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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/leslieloo1
Review Requests: ON
53 Public Reviews Given
53 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I don't know what my style is, but I point out what sticks out at me.
I'm good at...
Pointing out grammar and spelling errors and a few plot holes if they are noticeable
Favorite Genres
Drama, humor, teen and young adult, religious, etc.
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica, historical fiction (except for The Help), hardcore sci-fi, occult stuff
Favorite Item Types
Short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
Nothing too long; over a thousand words
I will not review...
Erotica, LGBTQ, nothing too dark, horror (if it's super graphic), occult/paranormal, nothing too sad Also nothing too long. Something around 1000 words or less are okay
Public Reviews
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1
Review of Office Hours  Open in new Window.
Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Haha! Love that. Really good dialogue-only story.
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Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Rebecca then stuck her head inside the bottle and after some wiggling,her entire top half was soon inside,leaving only her hips,backside,tail and legs sticking out.

There needs to be spaces after the commas.

She then drank all of the remaining coke, unaware of her stomach's increasing size.

I don't know if you've seen Charlotte's Web - the movie or the book - but this reminds me of Templeton, the rat, getting fat with eating a lot of food. I hope that's not a spoiler! lol

The three were sent flying backwards into a heap on the floor as Rebecca said, "Thank goodness for that," as she hugged and kissed her girlfriend before hugging Anna and thanked them push for rescuing her as the three began laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation as they went to look for more food.

This whole paragraph needs tidying up.

Cute story about rats! Thanks for sharing.
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Review of Envious  Open in new Window.
Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! Very powerful. Jealousy really is a scary thing. It can be poisonous and deadly. It's best to be happy with what you have! Great poem! Very well written!
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Review of Lavender Moon Ave  Open in new Window.
Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello! I'm going to review your story today! I'm going to start off with suggestions.

Suggestions

Today, however, not even the beauty of the house could bring a smile to her face.

Change "on" to "to"

“It’s okay, honey. There will be other houses,” Mitch said.
{{/b}
Change "hunny" to "honey" for a more natural spelling.

“Ooh! What a lovely home!

Here are some things I enjoyed

Fix the spelling for "lovey"

Sold, Linda thought with bitterness as the sign laughed at her despair. It was too late.

I love this line!

Also, I kind of liked the fact that this was sold for both Mitch and Linda this whole time! I'm glad she finally got her dream house.

I like how you put in the bold phrase. It fits perfectly.

I hope this helps you.

Bye!
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Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is so true! I'm in my late twenties and I deal with this a lot as well. It's easy to surround yourself with technology daily that we fail to socialize with those around us. I do try to beat this habit by using the Screen Time feature on my phone to limit my usage. Hopefully, more people like you will equip young people to reduce screen time. Thanks for sharing!
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for entry "The Perfect Story" Open in new Window.
Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is such a cute story! I enjoyed it.

Since Jane is the librarian, why not call her "Ms. Jane" or something like that?

My favorite part of this story is this:

"Since we don't have what you'd like, would you be interested in writing it yourself?"

"Can you help me with it?"

"Certainly."

I love that Jane encouraged Beth to write her own story! It's beautiful!

Great job!
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for entry "Nightfall" Open in new Window.
Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ooh! Interesting story here. But the question is, will the potion actually work?
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Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Interesting story. Is the student not allowed to have a name for the assignment? I know that the assignment deadline is probably already passed, but if it is, why not give the student a name?

I liked the hook. It kind of grabbed me and made me want to know where this is going.

"What the... Where is this?" The student mutters aloud to themselves, a habit that others would look weirdly at. The student marches forward, very pointedly ignoring the skeleton in the room and makes a beeline to an inconspicuous desk with dust conveniently piling on a bright red book.

So, is the student nonbinary or has a specific gender?

Again, interesting story. Thanks for sharing.
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Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice read! I'm assuming the prompt was inspired by Jonah and the great big fish in the Bible. That's what I assumed. You made some good word choices here. Good job! And congratulations on the win.
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Review of The Jump  Open in new Window.
Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I love the message! It's beautiful!

