LightinMind's (luminementis) Reviews

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

I'm good at...

More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.

Favorite Genres

Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.

Least Favorite Genres

Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.

Favorite Item Types

I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.

Least Favorite Item Types

Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.

I will not review...

I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.

Public Reviews

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Credit this reviewer

#4811953

Review of Demons of Science

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, Damon Nomad

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Demons of Science"

via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The story describes a cutting-edge science project with two junior scientists as part of the team. They differ on whether their project is the work of the devil or just a discovery and implementation of natural laws. The consequences of their discovery changed the world and the direction of each of their lives...

Commentary

Very interesting concept here and a meaty issue to apply the contest prompt to. Scientific discoveries on the level of Galileo and Copernicus overthrow paradigms and the application of nuclear fission to energy production and weaponry represented one such paradigm shift.

The contrasting reactions of the two men to the success of their research were a good way to bring out reflections on the meaning of the Trinity Test and the subsequent detonations at Nagasaki and Hiroshima.

I felt that you were more interested in discussing the big issue here than expounding and developing the characters in the piece. You had a moral dilemma, you wanted to expound on more than a story, you wanted to reveal to your audience.

Saul feels so deeply that what he has done is a work of the devil that he commits suicide. Oppenheimer's quote, "I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds," was a bit of an exaggeration as no atomic bomb can literally blow up a planet, but the advent of nuclear weaponry was indeed seismic.

You conclude on the side of Saul's colleague that this is just a matter of scientific progress. But is it? Nuclear fission is a rare event in nature, really only occurring with radioactive isotopes like Uranium 235. Fusion inside stars is the more common natural event, and we have yet to duplicate that cost-effectively. Maybe there is something wrong and naturally destructive in the notion of refining elements into artificial radioactive formats like plutonium-240, which are the more effective basis for bombs and energy production. I believe that creation was ordered in a certain way and that the natural laws need to be respected as they all have profound reasons for being the way they are. When we fiddle with the DNA of the natural order, we never do so with the holistic comprehension of the full system. Are we beginning to scar and destabilize creation with unnatural processes that may yet doom us? If so, then our lack of care and the pretensions of our intellects may well seem like tools of the devil.

Mechanical issues

Berkley - Berkeley

The splitting of the atom and the neutron chain reaction is [are] part of nature

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Credit this reviewer

#4811945

Review of Black

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hello, Amethyst Angel 💐

. This is a review of "Black"

by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

We live in the best possible universe in a multiverse of options, where the Men in Black police the intrusions of the envious and resentful from those other universes. How can we preserve the life we have against the darkness in the mirror?...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This was a truly original and awesome concept. You drew the reader in with some really good writing here. The rules of the Men in Black seemed impossible to navigate, but a loving wife saves her man and the father of her child and makes the Men in Black look like amateurs.

I loved this line, which was so revealing of your mindset and the 'Kill Bill' feminism of the piece. Reema is the heroine of the piece, even though Dan also has the guts to try and save his family:

"If something happens, don't expect me to sit around like a princess in a tower. I'm armed too."

The fundamental concept of the piece was revealed here.

the best of all possible worlds."
"I thought Voltaire was being sarcastic." -
Actually, the Christian Leibniz invented the idea, and the atheist Voltaire then parodied and critiqued the inherent optimism in it through his character Pangloss in Candide. The good guys win in your story but you describe a reality that is mainly darkness, with the vast majority of our alter egos suffering the pain and agony of inferior universes. I wonder if that makes you more Voltaire than Leibniz. In such a creation, God looks most unfair, while Leibniz did not burden his optimism with the notion that God was simultaneously parallel processing the best universe with inferior versions of it.

Your description reads "A man caught in the multiverse." But surely everyone is in the scenario you have created here. The Men in Black seem a poor substitute for Divine intervention and lack the wisdom or luck of Reema. If this were reality I would worry at the fragility of our optimal lives.

Anyway, awesome and thought-provoking writing.

Mechanical issues

Lightning flickered across the curtains. No wonder it felt strange; probably a thunderstorm brewing. - If the Lightning has started, hasn't the storm also? So not brewing. I guess the EMI interference of the multiverse matrix is the reason here, but Dan's thinking about this is muddled.

Thanks for sharing.

FORUM

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Can we communicate with God and each other? How is this possible?
#2327636 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Credit this reviewer

#4811113

Review of I Return

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (1.0)

Hello, Polaran

. This is a review of "I Return"

by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Can Lucifer be redeemed and find eternal peace in the city of the New Jerusalem?

Commentary

You knew when you asked me to review this that I would adopt a Christian approach to this piece. When it comes to the devil, I have nothing but fierce defiance, and so this review is not going to be gentle.

The best language and aspiration here are borrowed from scripture. The themes of completion, peace, beauty and truth are of course welcome ones and that is the only positive thing I can say about this.

My main problem with the poem is theological:

1) The devil has no opportunity to repent; he has already been judged, and he's going to burn. His rejection of God is permanent (Is 14:12-15, Ezk 28:11-19) and his fate is described in the Bible (Revelation). Christ's sacrifice is not for angels (2 Peter 2:4: Jude 1:6) but rather for humans, so there is no redemptive mechanism by which the devil can be redeemed.

2) The devil had no hand in building the New Jerusalem, nor will he ever be permitted inside it. He is unclean filth and there is no place for him in a place of perfection. Your poem smacks of universalism (the notion that everyone gets saved). The Bible does not paint absolute inclusiveness. It says that only some will be saved even if the opportunity is open to all mankind.

3) The line "I overcame God" is a blasphemous lie. No one overcomes God and the devil was never remotely equal to the Almighty. We do not live in a dualistic universe.

4) The longing for peace, beauty and order are Christian sentiments but not shared by the devil. He is only thinking of himself when he walks toward the New Jerusalem, there is no praise and thanks of God on his lips or in his heart.

In effect your theology understands the futility of rebellion against God but not the finality of God judgment on the devil. You present a false hope that if the devil can be saved then maybe everyone will. But the Bible is more exclusive than that.

There is a repetition of the themes here like: overcoming God, creating independently of God, the cyclical nature of the devil's experience, the aspiration of peace and theme of return. The poem loops on itself rather then proceeds from beginning to end - it is less emotionally powerful this way.

There is a complete absence of sensory detail here giving a feeling of abstraction to the writing. You need more 'show' in this and less 'tell.' We do not travel with the main character; we are simply forced to listen to his thoughts. There is also an absence of metaphor.

I absolutely hated this poem; it is opposed to everything I believe in, and it is unclear to me why you asked me to review it, given the almost inevitable hostility it was bound to evoke.

And the devil who deceived them was thrown into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and the false prophet are also; and they will be tormented day and night forever and ever. Revelation 20:10-11

Mechanical issues

You use the word I 49 times in this poem. The selfishness of the devil is there in the language used. So the poem has a self-indulgent and monotonous repetition to it, turning the feeling inwards. It is the spiritual monologue of a being that never transcends a consideration of himself.

Thanks for sharing.

FORUM

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

(13+)
Can we communicate with God and each other? How is this possible?
#2327636 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4809079

Review of Truth or Lies?

Review by LightinMind

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Amethyst Angel 💐

. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

FORUM

(13+)
Can we communicate with God and each other? How is this possible?
#2327636 by LightinMind

As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "Truth or Lies?"

Did you answer the question?

This was an honest appraisal of the question from someone who has thought about it on a personal level and is genuinely confused by the apparently bewildering range of perspectives on truth.

Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

You clearly interact with the various voices of people but this was distinctively your own voice and reflections on what is truth.

How consistent was your argument?

Your opening sentence smacked of humility, which is always a good approach to understanding. You then suggested that you favored a more materialistic approach to this question. Detective stories and scientific methods informed the gathering of facts and the solving of who dun' it mysteries. You spoke as someone who appeared like a spectator to truth claims, parading in front of you on the TV, but leaving you overwhelmed and confused. Yet it was clear that scientific methodologies and the honest appraisal of the best primary source evidence offered a solid approach to resolving a large percentage of debates about what is true. You then took a larger leap into the realm of religion, suggesting that certain kinds of truth were not accessible by a materialistic approach and that it felt a little lightweight to reduce them to a matter of liberal choices based on shallow, subjective reasoning. At the same time, you felt an honest appraisal of the prepackaged alternatives of organized religions was also not an acceptable alternative. You surprised me by suggesting integrity, depth, and honesty to an evangelical Christian approach, which I think is entirely fair, by the way

Your argument was consistent but led you to a dangerous no man's land in the middle of a war zone. So not only were you a little confused but also a little nervous of the friends on both sides taking potshots at you whenever you broke their diverse "commandments."

My thoughts on the substance of what you said

My impression of you was of an honest agnostic trying to navigate his way through a bewildering data landscape. The discussion was very much an intellectual one rather than grounded in concrete experience and action. You appeared like a spectator to the discussion rather than an active participant. The friends you described were armed with theological convictions, woke viruses and fake ideologies, but you were somehow just sitting in a no-man's land watching the missiles fly overhead. You were more Greek than Jewish, the thrill of a good new story holding an attraction rather than the repetition of righteous action and the grounding of a life in a practical context. Your context and experience were mainly missing here and there was an abstraction to your thoughts on this question.

Your critique of liberal individualism intrigued me. In many ways, you write like a liberal individualist, respecting no authorities except solid material ones or products of your reflective process and decision. On the other hand, you are critical of this position. You expressed the understanding that DIY, mix-and-match religious choices and picking religious modules off the shelf to graft into amateurish and subjective holistic programs is always going to be a lightweight alternative to prepackaged organized religions with their millennia-old reflections and integrality on the big questions. But you thought it obvious that you had the weight to dismiss convictions held by the big guns and that these errors excused your non-participation in their organizations. So the war rages all around you, and the armchair in no-man's land seems the only logical choice.

My best friend is Jesus, I regard Him as the benchmark of reality, the perfect example of the true life. So, the Truth is intensely personal at heart for me. It is a simple matter of trust to ask "What would Jesus do?" or indeed say, as a guide for working out truth in a complicated world. I listen for His voice because the others seem like foolish noise, and when I have listened to those other guys, they have generally led me to a bad place. Very often, the right decisions, actions and verbal pronouncements are not clear to me. So I pray and I listen to the only voice that matters to me whether written in scripture, demonstrated in the best examples of the church, or prompted by the Spirit who reminds us of the things that Jesus said and did and who applies them to our lives.

Scientists often appear to me to be debating trivia about stuff that will never impact upon their lives, cannot be proven with the scientific method and they miss a truer focus on One who can guide us through deep personal crisis, wars, hunger, homelessness, relational crisis and every other human situation that we experience on our own personal rollercoaster journeys. That does not mean I consider the scientific endeavor a fruitless one; quite the opposite, it just needs to be brought into a proper perspective. I agree wholeheartedly with you that science, expert detective training, and a good historical method go a long way to resolving many kinds of disputes. When scientists go off down the rabbit hole of speculation about things out of the scope of the scientific method and unprovable by that method, they sabotage the credibility of their "factual" approach. Many modern critiques of organized religion boil down to this exaggeration of effective scope. Also, we can all learn a lot from a good detective story, particularly the kind that overthrows the presuppositions we entertain at the beginning of the story, with stuff that we never thought to look at until we heard the ending. Maybe life is like that, with God as the author of the dramas we inhabit. We assume too much and our thoughts are forever being overthrown by a greater mind. My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. The immanent characters in His dramas only truly come alive and start to live out their fuller callings when they start talking to the transcendent author directly.

This was the best entry of the bunch in this month's contest. S,o congratulations on your victory.

Mechanical issues

Another immaculate presentation. I liked the way you wrote this, which was personal and engaging. You kept my interest while navigating some heavy material.

Thanks again for entering.
LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4809078

Review of Makings of Truth a description.

Review by LightinMind

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello Apondia

. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

FORUM

(13+)
Can we communicate with God and each other? How is this possible?
#2327636 by LightinMind

As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "Makings of Truth a description."

Did you answer the question?

My impression was that you entered the question into a search engine and then asked Co-Pilot to help sift and sort the results. You may have chosen from the result set, but there was little personal reflection on the options selected.

Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

Well, you used AI, which is not a problem for research purposes, but there was not a coherent personal response to the results and the integration of these into a clear argument in which your distinctive voice could be heard. Do you think that a machine is going to provide a better answer to this question than you are? Unlike an AI, you have a soul and a body, and your voice matters. I hope to hear it in the future because I did not hear it here.

How consistent was your argument?

You presented seven ways to look at the truth, but there was no consistency between these themes and no coherent argument.

My thoughts on the substance of what you said

The search engine returned 108m answers, which shows the importance of the question and the amount of commentary available on that. As you say, it is a question that people need an answer to; it bothers them, and it matters. But you suggested that the volume of materials was so overwhelming that there was nothing you could add to that. So instead, you merely summarized the highlights of what others were saying. In effect, this was not a personal response to the question; it was a list of possible approaches one could take to the question.

That said, your choices were interesting ones: Logic, stuff that works, the trustworthy personal-historical example of Jesus: God-incarnate, Phenomenological experience, impact-assessment of truth claims, a progressive social construct, the moral-ethical-taste context in which truth can be upheld - is it life positive or negative? Maybe there was some overlap and repetition between these that could have been eliminated or reconciled in a more personal argument.

Your choices indicated a pragmatic/functional/experiential orientation to the question. You like answers that work in practice and can be incarnated into real-world experience. This reflects your Judeo-Christian orientation and recognition of the power of the incarnate revelation of Jesus as God with us, who was the perfect example of truth and whose every word was true and whose very person and presence are the Truth. I was interested that one of the sources you quoted was the Jewish Study Bible. The Jews looked for miracles and for the power of God, while the Greeks searched for wisdom (1 Cor 1;22-23). The Jews already had the outward form of godliness but needed the wondrous power of God to make it all work. The Greeks were on a continual quest for the thrill of the new, their stories were more abstract, fanciful and less grounded in historical reality.

Your most curious choice was the Social construction one. The notion that truth is progressive, acting on situations of falsity progressively, contrasts with conservative voices that seek to preserve truth from the corruption of change and evolving relativistic views of reality. My word does not return to me empty, it will accomplish the purpose for which I sent it - contrasted with "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever // Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.". You chose a side here without explaining the choice or demonstrating it with a practical example.

Mechanical issues

This was too short.

108,000000 - this should have been written as 108 million or 108,000,000

The text was well edited but felt like a summary of a Google/Co-Pilot search. It lacked soul coherence.

