Yes, you are correct. Sometimes leaders are blind to their drowning employees or other subordinates.
I would suggest that when you use a contraction, you punctuate it properly with an apostrophe. For instance, where you wrote "were" it looks like you said "were submerged" instead of the "we're submerged" that you probably meant.
Free verse using 10 words from your newsfeed. What fun! It was 3 years ago. I wonder if you remember what story or stories you read using the words sleep, compassion, peace, empathy, love, kindness, confidence, overcoming, intrepid, awesome, and odessy. Just curious.
Cats really do act like they are better than us, better than any dogs in the family too.
I always enjoy a tale of what a pet might be thinking. If its owner has sleep apnea, does it think that it has revived its human? You do make me wonder.
I loved this. The first verse definitely reminded me of the 2 times that I live in Michigan. But the words, "wait 10 minutes and the weather will change" is something everyone says. I've lived in 7 states, and they all said it. It was actually more true in FL when I first moved there. It used to rain for about 10 minutes, then clear up and there would be no evidence.
That's a beautiful story. It's so much fun when people can come together to help one another. I'm so glad that the story had the Teddy bear surviving the ordeal. Frankly, I thought that it was going to be a tragedy with the bear falling apart. I like your ending.
What a wonderful story about Grandpa Joe's hat. It's interesting how people get attached to their hats, cowboy hats, fisherman hats or whatever.
I have my dad's Steeler cap with his Super Bowl tickets and miniature Terrible Towel attached to it. I wish that I had one of his other hats too, ones that he wore everywhere like Grandpa Joe.
I enjoyed reading your opinion about revisions, but I don't completely agree. Some of us often write with a connection from our brain to our hands that cannot be easily explained. Tinkering with those writings often takes away that original uniqueness.
Additionally, I would like to tell you about 3 writers I have known.
Years ago, a friend introduced me to his best friend who had struggled for 20 years with his collection of poetry. My friend knew that I had been writing poetry for 30 years and had poems published in magazines. And he knew that I was a community news editor for the local midsized newspaper.
Said poet gave me all of his poems and every revision that he had made over 20 years. What I discovered was that in every single instance, the best version of his poems was the first one. The one where he had a special connection between his brain and his hand.
My son's dad spent most of his adult life writing and rewriting his book of answers. I read what he had when we first started dating and I was impressed. Ed passed away last year at the age of 95 without ever publishing his book or finishing the many inventions he had, even though many of them had gone through the patent stages. Sadly, his adult children had no interest in exploring his computer to see what he left behind.
Then we come to my hubby of 19 years, the fellow I met right here at WDC. He has been writing a book about his first wife and their marriage since she passed away in 1980. I believe that he is on his 18th revision.
In my experience, sometimes people spend way too much time revising what was originally very good and with so many revisions turns into something mediocre or worse.
But that's just my opinion and my own experiences.
So, you took the time to acknowledge that you knew that you had written a long run on sentence, but not the time to fix it.
Many people think in run on sentences. But if they want other to read (and understand) those thoughts, they correct it so that it's easier for others to read.
Your main character is human like the rest of us, thinking that she marked the event but missing the jewelry showing any way. Then to have Jerome give her The Marie. Perfect. (I had thought that since he named it after her that he might do that.)
Welcome to Writing.com. I'm sure that you will enjoy our community. I have personally been here almost 23 years.
Be sure to get involved. Enter contests. Read and review others. Join groups. And have lots of fun. If you have questions, most of us are willing to either answer them or steer you in the right direction.
I enjoyed reading about you. And I loved the profile picture that you created.
Wow. I admire you for writing a poem about having a flood in your town and in your own home. I'm not sure that I would be able to write a poem that includes FEMA. But you did, and you did it well.
You wrote:
A rain hammer doesn't care what it strikes.
That is so true. And flooding is one thing that I fear.
I hope that you were able to fix your home and that all is well with you now.
We can always count on you to provide us with an education about different forms of poetry. This one was of particular interest to me. Having to create something that adheres to a particular shape is fascinating.
You certainly did fulfill the requirements of the String Lanturne as you wrote about the theatre.
Your first attempt at writing poetry is quite good. I enjoyed reading it aloud. (I learned long ago that reading one's own poetry aloud makes one notice any rough spots. If, perhaps, it needs a syllable added to a particular line to make them more evenly matched, for instance, that is more evident by reading aloud.)
Here:
The windows are oh so fogged an smeary,
Should it have been
The windows are oh so fogged and smeary,?
Serious question. Don't you think that if you are writing about the second coming of Christ, you should want your writing to be flawless?
You said:
Picture it a crisp cool morning in September it's nice out the weather is cool and calm. You just want to be in the nice cool calm day and sit in the sun, the sun is just warm not too cool not too hot. The sun is about to set it's that pretty orangish, yellowish, red today however it seems brighter, richer, the prettiest you have ever seen it. All of a sudden you feel a sweet-smelling breeze reach out and kiss your skin, your lips, you breathe it in.
This would be better:
Picture it, a crisp cool morning in September. It's nice out. The weather is cool and calm. You just want to be in the nice cool calm day and sit in the sun. The sun is just warm, not too cool not too hot. The sun is about to set. It's that pretty orangish, yellowish, red today, however, it seems brighter, richer and the prettiest you have ever seen. All of a sudden you feel a sweet-smelling breeze reach out and kiss your skin, your lips; you breathe it in.
The rest could use some corrections as well. Just my opinion, of course.
What a cute story about the Tooth Fairy. I loved that you used words like thou and forthwith. I also loved that you knew that talking about "age" would make us think something other than your story's actual meaning. Well done.
I did think that something was missing here. It appears to be an incomplete thought.
One day, Age came knocking on the castle door and thusly, her bottom tooth.
Putting Scripture to sonnet is a wonderful idea. I love your title. And as I read your poem aloud, it was a stark reminder of the way our Lord was treated.
Your bio says that you homeschooled for 20byears and have 7 children. Bless you. I homeschooled my only son and although it was not always easy, it was what had to be.
As I read your work of heart aloud, I did think that if you did the same you would discover where it needs tweaking. I also believe that "food an everyone" should be "food and everyone".
I also thought about William Stafford's quote that I have tucked away in my notebook.
"We do not correct a piece of writing; in doing so, we question a life." William Stafford
You write well, and it was interesting to read your opinions about freedom, liberty and independence.
But I found myself taking umbrage at this:
Most of us are ready to push aside the peace and wage war for peace. Ready to kill at a moment's notice just because a person looks different or has a different religion or worse yet does not conform to another's idea.
I personally don't know anyone who is ready to kill because someone looks different. When you wrote this, I also would have argued that in the civilized world, people don't want to kill because another's ideas are different. Obviously, today there are people who want that. But I still maintain that they are very few.
You described very well the problems of and objections to attending extended family holiday meals. So often, one of those relatives insists on bringing a dish that no one really likes, but no one has the guts (or unkindness?) to say something.
I enjoyed reading your piece. Sadly, it reminded me of how much I miss those holidays with my grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles who have all passed away.
I love this. I always tell people that poetry is like abstract art. Yes, the creator had a specific idea. But you, the reader, ultimately decide what it means or to you, how and whether it speaks to you.
I once had a pastor who said that he absolutely hated all poetry. But he was a musician who enjoyed lyrics. And as a pastor, he enjoyed reading Psalms in the Bible. I reminded him that they were both forms of poetry.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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