Wow. 8n just 23 sentences you have created quite a story. I can certainly imagine each of the individuals going through the house on their own quest. (I've read many mysteries and watched Murder She Wrote too.)
This is adorable. I love the title, and that means that I also love the character's name. I love your description. I want a heroic feather duster of my very own!
I love to read stories where inanimate objects are given personality. And jobs!
Thanks for sharing.
These days, I need some giggles every day. Laughter is supposed to help one heal.
I have to admit that I was a bit confused about the meaning of this poem. You chose "personal" and "experience" as your genres, so since over 20 years have passed, I wonder if it had a permanent impact on you.
As I read this aloud, I did notice some places where it was awkward, a few too many syllables in a line or two, a few too few in others.
I was glad that they forgot that they were sharing gossip when a more interesting topic came to mind.
It's interesting when people want to share gossip but start off,"You didn't hear it from me." In real life, if someone approaches me that way, I stop him/her from sharing. If your name cannot be revealed as the source, I'd rather not know.
I love finding poems that required specific lines and words. I love that this prompt provided "fill in the blanks". You did well with the prompts. And I enjoyed reading it aloud.
The only flaw that I saw was that if the last 7 lines were all in response to the first, it would require quotation marks at the end as well as the beginning.
In only 300 words, you were able to share quite the disastrous wedding. Having to escape by boat from a flooded church and neighborhood would probably be my worst nightmare. Drowning has always been my worst fear.
You have expressed your ideas and conclusions about success, failure and pride quite well. My son has struggled his entire life with worrying constantly about what everyone else is thinking about him. He doesn't understand that most people are not thinking about him at all.
I love reading entries for past Writer's Cramp, especially if the writing is of a form that I didn't know about (or completely forgot). It's like being back in school. Grandma said that we should learn something new every day.
I enjoyed reading your triplet poem about lemons. Reading it aloud was fun.
Hi, Jim. It looks like you did a fine job with your first attempt at writing a septolet poem. Stumbling upon it today gave me another bit of of information that I didn't have before. Grandma said that it was important to learn something new every day. Oftentimes, I do that just by reading the works of other writers here on WDC.
I'm not sure in my golden years that I would let a shadow beckon. But I probably would have years ago.
As I read your work of heart aloud, one word immediately popped into my head. Poignant. I was hit with a sense of sadness.
I myself have probably written about my heart being numb because of past hurts. If I haven't, it's only because I forgot to write down my thoughts, because I certainly did feel that way. But then I met my hubby here at Writing.com.
I loved your title and I loved that you used bold to create this work.
I would suggest that since we are given the ability to put our writings into 3 genres, that you always try to do that. You never know how someone else will find your writings. Or how they are searching. Giving people more opportunities to find you is a good idea.
Next, I would suggest adding some spaces between paragraphs or verses. Sometimes, looking at a big block of writing makes it appear like a daunting task.
I have to admit that this was not the first thing that popped up when I hit the "read and review" button. What did pop up was something about a crystal statue. But as often happens everywhere on the internet, I got lost and couldn't find my way back. And when I sought out your portfolio, I was even more confused.
So I read this poem aloud and thoroughly enjoyed it. We definitely would not appreciate the good as much if every day was always a perfect.
So...seven years ago, you vowed to read and review at least five stories or poems every day. I am curious to know how that has worked out for you. I know with me that my health has often gotten in the way of even briefly visiting here.
I would have probably broken up that first paragraph into two. (That's my newspaper editing coming through.)
I enjoyed reading and getting to know a bit about you.
Untitled works always make me sad. Titles are some of my favorite things and seeing an untitled story or poem makes me wonder if the writer stopped caring.
I would have probably named yours, " Decked out and Dapper".
I also dislike reading poems without capital letters and punctuation at the end of sentences. Sure, I love reading e e cummings poems. But it turns out, according to those closest to him, that his usage of all lower case letters was not something that he did consistently. And he almost never wrote his own name that way. It was publishers who insisted on the consistency of always using lower case and no punctuation to make his works stand out.
To me, writing in lower case with no punctuation is like always dressing for casual Fridays. But that's just me.
I did enjoy your words. But do you really think that only one bird is flashy? Aren't all of the males that way?
That could be good advice. Editing is a key to professional presentations. In most cases.
But like everything, there are exceptions. Sometimes as writers we experience something magical where there is an obvious connection between our brains and our fingers. We should be able to recognize those times.
I personally have two examples of people who spent far too much time editing, or as you say 'revamping". One is my hubby. He started writing a book about his marriage to his first wife just hours after she died on 1980. He's on his 19th complete revision.
And I met a fellow, the friend of a friend, in Texas who had written a bunch of poems that he wanted to self-publish in a book of poetry. For 20 years, he edited and tweaked his works of heart. He asked for for my help, and what I discovered was that in every single case, his first draft was the best.
I love that the current situation for your character triggered a memory.
I would suggest that you do some editing. Here are just a few of the things that need correcting.
waiting for there - should be their
It was not he closest, that was the Dairy Hut. - missing the t on the
Billy was Calebs ride - throughout your piece, you neglected to show possession. This should be "Caleb's".
Caleb and Billy would find a curb - throughout your writing, you use a passive verb instead of active. It would be stronger if you said "Caleb and Billy finally sat on the curb."
What a treat. It's always fun to find recipes. Especially cookie recipes. Especially cookie recipes from other countries.
I think that one of the things that I miss most from my childhood was that every household had some kind of cookie recipe that came from "the old country", wherever that was.
Your description says, "Brief Inspirational Poem. Hopefully Not Corny." I don't think that survival stories are ever corny. Unless I'm reading something wrong.
I'm always surprised that when the site gives us the opportunity to list in 3 genres that some don't take advantage of that. To me, the more places to find your writing, the more chances for exposure.
A 24 syllable poem. I love that idea. I knew what transpicuous meant, but I was curious about what websites might have said.
One said that the word means rare. Well... Then I found a website with over 200 synonyms of transpictuous.
They included: clear-cut, coherent, definite, distinct, evident, explicit, obvious, precise, transparent, unambiguous and unmistakable.
Discovering your poem by hitting the "Read and review" button allowed me to read an excellent poem and to explore the internet for the purpose of learning something. I did, thanks to you.
I once wrote at length about the obviousness not only of God's existence but of His love. You conveyed the same message in 24 syllables.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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