Some good imagery in this one. I do feel that you are trying here to be fair to both sides of this argument. Of course, I could be wrong, and admit I might be, but that's the impression I get with this. Alas, I am not reviewing your point of view, merely the poetry you used to convey it so that's as much as I will say on that matter.
This is a good example of how you can use everyday words and paint stunning images with them. Not many words chosen are derived from images themselves, yet they do point a vivid picture: ruffled and riled, gallant, dissolution, tattered children. All of these and more are used to make a powerful picture.
There isn't much that I can comment here for improvement, and honestly think any advice I give would be to the detriment of this work. Good job on this one.
I love stories about brave animals saving people, so this one definitely hit a sweet spot for me. You had good action and a good resolution, however formatting could use a touch up.
Your story was broken into two large paragraphs. Problem was there was several paragraphs of information in each one. This made it a bit tough to get through. Our eyes naturally like white space balanced through out writing. It helps them rest a bit from one body of text to the next. It also helps prevent confusion for the reader, cause it groups the main ideas of paragraphs up with sentences to support it, rather than having several ideas shoved into one paragraph. Break up your two paragraphs into more, and this story will be easier for others to read.
You have the beginnings of a good story here. I hope you don't give up on it.
A poem about going from fear to hope, of how out of destruction and death hope brings life. Short but inspiring, though it doesn't have a lot of words, it doesn't lack power or strength in its stanza.
I've enjoyed it, even all these years later after the destruction of the hurricane it inspires me. Good job on this.
If it hadn't been marked "general fiction" I would have thought it was a real first hand account. The back and forth described in the match did have me on the proverbial edge of my seat. I'd have liked a bit more of a descriptive adjective here and there, particularly in the slower parts, personally. To me, that would help paint a more vivid picture. In the faster parts of course, I would have done as you did to maintain the sense of motion and speed.
But that's just me nitpicking. Very entertaining, and over all a good read, especially for sports fans.
An exciting and stunning story, with classic horror elements. Those classic horror elements are in fact my favorite part of it. As I read through this, I couldn't help but see similarities in the style to Bram Stokers Dracula or Mary Shelly's Franksenstein in their design.
The only part that I really can complain about is the ending, with the guy going to America. It's the first time that America is really mentioned, and kind of caught me off guard. Perhaps, if it was mentioned what university he had come from to do his thesis on it wouldn't have caught me so off guard.
A great story with an exciting end. Great writing.
I got a great smile from it, and it gave me memories of my own trick or treating as a child. The rhyming didn't ever get too off kilter, and gave a good image of what you were trying to convey.
I also like the slight twist at the end. Though it wasn't surprising, I didn't expect it to come.
You have wonderful imagery here, and the way you place the stanza's and lines, although was a bit confusing at first, quickly grew on me. I try to leave a bit of advice with each critique, though there really isn't anything I can give you on this. Umm....look both ways before crossing a street? (j/k)
In all seriousness, I couldn't possibly give you much advice here other than keep it up. This was enjoyable, and like every good poem should, left me a little emotionally different than when it found me.
Why do I get the impression that he's the last person alive on Earth?
A good story. I do enjoy the ambiguous ending. I kinda would've liked to see something from day a day or two later in this just to see if fear and paranoia sets in or if someone rescues him.
A big problem most people have with 1st person is they tend to write in their own voice. You obviously did not make that mistake here and maintained character.
Just ambiguous enough to give you thoughts of what I the reader should do, what steps I the reader should take. I like that.
It's a very good poem. I really can't offer any constructive criticism to this, personally. Good job, and thanks for giving me something to think on this morning.
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