Very simple little poem. I liked it. It was nice that you didn't try to fill up space with uneccessary words. You said that it was about how you felt, and you wrote exactly that. Overall, good job.
This is a beautiful work of art. I am so sorry for your loss. This piece made me feel...so much. I am only fourteen and I have no idea what it must be like to go through what you went through. This piece had a couple or typos and a few things that were unclear, but I don't think they matter. This was beautiful. You conveyed so much feeling and thought and emotion very well. Thank you for writing this.
Very short, but good piece. I enjoy pieces that get their message across very clearly and effectively in a small message. I think that you conveyed the feeling well. It was easy to read and it flowed well. I like the simple format; that you didn't fuss over a poem style or something like that. Good work!
THIS WAS A WONDERFUL< TOUCHING POEM. I loved it. It almost made me cry, especially at the end. THere was so much feeling, and so much emotion in this piece of writing. Thank you so much for sharing this with the world; it was very, very good. I gave it a five, and I hardly ever give out fives.
This was a wonderful poem. you combined feeling and hope with rhyme. I think you did a great job; the only reason that I didn't give you a 5 was because i never want people to think they're too good to work on stuff. I enjoyed reading this, and i'm sorry, but I don't have any advice for you. Thanks for your review that you gave me; bye!
First off, I want to tell you that I enjoyed reading this. It is a very interesting beginning, and I think that it could certainly go places. You have set up a mystery with the attack on the palace. Sure, people attack royalty sometimes, but you pose the question why, which grabs a readers attention. I always enjoy reading a book that begins with action or feeling.
You might want to rethink the title of the first chapter's title. It is a little bit cliche. I know a couple of editors, and they really don't like cliches. Also, when Malea opens her door, you say that her parents are "fighting for their lives". I think you could probably elaborate that. It would give the chapter more depth and length, as well as lead into Malea's fear and tears.
I think you could expand the first chapter a lot more by giving more desciption. When Princess Malea wakes up, you could have her brush her hair out of her face, telling readers the color, and maybe her hair type, to give them a visual, which will pull them into the story. When she sees her sister, you could mention something about terror or confusion on the sister's face.
The second time that Malea opens her door, you said that there was no one in the hallway. Where had her parents gone?
In the beginning, you didn't have much atmosphere.
However, that got much better once you brought Malea out of the house.
You have used the term "frozen with fear" quite often. Perhaps you could cut one or two of them. While ignoring the frozen part, you could expand on the feeling of terror.
I really enjoyed the ending. The grief was realistic, as well as the man's reaction. You left it open well, and made me wonder how the man will respond now that he knows that Malea is the princess. What does he think happened to her? Overall, it was very good. I enjoyed reading it, and I am going to check back to read more, you can count on it. I hope that I have not overwhelmed you, and I hope that I have been helpful. Keep up the good work!
Also, you might want to create your bio block. I find that reading members' bio blocks can give me a better idea of who they are, which gets me interested enough to read their work.
I really enjoyed this poem. It was funny and cute, but also touching and insightful at the same time. I love ctas too! I only had one problem with it. The second stanza confused me a little. You were talking about her being so patient and polite, but then you switch to glares and bossiness. Very good poem; I'm glad I read it!
I really really liked this poem. i liked the name, I liked the lines, and i liked the words that you used. It really impressed me. However, there was just one line that had something in it that bothered me- in the fifth line of the first stanza, you said pale bright fingers. If something is pale, it cannot be bright. Mabye pick one or the other, or just choose a different word to replace one of them. Good work!
(I just reviewed your "The Night", and I just forgot to say that I think you might try and think of a different title for that poem. As for this one-
it was very interesting. i'm not sure how I feel about it; it was very cryptic. There was one line that I really didn't understan-its meaning in the poem- that didn't go with a shower. Also, i didn't see the point for which was not a pumpkin. I think that it has potential, and again, a lot of feeling, but it does need a little bit of revision. Don't be discouraged!{e:smile/}
I get a lot of feeling from this poem, near the end. However, I kind of felt like you were trying too hard to rhyme. i usually write rhyming poetry, but I have found that some prose is also very nice. don't worry so mych about rhyming, just get your feelings out exactly the way you feel them. that's part of what I like most about poetry and prose. It's alive with heart and real feelings and experiences.Keep up the good work!
I really liked this poem. I am thirteen years old, and I am homeschooled, so I don't really have any friends, and I completely understand. Comments- but were their, to see me fall should be but were there, to see me fall. I really liked the line- my heart hears no sound. keep up the good work! don't let people discourage you, and never give up your writing!
This was written pretty good; it's not my style though. I like your descriptions, and how well you used words. I didn't like the outline, but I think it is a neat and original piece. One thing taht I didn't understand about this item was the story.What exactly is it that you are trying to portray?What is your point?
This is a very exceptional piece. I enjoyed reading it and liked what you were saying. I like your format, but do have a few things to point out to you.
In paragraph 4 you said the thing call hope; it should be the thing called hope.
I think it would flow a bit better if you had proper commas and periods at the ends of the lines.
In paragraph 5 you say Like left to float out into the sea.I just think that the way this is worded makes it a little confusing.
I liked the message you portrayed here,so good work!
Hilarious! i love this piece! Good work! I myself have written a number of short stories from cats' poitn of view, but this is great!
I like the different ways that you spell mice; you know, like a cat would, but I do think you went a little too far with "micesies" and "mousieses".
I like this piece a lot, and i can definitely realte to it, but I have some suggestions.
First off, i think you should remember to have commas after every line, and to place periods where they belong, okay.
Also, I was wondering; what is a dower?
I rated this before as a 5 star page, but looking back, I changed my mind because i have a suggestion for it. I think that this page would be even better if you could post folders and books as well as just satic items. i think maybe even activities and surveys should be included. After all, people need reviews on those things too!
I like this piece quite a bit, I just noticed a few small mistakes. Remember to include a comma at the end of every line of poetry, and that the first letter of every line should be capitalized.
Also, I think that "my protective garb" means like, an alternate personality, but I'm not sure.
And when you say, "slip on this one", does it mean that you have a lot of different personalities?
Just curious.
I like this piece, and I think that it holds a lot of potential, but I have some suggestions. I don't think that the story in this poem is very easy to see; you could try to better explain what you wrote.
I like the rhyming, but I think that instead of and that can't ever return it should be and that can never return.
I also wanted to remind you that in a poem, at the beginning of every line, the first letter should be capitalized.
This isn't my style of poetry, but I think that it is really well written, and your words flowed well.
I like being able to see a story in a poem, and you pulled it off once again. I like the layout quite a bit, and I can't find any spelling mistakes. Good work!
This was a very good poem. I like the way that you worded things, and you can see the story through it.
The layout was neat and unique, and I can feel the pain through the words. It flows very well, and I think that overall it is a very good piece.
Veyr god work on this piece. I like what you are saying, and I must say that I completely agree with you. I think it would flow a little bit better with more rhymes, and I just wanted to point out a small spelling error: Friendship and it=s many. It should be Friendship and its many, okay?
I hope I helped, bye, and keep up the good work!
Wonderful item! Bravo! Good going! Did I say I liked it? I love this piece; it is very touching, and inspirational, and I love how you put it in a way even most kids could understand. I was very touched after reading this, and I can just imagine how Gracie lived her life after that night. This was a wonderful item, and I encourage you to continue writing. If you don't mind me asking, what inspired you to write this?
This is a pretty good poem, and your message got through; at least to me.
I do, however, think people might get frustrated with the person, after hearing his name so much, or rather, no name.
Other than that part, I really liked it.
Happy Writing Day!(every day is a writing day.)
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/moriahelise
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 4:37am on Nov 19, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
