Oh, what a world, what a world! That you should have to face such trials and tribulation in your own home! You earned the 'A' on this one AnonymouslyAbsent. Very funny. Saw no spelling or punctuation errors and had a good time reading it.
I only intended to take a peek at your port but enjoyed what I read here so much I kept going! The only thing that caught my notice here was your use of the word 'country'. Maybe you meant 'county'? Either way, very funny. Write on!
I love the way you describe the setting. It really works to create an image in your mind. I think I may add your port to my highlighted items. Lots of great stories here.
Couple of things I'll mention though. For example:'If you want to take on Skunk at pool, watch
the big game or throw up off a high place you have to go up there.' This sentence kind of had me baffled. Might just be me. Also, once you've established that 'Skunk' and 'Red' are nicknames I would lose the guotation marks.
Ha! Very funny! Well written and aptly put. Personally, I just want a home that's comfortable. I want my guests to feel like they can come in and put their feet up, set their chipped coffee mugs on the table(coasters? what are coasters?), and relax. Who cares if it's Better Homes and Gardens acceptable? I have that football field sized space in my living room, but then again I use it for painting when the wheather is too bad for the back deck.
I love this! I'm a firm believer in natural remedies. Most of the pharmaceutical patents today origionated with natural substances, but naturally occuring medicines can not be patented...only thier chemical equivalents.
I'll return here again and again to see what new remedies have been posted.
Hello ordinary Jyo. I like the moral behind your story. 'Do what you love and love what you do.' Also the pop-up translations are awesome!
That having been said I see the need for some revising. There are a couple of mis-spelled words ('manouvred', 'momlogue') and the grammar is pretty loose. There are also a few places where you used an uncommon word to relay a common idea. Such as:appurtenances. Where the meaning of the word is appropriate, something more recognizable like 'appendages' or 'accessories' might work better. Even so, I enjoyed reading it and will be looking for more...
Wow! Very sweet story and with fewer than five hundred words too. I didn't see any errors (keeping in mind I'm no editor) and it flowed well, especially for so few words. You're going to think I'm nuts, but I'd like to see Maddie using a few more contractions, ie: it's, I'm, I'll. Like I said, nuts, but my daughter is 9 and it's all I can do to get her to speak in full sentences! Not that she can't mind you, she's a strait A student, but any time she can clump a few together (to fit more in) she will. Great story msmoonbeam!
What a beautiful and heartwrenching story. I noticed you switched tense a few times, as in the following:
(Emily is the joy of Debbie’s life. Every moment spent away from her is an agony.)
A good revision might be: Emily 'was' the joy of Debbie's life. Every moment spent away from her 'was' agony.
Also I noticed a change in perspective in chp.2 that was a little confusing but all in all it didn't hurt the feel of the story. Wonderful...Write on!
Great job of putting something together without using a single letter 'C'! One thing I did notice, though, is this sentence: 'Perhaps she having an out-of-body event—maybe visiting the wizard in OZ.'
You might want to add 'was' between 'she' and 'having'. Otherwise very well done and absolutely CUTE!
Very touching. Having children of my own, and being lucky enough to spend a good deal of time with them, I can relate to the sense of emptiness the mother feels when they are gone. All emotional relationships are complex, but the relationship between a mother and her children can be deep and abiding. They are a piece of her in a very real way. I would have liked to have seen you write a little more about how she used her time while alone, the courses and etc., but I still enjoyed it.
Before I begin, I have to let you know I'm an absolute nut for sci-fi. Have no doubt I'm a little biased on the subject. Alright, with that out of the way let me begin by saying I think you've got the potential for a wonderful story here. Granted I've only read the first chapter, but I like your ideas. With a little more polish you could have a great space opera on your hands. Your style reminds me a little of Simon R. Green and his Deathstalker series. I do like the raw, gritty quality to your descriptions. Just a personel opinion, but I'd like to see a little more body to the story. It feels like you're advancing the plot too quickly. Like I said though, I've only read the first chapter. I recomend you take a look at William Strunk Jr.'s 'The Elements of Style'. I've found it extremely helpful.
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