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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lajkd/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
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800 Public Reviews Given
1,160 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review of Strain  
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Ken! I dropped in for a review today *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - He he he...breath, he he he...*Laugh*.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - This flash fiction uses the prompt as a hook. I love the direction this went, you turned knives into a viral attack, based in swine *Delight*.


*Check4* Suggestions - None, this is fantastic.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - The final one *Laugh*, but I won't ruin it for anyone else.


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!


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102
102
Review of My Review Tool  
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi rebfann ! I am reviewing your template for "Invalid Item"  . Your entry was late, so it cannot receive a prize. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - A clean, to the point template.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - It begins with a nice welcome, contains a review elements, and closes with suggestions to help the author.


*Check4* Suggestions - Adding a little color and writingmL would add interest to the template.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - I like the fact that you included a note that welcomes questions from the reviewee.


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!


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103
103
Review of My review tool  
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lexi ! I am reviewing your template on behalf of "Invalid Item"  *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - You have created a very eye-catching template.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - You have a greeting, a section of review elements, and a friendly closing.


*Check4* Suggestions - A little writingmL could jazz this up a bit.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - I like the inclusion of a level of emotion section.


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!


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104
104
Review of Review Template  
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Pepper ! I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item"  *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - This is a very eye-catching template.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - You have sections for overall impression, favorite lines, suggestions, grammar/sentence structure, and bottom line.


*Check4* Suggestions - The inclusion of a greeting and the author's handle adds a personal touch.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - Your artistic use of writingmL *Delight*.


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!


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105
105
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi J White ! I m reviewing your entry for the "Invalid Item"  contest*Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - A very entertaining story of one very plucky girl. I particularly like her name *Wink*.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - You have created a clear transition from the introduction all the way through to the main conflict. The narration is smooth and descriptive elements are eloquent. I particularly enjoy the sloppy virtue of Angelique. It is not always in following the crowd that we find whats lies beneath.


*Check4* Suggestions - none.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - "...Angelique wondered briefly if Mrs. Smittie still liked to kiss girls." *Wink*


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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106
106
Review of Red Door Road  
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jay Bradley ! I'm reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item"  *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - An interesting take on the fears of entering adulthood.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - This is set up as a moral lesson about trying to hide from the progress of time. Your descriptions are eloquent and vivid. You should read some of the other entries, because your take on the door was very similar to another entry.


*Check4* Suggestions - "...crutching a cane..." - clutching.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line -"... I detected a sense of guilt and unease, but I didn’t know why. Boredom struck me often, though, as I sifted through the same books about nothing and watched senseless comedies no longer humorous or uplifting. It became my plan to pursue a new path to the fog to remedy this monotony."


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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107
107
Review of Decision  
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi MissingAnarchy ! I'm reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item"  contest *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - A very heart-wrenching tale of two friends facing a devastating decision.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - This is set up with a clear beginning, emotional conflict, and sad resolution. The tension is more psychological, but it is conveyed in the descriptions and conversations. I do think a bit more time on the bench would contribute to the tension.


*Check4* Suggestions - "...too much... Who?" - you have these italicized in quotation. Take off the italics because it is a continuation of the question she is asking, not her internal thoughts. If you want these to reflect her thoughts then end the quotes first.

"I don't want to be in Grade Eleven pregnant." - awkward and italics issue again.

*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - The bond between these two friends. Even though Jill appears to disagree with Sarah's decision, she chooses to be a support instead of a judge.


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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108
108
Review of Mikie  
Review by Phoenix
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi Dorianne ! You reviewed me a few weeks ago, so I decided to return the review*Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - An interesting form I haven't encountered before. Thank you for including an explanation of the form requirements.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - Hmmm...your explanation says that this has 55 syllables and ten lines, but that is not what I counted. Ten lines only seems to work if you include the title, which I rarely see. The syllable count seems off by quite a bit, I counted it twice and I got 37 syllables - you may want to check again.


*Check4* Suggestions - You may want to read this out loud, because this feels much more like prose than poetry.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - "He watches birds
fly and wishes he could run to catch them."


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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109
109
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi At The Gates Of Infinity ! I dropped in for a review today *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - A haunting poem about the loss of life to war.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - Set up with eight stanzas that contain some end rhymes. Each stanza varies in length.


