Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until we finish judging.
Overall Impression - You made me really work for this one, didn't you? When I first read it, I thought it was the first time that I didn't understand one of your poems. So, I reread it again, but this time I looked at each verb and followed the connections you were making. Viola, a light went off. You bounced back and forth between the limits of reflection and avoidance. Resting on the misconstrued image of you in the reflection, hmmm...
Poetry Elements -
Tyburn - is a six line poem consisting of 2, 2, 2, 2, 9, 9 syllables.
The first four lines rhyme and are all descriptive words. The last two lines rhyme and incorporate
the first, second, third, and fourth lines as the 5th through 8th syllables.
You have pushed the rules here, but I agree with you that there's nothing that says descriptive words must be adjectives. As long as the words you choose escribe something, in this class actions. A risk, but weaving action into misunderstanding seems natural, and quite ingenious.
Suggestions - None.
Favorite part or line - "Reflections oft' eschew review."
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hello KSutton working on 6th book! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until we finish judging.
Overall Impression - A playful splash in the rain. You took a light-hearted direction from the prompt.
Poetry Elements -
Tyburn - is a six line poem consisting of 2, 2, 2, 2, 9, 9 syllables.
The first four lines rhyme and are all descriptive words. The last two lines rhyme and incorporate
the first, second, third, and fourth lines as the 5th through 8th syllables.
You appear to have followed the requirements perfectly.
Suggestions -
"Rain's reflection tipping toeing through" - this line doesn't track completely. The reflection isn't tipping, toeing through, the feet are completing that. I know you are limited by the form, but it ends up feeling like the line serves the rhyme, not the feeling.
Favorite part or line - The playful colors that you used in the beginning. They added to the playful feeling of this piece.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hello Sum1! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until we finish judging.
Overall Impression - A disturbing look at the prompt, but it fits because of the combination of reflection and playful dancing. You seem to have mirrored the water's reflection with another person watching her spontaneous dance. Although, the idea is "perverse" the writing is good. I also like that Converse became the word that you played off of - this shows a lot of skill.
Poetry Elements -
Tyburn - is a six line poem consisting of 2, 2, 2, 2, 9, 9 syllables.
The first four lines rhyme and are all descriptive words. The last two lines rhyme and incorporate
the first, second, third, and fourth lines as the 5th through 8th syllables.
You appear to have followed the requirements perfectly.
Suggestions - I think coerce and perverse should be reversed. First, comes the thoughts that are perverse. Then, come the actions which involve coercion and the threat. Just a thought.
Favorite part or line - the symbolic direction you took. You used the reflection aspect of the picture to create a real voyeur.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hello bobibillius! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until we finish judging.
Overall Impression - An interesting direction from the prompt. You saw a feet in a tennis shoe and immediately pictured a flawed goddess.
Poetry Elements -
Tyburn - is a six line poem consisting of 2, 2, 2, 2, 9, 9 syllables.
The first four lines rhyme and are all descriptive words. The last two lines rhyme and incorporate
the first, second, third, and fourth lines as the 5th through 8th syllables.
You appear to have followed the rules perfectly.
Suggestions -
"Faultless save her loveless, yearless tears" - if she is loveless where do her tears come from? In the description of this piece you indicate she is a faulted goddess, so, I talk loveless as one of her flaws - perhaps she is cold. Generally, I do not associate tears with cold, loveless people.
Favorite part or line - The unusual take on the prompt. You read into the tennis shoes, wet concrete, and upraised foot, and you saw a flawed goddess. Nice .
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hello romance_junkie! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until we finish judging.
Overall Impression - A piece that focuses on the movement of a dancer. I was waiting for a dance interpretation . I like the fluidity of the idea.
Your connection to the picture is very clear.
Poetry Elements -
Tyburn - is a six line poem consisting of 2, 2, 2, 2, 9, 9 syllables.
The first four lines rhyme and are all descriptive words. The last two lines rhyme and incorporate
the first, second, third, and fourth lines as the 5th through 8th syllables.
You followed the requirements perfectly.
