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I came across your piece "Always here" while I was looking through the Read a Newbie Section. I am so glad I chose to read it.
This poem has a beautiful sentiment that very much shows a father's love for his children.
The flow and rhythm of this poem is very good, as is the rhyme scheme.
I cannot pick just a favorite line or two I liked the poem as a whole.
I only noticed one thing to suggest changing in this lovely piece and that was
To see my 2 boys,
you should consider replacing the numeral 2 with the word two. It would give it a more polished look.
Thank you for sharing your work with the community. I know from experience that it's not easy. I hope to read more of your work in the future. I wish you well with your future writing endeavors.
Hi, I just read your Poem "Dark Side" which I found in the Read a Newbie section.
I like the subject, I think that everyone has a dark side, even if they do not admit it. I try to give mine some time out in the open every now and then. I think it keeps me balanced.
This was a well-written piece that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. The title was good,
you used imagery well and the poem had a nice flow to it.
I really liked the ending, it was great.
I saw nothing in this that I would change or I think needs improvement.
Thank you for sharing this, I am so glad that I took the time to read it. I wish you the best in your future writing endeavors.
Hi, I just read "Demented" which I found in the Please Review section.
This poem is a very blunt statement of the vicious cycle of domestic violence. It is a tragedy that is played out over and over again across the globe every day.
The message is a good one, but the delivery, to be honest, could use a little work. Your syllable counts are all over the place and it makes the flow very discordant. This link is for a syllable counter :http://www.poetrysoup.com/poetry_resources/syllable_counter.aspx it is a great help when writing poetry.
For example your first stanza:
Stan works the factory all day,
for his wife and his kid and so little pay,
he hates what he does,
so when he gets home he gets more than a little buzzed.
Stan works in the factory all day - 8
for his wife, his kid, and small pay -8
frustrated, he hates what he does -8
so at home he gets more than buzzed -8
It doesn't change the meaning, just smooths it out a bit.
This is just a suggestion, meant to be helpful.
I like your poem and its very powerful message. I think it has great potential with a bit of editing. Thank you for sharing and I wish you the best of luck with your future writing endeavors.
Hi, I just read your poem "Penitence" which I found in the "Read a Newbie" section.
It was a somber and sad poem, with a good flow and a nice rhyme scheme. The subject is very dark, and that is fine, I like dark.
I only saw one thing that for me threw off the pace, these two lines:
She was born an actor
The audience her factor
They ae much shorter than the other lines, and just don't seem to fit. Maybe something along the lines of:
Born to life upon the stage
a songbird in a gilded cage
These are merely suggestions, take them as you will.
Overall I enjoyed your poem. Thank you for sharing it. I hope to read more of your work in the future. I wish you luck with your future writing endeavors.
Hi, I just Read "I Love to Sit and Cry" which I found in the Read and Review section.
I love the sentiment of this poem. I like that you can admit that you cry, it makes you more of a man. Tears are a valid human emotion, so well done you!
The rhyme and form of this poem are perfect. The flow is fantastic and it doesn't skip a beat.
I have no one bit that I would say was my favorite part, as I liked the poem as a whole. There is nothing in it that I would change.
Thank you for sharing this, and good luck to you with your future writing endeavors.
Hi, I have found another of your poems, and again, I am in awe of your talent. You state obvious truths the truths we as a race seem to prefer to ignore and relate them in a way that makes the reader think, reflect and understand.
I am so glad that I read this, it was fantastic and I do hope to stumble upon more of your work in the future.
Hi I just read "Bless This Firetruck" which I found in the Read and Review section.
What a lovely sentiment. Firefighters and first responders do so much for our communities. Your rhyme scheme and flow work very well and fit the subject quite nicely.
Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have a lovely day.
This poem is so deep and so meaningful. I love your style and the way it feels almost like a rant, but not. The whole things is so very true. In short this poem left me awe-struck. You have an unbelievable talent and I look forward to reading more of your work.
I just read your poem "Writin' is Fightin'" which I found in the read a newbie section. I like the idea of this poem and a fellow poet can understand the feeling. I particularly liked the second and third lines, they are quite lovely. I liked the assonance in the third line, it worked very well.
Thank you for sharing this, I am so glad I read it this morning. I hope to read more of your work in the future.
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