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276
276
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You have rightly expressed feelings, wishes and about self-performance evaluation; I have enjoyed the taletelling, flow of thoughts, words imagery and visuals.

Edit:
I want to feel alright,
(I want to feel alright.)

Edit:
As soon as I get out of bed,
I place a bucket on my head,
Everything goes black as night,
It seems I can't do anything right

(As soon as I get out of bed
I place a bucket on my head.
Everything goes black as night.
It seems I cannot do anything right.)

Edit:
It's a shame that I can't see,
In the dark when I have to pee,
For my word choice I feel contrite,
It seems I can't do anything right.

(It is shame that I cannot see
in the dark, when I have to pee
for my word choice I feel contrite.
It seems I cannot do anything right.)


Edit:
There's a place where I can go,
Where it is no one can know,
I go when I want to feel alright,
Whenever I can't do anything right.

(There is a place where I can go
where it is no one can know.
I go when I want to feel alright
whenever I cannot do anything right.)


Honestly, I have offered edits in the brackets to read your work more pleasant; you are free to accept or reject any of my edits.

Keep writing.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1421 /Mo 11112019


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277
277
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Fantastic! I like this poem for it has simplicity in presentation and expression. I have enjoyed the taletelling, the free flow of thoughts, the word visuals, the word imagery and the monologue flavour of humour and the comedy.

Edit:
Why am I in a Pillow?
(Why am I in A Pillow?)

Edit:
Why am I in a pillow?
That’s hard to say
As the billow
Is wrapped around me in that way.

(Why am I in a pillow?
That is hard to say
as the billow
is wrapped around me in that way.)

Edit:
As the billow is wrapped
Around me what is the reasoning
Behind all this being trapped;
Is it a new awakening?

(As the billow is wrapped
around me what the reasoning
is behind all this being trapped
is it a new awakening?)

Edit:
Is the awakening brighter
Than anything, we’ve ever seen?
Will it make things tighter;
When it’s in-between?

(Is the awakening brighter
than anything that we have ever seen?
Will it make things tighter
when it is in between?)

Comments:
I have just tried to maintain the lines of the poem more expressive and grammatically correct.

Honestly, I have offered edits in the brackets and comments; you are free to accept or reject any of my edits and or comments.

I was happy to find your work on public read and review as it was posted in January, 2019 and now
I am glad to write the 3rd review of your work.

Thank you for sharing this work with us. Keep on writing.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1418 /Mo 11112019


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278
278
Review of Vision of Hope  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a fantastic Beacon of Hope poem, I like. I have enjoyed the theme, the taletelling, the free flow of thoughts, the word visuals, the word imagery, and the read.

Edit:
I dreamed a dream of peace,
A time when war would cease,
I looked across the Earth,
Saw none who suffered dearth,
Saw everyone content,
Able to pay their rent.


(I dreamed a dream of peace
a time when war would cease.
I looked across the Earth
saw none who suffered dearth
and saw everyone content
and able to pay their rent.)

Comments:
I have tried to make the poem more expressive and grammatically correct; I could not maintain the syllables.


Edit:
In this vision of hope the Earth was one country,
Humanity, the leaves and the fruits of one tree
All living together in love and harmony.

(In this vision of hope, the Earth was one country.
Humanity, the leaves and the fruits of one tree
all living together was in love and harmony.)

Comments:
I could not maintain the needed syllables, but I have tried to make the lines more expressive and grammatically correct.


Edit:
I heard a fervent voice ringing
Like ten thousand angels singing
Proclaiming a new day's dawning
With humanity united
As citizens of the planet:

(I heard a fervent voice ringing
like ten thousand angels singing
and proclaiming a new day's dawning
with humanity united
as citizens of the planet.)

Comments:
I could not maintain the limits of syllables while trying to make the lines more expressive and grammatically correct.


Edit:
While I watched a new age unfold
The voice continued proclaiming
A new heaven and a new Earth,
Human dignity unblighted,
The torch of liberty lighted
And shining across the planet
Encouraging enlightenment.

(While I watched a new age unfold
the voice continued proclaiming
a new heaven and a new Earth.
Human dignity not blighted
the torch of liberty lighted
and shining across the planet
encouraging enlightenment.)

Comments:
I have tried to maintain syllable limits and tried to make the lines grammatically correct; I could not find a word ‘unblighted’ in the dictionary, I have changed the word into two separate words ‘not blighted’.

Honestly, I have offered edits in the brackets and comments; you are free to accept or reject any of my edits and or comments.

I was happy to find your work on public read and review and now I am glad to write the 8th review of your work which was posted in September, 2016.

Thank you for sharing this work with us. Keep on writing.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1417 /Mo 11112019


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279
279
Review of Upsidedown world  
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Rated: E | (1.5)
Well, you have just told your story about a haunted home in four sentences and endeavoured to make it a poem, I like.

But, I could not enjoy the read for it is not expressively expressed or shown and you have not spaced last two lines properly.

Edit:
Upsidedown world
(Upside down World)

Edit:
Haunted home
(A poem tells about a haunted home.)

Edit:
Raging in silence, My mind is so violent.
Memories fade and turn into nightmares.

(Raging in silence, my mind is so violent.
My memories fade and turn into nightmares.)

Edit:
Hearing strange things in this house thats so quiet!
(Hearing strange things in this house, that is so quiet!)

Edit:
Am i losing my mind or was the chaos invited?
(Am I losing my mind, or was the chaos invited?)

Or,

(Am I losing my mind, or did I invite the chaos?)

I have honestly offered the edits in brackets, you are free to accept or reject any of the edits.

Thank you for sharing this poem with us and for placing this poem on public read and review.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1414 /Su 10112019


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280
280
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
By degrees, the secrets and surprises reveal, the participators and you appreciate and celebrate the Christmas; I like and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the word imagery and the flow of thoughts.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1407 /Sa 09112019


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281
281
Review of The Quandary  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
We keep wishing and want to get satisfaction every moment of survival, everything happens around us at its own rule, we control a few; I like the philosophy, enjoyed the read; puzzles are inevitable.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1406 /Sa 09112019


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282
282
Review of Forever  
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Rated: E | (2.0)
Fantastic thought about love expressed in a word, I like and have enjoyed the comparison between wounds and scars telling the status of love.

I do not like the style of expression, each word beginning in capital letter. The first line and third line are inexpressive, and fifth line is grammatically incorrect.

For Me You...! (For me you – this is inexpressive, note of exclamation is redundant.)
The Anger On Is Like Wounds (The anger on is like wounds – this is inexpressive and grammatically incorrect)
But, (but - use of comma is inappropriate here.)
The Love For You Are Scars...(the love for you is scar -- the line is inexpressive and grammatically incorrect)
That Lasts Forever 🧡 (that lasts forever. -- pause is incorrect.)
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1401 /Fr 08112019


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283
283
Review of The Eyes of Death  
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I have enjoyed the taletelling, the climax and the ending of this short story, though it has no good catch in the beginning and Nora's discovery of a dead body of a woman is just told and not shown artistically.

Typos: Thirty minutes latter (Thirty minutes later), ran into the dinning room (ran into the dining room)
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1399 /Fr 08112019


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284
284
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a fantastic, meaningful and interesting Ghazal; lover cannot wait any further, he calls for you, welcomes you to come near for his life is so isolated, colourless; I enjoyed the read.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1395 /Fr 08112019


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285
285
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I do appreciate your endeavour; you have expressed the Form, and how to use an English Tanka poem in 5 lines of 31 syllables or less, and simply highlighted how it helps overcome a writer’s block.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1394 /Fr 08112019


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286
286
Review of I like you  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a good poem, you tell the story clearly, explain rationally why you like her for general, special causes and attitudes you ever like; I enjoyed the taletelling, word visuals and word imagery.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1393 /T 07112019


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287
287
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic! Rightly, grandma teaches us there is a place for just about anything, and exemplified explicitly, I have enjoyed the taletelling, metaphors, flow of thoughts, word imagery, and the read.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1392 /T 07112019


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288
288
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem in free flow of thoughts tells about a six-and-a-half year old boy that was ever happy with his metallic pogo stick, later he became a friend of a dog in his neighbour, now the pet dog, neighbour and the boy play a striped ball; I have enjoyed the read.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1390 /T 07112019


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289
289
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
God creates the universe with light; His love evolves as His creation is in progress; poet writes this poem to glorify His name in appreciation of the creation; I like and have enjoyed the read.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1388 /T 07112019


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290
290
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Poet tells a writer’s duty and proposes a writer should write and create an eternal record of all she sees, knows, experiences all about life, the universe and dreams of humanity; I have enjoyed the read.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1387 /T 07112019


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291
291
Review of Memories  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
You have composed a nice Haikuette poem in 3 lines telling how passionately your grandma Darbe baked bread in winter days, you can smell scent of her homemade bread even today; I have enjoyed the read.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1386 /T 07112019


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292
292
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem tells your life and family have been blessing and amazement to you before celebration of your thirty years of happy marriage; I have enjoyed the taletelling, free flow of thoughts, word imagery and word visuals.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1385 /T 07112019


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293
293
Review of What's Wrong?  
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Truth about a small asteroid that miss the earth, the fact comes to people as an amazing event, and the loss is shaded in news misinterpretation, misinformation rules over; well said, I enjoyed the read.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1384 /W 06112019


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294
294
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This sonnet poem reveals truth of your life story, discovers shaded truth of your life that was crept in dark lies and into the fractures of your mind, well said, I like and have enjoyed the read.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1383 /W 06112019


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295
295
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
From sorrow and pain, we learn what is life, as real living reborn, for life means struggle for survival, sorrows and sufferings are inevitable, philosophy and real message of life is well said.
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann

1378 /W 06112019



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296
296
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Truly stated, our case of existence is so transparent; Creation bases, or founds by our Creator above is unconditional love; I like the truth as it truly reveals here in your 24 syllable poem.
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#1300305 by Maryann

1375 /W 06112019


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297
297
Review of What Easter Means  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
So we must celebrate Easter meaningfully and not as a celebration only, when we do, we find our feast will commemorate the Resurrection of Jesus; righteously stated in 24 words and we should follow.
1374 /W 06112019
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#1300305 by Maryann



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298
298
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Lyrics are plenty, diversely rhymed in thoughts, adventurous and romantic, fear of loss but hopeful and confident of meeting love, fantastic, I like and have enjoyed the read, the diction and melody.
1372 /W 06112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann



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299
299
Review of This Head Is Open  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
You wish so, intelligently you like to know, see, look, feel, and experience what is there inside your head if you are alive, I like and enjoyed the taletelling, and word imagery, and flow of thoughts.
1371 /W 06112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann



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300
300
Review of We Both Love  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Your faith, belief in your love bound for all eternity, relationship is unconditional as you hope and wish your love will continue joyful; your love story is to shine eternally; I enjoyed the read.
1370 /W 06112019
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#1300305 by Maryann



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