what story or stories you read using the words sleep, compassion, peace, empathy, love, kindness, confidence, overcoming, intrepid, awesome, and odessy. Just curious.
Cats really do act like they are better than us, better than any dogs in the family too.
I always enjoy a tale of what a pet might be thinking. If its owner has sleep apnea, does it think that it has revived its human? You do make me wonder.
I loved this. The first verse definitely reminded me of the 2 times that I live in Michigan. But the words, "wait 10 minutes and the weather will change" is something everyone says. I've lived in 7 states, and they all said it. It was actually more true in FL when I first moved there. It used to rain for about 10 minutes, then clear up and there would be no evidence.
That's a beautiful story. It's so much fun when people can come together to help one another. I'm so glad that the story had the Teddy bear surviving the ordeal. Frankly, I thought that it was going to be a tragedy with the bear falling apart. I like your ending.
What a wonderful story about Grandpa Joe's hat. It's interesting how people get attached to their hats, cowboy hats, fisherman hats or whatever.
I have my dad's Steeler cap with his Super Bowl tickets and miniature Terrible Towel attached to it. I wish that I had one of his other hats too, ones that he wore everywhere like Grandpa Joe.
I enjoyed reading your opinion about revisions, but I don't completely agree. Some of us often write with a connection from our brain to our hands that cannot be easily explained. Tinkering with those writings often takes away that original uniqueness.
Additionally, I would like to tell you about 3 writers I have known.
Years ago, a friend introduced me to his best friend who had struggled for 20 years with his collection of poetry. My friend knew that I had been writing poetry for 30 years and had poems published in magazines. And he knew that I was a community news editor for the local midsized newspaper.
Said poet gave me all of his poems and every revision that he had made over 20 years. What I discovered was that in every single instance, the best version of his poems was the first one. The one where he had a special connection between his brain and his hand.
My son's dad spent most of his adult life writing and rewriting his book of answers. I read what he had when we first started dating and I was impressed. Ed passed away last year at the age of 95 without ever publishing his book or finishing the many inventions he had, even though many of them had gone through the patent stages. Sadly, his adult children had no interest in exploring his computer to see what he left behind.
Then we come to my hubby of 19 years, the fellow I met right here at WDC. He has been writing a book about his first wife and their marriage since she passed away in 1980. I believe that he is on his 18th revision.
In my experience, sometimes people spend way too much time revising what was originally very good and with so many revisions turns into something mediocre or worse.
But that's just my opinion and my own experiences.
So, you took the time to acknowledge that you knew that you had written a long run on sentence, but not the time to fix it.
Many people think in run on sentences. But if they want other to read (and understand) those thoughts, they correct it so that it's easier for others to read.
Your main character is human like the rest of us, thinking that she marked the event but missing the jewelry showing any way. Then to have Jerome give her The Marie. Perfect. (I had thought that since he named it after her that he might do that.)
Welcome to Writing.com. I'm sure that you will enjoy our community. I have personally been here almost 23 years.
Be sure to get involved. Enter contests. Read and review others. Join groups. And have lots of fun. If you have questions, most of us are willing to either answer them or steer you in the right direction.
I enjoyed reading about you. And I loved the profile picture that you created.
Wow. I admire you for writing a poem about having a flood in your town and in your own home. I'm not sure that I would be able to write a poem that includes FEMA. But you did, and you did it well.
You wrote:
A rain hammer doesn't care what it strikes.
That is so true. And flooding is one thing that I fear.
I hope that you were able to fix your home and that all is well with you now.
We can always count on you to provide us with an education about different forms of poetry. This one was of particular interest to me. Having to create something that adheres to a particular shape is fascinating.
You certainly did fulfill the requirements of the String Lanturne as you wrote about the theatre.
Your first attempt at writing poetry is quite good. I enjoyed reading it aloud. (I learned long ago that reading one's own poetry aloud makes one notice any rough spots. If, perhaps, it needs a syllable added to a particular line to make them more evenly matched, for instance, that is more evident by reading aloud.)
Here:
The windows are oh so fogged an smeary,
Should it have been
The windows are oh so fogged and smeary,?
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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