*Check4* Suggestions - I think you need to be more consistent with your rhyming. Sometimes you rhyme the ends and other times you do not, it is a bit distracting.

"Noblest" - does not need to be capitallized.

You repeat some lines or portions of lines, I didn't see a reason for this. Are you attempting a refrain?

*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - "Another fool will find his place,His place within the sea."


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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110
110
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Ken! I dropped in for a review today *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - ROFLMAO *Laugh*!!


*Check3* Structure and Organization - This is set up as a flash fiction comedy entry for the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge. You managed a lot of action in 300 words.


*Check4* Suggestions - "Mon, you be to worried..." - I think you mean too.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - Marooned, that is too funny. I will not spoil the surprise, but this is priceless*Laugh*.


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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111
111
Review of First Date  
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Nicki_Mist ! I dropped in for a review today *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - You completed your first challenge, hurray!


*Check3* Structure and Organization - Your in & out seems to be lacking a topic.


*Check4* Suggestions - Write a question, thought, scenario that can drive the conversation. The point of the in & out is to connect to other members of WDC.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - Your willingness to try even though you were unsure. Please ask me if you have any questions.


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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112
112
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi rebfann ! I dropped in for a review today *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - A great party-game type question. What would you take and does it change as you age?


*Check3* Structure and Organization - This is set up as a simple question that allows for expansion based on how age changes our necessities.


*Check4* Suggestions - None.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - The variety of opinions about what is important to take to a deserted island.


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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113
113
Review of Favorite Idioms  
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Pepper ! I dropped in for a review today *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - This is a very informative and revealing in & out. By asking what a person's favorite idiom is you seem to be getting to the root of who they are *Wink*.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - This is superbly laid out, with information about what an idiom is and examples of your own.


*Check4* Suggestions - None.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - The idea of seeking information through a person's connection to language.


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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114
114
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lexi ! I dropped in for a review today *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - A sweet walk through the past. This is an endearing way to connect to other members.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - A writing prompt that asks participants to share a favorite memory. Clear rules precede the posting area.


*Check4* Suggestions - None.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - The idea of reaching through time to connect with other WDC members.


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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115
115
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi SueV ! I dropped in for a review today *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - A very thought-provoking in & out.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - This is set up as a simple question, but phrased in such a way to evoke deeper explanation.


*Check4* Suggestions - None.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - The idea behind the question. You have created a forum for an interesting discussion about why different writers write.


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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116
116
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Nathan Brekel ! You reviewed me a little while back, so I decided to return the review.*Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - Terrifying, because of the lack of a source.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - This is set up as a super short story, with a clear conflict and shocking end.


*Check4* Suggestions -

"...is how it always..." - was how.

I think you need more descriptive language. With so few words you need the reader to visualize the scene, and currently I can feel it but not see it.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - The ambiguous ending. If you had described the source of the noises it would have lessened the tension, as it is I am still a little unnerved. Well done!


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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117
117
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Magoo ! You reviewed me a while back and so I decided to return the review. I couldn't resist the title of this*Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - This is adorable, I especially enjoyed that you told it from the dog's perspective.

*Check3* Structure and Organization - This is set up in four stanzas, with a rhyme scheme of aabb ccdd eeff gghh. The rhythm is fairly smooth.

*Check4* Suggestions - In the second stanza you use "I" five times, it might read better if you revise this.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - "His tiny fingers are delectable to taste,none of the little morsels ever go to waste."



I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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118
118
Review of Family Christmas  
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi BIG BAD WOLF Happy July 4th! ! You reviewed me a little while back, so I decided to return the review *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - A glimpse into your Christmas Day.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - This is set up as a non-fiction narrative about your family visits on Christmas Day.


*Check4* Suggestions - You need to review your use of commas; you have some sentences that run too many thoughts together and overuse commas.

Hmmm...the pace seems a bit breathless. I think a little more descriptive language could slow this down and create a cozy, family feeling.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - The tradition where your father and uncle try claiming some of the presents for themselves. Families are a jumble of love and comedy, aren't they?