Suggestions - None.
Favorite part or line - I like the variety of movement you were able to build into this piece. I had to read through a few times to comprehend all of the different kinds that you layered in. Well done!
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hello An apple a day....! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until we finish judging.
Overall Impression - A nice piece about the freedom kids feel in the rain versus the protective feeling their mothers' feel. I like the complete story that you tell. I can see the kids and mothers leaving the shoe store and suddenly encountering rain. Then, the kids start playing in the rain while wearing their new shoes, and their poor mothers sigh in response.
Poetry Elements -
Tyburn - is a six line poem consisting of 2, 2, 2, 2, 9, 9 syllables.
The first four lines rhyme and are all descriptive words. The last two lines rhyme and incorporate
the first, second, third, and fourth lines as the 5th through 8th syllables.
You appear to have followed all of the requirements perfectly.
Suggestions - I think a full stop after by would create a nice pause, which reflects the transition between the kids and the mothers.
Favorite part or line - "moms on sidelines waiting, warning, sigh."
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hi, Ken! This review is part of your PDG Rocking Review Package . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - A deep look at how sadness can invade your heart. You did an excellent job of representing the depth of sadness without ever mentioning the word.
Structure and Organization - Your challenge was to adhere to the requirements of a villanelle. A nineteen-line poem with two repeating rhymes and two refrains, five tercets followed by a quatrain. Using capitals for the refrains and lowercase letters for the rhymes, the form could be expressed as: A1 b A2 / a b A1 / a b A2 / a b A1 / a b A2 / a b A1 A2. The villanelle has no established meter.
The complexity of this form was perfectly executed and the fact that you wove the depth of real sadness into the form requirements really speaks to your skill, Ken.
Suggestions - None.
Favorite Part or Line - The presence of emotion. It reveals itself in each and every line.
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hi 🌖 HuntersMoon! I'm reviewing a piece of your writing as part of your PDG Gift Package . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - This piece is a beautiful, but sad, reminder of what it feels like when you lose someone you love. A wonderful tribute to your wife, Ken .
Structure and Organization - Even though the notes explained that this was an open prompt, you appear to have added a rhyme scheme. I found end rhymes in at least two lines, from each stanza. The opening stanza doubled that, and two of the other stanzas referenced end rhymes from earlier verses. Your complexity shows even in open prompts .
Suggestions - None, your mastery is hard to improve upon.
Favorite Part or Line - The depth of emotion. While you lament your loss, you also pay homage to your relationship. It really is beautiful, Ken.
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hello J. P. Davis! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until we finish judging.
Overall Impression - A deceptively simple poem that has layers of meaning just below the surface. You have crafted an interesting look at walking a less-used path, and made it your own. Unfortunately, you did not create this specifically for this contest, this is copyrighted in 2008, which was required in the rules. Too bad, because this is really good.
Poetry Elements - The Nonet requires that the first line has 9 syllables, the second 8, and so on. You appear to have followed the requirements perfectly.
Suggestions - None.
Favorite part or line - "Broad is the path, to destruction." Such a thought-provoking way to express this.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hi Ken! I dropped in for a review today . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - A beautiful piece about the transitions, both visible and sensed, leading the Earth into fall.
Structure and Organization -
"Form: "Terza Rima Sonnet" consists of four tercets (three-lined stanzas) with an interlocking rhyme scheme and a closing couplet (two-lined stanza) which links back to the first stanza (14 total lines). According to ShadowPoetry.com, the Terza Rima Sonnet has eleven syllables per line. The rhyme scheme for the Terza Rima Sonnet is aba, bcb, cdc, ded, ee. – lines 1 and 3 rhyme with line 2 of the preceding stanza, and the couplet rhymes with line 2 of the fourth tercet."
You have followed the form requirements perfectly. I really enjoyed how you connected the closing couplet back to the first tercet, via time. I can imagine the seeds of the new season waiting beneath the barren landscape, awaiting the arrival of Spring. Beautiful !
Suggestions - None.