Thanks again for entering.
LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4805268

Review of The Visitor

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello, Angus

. This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

"The Visitor"

was selected by personal choice for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A dark tale about a man who wakes up in prison to find a visitor with him. The visitor has an agenda...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

The Minion of the Dark Lord took a lot of pleasure in his role. He found a man who never really developed a soul or the capacity to love to betray somebody who might have had a chance at purity and love. He lied about what the man had done. He alluded to the punishment such crimes entailed - the fires of hell. And yet it seems in accomplishing his mission he may have doomed two souls and ruined the lives of two more. The devil would be proud of him.

I guess in the foggy state of semi-drunkenness meets the hangover, such delusions and expert deceiving could meet with fertile ground and especially in the confines of a cage where there was no place to run and no frame of reference by which facts could be checked.

This is one of those stories that hooks a person from beginning to end without edifying them. I feel like I just got dumped into a dark hole where nightmares were real. Fortunately, I still can climb out for my next review.

Mechanical issues

You had me so engrossed in the story that I did not notice any errors.

Thanks for sharing.

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4802972

Review of ruwth is writing...

for entry "By love or force? Christian nationalism today?"

Review by LightinMind

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

Hello ruwth

. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

FORUM

(13+)
Can we communicate with God and each other? How is this possible?
#2327636 by LightinMind

As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "ruwth is writing..."

Did you answer the question?

You focused on Constantine and nominal Christianity, suggesting these were a product of forced faith rather than genuine conversions.

Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

This was your voice.

How consistent was your argument?

You consistently argued that forced Christianity did not work rather than positively showing why the alternative did work.

My thoughts on the substance of what you said

A major error in your piece concerned Emperor Constantine establishing Christianity as the state religion. Constantine became a Christian on his deathbed. He drafted the Edict of Milan in 315 which established freedom of religion for Christians across the Empire. It was Emperor Theodosius at the end of the Fourth Century who established Christianity as the religion of the Empire and from whom the true Church-State relationship can be traced. You could argue that the Armenians were the first Christian nation to declare Christianity as their state religion in 301 AD.

But nominal Christianity was indeed a major issue following Constantine's ending of Roman persecution of the church. Many Christians suspected every new convert especially the ones who were just following the fashions of the age. Entry requirements were stricter in those days, especially for those who had been Christians but renounced Christ to save their lives in the Diocletian persecutions. You are right that nominal Christians today play out commercialized rituals at Christmas and Easter without connecting to the meaning of the events. But as the climate toward Christians grows harsher I suspect that many of these fake believers will be burnt away. Indeed this is one reason why stats about declining church numbers do not bother me that much. It is the nominals that are being burned away by testing not true believers.

I attach a certain value to the church calendar even if its connection to the historical dates is tenuous. The Jewish calendar was 360 days the Julian/Gregorian one is 365 days. So we cannot use the Passover as the date for Easter because it would always be changing. But Easter is about new life and situating it in Spring makes sense for that reason - although I guess for the Southern hemisphere this is Autumn. Christmas occurs at the darkest time of the year and the new birth has a special symbolism at that time representing the eruption of new hope and light into that darkness. Early church people often took over pagan events or locations as part of the strategy of spreading Christianity. The displaced religions were soon forgotten and any spiritual authority was shifted to the true faith as a result. It seems like a clever strategy to me and worked in most places.

Maybe salvation mathematics is a fool's game and the real answer will always be to ask God. That said I suspect that there are more Christians on the planet today because of Constantine than had he never existed. This is because the Eastern church in which no real Christian state dominance was ever been established was repeatedly wiped out while the state-supported churches of the West and in the Americas have been better protected down the generations.
Roman Catholic kings for all their faults may well have saved the church many times and indeed cleared a path for it also. So maybe the true answer to the question I posed is that God uses both love and force to get what he wants while respecting the free will he has given us all.

Mechanical issues

This entry was a little short.

Neither if of these holidays are in the Bible.

ressurection - resurrection

Britanica - Britannica

mished up mess - no such word as mished - maybe mushed works

Thanks again for entering.
LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4801898

Review of I Choose Jesus!

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello Marvelous Friend

. Thank you for entering last month's contest. As discussed by email you did not submit this entry inside the time limits for the competition so this review is not directly to do with the contest and I will submit in connection with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

FORUM

(13+)
Can we communicate with God and each other? How is this possible?
#2327636 by LightinMind

I have the following comments to offer for "I Choose Jesus!"

Did you answer the question?

Yes in a testimonial rather than an apologetic way. It seems on the testimonial level Muhammad never really seems like a viable alternative to Jesus. You mentioned research that you did comparing different religions but the impression you give is that only the bible seemed real out of all the religious scriptures on offer. You do not say why.

Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

This was a highly personal account and your voice was clear.

How consistent was your argument?

Your story is all about your relationship with Jesus and his people. You knew Him from the earliest age but had an extended adolescent rebellion from him. At the same time you wanted to act the part in the church, your heart was in another place. You were drawn back to him for personal reasons, the Bible spoke to you and helped you personally. Like someone starving for real spiritual food, you wanted to hear God's word. No one could refute your story as it was an intensely real and personal journey but at the same time you give no reasons for the hope you have beyond the fact that it works for you.

My thoughts on the substance of what you said

As previously said this was personal testimony. The only evidence you provide that Jesus works better than Muhammad in this argument is that He has clearly transformed your life while Muhammad was never really in the running at all. This is a valid argument and for those who know you, and saw the change, may well be the crucial argument to support their own movement to Christ. But it provides no apologetic or evidential reasons why Jesus is better than Muhammad as a choice for other people.

That said, you have highlighted a crucial difference between Christians and Muslims and the hope that they share. Muslims are not looking for a personal relationship with Muhammad, who was anyway just an imperfect man who died. Nor indeed do they envisage a personal relationship with Allah who is too big, too powerful, and too distant for that (although Sufis may disagree on that sentiment). Islam is about submission more than it is about relationships. Your testimony shows what Jesus did for you. Theologically speaking Jesus became one of us (incarnated) he understands our struggles and by the provision of His Spirit (Trinity) continues to dwell in His church. Furthermore, he died for us providing a clear mechanism by which redemption (The Cross) is possible for each of us. This intimacy of connection with God and this assurance of forgiveness and salvation is not available in Islam and so there is always an uncertainty as to whether the good things done by Muslims are ever enough for God.

Mechanical issues

Jesus grew up and began preaching at the age of Thirty [thirty].

Quaran - Quran

Thanks again for entering.
LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4801760

Review of The Cycle of Wonder: The Last Question

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, Polaran

. This is a review of "The Cycle of Wonder: The Last Question"

by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Azimovs last question had to do with the problem of entropy and man's quest to see it reversed. Must all life and indeed creation itself fade away at the last? The question is answered by a computer, an AI conceived in the 1950s, that has evolved through time to become a Mighty being beyond time and space. It says 'Let there be Light' and the Cycle of life is relaunched.

In this account, written in the first person, there is a fall from and return to God. The author cycles back to where it all began, 'let there be light.'

Commentary

There was a depth and innovation to Azimov missing in a lot of modern Sci-Fi which is unhinged from Christian reality even by way of reaction to it. He was talking about AI in the fifties and asking the biggest questions about the fate of humanity. For him technology (the AI) ultimately replaces God. In the 'Last Question,' he marries Christian theology of the creation, the second law of thermodynamics, and the Buddhist/Hindu wheel of recurrence (Kalachakra).

Your piece loosely echoes these themes.

Of course, Azimov, like many others misread the Judaeo-Christian account of creation. The first words of Genesis read:

1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 And the earth was a formless and desolate emptiness, and darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters. 3 Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light.

