So...seven years ago, you vowed to read and review at least five stories or poems every day. I am curious to know how that has worked out for you. I know with me that my health has often gotten in the way of even briefly visiting here.
I would have probably broken up that first paragraph into two. (That's my newspaper editing coming through.)
I enjoyed reading and getting to know a bit about you.
Untitled works always make me sad. Titles are some of my favorite things and seeing an untitled story or poem makes me wonder if the writer stopped caring.
I would have probably named yours, " Decked out and Dapper".
I also dislike reading poems without capital letters and punctuation at the end of sentences. Sure, I love reading e e cummings poems. But it turns out, according to those closest to him, that his usage of all lower case letters was not something that he did consistently. And he almost never wrote his own name that way. It was publishers who insisted on the consistency of always using lower case and no punctuation to make his works stand out.
To me, writing in lower case with no punctuation is like always dressing for casual Fridays. But that's just me.
I did enjoy your words. But do you really think that only one bird is flashy? Aren't all of the males that way?
That could be good advice. Editing is a key to professional presentations. In most cases.
But like everything, there are exceptions. Sometimes as writers we experience something magical where there is an obvious connection between our brains and our fingers. We should be able to recognize those times.
I personally have two examples of people who spent far too much time editing, or as you say 'revamping". One is my hubby. He started writing a book about his marriage to his first wife just hours after she died on 1980. He's on his 19th complete revision.
And I met a fellow, the friend of a friend, in Texas who had written a bunch of poems that he wanted to self-publish in a book of poetry. For 20 years, he edited and tweaked his works of heart. He asked for for my help, and what I discovered was that in every single case, his first draft was the best.
I love that the current situation for your character triggered a memory.
I would suggest that you do some editing. Here are just a few of the things that need correcting.
waiting for there - should be their
It was not he closest, that was the Dairy Hut. - missing the t on the
Billy was Calebs ride - throughout your piece, you neglected to show possession. This should be "Caleb's".
Caleb and Billy would find a curb - throughout your writing, you use a passive verb instead of active. It would be stronger if you said "Caleb and Billy finally sat on the curb."
What a treat. It's always fun to find recipes. Especially cookie recipes. Especially cookie recipes from other countries.
I think that one of the things that I miss most from my childhood was that every household had some kind of cookie recipe that came from "the old country", wherever that was.
Your description says, "Brief Inspirational Poem. Hopefully Not Corny." I don't think that survival stories are ever corny. Unless I'm reading something wrong.
I'm always surprised that when the site gives us the opportunity to list in 3 genres that some don't take advantage of that. To me, the more places to find your writing, the more chances for exposure.
A 24 syllable poem. I love that idea. I knew what transpicuous meant, but I was curious about what websites might have said.
One said that the word means rare. Well... Then I found a website with over 200 synonyms of transpictuous.
They included: clear-cut, coherent, definite, distinct, evident, explicit, obvious, precise, transparent, unambiguous and unmistakable.
Discovering your poem by hitting the "Read and review" button allowed me to read an excellent poem and to explore the internet for the purpose of learning something. I did, thanks to you.
I once wrote at length about the obviousness not only of God's existence but of His love. You conveyed the same message in 24 syllables.
What a wonderful tribute to someone who touched so many lives. It's hard to believe that she passed away 20 years ago.
I wonder how many kids read biographies these days. They used to be one of my favorite things to read. That and autobiographies. It's always amazing to discover the things that we never knew about someone who has been in the public eye.
If only everyone would learn that the best thing that you can be is to just be yourself. And to many of us, that is the real definition of being cool.
As. I read this aloud, I had to giggle. The first time that my son's dad and I went out together, we spent hours in a 24 hour restaurant, then even more time in his car. And all we did was talk. And talk.
I truly admire people who can share a story in so few words. Well done.
This is a sad story. I've known people who were bounced from home to home in the foster care system. And I recently met a woman who was fortunate enough to spend 12 years in one excellent home.
We should have tshirts with that saying on them to wear. "Find your yellow car and get more points."
My favorite aunt was the one who knew how to pay attention to her kids and nieces and nephews. With her in the car, we always looked for cows. (We were driving in the country.)
The adults in the car enjoyed being with her as well. She always claimed to find bulls. Happy bulls. We children didn't understand why that was funny until we grew up.
It's sad that people don't connect like that any more. Everyone is focused on their screens.
When I stumble upon your writings, I always find them to be flawless. Today was no different. As one who often has a wonderful connection to the Lord that goes from my head to my heart to my writing instrument, I imagine that the same thing happens to you. It's oftentimes like the words insist on writing themselves.
I'm glad that excerpt you shared explains that empathy includes experiencing another's pain or joy. That is certainly what our parents were trying to impart when they taught us to rejoice when others succeed or win, even if the winning is against us.
As for listening to someone sharing devotions in a language that you don't know, I'm certain that you will know what is in that person's heart, just as God knows our hearts.
What an excellent story reminding us of the importance of finding our own place of solitude. I wonder how many of today's problems might be fixed if everyone had a place to go like the character in your story.
What a wonderful story. There are many artists who create works of art that are so fine that they leave you scratching your head about how they pulled it off. That's what this story is about. And the artist claims that it's magical.
fairy magic, cobwebs and angel dust
That's probably the best explanation that the artist had.
For a writer, it's when it seems that there is a magical connection between your brain and your hand. Poof! There is a story.
You definitely fit the description of a cinquain. - 5 lines with 2, 4, 6, 8, 2 syllables in those lines. I love a poet who uses various forms. Stretching your writing muscles is a wonderful idea.
I loved your cinquain. I loved the message. Marriage should be for life.
That's an interesting story and one that could certainly happen. But would their union be a good idea? That's hard to tell.
The Bible does tell us that we should not be unequivocally yoked. I would think that having only one in a couple dedicated to Christ could be a problem.
This is a wonderful story about playing hooky from work and going to the beach. I had no idea that my son's birthday was also National Goof Off Day. I'll have to let him know.
I wouldn't change a thing. I enjoyed reading about how the story character arranged a day to do nothing. Everyone should be able to do that periodically.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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