I wasn't sure whether this story was a true story or not. I at first thought it was true, then it started reading as fiction until I got to the ending. And I'm wondering what the prompt is from. Regardless, you seem to be using it well.

I can’t catch by breath

It should be "my", not "by".

Other than that, I think this is pretty good! Keep it up!

Leslie
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Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Nice and sweet. I like how you used the words appropriately.

The head newscaster looks on benevolently from behind his desk. From his vantage point, he can tell she’s not wearing any panties.

I'm sorry, but this line makes the guy sound like a creep. Not very-gentleman like. I understand that it's natural for guys to look at girls sexually, but it just makes him sound creepy. I honestly would've shipped them if it wasn't for those lustful thoughts.

But other than that, nice story.
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Review of A New Start  Open in new Window.
Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi! I'm here to review your poem.

For years I searched

Shouldn't it be "I've"?

For the girl I lost.

Again, "I've"?

She would know t’was Me

I wonder what era this was set in.

Just one word, Pookie.

LOL! Cute name!

OVERALL: This is such a great poem! It's sweet and heartfelt! I'm so glad the narrator found his lover again! I'm happy for him.

Good work so far. I hope this is helpful! Keep up the good work!
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Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Cute story! The girl has a heart of gold. However, I spotted a typo in this sentence: "Dear, do you remember when there was a pandemic, and we salw all those doctors on TV, helping to heal the sick folk?"

But other than that, I think the story is fine as is.

Another thing, it's probably intentional you left the names out but it would be helpful to know what the girl's name is. And instead of calling her "the child", maybe "the girl" would be better because I assumed it was a boy at first. But, up to you. Good luck on the contest!
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Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful poem! And beautiful passage of scripture! I just got through adding references to it in my entry from another contest!
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Review of That Chair There  Open in new Window.
Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
"They had big chairs and small chairs and chairs that have hairs"

This part made me laugh. I never knew chairs could have hairs. lol

"“That chair over there, that big chair that I see.”"

You've used the word "that" in the same stanza three times. I would delete the last one like I've shown above.

"A girl, a big girl, a girl who’s called Mel
Appeared out of nowhere, nowhere I could tell."

So, who is Mel? Does she work there or is she some other kid that's around the main character's age? When you say she's a "big girl", I'm assuming you mean she's older than the MC or a grown woman.

"I no longer could move, and no longer could speak."

Well, that's scary.

"Then I saw my mom, saw her look right at me
“That chair over there,” she said, “Please let me see.”
She sat and she said, “Let me think while I sit . . .
“So comfy this chair, I believe this is it!”"

I didn't know for a second what this all meant here until I realized or assumed that her son is now the chair and she thinks that the son is the chair that she needs.

Very engaging story. I'm assuming that this is message to kids that they should listen to their parents because parents know best. Maybe it's much more than that.

I'm glad I got to read this story. I'm not the best at poems, but this one was easy to read, probably because it's a children's poem lol.

But honestly, it's cute and besides the corrections I've pointed out, this was a very good read.
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Review of Also Yellow  Open in new Window.
Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a cute story! My favorite part is when you said that you didn't know that a color could have an emotion. However, it can have an emotional feeling, if that makes sense. For example, red can mean passion, but also anger.
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Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is beautiful. I didn't exactly know either that you could put labels on types of prayer either. But I am familiar with supplication and intercession.
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Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I love this! I love the twist that the rainbow and unicorn can have some negativity in them.
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Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good story. I was not expecting Carmen to be a dog. One thing that took me out of the story was the double spacing. It was really distracting.
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Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey, this is beautiful! I love the song "Bleed the Same". It rings so true! And I love that you used your own words in a poem based on the song. It's creative! We should be reminded that we are all created in God's image. God bless!

Leslie
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Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Amen! This is a very powerful story. It reminds you that you can call on Jesus whenever you want and He will be there. He may not come when you want Him to, but at the end of the day, He is right on time!
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Review of Why in the World?  Open in new Window.
Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Love this! It's very thought provoking!
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Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Amen! Beautiful poem!
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Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
It's interesting how you describe the Creator (God) and how He (Jesus) died on the cross for our sins.
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Review of Thank You, Lord  Open in new Window.
Review by Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Amen!
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