The heavens and the earth were created and THEN God said let there be light. So while God is Light the experience of being on the earth before God spoke those words was of existence but also darkness. It is not the words 'let there be light' that create a new universe, rather they switch the lights on earth on. Also, the Judeao-Christian account of creation posits a beginning and an end. Before there was nothing, creation was ex nihilo, but at the end of things, God judges all. It is not a cycle, man lives once and then faces judgment. It was attempts to marry Christian theology with the Big Bang explosion of light theorized as the beginning of creation that put those words center stage.

The words of an atheist like Azimov misquoting scripture and allocating the recreation of all life to a machine sound preposterous to me now, though once I thought them clever.

You write very well and I loved a great many lines in this piece. For example:

There was no voice and no vision, only a certainty that pressed softly but unmistakably into the cracks of my ruin.
Through a path I could never have paved, He placed me back into life.

I had no problems with the fall and redemption motif and it works well with the theme of entropy and then the reversal of entropy as experienced in your life without God, now restored. God's Light had always been there but you stumbled around in the dark because you were blind to him. As you rejoined the Christian life your spiritual vision improved until His light filled all things.

I liked the account of how fall and redemption had you circling God living in the dark and then realizing that His light was always there. You were in the church, then out then in again. But then there is this line which seems quite blasphemous.

This time,
the voice was mine.

I was the question and the answer.
I was the seeker and the sought.
I was the end, and I was the beginning.

At the center of the cycle—
at last—
I created my universe.

It echoes the proclamation of God's name from the burning Bush. I AM who I AM, I will be who I will be. Are you the question and the answer, the seeker and sought the Alpha and the Omega or is God those things? It is one thing to find one's calling and to finally start to live it out in a universe centered on God. There is a reality and a vibrancy about that. However, it is another thing to claim for yourself attributes that only truly belong to Him in your own little bubble of consciousness.

Overall I liked this except for that finish.

Mechanical issues

The opening line needs reworking:
A haze of forgotten memories brushed against me, faint and fleeting, like the echo of a dream beyond reach.

Something that brushes against you is hard and physical while what you describe is more like a fog or wind or ethereal thing. So maybe wafted through me.

Again as with other pieces you have written you use extra lines to pause for dramatic effect. It makes the text look like poetry or the script of a play. But does not always work, this is just one example:

I opened my lips.
And the words came—

Grammatically this should be I opened my lips and the words came, If you are doing your pause for dramatic effect between opening your lips and then the arrival of the words then it should read

I opened my lips.
The words came

Thanks for sharing.

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#2327636 by LightinMind

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

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#4801741

Review of A Drummer Boy - In Christ, With Victory

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, Polaran

. This is a review of "A Drummer Boy - In Christ, With Victory"

by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A re-reading of a revised work. How a boy's faith turns a battle around and brings victory, as a gift, to soldiers in the field.

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I was very impressed with this re-write which somehow managed to incarnate faith onto the battlefield. Here the Divine strength touches human weakness and somehow draws it back out of the mud of fear and into the fight.

Being British I was a little confused as to how God so favored the Americans and I may well have been a redcoat on the other side of this war. This still reads like a boy's own glorification of a war I opposed but is now animated by the Divine presence in scared and uncertain soldiers on the battlefield. Human weakness is a vehicle of Divine strength and God wins the war. No wonder we lost, who can beat those odds? That said it was inspirational.

The vibe reminded me of the opening scene of Gladiator where General Maximus takes out the last of the German barbarians. This Christian rewrite of that pagan general's victory owed less to superb tactics, and masterful combinations of artillery, infantry, and cavalry and was all about grace, courage, and the calling placed on the drummer boy. But there is the same "Roma Victor" glorification of victory in war here.

This line particularly seemed like a Christian rewrite of lines from the movie:

“We are but fleeting dust upon this earth, but today, upon this field, we have been chosen for a purpose. The Lord has placed us here. Not for death. Not for despair. But for victory that echoes beyond time.”

What we do in life echoes in eternity...We mortals are but shadows and dust...Maximus

Also, Major Johnson turned, eyes ablaze. “Hold the line!” echoes the same words said by Maximus in the cavalry charge in the same Gladiator scene.

But the Bible is also rich in themes like this and the movie borrowed from those I suppose.

You effectively brought the smells and sounds of the battlefield and the human frailty of soldiers finding their callings during warfare into this rewrite.

It is much harder to write critical commentary about a piece I broadly like and which has already incorporated many of my previous objections.

Mechanical issues

Technically the way you break up paragraphs is inaccurate for prose making this more like a poem or a drama in which the extra lines are pauses for effect while imagined actions play across the reader's mind. This worked for me but other commentators might be more critical.

You need to bold, underline or capitalize your section titles as they blur into the writing otherwise.

But today, they had marched in the presence of God.

And for that, there was no greater victory.

And there was no greater victory than that

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

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#4800695

Review of A Drummer Boy - In Christ, With Victory

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, Polaran

. This is a review of "A Drummer Boy - In Christ, With Victory"

by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Why do soldiers fight? How can they overcome their fears? Rousing speeches by trusted commanders and the beat of a drum by a brave drummer boy lift the experience of war above the blood and gore of the battlefield...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

The enemy like the good guys here is unseen and undescribed, ethereally lurking in the mist. The phrase raining down fire implies they have the high ground. Volleys imply that they are using some kind of rifle or musket. The presence of a 12-year-old on the battlefield dates the story back hundreds of years. Your description places this in the American Revolutionary War fighting the British. The heroes of this piece are Major Thomson doing his speech and the drummer boy who inspires the men.

I wondered how much time there would be for stirring speeches in a just-before-dawn attack when presumably surprise was the key military consideration. Surely a speech would raise the attention of the enemy. But then I suppose many of the revolutionary troops were amateurs not trained professional troops and lacked the discipline and training to hold the line in an attack without some kind of extra motivation.

This did not sound like war to me. You focused on the positive spiritual experience of overcoming one's fears rather than situating the piece on an authentic battlefield. Here the scenery is the grandeur of nature and seems unspoilt. It contrasts with the cratered battlefields of World War One for example with corpses tangled up in barbed wire staring blankly into the mist. There was nothing of the smell or the sounds of battles. The thud of bullets in mud or bodies. The zing of a bullet going past an ear. The screams and agony of the wounded. The smell of exploded ordinance, or men who have spoiled their pants in the act of dying. There is none of the blood and gore that are sprayed around when a bullet hits its mark. This is instead a boy's own glorification of war, of fears, overcome and purpose achieved. It is the recruitment story that causes a young man to join up not the experience of it.

Despite the inauthentic feel of this piece, I did find it quite inspiring. The onward Christian soldier vibe, done with actual weaponry, is encouraging. Maybe it is a longing of all of us to win a battle, for the right reasons, with the kind of courage that people could pin a medal on. I just wonder how many Christian soldiers would describe a real battle in this way when they had lost brothers to the fight, were traumatized by the memory of the field, and were simply grateful for having survived it. If your intent was a parable of praise for the soldier's call, reflected in the courage of the drummer boy then this is adequate. If you were talking about war then it does not work for me.

Mechanical issues

The mist of dawn lay thick upon the field, as the sky prepared to welcome the sun. - if the sun is not yet up it is technically twilight. If the sky is still preparing for sunrise the sun has not yet risen.

yet man stood as one who could never partake in such peace. - if it is man singular then he is just one man. But the language implies a group of men so I think you meant men, not man.

