My Wee Amanda's (myamanda) Reviews

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Write the best poem or story in 24 hours or less and win 10K GPS!

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RAOK (Random Acts Of Kindness) helps members by Upgrading them.

How to Write a Query Letter

A list of do's and don'ts of query letter writing along with examples.

READ A NEWBIE

The Forest's Heart

Corrupt knight-ranger gets lost in the woods.

The Paradox of Freedom

How do we separate our true desires from learned influences on what we want for ourselves?

Deep Clean India

Keeping a home clean in a busy city can be tough. Dust, pollution, and the daily rush make

Friendship

A poem about friendship and the starting letters say 'friends'

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Save A Cat 15 Beat Sheet Template

Enjoy tweaking this Save A Cat Blank Beat Sheet with 5-Point Finale Template.

These Are My JOTtings, Part #2

We live much of life amid unique choices. Joy is anchored in The One beyond our life.

My Thoughts

Thoughts going thru my mind at any given time.

Chapter 2, Horrors and Revelations

Norbert looks for Lenny in the woods, but only finds dark secrets hidden away by time.

Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/myamanda

My Wee Amanda

Review Requests: OFF

116 Public Reviews Given

150 Total Reviews Given

Public Reviews

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Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#1413744

Review of Paronomastication

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Dear Robert Waltz

,

This is a review of your folder, "Paronomastication"

, as part of "Invalid Item"

Title/Category

If the title of this folder doesn't attract some attention and curiosity, I don't know what will. Interesting choice.

You have this folder categorized as other. I'm concerned that people looking for comedic material will miss it if they do a Writing.com search. You might consider changing the category to something more appropriate, such as comedy or satire. Just a suggestion.

Technical Stuff

You seem to have things laid out nicely. I couldn't find any technical errors.

Content

I love the little description in the "lobby" of the folder. Very amusing!

The stories in this folder are very clever. You should be very proud of them.

Overall

I'm giving this folder a 5.0 because, so far, it's absolutely perfect. You've got some truly funny, witty, intelligent, well written stories in here. Plus, the folder itself is appropriate. Great job!

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1413740

Review of The Cage

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Dear Robert Waltz

,

This is a review of "The Cage"

as part of "Invalid Item"

Title/Category

You have this item categorized as fictional comedic fantasy and that's exactly what it is. Thank you for putting it where it belongs.

The title doesn't seem to do this piece justice. It works, of course, considering the content, but it just feels...off. However, this is just my opinion, and you can take or leave it as you please.

Technical Aspects

I noticed no spelling, puncutation or grammar errors in this entire piece. Great attention to detail!

Content

After reading your HOV story, I figured I could guess the ending of this one right away...and I was so wrong. You did a fantastic job of leading up to the last line without warning the reader where you were going.

Overall

I'm giving this piece a 5.0 because so far as I can tell, it's flawless. You've got a very, very good sense of timing, you write amazingly well, and you lay out a well presented story. Keep up the good work!

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1413734

Review of High Occupancy

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Dear Robert Waltz

,

This is a review of "High Occupancy"

as part of "Invalid Item"

Title/Category

You've got this listed as a fictionaly political comedy and you hit the nail on the head! Thank you for categorizing your item correctly (believe me, it's a bigger deal than you'd think).

The title is what originally caught my attention, which is part of what it's supposed to do. Good choice.

Technical Aspects

The only problem I noticed was the capitalization of the word "mayor" when it wasn't supposed to be. If you're saying "...and then the mayor did such-and-such..." there is no need for capitalization. You only need it if you're calling him Mayor McDougal, as in part of his personal title.

I didn't notice any other spelling, punctuation, or grammar errors in this piece. Nice attention to detail!

Content

This was so well written, it carried me to the end without preparing me for the "punch line", as it were. Fantastic little ending! Like I said, it caught me off guard, and that's a good thing! It worked very well.

I love your characterization of the mayor in this piece. He's so very lifelike, it's unbelievable. Very good work.

Overall

I'm giving this piece a 4.5 because of the wee capitalization of the word "mayor" issue, but I'd be more than willing to come back and change it to a 5.0 if you fix that. This was an otherwise flawless, intelligent, exceptionally well written item. Thank you for sharing!

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1383739

Review of Tips for Novice Authors - Part 1

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Dear Patty Apostolides

,

This is a review of "Tips for Novice Authors - Part 1"

for "Invalid Item"

!

Technical Stuff

You have a spacing error in the third-to-last paragraph of your "Tools Needed" section. It either needs to have another space to make that sentence part of the new paragraph, or it needs to be deleted back up onto the line above.

I noticed no other grammar, punctuation or spelling errors in this piece. Great attention to detail!

Content

What a lovely resource for lost and wandering writers! You go into a great deal of depth on each topic and you come across as professional and credible. Great job!

Overall

This is really, really awesome, Patty. Would you mind if I linked it in my writing references piece, "Invalid Item"

? You should be very proud of your writing and organizational skills!

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1383725

Review of Adding Accents

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Dear Lord Dragon

,

This is a review of "Adding Accents"

for "Invalid Item"

!

Technical Stuff

I didn't notice any grammar, punctuation or spelling errors in this piece. Great attention to detail!

I love the way you've formatted this for easy reference. Very good!

Content

You have no idea how long I've been looking for an item like this. I want to bathe you in GPs now that I've found it. Really, truly, thank you for creating this informative, interesting and necessary piece.

Overall

Once again, thank you for creating this piece. It is technically flawless, so far as I can tell, and the content is absolutely golden. Would you mind if I created a link to it in my writing reference, "Invalid Item"

?

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1376147

Review of Untitled2

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Dear tanushree

,

This is another review, this time of "Untitled2"

, as part of "Invalid Item"

.

Technical Stuff

So many sounds, all-waiting to spring out at you, catching you unaware.

You don't need the hyphen between all and waiting.

And no, sorry mama, but I rather not give you a good daughter – in law.

Couple issues here. The phrase is I'd rather not, not I rather not.

Also, daughter-in-law should be hyphenated as such.

But then, I started work with a MNC.

I haven't the foggiest whan an MNC is, which means there's probably a few other readers who don't know either. You might consider either spelling out the words that make up MNC, or explaining what this is.

Content

I love the subject matter of this piece. It's important, and you address it fearlessly. Good job.

I like the ending. You did a good job summing up your feelings on the subject with your last line.

Overall

This piece has a few technical errors, but they're easily fixable. The content is the basis of this piece, and you do a really good job with it. Thank you for sharing!

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1376137

Review of Monologue

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Dear tanushree

,

This is a review of "Monologue"

as part of "Invalid Item"

!

Technical Stuff

Since this is a monologue, and almost stream-of-consciousness about a subject, the rules of proper grammar and whatnot don't apply as rigidly. That said, I didn't see any grammar, punctuation or spelling errors anyway! Great attention to detail.

Content

I love the passion you can almost feel pulsating throughout this piece. You've written something so very important, and so very emotional, that I can't help but love it. Amazing job, dear. You should be proud.

Overall

This piece is short, but important. You talked about your feelings, your hopes, and you allowed strangers in to that part of you. Thank you for sharing, and please keep up the good work.

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1375822

Review of Reflector

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Dear Smurfette

,

This is a review of "Reflector"

as part of "Invalid Item"

!

Technical Stuff

I do not consider my self to be a whole.

Myself should be one word.

"I'm coming in." He told me defiantly, in the manner of an armed robber caught in the act, pointing a loaded gun at his victim, daring me to not back down.

In dialogue, if you say someone says something, you either need a comma, exclamation point, or question mark...but not a period. For example:

"Don't do that," Ben told Sam.

"Why not?" asked Sam.

"Because I said so!" Ben yelled.

On the other hand, if you don't acknowledge that your character has said something, you either need a period, exclamation point, or question mark...but not a comma.

For instance:

"You're such an idiot." Sam rolled her eyes and sat down.

"I am not!" Ben, indignant, flung the rest of his sandwich in the trash.

"What fantasy world are you living in?" She glanced at him, brow arched.

Hope this makes sense!

My sanctuary that had fitted me like a comfortable old slipper now embarrassed me.

Fitted is used improperly here. The correct form you're trying to use is fit. (I get this crap wrong all the time, too.

)

The brief conversation the brothers have in the middle of the story should be indented like all the other paragraphs. Right now, the format doesn't match.

I love the way you use words. You create pictures with them that are so original and unique. Amazing imagery, great job.

Content

Wow. Seriously, wow. You made me see things about twins that I never imagined I ought to be seeing. What a very, very powerful concept--and you execute it gorgeously. Really great job!

Overall

There are some wee technical errors in this piece, but they're easily fixable. It's the content that makes this story shine. It's outstanding; creative, intelligent, emotional, powerful...everything it should be. Keep up the wonderful work, love.

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1374586

Review of To Learn to Fly

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Dear BD Mitchell

,

This is a review of "To Learn to Fly"

, your entry in "Invalid Item"

Technical Stuff

I saw no spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors! Great attention to detail.

I just wanted to say that I love the rhyme scheme of this poem. To me, it lends emotion and energy to the content that some other formats simply cannot. Great choice!

Content

This poem was so fun and quick and energetic that I couldn't help but to love it. I'm not a poetry fan at all, really, but this caught and kept my attention. I was very impressed. Great job!

Overall

Thank you so much for sharing this poem with us! You've got a lovely mastery of imagery and energy, and the technical aspects of this poem were perfect. Grat job, and good luck in the contest!

yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1374544

Review of Love's Meanings

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Dear *~*Pixie*~*

,

This is a review of "Love's Meanings"

, your entry in "Invalid Item"

Technical Stuff

I found no spelling, grammar or punctuation issues in this poem. Great attention to detail!

Content

I love the concept of trying to discover and discuss all the different types of love. It's a very poetic idea, very appropriate.

I can't put my finger on it, but this poem feels unfinished. Like, perhaps there is more to discuss and it simply doesn't get covered here or something. I wish I could elaborate on what is making me think that, but I can't. I'm sorry!

Overall

You've written a lovely poem about an interesting topic and you have no technical errors! Good work, and good luck with the contest!

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1374451

Review of Regrets

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Dear Zalmaki

,

This is a review of "Regrets"

, your entry in "Invalid Item"

Technical Stuff

I noticed no spelling, grammar, or puncutation issues in this piece. Great attention to detail!

Okay, this is just a personal issue, but to me, it seems like this poem would be better formatted as free verse. When I was reading it, I was distracted from the content because I kept noticing how hard you were trying to get the lines to rhyme correctly. The content of this piece is really amazing, and to try to force it into a certain format doesn't do it justice. However, this is just my personal opinion and you're totally free to discard it.

Content

Like I said, I love the content of this piece. The wording you use to get your emotions across is absolutely fabulous. You're very good with imagery.

Overall

Other than the formatting of this poem being a bit wonky in my opinion, I thought it was very good. You wrote about something personal and you wrote it well. Great job, love, and good luck in the contest!

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1374415

Review of I Can't Write a Poem

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Dear murf

,

This is a review of "I Can't Write a Poem"

, your entry in "Invalid Item"

.

Technical Stuff

This is the good news! You didn't seem to have any grammar, punctuation or spelling errors.

Content

This is the bad news.

You're right--you can't write a poem. *giggles* HOWEVER...you do a good job of poking fun at yourself and taking it all in stride. I like the concept of this poem, and I find it very amusing the way you executed the idea. Nice job!

Overall

It's not a great poem, but it's not meant to be (obviously). There were no technical errors and the humor is cute! Good job and good luck in the contest!

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1372826

Review of Darkness everywhere

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Dear Iforget

,

This is a review of "Darkness everywhere"

as part of "Invalid Item"

!

Technical Stuff

I didn't see any grammatical, punctuation, or spelling errors. Great attention to detail!

Content

You say in the description that these are just some thoughts...does that mean this was an actual personal experience? Or that you were just jotting down some writing ideas (the way fiction writers jot down outlines)? I suppose it doesn't really matter, I was just curious.

This was well written, flowing easily and steadily toward the conclusion. This is going to sound awful (so I do apologize), but this piece seemed a little trite to me; like the concept has been written and rewritten and rewritten again. HOWEVER--you do an excellent job of writing it so I will give you points for that. Nice job.

Overall

There were no technical errors, and the content was interesting and nicely written. Keep up the hard work!

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1363556

Review of Living a Full Life

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Dear Vivian

,

I'm still here.

This is a review of "Living a Full Life"

as part of "Invalid Item"

!

Technical Stuff

I mean I've been thought to be dead several times, but I wasn't one of the ones thinking that.

You need a comma after the word mean.

If quality of life were all that's important,

There's a tense switch in this sentence--were to is--that I don't think is correct. Maybe if you said, "If quality of life is all that's important," it would work.

Content

What a powerful message! I love that you chose to write this, chose to share it with strangers and passers-by. It's amazingly personal, yet so true for everyone all at the same time. Thank you very much for sharing this piece of writing.

Overall

There's a technical glitch or two, but the content of this piece and the overall quality of writing overshadows any minor mistakes. You've got a lovely style of writing, very moving and empathetic. Great job, once again.

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1363542

Review of Lost Memory

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Dear Vivian

,

Didn't think I'd get to you?

This is a review of "Lost Memory"

as part of "Invalid Item"

!

Technical Stuff

Then flicker away before I can fully favor the flavor,

Do you mean to say savor here? I think that would make more sense.

Finally I spy a tattered ancient trunk under piles

Need a comma after finally.

I love the alliterations and imagery in this piece! Absolutely fantastic use of words, love!

Content

I haven't been 25-years-old for but a month, and even I can relate to this piece. Wonderfully universal theme, lovely execution of a creative idea, and very nicely written!

Overall

Only a couple wee technical errors that I could find, but there was absolutely nothing wrong with the content of this piece. Really great job, Miss Viv! Keep it up!

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1362298

Review of Passing Kidney Stones

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: E

| (2.5)

Dear Cliff

,

This is a review of "Passing Kidney Stones"

as part of "Invalid Item"

!

Technical Stuff

A lady e-mailed me the other day with the question, "My husband is passing his second kidney stone. What can he do to ease the pain,
and is there anything he can do to keep them from
forming?" He's 43 years old and in pretty good health."

There are a couple errors with this sentence. First of all, the way it's formatted in your piece is all wonky. Maybe there was some kind of miscommunication if you cut-and-pasted it from another document, but it has created short sentences that are cut off in the middle of the line to start a new line. This spacing appears in other places in this piece, so you might want to take a look at that.

Second, you have three sets of quotation marks here and you only need two. The middle set need to be removed.

My hubby said, "don't ask Cliff, he'll make cut out the iced tea and sodas."

Again, this sentence has a couple issues. For one thing, is the "my" in this sentence you or the woman who wrote you the e-mail? From the context, I simply can't tell and it's very confusing.

Second, you need the word "me" after the word "make."

(generally recognized as safe}.

Just a wee bitty thing, but you open this with a parenthesis ( and close it with a bracket }.

Although urinary tract infection could be a contributing factor in kidney stones, diuretics such as celery seed, corn silk would be better suited on a regular basis.

The comma between celery seed and corn silk should be the word "and" because you only list two things, not three (which would warrant a comma).

Content

This is a very informative piece that could be extremely useful to people with this condition.

You mention at the end that references are granted upon request. I think it would be a good idea to include your references in your piece. For one thing, it would lend toward your credibility as the author of the piece. For another, it would cut down on any confusion or miscommunication that might pop up when trying to e-mail back and forth.

Overall

While I feel this piece contains useful information, the technical errors and the lack of cited credentials make it a wee bit difficult to comprehend. You might consider revisiting this piece so more people can make the most of the aid you're trying to provide.

Keep up the hard work!

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1361571

Review of Give Texas Back to Mexico

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Dear liberalWill

,

This is a review of "Give Texas Back to Mexico"

as part of "Invalid Item"

!

Technical Stuff

Over the years, country western music has slowly crept into the lives of millions of American’s, creating a shortage of intelligent, literate, fashion sensible and well-spoken citizens.

You're not talking about Americans in the possessive here, so you don't need the apostrophe.

They encourage people to wallow in there own pity...

I think you mean their, not there. One is a place, the other is a possessive pronoun.

The songs also promote the usage of bad grammar. Words such as “ain’t”, “ya’ll”, and “fixin’”, are making their way back into everyday vocabulary.

*grin* You've got your apostrophe in y'all in the wrong place. Think "you-all" or "y' all."

Also, you don't need the last comma after fixin'.

You use the word also a LOT in the second paragraph. You might consider dropping one or two of 'em.

Content

On top of it all, square dancing is simply wrong.

I love this sentence. Love it. Very funny.

New legislation should be passed requiring all rednecks to appear on the television show “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.”

Another very funny line! You've got a very creative wit.

Overall

You've created a very, very funny piece here that I hope nobody sincerely takes seriously. It's an obvious poke at a section of society with no harmful intent. You write very well, and your humor is juuuuuust subtle enough to be awesome. Great job!

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1357327

Review of Morning

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Dear kittiara,

This is a review of "Morning"

for "Invalid Item"

!

Format

From what I learned, haiku is supposed to be a 5-7-5 syllable format and you nailed it! Nice.

Technical Stuff

Nothing out of place with the grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. Great attention to detail!

Content

I love the middle line, truly. I like the entire poem, but that's my favorite. You do a very nice job with the imagry.

Overall

This is a sweet, loving poem that does it's job very nicely. Good work!

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1357316

Review of Ripening

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Dear kittiara,

This is a review of "Ripening"

for "Invalid Item"

(with which you should be very familiar!

).

Format

From what I learned, Haiku should have a 5-7-5 format and you got it nailed here without seeming forced or stilted. Good job!

Technical Stuff

I found no spelling, grammatical, punctuation, etc., errors. Great attention to detail!

Content

I learned that imagry is supposed to be the major stress in a haiku, and you've done a great job of making that the focal point here. I can imagine very well the opening of this wee flower.

Overall

This is a sweet, gentle, pretty piece of poetry and it's flawless as far as I can tell. Great job!

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1356334

Review of My Advice Column

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: E

| (2.0)

Dear angel99

,

This is a review of "My Advice Column"

for "Invalid Item"

!

Grammar, Punctuation, Spelling, etc. (i.e., the Technical Stuff)

Spelling - you might consider using a spellcheck before posting this or any item. A lack of proper spelling conveys a very negative image to the reader--it makes it seem like the writer is either incompetent or doesn't care. I certainly don't think either of these about you, especially considering what you're trying to do here, but you need to come across as a credible expert and you can help do that by making sure your works are error free.

Punctuation - you seem to have the punctuation part down. The only thing I would consider putting a rein on is the overuse of exclamation points. It makes you seem young and unprofessional, and if you're writing an advice column, that's the last thing you'll want to seem!

You need to make sure to put proper spaces at the end of each sentence and after commas. It makes it very difficult to read without them.

Content

You have a very well-meaning intention with this item, but it might be better served as a forum instead of as a static item. That way, people could post directly into the forum for all the world to see their questions and your answers to them. Then you could help more than just one person at a time.

Overall

I'm going to give you a 2.0 for this, but I do not want you to be discouraged. You have a really sweet, wonderful idea here but you need to clean it up a little bit and put it into a different format that can actually be helpful to people.

Good luck and good writing!

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1356104

Review of Paragraphs; spacing and visibilty

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Dear afamwriter-PEN=MAGIC WAND

,

This is a review of "Paragraphs; spacing and visibilty"

for "Invalid Item"

.

Title/Description

You've got a wee bitty issue in your title...spacing! LOL, considering your topic, I'm surprised. Your title should read as follows:

"Paragraphs: Spacing and Visibility"

The description is great, though. I knew what I was in for, and I was interested.

Grammar, Spelling, Punctuation, etc. (i.e., the Technical Stuff)

There is no conclusive way to discern who's speaking, or when;Looks as if we'll need a little Space and Visibility to correct this problem.

The only problem I noticed with your punctuation is when it comes to semicolons, and you seem to have this issue quite a few times here. There should be a space after each semicolon (;) and the word following it should be lowercased, not capitalized.

Content

You give a very good example of how punctuation and spacing should be within a paragraph. However, there is virtually no lead-in to this lesson! Usually, tutorials have a wee bit about what is going to be discussed and how you're going to tackle the problem. You might consider giving your students a little more time to adjust to the lesson instead of tossing them in the water right off.

Overall

I think you've written a lesson here that quite a few people should stop in and take a look at. It could be really excellent if you work on it a bit, so I'm going to give you a 3.5 for now with the promise to reconsider my rating if you ever revise this piece.

Good luck and good writing!

Yours,
Wee

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14 days may be credited.

#1353095

Review of Jury Duty: A Life or Death Situation

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Dear RatDog

,

This is a review of "Jury Duty: A Life or Death Situation"

.

Title/Description

The title and description of this piece are what drew me in, and they did so immediately. They caught my attention amidst a sea of other generic items, which is exactly what they were supposed to do, so good choice!

Grammar, Punctuation, Spelling, etc. (i.e., the Technical Stuff)

I was talking to my boss, Gene, at work today about the case I just served on.

This is your opening sentence, which is going to give an impression of your overall work, and it's just a wee bit awkward. That definitely isn't an impression you want to give!

You might consider reading sentences such as this one aloud and seeing where you stumble or pause. I went over it a few times, and I think it might maintain its content but be better written if it was just rearranged a teensy bit, such as:

Today at work, I was talking to my boss, Gene, about the case on which I just served.

This way, we don't think your boss is at work, but not you (which is the impression I got from the original sentence). Also, rewording helps keep from ending the sentence in a preposition (which, as all those Harvard types will tell you, is a big no-no).

Content

This is an interesting and thought-provoking essay. I have a very difficult time dealing with issues such as these, which made it that much more challenging for me to read this piece objectively, but you handled it in a caring, thoughtful way. I was curious to know if this was meant to be part of a journal or personal collection, though, because you mention "Viv" but we never hear her name or who she is anywhere else.

Overall

I'm going to give you a 4.0 because of the wee issues I've mentioned here, but also because I think your writing in general is above average. Good job, and keep up the hard work!

Yours,
Wee

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#1352680

Review of Generational Knowledge

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Dear Free Spirit

,

Welcome to Writing.com! I hope you're enjoying yourself so far.

I'm going to help you jump right in by giving you a review of "Generational Knowledge"

!

Title/Description

The title and description for this piece are actually what caught my eye and drew me in to read it, so they must be doing their job well! Great choices.

Grammar, Punctuation, Spelling, etc. (i.e., Technical Stuff)

I couldn't find any technical errors in this piece. Great attention to detail!

Content

I liked the idea behind this piece, but I think the execution of it could use a wee bit of tweaking. From what I've read here, you've given the reader a list of things you've taught your daughter and another list of things she's taught you.

You might consider going back and interjecting some personal emotion into this piece so your reader can relate with your feelings. You could do this by telling us how you felt about learning from your daughter, how she felt about learning from you, how attached you are to your traditional way of learning, what prompted you to write this piece, etc.

Overall

I think you have a really good foundation with this piece, but I feel like you could build so much more and make it ten times better if you soften it up just a wee bit. I'm going to give it a 3.5 to leave room for improvement.

If you ever revise this piece, I'd be more than willing to come back and revisit my rating.

Good luck and keep up the hard work!

Yours,
Wee

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#1348306

Review of Dying for freedom

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Dear Farhana

,

This is a review of "Dying for freedom"

, an argument/essay about the controversial topic of abortion.

Title

Whether or not anyone agrees with your point of view, the title you've written for this item is very representative of your argument. Good job.

Description

You're absolutely right, the article wasn't what I thought, and your intriguing catchline is what drew me in, so you did a perfect job.

Grammar/Punctuation

I know what people think, not the most appealable option.

I think you meant to say appealing, as appealable isn't really a word that I know of.

Don't worry, I do things like that all the time.

If women had transparent stomachs would they be so quick to condemn the growing child to death?

You need a comma after the word stomachs.

Spelling/Typos

When we are prevented with the facts, it is clear that abortion is nothing short of an irresponsible form of birth control.

I think you meant to type presented.

Content

You've written a well thought out, well researched argument here. However, you only mark your referenced statements (i.e., your statistics) in the beginning of this argument. I think it would be helpful, and would lend more credibility, if you continued this trend throughout the entire essay.

Her right to "choose" robs fathers of the right to their unborn children, and a child the right to live.

I would be terribly interested to see if there are any statistics regarding how many abortions are performed against the father's wishes. I'm not arguing with you on this point, I simply think it would be an interesting statistic to discuss in your argument.

When we are prevented with the facts, it is clear that abortion is nothing short of an irresponsible form of birth control.

I'm not sure this is what you've proven with your argument. In order to make this statement, I think you need to discuss more about the reasons women are choosing to get abortions. As far as I can discern, you're arguing that an unborn fetus is a child and discussing the methods by which abortion might be avoided, which is fine but you might want to reconsider your conclusion. It should be directly derived from your set of arguments.

Overall

It's obvious you're passionate about this cause, and that's very admirable. Everyone should feel so strongly and be so willing to defend their beliefs. However, because I don't feel that you've created a convincing argument (based on working backwards from your conclusion) and because there were some technical (grammar, spelling, etc.) errors, I'm going to have to rate this piece a 3.5. Of course, I'd be more than willing to revisit this piece if any revisions are made.

Good luck with your cause, and good writing.

Yours,
Wee

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#1309050

Review of Tide of Tears

Review by My Wee Amanda

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

kittiara,

This is a review of "Tide of Tears"

TITLE

The title is appropriate to the content and emotional level of this poem. Good choice.

DESCRIPTION

I love how the description ties into the content of the poem. It takes it from almost melancholy to truly heartwarming.

TECHNICAL STUFF

Issues:

I could find no technical issues!

Things I Like Immensely:

I love the layout of this poem. It adds a lot to the content and the emotional punch, the way you've separated the stanzas.

CONTENT STUFF

Issues:

Again, no content issues.

Things I Like Immensely:

I love this woman. Love her. I love her thoughts, I love the softness that this poem gives her, I love the feeling of completion that she gives the poem. She is amazing. You've created a wonderful thing here.

OVERALL

I am giving this piece a 5.0 rating because I found it to be utterly flawless, and emotionally compelling (especially in the face of my aversion to poetry!). Your poem has moved a hater of poetry, so I would say you've done an exemplary job. Keep it up!

Yours,
Wee

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