Daizy,
This is hilarious . I only have editing suggestions (everything else is wonderful) -
"Red ones and blueones" - seperate blue and ones with a space.
"And maybe the will send his dog Max" - the should be he.
"firends" - Did you intend to say friends?
Write on !
Krakyderm,
It is obvious how much WDC means to you . I enjoyed reading your commentary about transforming from an uninterested student into a writer, especially considering the fact that I am a teacher. Thank you for caring so much about this community, it is people like you who make this site welcoming and inviting for writers of all ages and types.
Write, read and participate on !
Nicki,
I stumbled across your blog and found your entry about this little spec. fiction piece. I decided to give it a read . Thank you for the description of what spec. fiction is, I didn't know either. I enjoyed this story, if enjoyed is the right word . Although they had something coming I still felt for the characters - A+ to you as the author. I don't have any suggestions. Write on !
Leeboi,
I saw this static and decided to give it a read. I enjoyed your tale of the coyote and his prey, but I don't understand the last line. Is the coyote really "lost in translation?" I do not think this line matches the straight-forward hunt that occurred right before. This is just a thought from one reader, use it if it helps your process. Write on !
Hyperion,
This is a great use of the flash fiction prompt. You took three unrelated words and deftly created a sad story of an aging rocker and his isolated lifestyle. I hope you won the Daily FLash Fiction for this piece because it is well done , which given the word count limitations is tricky. Write on !
Peeps,
First before the review I have a suggestion for the title - Reflection. Take it if you feel it fits .
Now to the review:
Overall - This is very beautiful poem and your timing is perfect.
Suggestions - I think you need a period after "magnificent". Also, I would rethink "prime", simply because the change in color does not reflect health but season, so prime feels incorrect here.
This review is my opinion only, use it if it helps . Write on !
Kingdom,
This feels exceptionally personal and so I wish to offer my sympathy if this flows from a real-life loss . Overall, you have nailed the intensity and emotion felt with loss, so great job . I do have one suggestion though, the second line in the last stanza would read better if you took "internal" out. This is just my two cents, take it if it helps. Write on !
Phoenix
Kingdom,
Well sohcathoa (spelling?), this is entertaining . I took you up on your invitation and found this interesting poem in your port. It's reminiscient of Trig. class, oh the memories... The only question I have is was "hole" intentional in the first line, or did you intend to write whole? I do not have any suggestions, other than write on !
Jenny,
This feels very emotional. I don't know if this was personal or if the muse handed you this, but I can feel your involvement in your writing. Thank you for this . You took some cliches that could have been empty and infused them with meaning. My only suggestion is to push it further, maybe a little tweaking and this would definitely be a five. Write on !
Winnie,
Congratulations on your win . I saw this static and thought I would give it a review.
Overall - This is a touching moment in a family. You have created a compelling window into which we as readers can glimpse the sense of turmoil that aging and illness brings to a family.
Suggestion - The transition from Joyce in her mind and Wilma coming in feels a little choppy.
Favorite Line - "Now, dressed in a drool-stained sweater and faded jeans, cameras seldom snapped a demanding pose."
Bellz,
I'm a member of the Oct. 1st Paper Doll group and I thought I would stop by your port . I took a look at this piece and I thought I would review it. Overall, I think this piece conveys a tremendous amount of emotion. I hope this piece helped you and provided a release during your dark period. I do not have any specific suggestions. Write on !
Phyduex,
I decided to return the review and checked your port. I found this piece and the description intrigued me, I am impressed . This is fantastic, I read this with great interest because my son loves to play chess and I learned at the same time he did. This would be a great tool for older kids when they learn chess. As to the writing, it is quite poetic. My favorite line was: "The knights weren’t forgotten the night of the spell, forsaken though, quite. They were all cursed to “ell”!" Thank you for the read and write on !
Dan,
I want to comment on your note at the bottom first; raising kids is the toughest job we ever attempt. I feel your pain, as a mother, I hope it turns out as well as it possibly can .
Per the writing, I do have a couple of suggestions: in the third stanza "..."it won't take very much long" serves the rhyme, but not the read. Perhaps a word shift would help this.
This is just one reader's opinion use it if it helps. Write on !
Greg,
This is a very evocative poem. The imagery in the first three stanzas is incredible, but I struggled with the last two. What is "bloodshooting blinding"? Additionally, I can't quite see where you are going with the jacket line. Overall, I love your phrasing and I can feel the depth of sadness present here, but the words may need a bit of tweaking. Remember this is just my opinion, use what helps and disregard the rest. Write on!
Gekko,
As promised I checked out one of your short stories. Well I must say I am impressed. You have captured the sensations of writing and yet also made it about more than writing - you made it about the flow of the story out of the experience of the writer. You added depth and texture to a process that we all must go through. I do have a suggestion though; "For the space in the paper was reserved for final sentence in his tale" - insert a or the before final. I also think you should think about the coat hanging without the addition of gloomily - it seems an unnecessary word. If it weren't for those two things I would have rated this a five. I can see why it has a ribbon . Write on!
Hunter,
This is very powerful. You made great use of the prompt and I appreciate the explanantion at the end - for those of us who are still learning . The most powerful line for me was: "An obsidian sentinel watches o'er the bones;
a dark shepherd of souls tending his flock." I only have one tiny suggestion - the flow of the third line in the third stanza feels a bit off. This is the only reason I did not rate this a 5. Please take my review for any value it offers you as the author. Write on!