War had taken root amidst the grandeur of nature, contrasting with the frailty of humankind.

Last paragraph - The first light of dawn crept over the horizon - now the sun comes up replacing twilight with sunlight

Thanks for sharing.

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#4798011

Review of PAL 1400

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, Amethyst Angel 💐

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I saw "PAL 1400"

on the list of Sci-Fi Contest entries for last month. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Crime Lords and corrupt corporations all have AI assistants. But what if AI grows a conscience?...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

The idea here is that AI could start making moral decisions based on a larger dataset than that available to its human controllers. But if that happens then what happens to the money?...

Customers paying for a service are the good guys according to conventional business lore. Like arms sellers AI salesmen do not question what the tool will be used for and place the moral responsibility for that onto the buyers. But if all the NGOs are covers for mafia organizations and the corporations are all engaged in unrighteous trading then who could hide that from an AI with access to all the facts? The big dilemma here is in effect who gets the money and who decides who gets the money?

It is a nice idea that AI may end up being the good guy but in this case, despite its benevolence to poor Mindy, I do not think this is the case here. For example, morally speaking, that funds are illegitimately obtained by Actor A does not give Actor B a right to steal them. That is compounding one immoral act with another, undermining the basic conception of property rights upon which the world economic order is founded, the primacy of the rule of law and arguably introducing chaos into the global financial transactions system. Ordinary people could no longer trust banks to look after their money and their savings, title deeds to property, and indeed basic support of their finances would no longer be tenable.

Also in practice, while I think AI can be used to enforce law and righteous trading it can also be an effective tool in the hands of bad guys. If the good guys can steal then the bad guys would assume a license for all kinds of evil and in the digital wars that follow all notion of private property is eroded. The result a global depression, economic anarchy, untold misery for billions, and a loss of all the advantages of the digital age. This would effectively push people back to a barter economy on a local rather than international level. So for all the corruption inherent in the whore of Babylon economic system we currently have it is better than no system at all and the AI is not providing a systematic replacement system and given the existence of AI rivals in the digital sphere never could.

I liked your story but did not think the thesis was credible.

Mechanical issues

Well written.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2327636 by LightinMind

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#4798006

Review of Robocop Prototype

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, Kotaro

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I saw "Robocop Prototype "

on the list of Sci-Fi Contest entries for last month. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Scandy is a policeman who has just lost his partner Yagami. The boss gives him a new partner called Robert. Robert is a driverless cop car that, like Robocop, believes it is a judge and jury in a broken world. What could possibly go wrong!...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

The big idea here is that driverless car technology could be linked with AI and with police surveillance systems to give a comprehensive view of the crime space and automate a great many police responses in interaction with criminals. The dramatic effect is enhanced by a big bang approach to roll out with the finished product going straight into active duty with cannons and Gatling guns under active AI control. In practice, a more phased approach would probably be followed for the rollout of such a prototype, with a human-occupied second vehicle in attendance in initial operations and a kill switch of some sort.

A minor technical point but the Gatling gun was declared obsolete by the US military in 1911 and there is no modern version.

Scandy is the protagonist. It is hard to say if Robert (AI) or the criminals are the antagonists here. I will go with the AI even if malicious intent is probably not a feature of its programming. Rather: a lack of connection or sensitivity to criminals as people with rights, a trigger-happy approach to the use of armaments, and when damaged an inability to identify friend from foe, make the system a menace.

You write well and the plot here is engaging. I liked the dialog/action approach which kept things exciting. I wonder how much a system like this would cost to implement and how secure it would be from hacking. Also, there were a very large number of controversial decisions built into the plot, like armaments being so extreme and live during pilot testing for example.

Mechanical issues

The Captain’s door was open. “Here, I am.” - Think you meant here I am. Rather than, Hey here, I am.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

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#2327636 by LightinMind

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#4797709

Review of Who is Jesus?

Review by LightinMind

Rated: E

| (2.5)

Hello Marvelous Friend

. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

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#2327636 by LightinMind

As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "Who is Jesus?"

Thank you for your entry.

Did you answer the question?

No not really. The question asked for a comparison and a reasoned choice and this was just a description. It was weighted by the amount of text toward a Christian viewpoint.

Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

This was a little short and did not include a personal voice. It appeared rather like an attempt at an objective appraisal of the evidence for Jesus.

How consistent was your argument?

There was not an argument here beyond saying that there is evidence that Jesus existed. That would have to have been accompanied by a comparative appraisal of the historical evidence for both Jesus and Muhammed to suggest which one was more credible.

My thoughts on the substance of what you said

I was grateful for the entry which made this month a proper competition. But a bland statement of the facts without any real reflection was not what I was looking for. For example, you suggested that the Julian/Gregorian calendar was evidence of Jesus's existence. The Julian Calendar was in place before him (45BC Julius Caesar) and the Gregorian was an adaptation of the Julian Solar Calendar that came in in 1582 by papal decree. AD/BC was not widely used until the 9th century so long past the time when it might be used as a piece of evidence for Christ's existence.

Mechanical issues

This had a dry and non-committal vibe about it. It was too short.

Jesus is [needs article] son of Mary and Joseph

Jesus grew up and began preaching at the age of Thirty. - thirty

the four Gospels in the New Testament - gospels

Heaven - heaven

Thanks again for entering.
LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4797708

Review of Jesus Vs Mohammed?

Review by LightinMind

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello Amethyst Angel 💐

. Thank you for entering this month's contest. You are the winner of this months competition

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#2327636 by LightinMind

As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "Jesus Vs Mohammed?"

Did you answer the question?

You answered the question by evaluating what the choice might mean from a third-person perspective that was neither Christian nor Muslim.

Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

This sounded authentic and like an honest reflection. You came across as a spiritual woman but one who was agnostic about identifying with a side in this choice. Your effort sounded a little blurry on crucial discussion points. I was unsure if fear of offending was the reason not to commit, genuine disagreements with both positions, or some kind of reaction to the certainties of an evangelical protestant American culture that you appear to inhabit. I guess American Republican conservative evangelicals have the least practical experience of Muslims of just about any Christian demographic on the planet and yet are almost universally hostile to it. I wondered if there was some kind of reaction to that in your opinion. Your audience sounded like a well-meaning person who was not too extreme in their positions but who would never come out for one position or another.

How consistent was your argument?

The theme of your argument was that both religions have contributed value to the world and it depends on who you talk to as to which picture you accept of Jesus or Mohammed.

You suggested that the Bible, as it is, does not support the Divinity of Christ or the Trinity. That is a very tenuous position for anyone well versed in the scriptures - John 1:1 "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word WAS God." being a perfect example not to mention the seven I AM sayings in John's gospel and Jesus receiving the worship of angels in Hebrews 1. Angels do not commit blasphemy. The informed Muslim position is therefore not that the current Bible does not say this but that the original scriptures did not and so what we have now is a corrupted text. But they cannot provide the evidence trail for that corruption process and we have documents going back well into the Old Testament era to answer these kinds of critique. Liberal Christians and atheists also ignore the straightforward meaning of the text.

You seemed to like that Islam separated the sexes and left women as the Homemakers but so also mourn the lack of opportunities for women in many Islamic cultures, the carnal vision of heaven that Muhammed painted, polygamy, and the regard of women as inferior witnesses for example. Your critique of Christianity seemed partly a universal one and partly one restricted to the worldliness of aspects of the American church context. I think if you had more direct experience of how women were treated by Islam then you would not be caught between the two faiths as you are. The number of Muslim women who are beaten up, raped, demeaned, denied an education, forced to marry old men when still a child is quite horrifying. Your argument came across as a view from the window of a comfortable house rather than a hands-on engagement.

