That was quite creative. Since you saw a mouse, a mustang horse and a dragon, it appears that you were dreaming.
I would suggest that you watch your verb tenses. For most of this, you wrote in the past tense, but there were two places where you switched to present tense.
Here is one:
Soon, after the full moon comes out from
behind the cloud, an owl hooted.
Past tense would be:
Soon, after the full moon came out from
behind the cloud, an owl hooted.
And here:
A train, 60 miles away from home,
sounds its horn as it gets ready to travel west.
This seems rather personal. As such, it becomes something that is difficult to review.
I would start, however, with asking about your title. I believe that you meant "You're Lost".
After that, I would suggest that you look at published novels, poetry, essays, even letters to the editor. Even though they may show emotions, they are written not only for the writer to have the opportunity to vent, but for the reader to read and offer comments, and perhaps comfort. To do that, the writer should really make sure that the piece is readable, using capital letters, punctuation and correct grammar.
That's just my opinion, of course. You can certainly ignore it if you so choose.
I absolutely love your title. Titles are some of my favorite things.
What you wrote made me sad. There are so many invisible illnesses. One would thing that by now people would understand that and no one would have to explain what life is like with one of them.
I loved this! I'm fascinated by people who can successfully write flash fiction, and you did. I'm still chuckling about the twist at the end that I didn't expect. Well done. Stories are fun when the animals come to life. Most of us would love it if our pets could talk to us.
Yes, you made me giggle with that ending. Way to go.
Every time that I hear a mom talk about what her son has done to a washer or dryer, I think of my cousin. He loved the sound of the metal dustpan rolling around in either one.
My son was always commandeering things around the house as he pretended to be various types of people or animals. I'm surprised that he left most of the appliances alone.
What interesting observations about growing old and closer to one's expiration date.
You said, "dying was something others did."
Quite frankly, although I had a massive heart attack 3 years ago and have been on oxygen ever since, and although I have now been diagnosed with breast cancer, to me dying is still something other.do.
What an interesting observation. Yes, as we recount the stories of our past, we do seem to become braver individuals.
Still, not everything is an exaggeration. People who were not there, especially who were not alive, have a difficult time understanding exactly what we might have experienced. They can laugh at the idea of us walking to and from school in the snow, going uphill both ways. But unless they took the same route, they would not understand that there were multiple hills, so, of course we could walk uphill both ways.
But to those who were not there, those exaggerations definitely sound like "dad's fishing stories".
270 words. The way that you told the story, it seemed like you had ten times that many words available. Good for you!
I love that you created a criminal with a heart, one that could not possibly allow a woman to die in front of him. His partner was fine with just ripping her off and leaving.
It's nice to know that criminals can have a heart, at least in our minds.
It's interesting that you wrote this in 2022. For most people, the idea of artificial intelligence being able to write creatively was not something that they were concerned about back then.
Today is much different. Now, I've had writer friends wondering how soon it will be before they are unnecessary.
You have some interesting observations about life.
As always, I would suggest that you list more than one genre when you can. It can help people find your writing if they are not normally inclined to read your first genre choice, but might read your second.
More suggestions:
You wrote:
When you hear the people around you spewing nonsense around you while you stay quiet bearing all the frustration inside you asking yourself why don't they understand your feelings. You realize how lonely you are.
Perhaps:
You hear the people around you spewing nonsense while you stay quiet bearing all the frustration inside you. Asking yourself, "why don't they understand your feelings?", you realize how lonely you are.
Another awkward part:
Humans are way more fragile than you think they may seem strong at first but no matter how strong they are they always can hit their lowest.
Perhaps:
Humans are way more fragile than you think. They may seem strong at first, but no matter how strong they are they always can hit their lowest.
Oh, wow. For decades, we have asked and answered, "Where were you on November 22, 1963?" I have never heard anyone answer, "We were trying to tour the White House." But I imagine that there were people in that position. People loved touring the White House.
Thanks for sharing. This was something to make one think.
I always enjoy seeing various forms of poetry. You described this one well, and appeared to follow it.
Spring is my favorite time of year. I love watching flowers pop up. I love the lush green that abounds. And I truly love listening to the birds sing and watching the squirrels romp.
Wow! I absolutely loved your poem about riding a bike when it was supposed to be 8 days until autumn, meaning that it should have still been summer. The description of what it was like riding in the rain was great. Quite descriptive.
But my favorite part was the description of the weatherman:
Thanks for sharing what an adventure in another country where you cannot communicate can be like. Most people are not brave enough to even consider trying this. Making a misstep with the teacher was quite funny. I'm glad she was able to laugh at being called grandma.
I wou suggest that you choose some genres for your piece if you want it to get recognition. Some people specifically search those genres for reading material, but I doubt that they look for "other".
That is some good writing. If it was an adventure movie, these scenes would have first caused me gasping, then laugh. Falling off a bridge? Being swarmed by mosquitoes? Almost getting stuck in quick sand? And hhaving monkeys wanting to play with them? None of that sounds like an adventure to me. And yet they persevered.
I love your poem! It's wonderful that you wrote this for your wife. The message is fantastic. And as I read this aloud, I enjoyed both the rhythm and the rhymes.
I particularly loved this:
Good neighbors go and jobs unwind,
a friend can let me down.
But in your arms I always find
a harbor safe and sound.
Congratulations on being married for so long. And thanks for sharing.
The clues indicate that normally Amy purchased two dozen doughnuts every Tuesday and ate them all herself, but we cannot be sure that she usually stayed and ate them at the doughnut shop. This time, she and her new friend stayed and ate them all and the idea and how the fed each other sickened the shop employee.
Hmmm. This was written fourteen years ago, when it was still okay to be concerned about obesity and people's eating habits. I wonder if you would have written it today. I hope so.
I never thought about making eggplant burgers. These sound great.
You have written the list of ingredients. And you have described how to mix those ingredients as well as how to cook the patties. And you suggest eating them with or without a bun.
What a cute poem. It's a bit awkward as you read it aloud, but I still love it. Perhaps you can read it aloud and see what I mean. The line ending in "happy" for instance, sound like the rhyme was forced.
I enjoyed reading this aloud. I learned long ago that every poem should be read aloud.
I also enjoyed reading about this particular form. At first,.it seemed a bit confusing, but once I went back to look at your work of heart it made more sense.
Wow. That's some story about how you arrived at WDc and how you progressed to become a yellow case. Way to go!
My story is different. I had already experienced 3 writing sites that ended up closing down. When I found this one, I knew right away that it would be around for a while.
I arrived about a week before 9/11 so in a few months, I will have my 23rd anniversary.
I appreciate you sharing your story and look forward to reading more of your portfolio.
Such excellent advise. Smile. It helps you cope through problems. Amen to that.
I also liked your advice about winning and losing. As children, we were taught to celebrate the successes of others. After all, it's a sin to covet your neighbor's stuff. Even their blue ribbons.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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