I find it rather interesting that instead of doing what some people are likely to do - through the computer or smash it to bits - you write poems instead. Good for you!
I did find one line where you intended to write "here" and instead wrote "her".
Oftentimes, when we write poems about love lost or some other experience that comes with emotional wounds, we are writing to show ourselves how easy it is to survive. I got that impression from your writing, that you might have been giving yourself some advice and words of wisdom.
Your Haiku popped up when I hit the "Read and review" button.
I love that we can write seventeen syllables about nature and have it be a complete and beautiful depiction of them. You did that quite well. I do have to admit that I almost passed this one on by because I truly hate winter.
What is it about kids from 18 to 22ish. Even those who don't attend college seem to go through the same weird rebellion about food and dishes. Most used to know how to scrape their own food into the trash can.
You have explained your experience well. And you have reminded me about how others I've known, including my son and nieces and nephews have behaved as well.
Well done. You followed the prompt to write about the bad habits of being late, impatience and blaming others. And you expressed it in eight lines. As I read your poem aloud, I loved the rhythm and the rhymes.
Thanks for sharing your work of heart.
Blessings,
Kenzie
PS My son's dad horrible about being on time. For a short while, I actually lied to him about what time events were scheduled so that he would arrive on time. But I decided that having our son believe that lying was okay was not good for any of us.
What a wonderful collection of wisdom and whimsy. Particularly liked on Sunday, April 30th. " A nation that gets its knowledge and education from movies, stand-up comedy and entertainers, better not be a model for civilization."
You do have a knack for writing short stories. And for creating an excellent surprise ending.
I probably offer the highest praise for people who can share an entire story in fewer than 300 words.
I have always been too verbose. When I wrote letters to the editor, they were always supposed to be less than 300 words.I just couldn't manage that. But I was able to keep my ideas to less than 600 words, so our local newspaper printed them as guest columns, rather than letters to the editor. After having 6 such columns published, the editor offered me a job. Ironically, I started as his assistant, having to make sure that letter submissions followed the instructions of being less than 300 words, and editing them to meet that criteria if the editor found the topic to be timely.
Once again, you created an excellent contest entry. With the topic chosen, I commend you for not using the taboo word.
Although you have explained that this is fiction, I think that you have very well described the fireworks to your fictional blind daughter.
My real son used to ask questions about subjects like this. "Mama, how would you explain fireworks to a blind child?" I can actually hear him asking such a question.
As I hit the button for "Rate and review" it is not uncommon for your poetry to be what emerges. Although I just read one of your poems, another one elbowed its way through the others. I'm almost certain that is what happens.
I'm sure what you wrote is similar to what happened. One of my Facebook connections spent years in an orphanage, one that was the worst of the worst. He always tried his best to get noticed when potential adopted parents arrived to look at who was available.
My dear Dr Gupta, you have once again managed two things with one poem. You have shared your thoughts and feelings in, as usual, beautiful poetic form. And you have once again shared a new form of poetry, at least to most of us.
I never tire of reading your works of heart. And I rarely find anything that I would change.
As usual, you offered good advice and did so with near perfection. I said "near perfection" for two readons.
#1 You have just told us that we are supposed to be honest and helpful.
#2 Sometimes, you, like many of us here, can be rather verbose in your explanations. How would I change it? I probably would not, after all, I am also among the verbose.
I arrived here at Writing.com just days before 9/11 and at that time, was working as the Community News Editor for a midsized newspaper in Texas. I often gave rather lengthy reviews, even showing the writer how I would personally tweak their work of heart. And my ideas were welcomed.
Fast forward 23 years, and we are living in a completely different world. Today, far too many newbies and even those who have been here almost as long as I have get insulted by real criticism, even if you use the "sandwich method" of happy words, followed by criticism, and ended with more happy words.
Besides all of that, I am now 72, being treated for breast cancer and have a 40 year old son who will soon be having a hip replacement on one side and bone grafts on the other. So I might sometimes be too busy to offer my really wise words.
I loved this! The title begins to tell us something. The description let's us know that you watch and value nature. I've often pondered about the wisdom of birds and squirrels myself. I'm glad that you have found wisdom in the animal kingdom as well.
As I read this aloud, I discovered that it had great rhythm and that the rhymes were not forced. I truly enjoyed reading this aloud.
What a fun find this one is. I discovered it on the page of recent reviews. I imagined that it had s familiar tone to it, then realized why. The note at the bottom said that you wrote this in 1968. That explains it. I was in high school myself at that time, and my favorite class was about poetry. We were all so thrilled to learn that every time we listened to one of our favorite records, we were studying poetry. And we were thrilled to learn that there was a thing called "free verse". I do believe that there is a particular tone to the poems written in the 60s. I heard it in yours.
It pains me that our young people are not learning much about history any more. As a youth, I was fascinated with how much religion played a role in the various European countries.
I enjoyed reading your poem aloud. It might be interesting to see how someone from different parts of the world would write about this.
Your description of the wind reminded me of the many storms that I have experienced living in areas known for having hurricanes and areas that have tornadoes. Wow.
There you go again, writing a good flash fiction with dialogue. Cool.
I really need to try this some day. I'm usually too verbose.
Yes, I was surprised at the ending. You got me again. I'm in the age category now where people expect that to happen. I can remember my aunt always said, "my forgetter is working overtime. "
Reading your work of heart was a bit confusing to me. As it is, it appears to be one long sentence. I definitely suggest that you add punctuation, then check your grammar and spelling.
Remember, you are learning to be a writer. Editing should be expected.
Welcome to Writing.com. You have obviously shared your feelings. I have to admit that reading it made me wonder about your age and whether or not English is your native language. I, personally, would not be impressed with someone professing their love using no punctuation and having spelling errors. But that's me. Perhaps the love of your life will be impressed with the effort.
What a great kid's story in poetic form. As I read it aloud, it flowed well. The rhythm was good and the rhymes were not forced. I enjoyed reading it. It made me smile, which is quite important these days.
As usual, your poem was well presented. Reading it aloud showed that the rhythm was good and the rhymes made sense.
When this was written, there were certain problems and questions about reality. Sixteen years later, even more people are confused about what is reality and what is fantasy.
Hello, Anetra Morrigan . Welcome to Writing.com. I'm glad that you found us. From what you wrote, it sounds like you just might need our wonderful community. I, personally, have been here for 23 years. I've developed many friendships. In fact, I met my hubby here and we have been married for 19 years.
I enjoyed reading your introduction, but not that you are in pain. I hope that the act of writing about that pain will help you get rid of it, or at least tone it down.
Well done, Jay. As usual, your writing is flawless. You taught us a lot about the plants that you love and the ones that you grow. You also reminded me that although I thoroughly enjoy looking at flowers and smelling them, I cannot grow them. Or anything. I once helped my boss document her life experiences, for which her college rewarded her 60 college credit hours. My reward for helping her was a huge terrarium that she made for me with mostly succulents and with very easy and clear directions. I killed it, just like every other plant I've ever tried to grow.
My goodness, how times have changed. The word "sex" was probably never uttered in the classroom of baby boomers like myself.
I wonder at the ability of teachers today to teach anything. It's been a few years since I last volunteered at an elementary school, but it was chaos. It's no wonder that kids "graduate" not being able to do simple math or to read.
I wonder how you might have to change much of the wording of this just 2 years later. As most left leaning cities, this one is diverse in skin hues and ethnicities, but not of thoughts.
Once upon a time, we could debate about policies. Not so much any more. It makes me sad.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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