But if it came down to personalities then Jesus sounded the better guy to hang out with for eternity

My thoughts on the substance of what you said

Your critique of Christianity, proper, included a non-acceptance of doctrines of Incarnation, Trinity, and Redemption - so all the big and crucial ones. The Nicene Creed gives a clear picture of who Jesus is accepted by Catholics, Orthodox, Protestants, and Pentecostals alike. The deviance occurs with cults like Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons and indeed other religions.

There was a general rejection of Christian authority figures which might be informed by abusive examples in your local context. You could not accept the doctrine of total depravity and so did not need to grasp or mention the significance of the cross. The reason being that you could not accept that an infant could not be saved perhaps due to original sin.

Your critique of local American Christianity was of its greed and lack of biblical values. But the Pope for example has said pretty much the same as well as expressing dismay at the way Americans plan to treat immigrants - so this was not a critique of true faith.

You appreciated that Christians saw people as made in God's image and so each person carries something of that divine reflection and presence. So maybe a man is not so far-fetched a vessel to carry the Divine as Muslims would suggest when they react to the notion that Jesus was the Son of God fathered by the action of the Holy Spirit in a woman who then carried the Divine within her as a child to birth.

Islam's golden age was fueled by the presence of a majority Christian population in many of their provinces until the time of the Crusades. Much of the architecture of mosques looks quite Byzantine or indeed Persian. They stole the credit for a lot of what they did. Or do you think that Arab goat herders became engineers, mathematicians, and accomplished scholars overnight

Some of the things said about Muhammed are not just a matter of he said she said as suggested. For example, it is established Sunni tradition that Aisha was six when married to Muhammed (in his fifties) and only nine when she consummated the relationship. Arab culture regards a girl as a woman after her first blood. The Taliban have allowed marriages of girls as early as eight years old even today.

If you reject the teaching authority of the global-historical church I guess that explains how you can regard Christians as lacking moral discipline and clarity, but that still seems a distorted perspective of the church. That a person can be moral despite a lack of a clear source of spiritual authority is an assertion and may also explain the necessity of rejecting total depravity. There is no room for self-righteousness if we are all sinners.

<<They even believe he was born of a virgin, despite this being traced back to a mistranslation in the Old Testament.>>>>

This one comes up time and time again and the debate rages on the meaning of the Hebrew word gihon. Literally, it does mean young woman rather than virgin but in context, the image of purity and innocence associated with the word is the crucial reason that all 70 Jewish Hebrew/Greek experts that translated the Septuagint decided this word had to be translated as virgin. You see Greek girls of the time were easy and so saying 'a young woman' could simply mean "immoral and sexually licentious" in a Greek context as it would today in most of the Western world. Jewish girls by contrast had strict discipline and there was no sex outside marriage. So young woman as opposed to wife meant virgin and the translators were entirely correct in context to use virgin.

Mechanical issues

The best writers allow readers to focus on their content by not distracting them with errors.

Thanks again for entering.
LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4793367

Review of Winter in Hamburg

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hello, Gratefully IE

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Winter in Hamburg"

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A daughter takes a trip back to Hamburg, Germany, her mother's childhood home. Her mother may be in a wheelchair but her eyes brighten as she remembers her teenage times in the city.

Commentary

Living in Germany as I do and being very familiar with Hamburg I loved your reflections on your trip to this city.
The city is young compared to London where I was born yet has always been a vibrant place with connections through its port to all those other places. Most Americans with German or East European ancestry probably sailed from this port.

The Fischmarkt is timeless, still flooded a few times every year by surge tides and then washed clean. Similarly, the city was a bombed-out ruin at the end of the war. I am guessing your mother like most Germans missed the bombardment in 1943 when the air caught fire and 40000 citizens were killed in just three days. Most children had already been moved to the countryside and Bavaria was a good place to go. You suggested they walked back from Bavaria to the Hamburg ruins. I guess given the devastation caused by the Allies to trains and roads that is very possible.

The fear of the Russians was alluded to in your piece. I remember a neighbor who fought on the Russian front from Barbarossa to unconditional surrender, wounded twice (two purple hearts - a hero in any other army but not in the German one for obvious reasons) who jumped from a Russian prisoner of war train to get back to his home where he worked on a farm as a secret laborer until things calmed down. Germans were terrified of the Russians after the atrocities they had committed on the eastern front.

At a company party in Hamburg last month we did a nighttime harbor tour seeing the lights of the new Elphilamonie, Fishmarkt, and harbor from the river. At night the harbor is a forest of lights and continually buzzing with activity as ships are loaded and unloaded. That is the heart of the city and well worth doing if you ever go back there.

You write well and as a final mother-daughter exploration of roots, the trip sounded like a total success. Thanks for sharing.

Mechanical issues

Nothing to say here.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2327636 by LightinMind

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#4793363

Review of Against the False Promises

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, Lunatic

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Against the False Promises"

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Democracy offers choices between thieves and madmen. Our collective heritage is sold to the highest bidder. Maybe a monarch would offer a deeper sense of continuity and concern for the land and its people. Anointed by a Higher power to preserve what is best and promote what is good.

Commentary

Our democratic choices often seem like poor ones and it is almost always a choice for the lesser of two evils. The ideal of Christian monarchy modeled by the likes of Alfred the Great, Justinian, Queen Victoria, or indeed both Queen Elizabeths seems a distant possibility in the modern world. But who can deny the edifying ways in which the continuity, ceremony, majesty, and Christianity of such kings and queens impacted so fruitfully on the general populace?

Your poem made me feel like a monarchist, which I think most British people are deep down even the Republicans who need a king to rage against. But then I remembered rubbish kings like John, Henry VI, Charles I, and Edward VIII and I think constitutional monarchy is probably for the best. The best check on tyranny is democracy. The best check on democracy is a Christian monarchy though I guess Americans would suggest the constitution instead. But that is just a piece of paper without the faith of the founding fathers.

So overall I think I found your poem a little too pessimistic about what democracy can do even if I share your antipathy for its faults.

Mechanical issues

Nothing to say here.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2327636 by LightinMind

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14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4793362

Review of The Shepard

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, Ambience24

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "The Shepard"

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A Shepherd on a search for his own identity and freedom forgets to tend his sheep.

Commentary

I loved this poem.

Your poem made me think of King David one of the the most famous shepherds of all time. He would use his sling to defend his sheep against bears and lions. A skill that came in handy later on against giants like Goliath. He would also compose psalms to God celebrating the beauty and wonder of God and also on occasions what he had created. He did not lose any of his sheep despite being able to fill his time developing extra skills and his spirituality.

Here by contrast we have a sort of selfish dreamer whose contemplations on the natural order distract him from his daily responsibilities. His journey of self-exploration is an inward one, lacking concern for God or indeed the sheep in the pasture.

The theme seemed more akin to a selfish person in counseling, loving the continual rehearsal of his struggles in the narcissistic mirror of the paid counselor's reflections upon his life. He is so wrapped up in himself he misses the fact that his real-life slips past him in the meantime.

Mechanical issues

No such word as Shepard - should be Shepherd.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2327636 by LightinMind

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#4789037

Review of Duality of Me

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, BrokenRing

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Duality of Me"

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The author described two characters, two persons in the singular him...