Favorite Part or Line - "the trees make a covenant, in reds and gold" a beautiful way to express the visual pattern. This almost feels like a hint at writing, the covenant "written" in red and gold ink (maybe just my overly-active imagination ).
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hello serve-him! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until we finish judging.
Overall Impression - A piece about the possbilities inherent in a road.
Poetry Elements - The Nonet requires that the first line has 9 syllables, the second 8, ans so on. You appear to have followed the requirements perfectly.
Suggestions - This poem lacks clarity and emotion. You are clear in articulating the possbilities of the road, but then you just mention the places it could go. Maybe when you revise you should ask yourself what you want your reader to feel and then find words to convey that to them.
Favorite part or line - "The long road which many travel"
This line is filled with possibilites.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hello KSutton working on 6th book! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until we finish judging.
Overall Impression - A very visual take on the prompt. The imagery has some striking elements.
Poetry Elements - The Nonet requires that the first line has 9 syllables, the second 8, ans so on. You did not follow the requirements of this form, you have ten lines.
Although a rhyme scheme was not required you added one that appears to be a/b/a/b/a/b/a/b/c/b.
Suggestions - You fist need to revise one of the lines out, if you want to have a Nonet.
I'm not sure about the "you weep" line. The sun does not go away during winter, it simply provides more direct light to the other hemisphere. Why would it weep? I know you meant this metaphorically and yet it doesn't completely fit. Perhaps the Earth or the people should weep, because they remain in in the "shade".
Favorite part or line - "your golden orb does glow then fade."
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hello Sum1! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until we finish judging.
Overall Impression - This starts out pretty strong, bringing the reader in with with a description of the setting and time. It fell apart in the last few lines, kind of transitioning into a cliche.
Poetry Elements - The Nonet requires that the first line has 9 syllables, the second 8, ans so on. You fulfilled the requirements of this form perfectly.
Additionally, you added a rhyme scheme of aa bb cc dd e. A rhyme scheme was not necessary and your decision to use one may be part of the reason this piece fell apart. Perhaps limiting yourself forced you to go the cliche route, instead of flowing from where you began.
Suggestions - I think you need to revise this so that it includes more personal word choices. Hon, arms and charms - all have much more emotive synonyms that could create a bigger impact.
Favorite part or line -
"The sun is sinking low in the sky
The road just looks to slink on by
"
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hello T. Michael Carnes! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until judging is finished.
Overall Impression - A meeting of the Gods and man are found in this interesting poem. Your perpective on the prompt was very intriguing.
Poetry Elements - The Nonet requires that the first line contain 9 syllables, the second 8, and so on... You appear to have followed the requirements perfectly.
Although a rhyme scheme was not required you appear to have added a partial one: aa bb cdefg.
Suggestions - I think you need a comma after brightly, this would allow a pause in that line. Otherwise it reads straight through, interfering with the flow.
Favorite part or line - "Apollos steads charge across the skies" - I have to admit that I went and looked up Apollo, because I couldn't remember what he was the God of, when I saw he was the God of the sun I decided this was the most brilliant way to transition from the image to your piece. Well done!
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hello Kayla Sullivan! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until judging is finished.
Overall Impression - A totally fresh perspective on the prompt. I love the title, BTW .
Poetry Elements - The Nonet requires that the first line contain 9 syllables, the second 8, and so on... You appear to have followed the requirements perfectly.
This free form piece takes us on a journey with two American women, and yet there is so much more here.
Suggestions - I felt like I wanted to know more. Perhaps my only suggestion would be to build this out into a full poem, after the contest of course.
Favorite part or line - "we flew like thieves through desert night"
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hello left17! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, pease do not edit until judging is finished.
Overall Impression - A vivid warning about the pains of burning passion.
Poetry Elements - A Nonet requires that the first line contains 9 syllables, the second 8, and so on... You did not fulfill this requirement. Your first line, "inside my heart passion burns me", has six syllables. I verified this with an online calculator, but even with my pronunciation it was seven.
Suggestions - Fix your syllable count. Also take a look at your second line, lava would not really flood your soul. You need to think about metaphors instead of stating that something is literally happening.