King Melville,
I decided to return the review . I'm a little confused though, what happened behind the door or with it? Your train of thought is a bit muddled in this piece and I'm struggling to decipher it. Also, all contractions need apostraphes - example can't. This review reflects my opinion, use it only if it helps you otherwise disregard.
Omni,
The editing really improved this piece. It flows more clearly now that you restructured it and is more engaging with the word changes. The only thing keeping me from giving it a five is the short length keeps it from completing a picture for me. If the short nature is the result of a contest, maybe you can expand it later. Write on and see you in The Paper Dolls class .
Jace,
I'm reviewing "The Accidental Visit" for the merit badge match up . I took a look at the requirements of the Talent Pond Carnival Midway so I understood the prompt and process. Please accept my review in the spirit of collaboration and use only what aids you as the author.
Overall - I was inspired by Cedric and his sturdy nature given his unstable circumstances (wife and bike). I like the idea that Cedric viewed therapy as a task best accomplished by engaging in something not whiling away on a couch somewhere .
Suggestion - The opening line feels a bit flat. You have provided a great deal of story in a small amount of words and yet the opening line does not feel quite as accomplished.
Line I loved - "I'm Mike," I said, adding that he might like to take a break, pointing at the Caffe Cappucino. "Please allow me to buy you a cold drink on behalf of our errant stoplight."
The bit about the errant light felt impetuous and light-hearted, I enjoyed that .
Thank you for sharing this tale of recovery and kindness. Write on!
Omni,
I saw your request on the review page and decided to give this a read . I'll be as complete as I can, but remember this is merely my opinion use what helps you and disregard the rest.
*snow* Overall - the sense of isolation and despondency is clear and the reasons are articulated. You have touchingly portrayed how it must feel to be alone in the world at the end of life and unable to communicate.
*snow* Suggestion - I think the use of the word "evasive" to describe the nurses hand movement is awkward. My reading hiccupped here and a word change might help it flow better.
*snow* Line I loved - "My mind drifts again and I am transported once again to the gentle waters of my youth." This evokes an element of poetry and is pleasing to my mind .
Write on and I'll see you in the Paper Dolls on October 1st !
Victoria,
I'm returning the review . I found this poem and decided I would take a look and I'm happy I did. What a beautiful way to memorialize your son . I appreciate the pure emotion that rings through the entire poem. I do have a couple of suggestions: in the first stanza received is misspelled, and in the sixth stanza you put "a sod" - taking the a out would flow better. This review reflects my opinion use it if it helps you otherwise disregard Write on !
Magoo,
Very touching . I thought I would return the review and I found this beautiful piece in your port. When I began my read I thought this was a view from afar, but the last stanza put a smile on my face. It is truly a tribute to a child to view them in the present and in the future . I have no suggestions. Write on !
Mick,
I definitely felt your passion in this essay. I appreciate the explanantion about fruit ripening and the natural processes involved . I do have some writing critiques though, first of all the structure is more like story writing than an essay. You should have full indented paragraphs here, unless you intended this as an article. Secondly, when you state something is a known fact you actually should state your specific source not just refer to Agricultural statistics. Known facts are only known to the people who have seen them, consider putting in the link and/or including the stats. Take my review for any value it provides and disregard the rest. Write on !
Becxxx,
I thought I would return the review favor . Overall, the word flow was comfortable and easy, but I did feel a little snag in the last two stanzas. Perhaps discontinuing the set up of the previous stanzas threw me. I think you excelled in building some interesting mental pictures. This review reflects my opinions only, use them only if they help you. Write on !
Thing,
Too funny ! I thought I would check out your piece and it was a good decision. I wonder if the message was only intended for the sardine sandwich? Inquiring minds want to know if you're hinting at something here? . Write on!
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. I only have editing suggestions (everything else is wonderful) - 
!
. I enjoyed reading your commentary about transforming from an uninterested student into a writer, especially considering the fact that I am a teacher. Thank you for caring so much about this community, it is people like you who make this site welcoming and inviting for writers of all ages and types.
. Although they had something coming I still felt for the characters - A+ to you as the author. I don't have any suggestions. Write on 
Overall - This is very beautiful poem and your timing is perfect.
Suggestions - I think you need a period after "magnificent". Also, I would rethink "prime", simply because the change in color does not reflect health but season, so prime feels incorrect here. 
. Overall, you have nailed the intensity and emotion felt with loss, so great job 
. I saw this static and thought I would give it a review. 
Favorite Line - "Now, dressed in a drool-stained sweater and faded jeans, cameras seldom snapped a demanding pose."
. 
Overall - I was inspired by Cedric and his sturdy nature given his unstable circumstances (wife and bike). I like the idea that Cedric viewed therapy as a task best accomplished by engaging in something not whiling away on a couch somewhere 
Suggestion - The opening line feels a bit flat. You have provided a great deal of story in a small amount of words and yet the opening line does not feel quite as accomplished.
Line I loved - "I'm Mike," I said, adding that he might like to take a break, pointing at the Caffe Cappucino. "Please allow me to buy you a cold drink on behalf of our errant stoplight."
. I found this poem and decided I would take a look and I'm happy I did. What a beautiful way to memorialize your son