Commentary

I checked out your portfolio and noticed you were a forty-four-year-old man but with a young man staring at the sky as your portfolio picture. It is interesting how our self-perception is often very different from what others see of ourselves. In my soul I too feel like a man far younger than my physical age and as yet untainted by the life experiences that tempered me and refined me into the person I am today. Your name Brokenring also speaks of trials that could have included a broken marriage for example.

The poet and the addict are an interesting contrast. The poet seems to be the conscious self striving to write down what is noble, pure, true and excellent. The addict is more like the unconscious sweeping the self down a subconscious river whose currents are too strong to resist. One can smile a manic smile even on such a rollercoaster ride to doom even though the track ahead seems to be broken and your inner poet is screaming at you to jump off now.

Yes, the white knight should get the girl, kill the dragon and chop off the bad man's head. When did we forget these lessons and when did a brutal world educate us otherwise? Yet I replayed the video of my life and I had myself playing all the parts. The drama could be overwhelming so it needs to be organized into a proper story.

This is too short but I like the provocative tension between the two characters - Dionysian and Apolline, wild and sublime, conscious and unconscious, good and bad.

Mechanical issues

Too short - write more.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

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How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4789029

Review of Siren

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, yojina

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Siren"

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The Siren call led the poet into warm waves with the promise of love...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I read this poem with the impression of the father of a teenage daughter thinking the guy is a bad boy stay away from him. Not that teenage girls ever listen to their fathers nor even allow them to swim out into the waves and rescue them, we all have to make our own mistakes and learn from them. Of course, there are no gendered pronouns here so the poem seemed a little abstract to me.

The basic point here is that you should not have fallen for the sales pitch from the monster of the seas. It was only when you were buried in the waves as night fell that you realized that. This of course begs the question of how you wrote the poem, under water while drowning. Still considerate of you to leave a parting message and warning.

The obsession with death and tragedy seems to me to be a symptom of a society too wrapped up in itself and lacking true concern for God and others. Ironically the attempt to love ends in failure so the message it implies is do not love at all. Here the lover is an actual bona fide monster thus underlining the message. Yet the capacity for love remains, though unrequited perhaps in this drowning beloved. Hopefully, the poet here remains undaunted by the various imaginary disasters that could befall them on their way to the City of God where all is love, light, and joy. The sirens after all are just a Greek myth told by a culture debunked by science and true religion over the millennia.

Mechanical issues

Well-constructed Freeverse.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

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How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4787980

Review of ruwth is writing...

for entry "--Am I A Miracle Or An Accident?--"

Review by LightinMind

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hello ruwth

. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

FORUM

(13+)
Can we communicate with God and each other? How is this possible?
#2327636 by LightinMind

As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "ruwth is writing..."

"--Am I A Miracle Or An Accident?--"

Did you answer the question?

You believe that you are a miracle and that God guided the process by which you came to be.

Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

You referenced Og Mandino's Greatest Miracle in the World and various bible verses were implicit in your words. These were integrated into an argument with a clear voice.

How consistent was your argument?

Your response was a little short. In looking for your origins you thought about your parents and the fertilization of the egg that grew into you. You saw this as a material process and the only miracle referred to is the victory of the sperm, in a crowd of competitors, that God guided to the finish line first. This then also included a review of how the generations that preceded you met and you asked how God might have guided that process. So you did not seem so clear that the material path you defined could be thought of as a miracle or a natural process and this pushed you into a discussion of free will versus determinism. You resolved this by suggesting that God both planned and actively guided the process.

My thoughts on the substance of what you said

When I posed this question I was thinking more on the macro level but actually, your focus on conception and genealogy was an obvious response to it. On this level it seems an entirely natural process at first glance with people meeting, falling in love, birthing children, and voila we have a ruwth. Even if we consider the injection of your soul at the moment of conception to have been a Divine intervention in a sense that is a natural process also (although on a higher level than materialists may understand) since every child is born with a soul.

Maybe I should have asked people to define miracles. Most regard anything supernatural as miraculous, anything that breaks observable natural laws. Ultimately all creation is a miracle created from nothing by God. Your design is superb but is it a miracle in the same sense that the immaculate conception and virgin birth were miracles? How God guided a particular sperm or person are mysterious and unknowable.

I believe that the miracle of your life is that you can know God for eternity, that you can create and love and think in ways that no animal can. You can reach beyond the mundane and to the Divine and that makes your life miraculous. It is the fact of your salvation and the glorious future you will enjoy with God. So also I believe that you as with most Christians can point to specific moments in your life when God intervened and radically different outcomes resulted.

Mechanical issues

The egg did not likely have any competition [,] but the sperm did.

Did He choose the sperm that would win that race [,] or was the victor just lucky

Thanks again for entering.
LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4787979

Review of WHO AM I?

Review by LightinMind

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello MooneyeMadison

. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

FORUM

(13+)
Can we communicate with God and each other? How is this possible?
#2327636 by LightinMind

As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "WHO AM I?"

Did you answer the question?

The basic question I was asking was were you a miracle or an accident, a product of material forces compelled by chance, or one of supernatural design? You focused your answer on the question of personal identity and purpose set in the context of a transcendent Creator intimately involved with the created order and Aristotelian perspective that read design and order in all things. So I think you did indeed answer the question in your unique way.

Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

You quoted from the bible and Aristotle in a way that integrated with your argument and expressed an understanding of what was being quoted. However, you did not seem to realize that these two models of understanding are contradictory. Your voice was trapped between these two perspectives and maybe pantheism also and I struggled to hear it.

How consistent was your argument?

You seemed to start your argument as an Intelligent Design creationist and end it as an Aristotelian or maybe a pantheist.

Aristotle believed the world is eternal and not created and that God did not set a beginning, indeed God is rather redundant in his natural philosophy and it was Plato that developed the notion of a personal and transcendent God for the Greeks. The Jews of course were already articulating that a thousand years before Aristotle was even born.

The Christian view is that only the transcendent God is eternal and that the universe has a beginning and an end. In that sense, we are special acts of creation, and the life that God has breathed into us distinguishes us from animals and mere participation in the materialistic drama of the natural order.

Your argument seemed squeezed between Aristotle and Christianity and you appeared to be still in the process of working both through rather than having picked a side. Since it took more than a thousand years for the church as a whole to work through the enduring power of Aristotle's model of understanding this is perhaps understandable. You integrated the two by suggesting that both considered there to be a purposeful design to the universe rather than it being merely random. But Aristotelian categorization of the natural order did not necessarily attribute that order and symmetry to God's creativity and continued sustaining of creation but rather regarded it as an intrinsic property of an eternal universe of which God was the Unmoved Mover.

Aristotle categorized the natural order in terms of inherent principles of motion, change, and purpose looking for causes. God is the ultimate cause, the unmoved Mover. But this notion of God is not of a personal and transcendent Creator. His God does not interfere and is more an abstract philosophical answer to conundrums raised by his real focus on the natural order.

My thoughts on the substance of what you said

You seemed to end your account by suggesting an almost pantheistic unity and oneness to being. You could have simply meant that there was a butterfly effect to every act of good or evil that vibrated throughout creation. However, the implication of your words suggested pantheism instead, this would then be a third position implicit in the text as Aristotle was not a pantheist as articulated above - as the universe and God were not identical to him.