Favorite part or line - The strong emotional current that drives this piece, you clearly have a passionate perspective.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hello McAlhany! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until the judging is finished.
Overall Impression - A confusing piece that does not fulfill the requirements of the form.
Poetry Elements - A Nonet requires that the first line has 9 syllables, the second 8 syllables, and so on... You failed to meet this requirement. Your second line "Arrogant spirit cloaked in Amber" - has 10 syllables. I confirmed this with an online counter.
Additionally, your word choices are awkward and lack clarity; example - "Fade to the sun my rich ash".
Suggestions - Go back through this with an eye on word flow and then syllable count, if you want to keep this in form.
Favorite part or line - "Arrogant spirit cloaked in Amber"
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hello AiEnma09! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until judging is finished.
Overall Impression - Did you read the requirements of the contest?
Poetry Elements - A Nonet requires that the first line has 9 syllables, the second line 8, and so on... You did not follow these rules at all. You have seven stanzas of four lines each. Your syllable counts also do not adhere to the form, even I were to ignore all of the additional lines.
Suggestions - In addition to needing to revise this to follow the rules, you have numerous grammar, word choice and capitallization errors. Revision is the next step with this piece.
Favorite part or line - The reflections on a life well lived.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hello Sharkdaddy! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, do not edit until we finish judging.
Overall Impression - You turned this poem into a personal narrative with the reader in the seat beside you. Interesting!
Poetry Elements - A nonet requires the first line contain 9 syllables, the second 8, and so on... You appear to have followed the requirements perfectly.
Although there's no particular rhyme scheme present, and none was required, you have a certain rhythm to htis piece. The rhythym seems to mimic your movement in the car, nice touch.
Suggestions - The end appears to shift the flow. You change from an almost cautionary piece about the speed of your life and the sky's warning to just seeing home ahead. Perhaps different word choices could hint at home's distance because of the red sky or speed. Just a thought.
Favorite part or line - The personal way this poem reads. It really reads like a poetic conversation.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hello An apple a day....! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until judging is finished.
Overall Impression - This is very vivid and alive. After reading the first line I sat a little straighter in my chair, because I was enjoying the imagery you created.
Poetry Elements - The Nonet requires the first line to have 9 syllables, the second line to have 8 syllables, and so on...You appeared to have followed this perfectly, even though I admit I had to check the syllable count of orange (the way I pronounce it, it is one. Alas, I was wrong ).
The detailed image you crafted from all of the sensory words you used brought this piece to life. I could hear, taste, feel, see and touch the environment you created.
Additionally, you added rhymes to this even though it is not a requirement. Your craft shone through in this piece, congrats!
Suggestions - The punctuation is my only suggestion, and it's more of a personal preference. Technically you are correct to use the semi-colons and periods where you have, but they seem to distract rather than add to the flow.
Favorite part or line -
"Undulating heat sizzles and fries;
baconlike road before my eyes"
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
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Hello Winnie Kay! I am reviewing your work on behalf of "Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS" [E]. Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression - This piece conveys a strong current of emotion. The intimacy this moment presents us with can only be found when two people have spent their lives together.
Story/Poetry Elements -
The hook immediately establishes the season and where Thomas is now.
The conversation between Thomas and Wilma is emotionally charged, but that emotion is woven into the sharing of a past memory. Wilma's grief is so evident that Thomas reminds her that he will never really leave, and the reader is left with an understading of their strong eternal connection. This characterization is important because it is the central focus of this short piece, and I think it was well done.
Suggestions -
"You were my life..." - this line doesn't seem necessary. She just said that it isn't the same, and I think that line would reasonate more if you dropped the you were my life part. Then the reader can build their own sense of what's different, perhaps making more of a connection to what Wilma's going through.
Favorite part or line - The emotional depth written into this piece. Only someone who has experienced a long-term relationship with another person can imagine what it must be like when they leave. You have conveyed that knowledge very well. I hope this is not autobiographical .
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hi RadioShea! I dropped in for a review today . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - I can see why this won The Writer's Cramp. You took this piece is a totally unexpected direction, all from the line about the little dog barking.
Structure and Organization - You have set this up as a short flash fiction piece that immediately establishes a bit of backstory and an emotional hook.
The conflict throughout is loneliness and what Martha chooses to do to resolve it. In marches a little barking dog, per the prompt, and the final resolution is heart-warming.
Suggestions - My suggestion is really a simmple thing, but " Now I care not about the house, nor does it care about me." sounds a bit formal. Perhaps a line edit could improve it.
Favorite Part or Line - The dog's role in resolving the conflict.
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hi Than Pence! I dropped in for a review today, because you reviewed me a while back . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - An interesting piece about an insect hitchhiker.
Structure and Organization - A poem that make use of rhyming couplets.
Suggestions -
"To go speed never tried?" - speeds
The end rhymes in the first couplet are not really a good match.Perhaps revising this could improve the overall flow.
Favorite Part or Line - The psychological insight into the driver's mind. You really create an interesting take on what the driver feels as he gazes upon his winged companion.
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hello tangerinedream ! I am reviewing your work on behalf of "Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS" [E], because you requested a review. Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression - A list of things that make you happy. You created some distinct images with this exercise.
Writing Elements - This appears to be a writing exercise to remind yourself about the things that you value. It would be interesting to use these as prompts. Each one has a natural emotional connection for you, and as such could be fleshed out into scenes/stories/poems.
Suggestions - Maybe including a brief description about what you are attempting to accomplish with this list. Another idea is to turn this into an In and Out, where other writers can add what makes them happy. It would be a great way to connect to the other WDC writers.
A couple of the entries do not have periods and #'s 10 and 14 have two periods.
Favorite part or line - The tenderness of your voice as you describe happiness derived from your relationships. This conveys a kind and connected person .
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hi chad! I dropped in for a review today . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - This piece is an interesting beginning, that contains some of the necessary story elements.
Structure and Organization - You have created a short story with a hook of loud classical music. The conflict is a cop who desperately wants to find a serial killer, but faces the dilemma of little evidence and no witnesses. The resolution brings us to someone the cop knows (I won't reveal anything else).
You have recounted this story entirely in telling narration. It's as if we're sitting acrross the table from one another and you're revealing what happened. Good storytelling comes with showing narration. By showing your reader what happened via descriptive words, active verbs and sensory details you allow them to walk through the scene.
Suggestions - You have a number of punctuation and spelling mistakes, I will point out some of them for you.
- Your first sentence needs a period.
- The paragraph where the cop phones Kim has a series of quotation marks, but you never inserted dialogue tags so the dialogue is continuous. When you have ongoing dialogue from a single speaker you do not need to open and close quotes after each period.
- thru is supposed to be through
- “Claire how did you get this address” - you need a question mark at the end of this.
There are more errors. You really need to edit and revise this piece, if you want to make it shine.
Favorite Part or Line - The use of Mozart as an accessory to the murders.
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
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Overall Impression - You made me really work for this one, didn't you? When I first read it, I thought it was the first time that I didn't understand one of your poems. So, I reread it again, but this time I looked at each verb and followed the connections you were making. Viola, a light went off. You bounced back and forth between the limits of reflection and avoidance. Resting on the misconstrued image of you in the reflection, hmmm...
Poetry Elements - 
Suggestions - None.
Favorite part or line - "Reflections oft' eschew review." 
.
Overall Impression - A deep look at how sadness can invade your heart. You did an excellent job of representing the depth of sadness without ever mentioning the word. 
Structure and Organization - Your challenge was to adhere to the requirements of a villanelle. A nineteen-line poem with two repeating rhymes and two refrains, five tercets followed by a quatrain. Using capitals for the refrains and lowercase letters for the rhymes, the form could be expressed as: A1 b A2 / a b A1 / a b A2 / a b A1 / a b A2 / a b A1 A2. The villanelle has no established meter. 
Suggestions - None. 
Favorite Part or Line - The presence of emotion. It reveals itself in each and every line. 
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