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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119
119
Review of Upon Graduation  
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi ShelleyA~13 years at WDC ! I dropped in for a review today *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - What a wonderful speech to The Paper Doll Gang. I am so pleased you joined and I enjoyed reading your work, I hope to read more in the future *Smile*.


*Check4* Suggestions - Only to continue to write!


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - "In our course of study we were taken out of our comfort zones to participate in different types of writing." - I agree, it really is an opportunity to stretch creatively, isn't it?

Congratulations on graduating!!!

I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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120
120
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Nicki_Mist ! As promised I decided to read one of your poems.*Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - This is a sad poem about pain, but it reflects the presence of hope.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - The is set up as a free verse piece that is written with little punctuation.


*Check4* Suggestions - I would suggest that you utilize some punctuation where you wish to emphasize a thought or feeling. Currently you have a couple of commas, but occassional full stops (periods) will cause the reader to have to pause and ingest the thought before moving on. The beginning is a bit awkward, perhaps if you played with the words a bit.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - The presence of hope. You indicate that even when someone is locked in pain they need and want others to open them up.


I am so pleased to be your mentor for The Paper Doll Gang, I can't wait to read more*Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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121
121
Review of Pirate Secrets  
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Hyperiongate ! It's been a while so I decided to drop in for a review today *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - You have given us a very intersting pirate *Delight*.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - This is set up as a scene that reveals the tendency of your main character.


*Check4* Suggestions - "...his head and was impress..." - should be impressed.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - The final line. I won't spoil it *Wink*.


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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122
122
Review of Serene Beauty  
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi aralls! I dropped in for a review today *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - It does appear that we both saw sleep when viewing the prompt. Maybe we should take naps *Laugh*. You have added the addition of a lover's perspective which adds dimension to your words.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - You followed the Archimedes form perfectly. You have three stanzas with line/word counts of 3/1/4/2/8/6. Well done!


*Check4* Suggestions - You end the first and last stanzas with "my love", perhaps also ending the second stanza with "my love" would punctuate the emotion. Just a thought, use it if it helps.

*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - "To touch her auburn tresses and ivory skin,
a waking dream for any man."

This is lovely *Heart*!



I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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123
123
Review of Dear Me 2009  
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Sandy~HopeWhisperer !You reviewed me a couple of weeks ago, so I decided to drop in and return the review *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - What a wonderful activity to begin the year! My condolences on the passing of your father *Cry*.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - This is set up as a letter to yourself. The paragraph breaks are clear and the set up makes it easy to read on the screen.


*Check4* Suggestions -
"Do not let the difficult path he is traveling now being unable to do for himself dampen your spirit." - awkward sentence.

*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - The P.S. line. What a wonderful way to honor your late father *Smile*.


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.

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124
124
Review of Kind Words  
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Brittney Lynn ! You reviewed me a few weeks ago, so I decided to return the review *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - A flash fiction tale about the importance of timing and care.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - The story is set up with two distinct character perspectives, seperated by a page break. The beginning clearly sets up the conflict. The resolution results from a single phone call which changes the lives of both characters.


*Check4* Suggestions -
.”Her speech was followed by several moments of silence.
You need a space after the period, but before her.

The transition to Adam's perspective is jarring given the seriousness of what was avoided. Perhaps it is time to expand this so that what happens immediately following the call can be expanded to increase believability. Additionally, I think a little more time should pass before he calls back. It is unlikely that the break up would conclude in just a few minutes.

*Check5* Favorite Part or Line - "The bookstore had always been her haven but this was especially true now that she knew no one in town." Aren't bookstores wonderful *Delight*?



I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

*Star**Star**Star*
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1633609 by Not Available.
*Star**Star**Star*
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125
125
Review by Phoenix
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi J. A. Buxton ! I dropped in for a review today *Smile*. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.

*Check2* Overall Impression - A funny ode to thriftiness and technology *Smile*.You have crafted a charming piece that shows the importance of adaptation and new beginnings.


*Check3* Structure and Organization - This non-fiction piece is broken up into the two stages of change that you experienced. The line and sections breaks are clear and make for easy reading on the screen.


*Check4* Suggestions -

"The third and last recent way..." - last should be most to aid the read.


*Check5* Favorite Part or Line -


I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work *Smile*. Write on*Thumbsup*!

Phoenix
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