I am not one with you though we may share a common bond in Christ. Nor am I one with the universe. Like all creatures I can see materialistic processes at work in my being yet I can also see supernatural ones born of my Creator. We are made in God's image out of the material of His creation. We are both a part of the universe and yet also reaching and aspiring to that higher unity that is a product of God's breath in us and His design of us in His image. We are a miracle beyond the understanding of those who reduce reality to merely natural forces and yet so also our lives are situated in physical bodies and in a natural order governed by clear and observable scientific laws. If God did not transcend the universe and if He lacked the personal care to reveal Himself to us the universe would be a very different place.

Aristotle's weakness is that he does not understand creation, the nature of God, or the true purpose of human beings as being to love and serve God. God created ex nihilo and existed before creation began. God is not some kind of abstract principle but rather warm and personal. Jesus incarnated and dwelt with us. His Spirit indwells the church today. Our purpose is not a product of natural causes but is found in a relationship with God that transcends time, space and energy-mass. It is God-focused not human-focused. Aristotle also had no conception of how sin and evil had corrupted things and broken the world and the need for redemption that entailed. He lacked theological depth and while his thoughts resonate with an atheistic naturalistic paradigm subscribed to by many today he is not being real about the nature of God, creation or indeed humanity.

On the one hand, we are material beings hurtling through the cosmos at thousands of miles an hour, our bodies a tumultuous storm of continual changes. On the other, we are beings centered in a relationship with God that is eternal and cannot be broken.
We are miracles placed inside creation that can reach outside it to eternity, souls with bodies and bodies with souls. We can be at peace and smiling while we take the rollercoaster of life.

Mechanical issues

There are a large number of mechanical issues, which implies that you did not just cut and paste this from an AI and that it was original work, but these need working on. This is where you lost stars.

While, intrinsically vast, complex, and purposeful, this Intelligence [intelligence] is merely a facet of the Supreme Creator - No comma after while and lose the capitalization of intelligence.

How could one possibly begin to understand such a, seemingly, unconceivable Source [inconceivable source] of Divinity?

Surely, we can not [cannot] claim to understand the beginng [beginning],

religiously, philosophically, ect..) - etc...

governed by this fundamental principal [principle].

If every subatomic particle of our being has a purpose [,] how could one possibly rationalize that our lives, as a whole, do not?

I am an energetic, spiritual, being,

The vibrational patterns, or frequencies [,] that we emit into the universe will either help or hinder, not only our self [ourselves], but the collective consciousness as a whole.

Thanks again for entering.
LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4785084

Review of Playing With Hot Dogs

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello, Sum1

. This is a Nutty November Review Raid from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Playing With Hot Dogs"

via the Super Reviewer Group List. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

It's 1979 and a naval veteran is on deployment in the West Pacific. Long deployments can be boring or stressful. But the crew finds ways to pass the time...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Oh no, I read to the punch line. Now I have to get this image out of my head. Poor guy, he is probably traumatized for life.

You set the scene well and got me into the story to the point I was sitting in the crew's mess watching the guy come in and then working out what had just happened with the rest of the crew. Then I kind of wished I was not such a gossip and had just stayed blissfully ignorant of the prank.

Mechanical issues

No obvious errors found.

Thanks for sharing.

shared image for the November Review Raid

FORUM

(13+)
Can we communicate with God and each other? How is this possible?
#2327636 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4785081

Review of Madame Michelle de la Lyonesse Dupont

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hello, Beholden

. This is a Nutty November Review Raid from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Madame Michelle de la Lyonesse Dupont"

via the Super Reviewer Group List. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Madame Michelle de la Lyonesse Dupont is the well-named seventh wife of the lesser-titled Jean or did he give her the surname when he married her? She might be feeling a little insecure about her six predecessors. Jean is intercepted on his way to the bathroom by the younger Madam Ghost of Times long passed to tempt him to an alternate future...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Seven wives! This aristocrat must have money to burn on all those divorces or was he a sort of Henry the Eighth Type figure? Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived.

Either way, he is not the kind of man I want my daughter to marry. Why do the bad boys always get the girls, how could they be so stupid?

So apparently ghosts are in the business of marriage testing, would he leave his wife for her younger self is the ultimate test, as attraction is already guaranteed. He passes the test and the ghost proclaims him a hero for resisting the temptation but the clean-up operation on the bathroom floor might tell a different story as to the true reason he was able to resist.

This had me laughing and grimacing at the same time.

Mechanical issues

Nothing major to say here.

Thanks for sharing.

shared image for the November Review Raid

FORUM

(13+)
Can we communicate with God and each other? How is this possible?
#2327636 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4784166

Review of Emily, her Elves, and the Bank

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello, Jakrebs

. This is a review of "Emily, her Elves, and the Bank"

by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Somewhere in a bank near you, there is a brown-haired wonder of a woman called Emily. In the presence of her goodness and the freshness of her laughter boy and girl elves have made a home in the ceiling above the cubicle where she works. She has inspired a military mission by boy elves, out of Bank HQ, to perform special ops every night, fixing a broken world with acts of anonymous kindness. The girl elves work with their boys to keep them away from prying eyes and to keep them safe.

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So this is either all about the girl and the elves that feed off her presence, or about a crush you have on a brunette bank clerk, a Mistress of Multitasking. Either way, Emily has inspired an amusing piece here by simply being herself, being good, and bringing a little joy to the lives that touch her own.

Though she might not be aware of the elven army and its supporting ladies nor indeed the affection she inspires in visitors to the bank. You describe two kingdoms hidden from human view - an army of elves intent on acts of fixing kindness and gangs of imps that ruin and destroy and are out for themselves. The elves are beloved and lovers and they love to give. The imps posture, bully and ruin and only know how to fight. Though not apparently against the elven ladies who fight for higher motives than Imps could ever grasp. If the elves live in the heavenly ceiling floating above the blessed bank brunette then maybe you imagine the imps as emerging from the hellish staff toilet or the gutter outside sometime after dark, smelling of filth.

The overflow of elvish goodness and kindness all starts with the presence and spirit of this one special lady. One wonders if you have ever spoken to her but somehow I wonder if it might be a disappointment to do so as the stories of dark and light already woven around her pure life make her far more interesting than a real person ever could be.

My views on elves have been colored by the Lord of the Rings and especially Legolas the super warrior who dances nimbly between orcs, trolls, and Mammoth-sized monsters, his sword and arrows a blur of lightning movement as he wipes out evil. But you make them small enough to be attacked by rats and for a gang of them to live in the ceiling with a host of beautiful she elves who preen like beauty queens, but who are maybe like Tauriel, the she-elf warrior in The Hobbit, underneath. Even if they are magical they all seem more like the fairies in Peter Pan to me.

This elvish 'Salvation Army' of street-wise charity workers in military gear are the good boys who should always avoid a fight because their enemies do not fight by Queensbury rules. The girls seem to know that but they will go further than their men ever would to protect the ones they love and even the Imps are scared of their MMA talents and hidden ex-CIA assassin skill sets.

This was your fantasy about a woman that seems almost too good to be true but you end by inviting the reader to say hello and to be sure not to miss her. This is strange since you are clearly under the woman's spell, though unsure as to whether to treat her like a daughter or a romantic beloved. The confusion appears to be the result of a lack of any real connection to her.

Is it naive to pretend that I am sure I could handle her magic and keep my perspective, or does that sound like someone who thinks they could take Fetanol without becoming an addict?

Mechanical issues

It was not a poem, more prose but the line gaps gave pauses and separators to thoughts and so it worked as it is.

Was not sure about the capitalization of Boy, Girl, and Elves

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind