Kruzwei's (kruzwei) Reviews

Kruzwei

Review Requests: OFF

22 Public Reviews Given

22 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4157782

Review of Two Mothers

Review by Kruzwei

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello there!

This is an interesting poem, and honestly -- it's really good. I feel that the first and third stanzas are good as they are, though I will admit that the first time I read the second line in the third stanza, I wanted -- so badly -- to make the word "met", "meet", though it makes complete sense as it is presented. My only true complaint is with the second stanza in which the meter feels particularly off and the word "tenuously" feels off of that which you are looking. In the stanza, you aim for this metaphor of a tapestry woven between these two women -- which is, don't get me wrong, a beautiful metaphor -- however, it feels forced. Whether the stanza was made so that it felt off -- reinforcing the word tenuous in the form of meter -- it simply stands out in a really odd way against the other two stanzas that surround it, which possess really good meter and word choice.

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4157772

Review of My Lady of the Mist

Review by Kruzwei

Rated: E

| (2.5)

I will begin by stating that I really like the imagery that you are going for here. In terms of overall construction, however, I feel that the piece is a bit too disjointed for how smooth and flowing the narrative tries to be in not only its description but its setting. In a sense, I can understand the idea that in dreams--fragments or pieces of imagery are what collect and construct a moving picture--but the writing, unfortunately, does not feel like it accomplishes this idea. Instead, if you were to mix, a bit more often, longer sentences amidst shorter ones, it would give a much greater impact of the scene. Try mixing details of setting with one another, and when you want to establish something of greater impact, isolate it. Do not be worried, either, of adding dashes to the piece. Perhaps in certain places, a good dash could replace a period. This would allow for a greater sense of stream-of-consciousness. To conclude, the piece is good. It possesses what it needs to succeed--it however needs some revision to make it great.

3

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3872013

Review of A Worshiper of Light

Review by Kruzwei

In affiliation with The Dark Side to Magic

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Greetings Prosperous Snow,

First, I would like thank you for submitting to our contest; we hope that you check up on us weekly, as we have new prompts every week!
Now then, on to the actual review..

The poem is nice and quaint. The way that each stanza unfolds from the object--the light--projects nice form and imagery. It establishes a center from which the rest of each stanza will branch out and expand. Furthermore, though the light remains key throughout the three stanzas, the focus gradually shifts and moves forward. At first, the cavern is obscured in "somber night", but that changes when a "white-hot flame" emerges in human form and comforts the acolyte, who in return reveres it. Without a doubt, your structure is solid. Being a bit nit-picky, however, I do believe that the first line in the first stanza should not have "the" before "light". I get that it throws the syllables off a bit, but I am sure you can manipulate some word(s) to compensate. The reason I desire this change is to retain the sound that the following two stanzas possess. In both examples, the light is addressed thusly : "Rising from the heart of light" and "Before the altar of light", which leaves the first stanza as the odd man out.

Though your structure and sound are well established, I feel that your power and your emotions are lacking. What I mean by this is the words are there, the descriptiveness is there, but behind all that fluff, the core is really small and not that enticing. It is like eating a peanut butter cup without that much peanut butter. All you get is the dark and hunky chocolate, and none of the smooth and rich peanut butter--not that the chocolate is bad, but having both in moderation to compliment each other is where it's at. That being said, I really feel like all you did was capture the image and not the thoughts, the emotions running through the scene, which is, sadly, that which I am searching. Thus, in terms of the prompt, I give a 2 for structure, sound, and style. In terms of an actual rating, I'd give it a 3 (which I will give).

So, all in all:

Personal contest rating : 2
Personal review rating : 3

Regards,

Kruzwei

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

4

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3872011

Review of A Worshiper of Light

Review by Kruzwei

In affiliation with The Dark Side to Magic

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Greetings Prosperous Snow,

First, I would like thank you for submitting to our contest; we hope that you check up on us weekly, as we have new prompts every week!
Now then, on to the actual review..

The poem is nice and quaint. The way that each stanza unfolds from the object--the light--projects nice form and imagery. It establishes a center from which the rest of each stanza will branch out and expand. Furthermore, though the light remains key throughout the three stanzas, the focus gradually shifts and moves forward. At first, the cavern is obscured in "somber night", but that changes when a "white-hot flame" emerges in human form and comforts the acolyte, who in return reveres it. Without a doubt, your structure is solid. Being a bit nit-picky, however, I do believe that the first line in the first stanza should not have "the" before "light". I get that it throws the syllables off a bit, but I am sure you can manipulate some word(s) to compensate. The reason I desire this change is to retain the sound that the following two stanzas possess. In both examples, the light is addressed thusly : "Rising from the heart of light" and "Before the altar of light", which leaves the first stanza as the odd man out.

Though your structure and sound are well established, I feel that your power and your emotions are lacking. What I mean by this is the words are there, the descriptiveness is there, but behind all that fluff, the core is really small and not that enticing. It is like eating a peanut butter cup without that much peanut butter. All you get is the dark and hunky chocolate, and none of the smooth and rich peanut butter--not that the chocolate is bad, but having both in moderation to compliment each other is where it's at. That being said, I really feel like all you did was capture the image and not the thoughts, the emotions running through the scene, which is, sadly, that which I am searching. Thus, in terms of the prompt, I give a 2 for structure, sound, and style. In terms of an actual rating, I'd give it a 3 (which I will give).

So, all in all:

Personal contest rating : 2
Personal review rating : 3

Regards,

Kruzwei

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .