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351
351
Review of A love story  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a good endeavour to produce a Haiku poem. I like the poem and enjoyed the read partially, the love story is not clear to me for the last line is inexpressive, but overall I have understood the theme you have expressed as a love story.

I think this has not been as per the requirement of a Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five morae, traditionally invoking an aspect of Nature or seasons. But, I find this is a verse in form modeled on the Japanese Haiku, without strictly following counting syllables instead of morae.

As you have not used Author’s Notes to tell the readers anything about your poem or nature of the poem or the style you have followed.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme of the poem.

Edit:
A love story
(A Love Story)

Edit:
My attempt at haiku
(My attempt at Haiku)

Or,
(My first attempt at a Haiku poem)

Edit and comments:
Affection desired
Love friendship loyalty found
Chaos silence now

(Affection desired
Love, friendship, loyalty found
Chaos, silence now)

Though the poem is inexpressive, particularly the third or last line is fully inexpressive and I am in a dilemma to edit the poem grammatically.

Besides, the poem does not maintain the requirement of syllables 5-7-5.

I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and comments, you are free to accept or reject any.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Nothing Impossible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1282/Tu 22102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




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352
352
Review of February Second  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a good description of some facts to make a poem, I appreciate your endeavour; you have managed to produce a challenging contest entry, and intelligently you have expressed the contest entry to make a free verse in 28 words fulfilling the requirement of the contest, I think.

I like this production or work of poem; but, I do not think it may be called a poem in literary essence for there are no rhymes, better I may call it a verse or free verse, though, I know there is no hard and fast rule for making a poem.

I may call it a poetic work or verse poem since you have included some feeling and emotions in the work with repetition of words.

Title of the poem is good enough, if not catchy.

Edit:
February Second
(2nd February)

Or,
(February 2nd)

Or,
(2nd Half of February)

Or,
(Second Half February)

Or,
(Second Half of February)


Edit:
Entry for 28 words 28 days, second half of the month.

(Entry for 28 words, 28 days of February, 2nd half of the month)

Or,
(A Contest Entry for 28 words for 28 days of February, 2nd half of the month)


Please check the edits I have given in the brackets as above, you are free to accept or reject any.

Truly, I do feel good at writing this review of your poem which was created in February, 2011 and I feel proud of writing the sixth review of your work in about nine years after creation of your work.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Nothing Impossible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1281/Tu 22102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
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#1300305 by Maryann



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353
353
Review of I am  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic! This is a nice poem about the place you call it home. I like and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the word imagery, the free flow of thoughts, and the word visuals.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, appropriate, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. However, I do not find the title is appropriate.

Edit:
As I walk through the door, I am at peace.
This home is filled with love and abundance.
The room, at its heart, has a relaxing pulse, a drum beating calm.
The kitchen fills my lungs with a caffeinated aroma.

(As I walk through the door, I am in peace.
This home is filled with love and living abundance.
The room, at its heart, has a relaxing pulse, a drum-beating calm.
The kitchen fills my heart with a caffeinated aroma.)

Edit:
Outside a celebration is taking place.
Friends are sharing their love in this fortress of gratitude
Enough meat, potato, and drink to satisfy the soul.
The pool is serene, the buddha is smiling.

(Outside home a celebration is taking place.
Friends are sharing their love in this fortress of gratitude
with enough meat, potato, and drink to satisfy my soul.
The pool is serene while Buddha is smiling.)

Edit:
Aside the dining room is calm
A photo on the wall looks down and smiles
With a million reasons to be thankful for this bounty
Magazines with covers of success, trophies of accomplishments,
buttons made of diamonds.

(Aside the dining room is calm.
A photo on the wall looks down and smiles
with a million reasons to be thankful for this bounty.
Magazines with covers of success, trophies of accomplishments and
buttons made of diamonds are there plenty.)

Edit:
Upstairs is the master bedroom, a place of love.
Even more an office
with a billion moments
leading to a model of creative being.
Oh and a guest room for your comfort.
I am here, and here I am at peace.

(Upstairs is a master bedroom, a place of love.
Even it is more an office
with a billion moments
leading to a model of creative human being.
Oh! A guest room is there for your comfort.
I am here just here I am at peace.)

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, sometimes a higher rating is given hoping for reading your next writing better, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions or advice as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Nothing Impossible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1278/Tu 22102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
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#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
354
354
Review of Sorry  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You have tried amply to express a right feeling about the expression, gesture, wish or word sorry and stated sorry is an inadequate word and there is surprisingly enough no other right or appropriate word to convey the same importance and essence or gravity or volume as the word sorry is used.

And further you have exemplified sorry is an inadequate expression for it cannot produce the expected effect or fruition or result for which the speaker used the very word.

I like the poem and have enjoyed the taletelling, the story and implication of the word sorry, the word visuals, and the word imagery.

Title of the poem is significant, and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in essence and in summation.

Edit:
There is no word sorry enough
When trying to say what I feel
That I hurt you is hurting me
And there is only the void you left behind

Edit:
There is no word sorry enough
When trying to say what I feel
That I hurt you is hurting me
And there is only the void you left behind

(There is no word for sorry to express enough
when trying to say what I feel
that I hurt you is hurting me
and there is only the void you left behind.)

Edit:
A beautiful soul is what you were
There will never be another you
My aching heart has turned cold and dark
Without your tender light to shine your warmth

(A beautiful soul is what you had within you.
There will never be another you.
My aching heart has turned cold and dark
without your tender light to shine me your warmth.)

Edit:
You will always be held in a special place
Treasured deep inside me for eternity
With regret I journey on alone without you
Sorry was not enough to keep you by my side

(You will ever be held in a special place
and treasured deep inside me for eternity
with regret I journey my life on without you
as sorry was not enough to keep you by my side.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, sometimes a higher rating is given hoping for reading your next writing better, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions or advice as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Nothing Impossible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1277/Tu 22102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
355
355
Review of Sorry  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You have tried amply to express a right feeling about the expression, gesture, wish or word sorry and stated sorry is an inadequate word and there is surprisingly enough no other right or appropriate word to convey the same importance and essence or gravity or volume as the word sorry is used.

And further you have exemplified sorry is an inadequate expression for it cannot produce the expected effect or fruition or result for which the speaker used the very word.

I like the poem and have enjoyed the taletelling, the story and implication of the word sorry, the word visuals, and the word imagery.

Title of the poem is significant, and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in essence and in summation.


Edit:
There is no word sorry enough
When trying to say what I feel
That I hurt you is hurting me
And there is only the void you left behind

(There is no word for sorry enough
when trying to say what I feel
that I hurt you is hurting me
and there is only the void you left behind.)

Edit:
A beautiful soul is what you were
There will never be another you
My aching heart has turned cold and dark
Without your tender light to shine your warmth

(A beautiful soul is what you had within you.
There will never be another you.
My aching heart has turned cold and dark
without your tender light to shine me your warmth.)

Edit:
You will always be held in a special place
Treasured deep inside me for eternity
With regret I journey on alone without you
Sorry was not enough to keep you by my side

(You will ever be held in a special place
and treasured deep inside me for eternity
with regret I journey my life on without you
as sorry was not enough to keep you by my side.)

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, sometimes a higher rating is given hoping for reading your next writing better, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions or advice as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Nothing Impossible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1277/Tu 22102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
356
356
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Fantastic! Tragic! Fateful! Righteous!

This is an excellent poem, I like. I have enjoyed the read and liked the taletelling, tragic and fateful state of living and fruition of righteous stand of living, the free flow of thoughts, the word visuals, the word imagery and rhythms of the story in expression.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in essence.

Edit:
A Broken Family In Ruins
(A Broken Family in Ruins)

Edit:
The aftermath of families dealing with emotional issues that have torn them apart.
(The aftermath of families dealing with emotional issues that has torn them apart.)

Edit:
Death and Destruction pave the way today
Through the aftermath of this war, such gore
Lives are shattered and broken, torn away
Crimson bleeds into the gutters once more.

(Death and Destruction pave the way today
through the aftermath of this war, such gore
lives are shattered and broken, torn away
crimson bleeds into the gutters once more.)

Edit:

Torn apart and left to die, gone blue sky
Dark stretches forth and hides the pain in vain
Tears fall in rivets down cheeks, don’t deny
Emotion erupts, flows leaving a stain

(Torn apart and left to die, gone is the blue sky.
Dark stretches forth and hide the pain in vain.
Tears fall in rivets down cheeks; do not deny
as emotion erupts, flows leaving a stain.)

Edit:
Years will only cover the scar, by far
Hidden below surface with artifice
When time dulls the memory and then we spar
Forgetting past duels, hurts and pain surface

(Years will only cover the scar, by far.
Hidden below surface with artifice
when time dulls the memory and then we spar
forgetting past duels; but, hurts and pain will surface.)

Edit:
Threatening our lives again through this pain
We lash out in anger and blame, we maim
Cutting deep we open old wounds and drain
What survived before now shrivels in shame.

(Threatening our lives again through this pain
we will lash out in anger and blame, we will maim
cutting deep, we will open old wounds and drain
what survived before now will shrivel in shame.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in September, 2014 and I am proud that my review is the second one written and sent today in about six years after creation of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Everything Possible! Keep Writing Promote It Readable For Years! My R No.1277/Mo 21102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
357
357
Review of Hunting Season  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a good free verse and I think a nice contest entry, you have used all the eight prompt words meaningfully and produced a story.

I liked the taletelling in an imperative mode of expression I have enjoyed the read, the word imagery and the word visuals and the free flow of thoughts.

Title of the free verse is good enough, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, the title of the free verse relates to the theme.

However, I do not like the title and I think it is neither clear nor appropriate.

Edit:
Another way to hunt animals.
(This tells another way to hunt animals.)

Comments:
This is not a clear sentence and I find it is inexpressive, though. This free verse does not suggest any way to hunt animals. I think the word ‘hunt’ is used in a dramatic mode or metaphorical order of expression.

Edit and comments:
Use your camera
to hunt the rutting deer
or shoot the big eyed owl.

The Tercet or the three lines of the free verse above is not clear to me and I think it is inexpressive in term and spirit of the title of the work and within the brief description of the free verse mentioned under the title, for an owl is not an animal and it is a bit awkward to think an owl as an animal to be hunted by using a camera.
I could not enjoy the read of this Tercet and I think it is the hub of the free verse.

I have humbly and honestly offered some comments, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in October, 2017 and I am proud that my review is the second one written and sent today in about two years after creation of your free verse.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this free verse with us.
Everything Possible! Keep Writing Promote It Readable For Years! My R No.1272/Mo 21102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
358
358
Review of dissapere  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a nice poem you have endeavoured.
I liked the work of poem translated in English from French.
I could not enjoy the read for the poem is almost inexpressive.

Title of the poem is not clear to me.

Comments:
dissapere
It is not easy to guess into the English word for the French word dissapere that makes the title of the poem.
Title meaning is not clear to me in the absence of having English word for the same. I could not enjoy reading the poem in full.
Author’s Notes has not been used properly giving the meaning of the title.
It is not wise to assume a wrong English word or equivalent for the French word of the title of the poem.
I am stuck with the title of the poem.

Edit and comments:
a french poem that i wrote because i feel like im not good enough
(A French poem that I wrote, I feel like that I am not good enough in French.)
Or,
(A French poem that I wrote and I feel I am not good in French.)
This is not a sentence; this is not expressive and this is not grammatically correct.

Edit and comments:
I am not worthy of his love
because he is sweet and kind
because he cares
because he loves and loves

(I am not worthy of his love
for he is sweet and kind
for he cares
for he loves and loves.)

Comments:
This quatrain is not expressive though alliterative flavour or echoing effect in three consecutive lines has been used.

Edit and comments:
I am not worthy
for his love is what I love most
for his love is what most can only dream
for his love is what I can only desire

( I am not worthy
for he loves what I love most
for he loves what many others can only dream
for he loves what I can only desire.)
This quatrain is not expressive.

Edit and comments:
I am no longer worth the love that brings me joy and smiles
because I am sad
solitary
depressed
girl who lost her head
and all love that was ever there in the first place

(I no longer worth the love that brings me joy and smiles
because I am sad, solitary and depressed, a
girl who lost her head
and all love that was ever there with her in the first place.)

These lines are inexpressive. I could not enjoy the read.

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Everything Possible! Keep Writing Promote It Readable For Years! My R No.1271/Mo 21102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
359
359
Review of Runescape  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Fascinating!

I like the poem and I have enjoyed the work of poem fully.

And I have enjoyed the taletelling, mystic experience of seeing or feeling a man or God at the bizarrely named of the place, the word visuals, the word imagery, the free flow of thoughts and the mystic experience at the place where you would like to go once again in your life when you would find your time comes to an end and would discover the righteousness of the place you belong or the place where you belong.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, the title of the poem relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in essence.

Edit:
Only then will I be at home
Only then will I know
That I am where I belong…

(Only then I will be at home
only then I will know
that I am where I belong.)

Edit:
A made up name that fits
I could offer a proper description
But certainly I won’t
I will only be sure to say
Imagine nothing in every direction
And in every plausible position
Imagine complete emptiness
Waiting to be filled
Waiting to be created
Shifting further still
Into absolute madness
Such unrequited madness
Allows for a man like me
To see what others cannot see

(A made up name that fits
I could offer a proper description.
But, certainly I will not
for I will only be sure to say.
Imagine nothing in every direction
and in every plausible position.
Imagine complete emptiness
waiting to be filled
waiting to be created
shifting further still
into absolute madness.
Such unrequited madness
allows for a man like me
to see what others cannot see.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

You have not used Author’s Notes to help readers to understand and appreciate your long poem and about using poetic licence in expression.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in February, 2013 and I am proud that my review is the third one of your poem written and sent today in about seven years after creation of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Everything Possible! Keep Writing Promote It Readable For Years! My R No.1269/Mo 21102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
360
360
Review of Dirty cash  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a nice poem as you have expressed your opinion about cash; I have liked and enjoyed the viewpoint about use of cash and dollar.
I have enjoyed the read, the taletelling about nature of use of cash and dollar.
But, I could not enjoy fully the read as I think I am a common and simple reader I did not like the use of slang moolah (informal term used for money) and use of uncommon word wads and gooey; I think this poem has been composed as a challenge to get self-enjoyment and or for self-entertainment in expression of opinion for self-learning, because as a reader I did not get enjoyment and it was not a pleasant read, of course, I know I have limited knowledge as such I could not reach or get you simply and freely.

Though, I find your use of the words – moolah, wads, gooey, reek and quad speak of your wisdom in words and thoughts, and I am inspired with your wisdom; that is why I liked the work of this poem.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit and comments:
Dirty cash
is gooey
green,
soiled moolah
from quiet
transaction.

Truly speaking, the lines of the poem here are not expressive, and not clear to me, as these words do make a clear and complete sentence grammatically. For example, these two lines do not express any clear idea:

from quiet
transaction.

And these two lines are not grammatically correct.
Edit and comments:
Illegal dollars
under the table,
ones
underhanded,
unscrupulous.

Again, these lines do make a complete sentence and grammatically these words do make a clear sense as I find these lines are inexpressive.
The three lines are confusing and not grammatically right:
under the table,
ones
underhanded,

Again, these three lines together do not make any sense to me:
ones
underhanded,
unscrupulous.

Edit and comments:
Dirty currency,
sweaty wads,
rolls that reek;
Mafia quid.

These four lines are not expressive and grammatically correct;

Again, the following two lines are not expressive and grammatically correctly used:
rolls that reek;
Mafia quid.


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some comments, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Everything Possible! Keep Writing Promote It Readable For Years! My R No.1265/Mo 21102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
361
361
Review of Deep and Dark  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Fantastic!

I have read the poem and enjoyed the taletelling, the word visuals and the word imagery and about your wish to take back something of your interest in beauties of Nature.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:
I sit outside until I can breathe
Spring is nostalgia wrapped in blackberry vines
The only things I grow have thorns
Cactus, rose, those brambles
Of sweet pre-berry pain

(I sit outside until I can breathe.
Spring is nostalgia wrapped in blackberry vines.
Things I grow have thorns, cactus, rose and
those brambles
of sweet pre-berry pain.)

Edit:
I walk this like a tightrope
Undo the work you did
To make myself new
To make this place mine.

(I walk this like a tightrope, undo
the work you did
to make myself new and
to make this place mine.)

Edit:
Clear the land enough to build a fire
And burn it away
Sleeping beauty would be safe
In this house

(Clear the land enough to build a fire
and burn it away, sleeping beauty
would be safe
in this house.)

Edit:
I curve the roses into walls
Braid them into chainlink
Ignoring the sweet sting on my hands

(I curve the roses into walls and
braid them into chain link, ignoring
the sweet sting on my hands.)

Edit:
I sit outside in trees enough
To make a forest deep and dark to hide in
I will need more than breadcrumbs
To forge a way back home

(I sit outside in trees
enough to make a forest
deep and dark to hide in.
I will need more than breadcrumbs
to forge a way back home.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions or advice as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

I see you have not used Author’s Notes to help readers understand, appreciate and enjoy your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Everything Possible! Keep Writing Promote It Readable For Years! My R No.1263/Mo 21102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




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362
362
Review of Merovingian  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Excellent!

You have composed a nice, free, simple, clear and historically related (about a Frankish ruling dynasty (450 – 751 AD) founded by Merovech and brought to prominence by Clovis I ruled Gaul and West Germany from about 500 to 751) work of poem.

I have enjoyed the read, and the word visuals and the word imagery and the free flow of thoughts and the taletelling in influencing and or inspiring of a Merovingian in your living.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in December, 2014 and I am proud that my review is the fourth one of your poem written and sent today in about five years after creation of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Everything Possible! Keep Writing Promote It Readable For Years! My R No.1262/Mo 21102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
363
363
Review of The Box of Toys  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I have read and enjoyed the read of your fantastic poem, as I have enjoyed the rhymes and the word imagery and the word visuals and the free flow of thoughts all the way.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:
"The tiny tots, engaged in moments...with their cherished...toys"
(The tiny tots, engaged in moments with their cherished toys.)

Edit:
The tiny tots, engaged in moments
With their cherished, wondrous toys –
Left to play by doting parents,
A spirited time for girls and boys.

(The tiny tots, engaged in moments
with their cherished and wondrous toys
left to play by doting parents
a spirited time for girls and boys.)

Edit:
His trucks and planes cris-cross the land,
While our hostess serves some tea,
A joyous party, oh so grand,
Both boy and girl’s friends carefree.

(His trucks and planes crisscross the land
while our hostess serves some tea.
A joyous party oh, so grand
both boy and girl’s friends are carefree.)

Edit:
A doll house with spacious rooms,
This wife and mom must object
With aproned waist, as dinner looms
To a house unclean, one might expect.

(A doll’s house with spacious rooms
this wife and mom must object
with aproned waist, as dinner looms
to a house unclean, one might expect.)

Edit:
Once, the boy’s possessions shared,
Or hoisted high above his head.
Sometimes, challenged youths were dared
To touch these toys, and perhaps be dead.

(Once, the boy’s possessions shared
or, hoisted high above his head.
Sometimes, challenged youths were dared
to touch these toys, and perhaps were dead.)

Edit:
But now the kids are almost grown,
And their interests due to change;
This box of toys, we'll soon disown,
Shift to the attic, a room so strange...

(But, now the kids are almost grown
and their interests are due to change
this box of toys, we will soon disown
shift to the attic, a room so strange.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions or advice as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

I understand you also enjoy right to and freedom of expression, though.

You have not used Author’s Notes to help readers understand and appreciate your poem. You have not mentioned a word about use of your poetic licence in this poem.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in June, 2011 and I am proud that my review is the first one of your poem, written and sent today in about nine years after creation of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Everything Possible! Keep Writing Promote It Readable For Years! My R No.1261/Mo 21102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
364
364
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is a great and simple paying tribute to your beloved and great father now at rest in Heavenly Abode of our Divine Only Father.

You do appreciate and praise God the Father for gifting you most revered father on earth and you express your gratitude for such an honourable father who ever inspired you to live so meaningfully and lead a lovely living on earth for your father had given you memorable childhood and offered you care, love and affection.

You are grateful to your father and God the Father in Heaven for gifting you so graceful life.

I like this work and have enjoyed the read, the gracious word imagery and word visuals and free flow of thoughts.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, non-metaphoric, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable.

Though, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem. However, I find the title is not appropriate and correctly expressed, as you wish to express your thanks to both God and to your beloved dad, as mentioned in the poem.

Edit:
"Thank You, Father"
(Thank You, Father)

Edit:
To Him, I owe the gift of life.
(To God, I owe the gift of my life.)

Comments:
By the expression ‘to Him’ you metaphorically try to express both God and your father, and it is not wise to address even in metaphorically a mortal father, your great, beloved and honourable father at the same address, as the expression means so, that is why I think it is inexpressive and confusing, as you have used the word in the beginning of a sentence.

Edit:
ThankYou, Father in Heaven
for blessing me with the kindest of
of parents a daughter can ever hope
for, and cherish them forever.

(Thank You, Father in Heaven
for blessing me with the kindest of
parents a daughter can ever hope
for and cherish them forever.)

Edit:
The sweet memories of a happy
childhood come to me flooding,
submerging my mind and heart with
my dad’s love and mom’s warmth.

(Sweet memories of a happy
childhood come to me flooding,
submerging my mind and heart with
my dad’s love and mom’s loving warmth.)

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions or advice as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in June, 2010 and I am proud that my review is the fifth one of your poem written and sent today in about ten years after creation of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Everything Possible! Keep Writing Promote It Readable For Years! My R No.1259/Mo 21102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
365
365
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Indeed, this is a nice article; advice for making a good living is appreciable for a moral, ethical, and healthy living. I like and have enjoyed the read.


But, I do not like the style of presentation of the article as I do not like the last advice for I think it is somewhat dubious and I think it is not an advice so appreciable for it is not clear to me in right perspective of the advice you wish to prescribe.


Title of the article is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of an article maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable.


Edit:
Stuff I want to tell the whole world
(Stuff I Want to Tell the Whole World)


Edit:
Stay true to yourself. ...
Do what you love--not what you're told to love. ...
Create an environment that's right for you. ...
Choose your friends wisely. ...
Develop positive habits. ...
Create certainty and leave room for uncertainty. ...
Be vulnerable.

(Stay true to yourself.)
(Do what you love, not what you are told to love.)
(Create an environment that is right for you.)
(Choose your friends wisely.)
(Develop positive habits.)
(Create certainty and leave room for uncertainty.)
(Be vulnerable.)


Please check, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions as edits in the brackets as above and comments, you are free to accept or reject any.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this article with us.
Do, Everything Is Possible! Write To Keep It Readable For Years! My R No.1257/S 19102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




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366
366
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a fantastic poem, indeed on an uncommon subject; I have enjoyed the read, the free flow of thoughts, the word visuals and the word imagery.


Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.


Edit:
when pure innocence of a child is later shattered
(When pure innocence of a child is later shattered?)

Or,
(When is pure innocence of a child later shattered?)


Edit:
Pure and untouched
my mind was innocent
free of fear and anger
filled with joy and happiness

(Pure and untouched
my mind was innocent.
Free of fear and anger
but, filled with joy and happiness.)

Or,

(Free of fear and anger
but, mind was filled with joy and happiness.)

Comments:
These lines are more expressive.


Edit:
Strong and steady
my heart was innocent
free of hurt and betrayal
filled with love and honesty

(Strong and steady
my heart was innocent.
Free of hurt and betrayal
but, filled with love and honesty.)

Or,

(Free of hurt and betrayal
but, my heart was filled with love and honesty.)

Comments:
These lines are clearer or more expressive.


Edit:
Carefree and happy
my soul was innocent
free of thieves and murderers
filled with light and laughter

(Carefree and happy
my soul was innocent.
Free of thieves and murderers
but, filled with light and laughter.)

Or,

(Free of thieves and murderers
but, my soul was filled with light and laughter.)

Comments:
These lines are more expressive.


Edit:
Torn and raped
my mind became unworthy
lost its joy and happiness
filled with fear and anger

(Torn and raped
my mind became unworthy.
Lost its joy and happiness
but, filled with fear and anger.)

Or,
(Lost my mind joy and happiness
for it was filled with fear and anger.)

Comments:
These lines are more expressive.

Edit:
Weak and unstable
my heart became unworthy
lost its love and honesty
filled with hurt and betrayal

(Weak and unstable
my heart became unworthy.
Lost its love and honesty
but, filled with hurt and betrayal.)

Or,

(Lost its love and honesty
for my heart was filled with hurt and betrayal.)

Comments:
These lines are more expressive.

Edit:
Stolen and murdered
my soul became unworthy
lost its light and laughter
only a black void to fill its spot

(Stolen and murdered
my soul became unworthy.
Lost its light and laughter
but, there was only a black void to fill its spot.)

Or,

(Lost its light and laughter
my soul had only a black void to fill its spot.)

Comments:
These lines are more expressive.

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions or advice as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem. You have not used Author’s Notes to help readers to understand your work better.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in November, 2002 and I am proud that my review is the seventeenth of your poem written and sent today in about seventeen years after creation of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Do, Everything Is Possible! Write To Keep It Readable For Years! My R No.1256/S 19102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
367
367
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Interesting, really the beginning of this fiction has a good catch and the middle is well spread and expressed and the ending is fantastic.


I have enjoyed the read; the flow of thoughts is free and spontaneous, and the dramatic end and the revelation of the mystery, and the plot development in sequences to reveal the truth and get enjoyment in the read.


But, I could not enjoy fully for in the following lines I could not remember or visualize or identify the speakers and listeners:

"Little Brother, that's a bull in a china shop."

"Oh, you heard it too."


And I could not enjoy the following line:
"We'll go into the attic and I'll prove it."


Comments:
A writer knows his or her subject, he gets pleasure and enjoyment in the read, but I could not enjoy reading the aforesaid lines. So, I think these lines are not clear to me. Moreover, assumption is a time consuming process and being a reader I do not like to re-read each line to continue getting enjoyment from or in the read. As you have not explained or mentioned the status of the characters.

A writer is expected to help readers understand the sentences and enjoy the read, you know time is precious, and a reader may not be interested to invest time in assumption or presumption, I think writing is expected to be free and simple, easy to understand and follow.

I understand but, the following line does not make an expressive sentence:
"Animal control to get the squirrels out of our attic."


Comments:
The speaker is not properly addressed and the sentence itself is not expressed correctly. And it is not a correct or complete sentence grammatically.


The matter is easy, sentence is easy, expression is easy and everything is easy to the writer and being a reader I do not find it is easy and well expressed.


You would appreciate, time is limited and precious, a reader invests time in the read only if he or she finds interest or gets enjoyment in the read; you know a writing on public read and review does not limit to only writer’s own or self-joy, self-entertainment or self-enjoyment but a writer is expected to think of readers’ enjoyment or entertainment at the same time.


For example, in the following lines, I think, it is not easy to identify the characters or speakers and it is not easy to continue keeping interest in the read, because you have not introduced the characters or speakers or listeners:
"No!" She jerked her arm from his grasp. "I'm not going into the attic. If you want to go up there you can."


Title of the fiction is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a fiction maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable.


Please check, I have humbly and honestly offered some comments within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments.


I feel good in writing this review of your fiction which was created in June, 2016 and I am proud that my review is the fifth one of your fiction written and sent today in about four years after creation of your fiction.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this fantastic fiction with us.
Do, Everything Is Possible! Write To Keep It Readable For Years! My R No.1255/S 19102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann




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368
368
Review of To My Door .I.  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What a thought, visualization, intense feeling and interesting emotion! You have expressed your feeling in praise of your house door.


I like and have enjoyed the read. I liked much the monologue flavour of expression of your feelings about the door in appreciation of your feeling in action relation with the door.


I enjoyed the free flow of thoughts, taletelling, metaphoric colours, dramatic manifestation, the word imagery and the word visuals.


Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in essence.


Edit:
How can I live without you?
For my hand clasps your knob with a caress
to tug you taut like a lifesaver,
and when I feel you behind me,
you welcome me,
you, an alchemist brewing
remedial potions for dark times,
keeping me private and secure,
and standing guard
while I change clothes and sorrows,
as I suffer my concussions from life.

(How I could live without you!
For my fingers clasp your knob with a caress
to tug you taut like a lifesaver
and when I feel you behind me
you welcome me.
You, an alchemist brewing
remedial potions for my dark times
keeping me private and secure
and standing guard
while I change clothes and sorrows
as I suffer my concussions from life.)


Edit:
How do you circumvent self-imposed limitations?
For you are neither ornate nor grand;
yet, polishing your uppercut,
you cover up for me when I smuggle
the poetry of my nakedness
inside small spiral notebooks,
but unlike hypocritical lovers,
you maintain your stance
without promises
or slippery adulation.

(How you could circumvent your self-imposed limitations!
For you are neither ornate nor grand
yet, polishing your uppercut.
You cover up for me when I smuggle
poetry of my nakedness
inside small spiral notebooks.
But, unlike hypocritical lovers
you maintain your stance
with no promises
or slippery adulation.)


Edit:
How do you find such generosity?
For, when I hold you open,
you offer traces of a dream,
in spite of my deficient life,
to encourage me to step
out of turbulent thoughts
and my keyboard’s jabber,
to face what it takes
to be me.

(How you would find such generosity!
For, when I hold you open
you offer traces of a dream
in spite of my deficient life
to encourage me to step
out of turbulent thoughts
and my keyboard’s jabber
to face what it takes
to be me of myself.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions or advice as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in September, 2005 and I am proud that my review is the eleventh one of your poem written and sent today in about fourteen years after creation of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1251/S 19102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
369
369
Review of Counting Stars  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, this is a fantastic poem about your forgotten dreams and about experiences of feeling the impacts of light and darkness in courses of living and about your connections in living and about your achievements and hopes, aspirations, wishes, aims and targets in living and experiences of living with failures and successes, and feelings and emotions in living a righteous state of living in appreciation, and about self-evaluation of performance achievements in living.


I liked most the following lines:
God’s precious gift not to be wasted
Dreams like mine must become real


I liked and enjoyed the read.


Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.


I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in May, 2014 and I am proud that my review is the fourth one of your poem written in about six years after creation of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1246/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




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370
370
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a lesson about writer’s cache, an activity task for the learners of a course.

I have enjoyed the read of the fiction on lesson about writer’s cache, and about a family discussion and interaction between couple about their state of family living affairs.

Title of the lesson activity is significant, and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a lesson activity maybe in addition, clear, compact and complete.

Edit:
She stands in the middle of our living room, arms at her sides, a suitcase at her feet. I can’t think of a thing to say.

(She stands in the middle of our living room, laying arms at her sides and keeping a suitcase at her feet. I cannot think of a thing to say her.)

Edit:
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry it’s come to this.” Her eyes look down at her hands. She twists the scarf repeatedly as though it were a Rubik cube puzzle needing an answer.

(“For what worth it is, I am sorry it has come to this.” Her eyes look down at her hands. She twists the scarf repeatedly as if it were a Rubik cube puzzle needing an answer.)

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your lesson. You have not used Author’s Notes.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in December, 2008 and I am proud that my review is the third one of your lesson written in about twelve years after creation of the lesson.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this lesson with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1243/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann




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371
371
Review of Longing.  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like your poem; I have enjoyed the read, the free flow of thoughts, and the word visuals.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:
Longing.
(Longing)

Edit:
I long for the sweet and tender softness of your lips.
The smoothness of your skin under my hand.
Your breath warm against the side of my neck.
The stormy and dark beauty of your eyes as they pierce my soul.
The way your words destroy the walls around my heart.

I long to be released from this cage.
Held captive by my choices.
A prisoner in my head because I was too weak to fight.
Too scared to make the attempt.

I long for a heaven I will never enter.


(I long for sweet and tender softness of your lips.
I long for smoothness of your skin under my hand.
I long for your breath warm against the side of my neck.
I long for stormy and dark beauty of your eyes as they pierce my soul.
I long for the way your words destroy the walls around my heart.

I long for to be released from this cage.
I wish to be held captive by my choices.
I wish to be a prisoner in my head because I am too weak to fight.
I wish not to be too scared to make the attempt.

I long for heaven I will never enter in.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1242/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
372
372
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, I have read a nice poem and enjoyed the read, the free flow of thoughts, the word visuals and the word imagery.

You have dreamt many dreams about playing different games and seen in the dreams how you have played like world popular players and won many games and shouted in the dreams and enjoyed how people or fans shouted at you at your wins and how much you felt proud of your achievements, all you have expressed clearly in the poem.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in essence.

Edit:
I dream that he is me
(I Dream That He is Me)

Edit:
what child athletes think while playing, with a Women's World Cup shout out at the end.
(What children athletes think while playing with a Women's World Cup shout out at the end?)

Edit:
Sometimes I dream that the
whole world's eyes are on me.
I throw a baseball in the air.
Sometimes it goes a mile onto
Waveland Avenue or Big Mac Land,
Both our neighbor's back yard.
I see myself soaring through the air,
just like Mike.
Or shooting two for IU
stopping to turn on the
Assembly Hall lights in our garage.
On a clear, crisp autumn day,
I grab the football and start to run
making my way through a pack of invisible linemen.
I am Peyton, Emmitt, Unit,
Elway, Shaq or Maddux,
Or even someone really neat,
I am that big kid down the street.
Sometimes I see that spotted ball,
I dream that I am streaking down the
field, guiding the ball with my feet,
I aim for a net of picket fence,
I run, I kick and it goes through.
Sometimes I dream
That she is me.


(Sometimes I dream
whole world's eyes are on me.
I throw a baseball in the air and
sometimes, it goes a mile onto
Waveland Avenue or Big Mac Land
both are our neighbor's back yards.)


(I see myself soaring through the air
just like Mike, or shooting at two for IU
stopping to turn on the
Assembly Hall lights in our garage.)


(On a clear, crisp autumn day
I grab the football and start to run
making my way through a pack of invisible linemen.)


(I am Peyton, Emmitt, Unit,
Elway, Shaq or Maddux, or even
someone really neat,
I am that big kid down the street.)


(Sometimes, I see that spotted ball.
I dream that I am streaking down the
field, guiding the ball with my feet.)


(I aim for a net of picket fence.
I run, I kick and it goes through.
Sometimes, I dream
that she is me.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words, and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem. You have not used Author’s Notes.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1241/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
373
373
Review of Spaces  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I do appreciate your endeavour in composing this poem, I like the theme you wanted to convey, but I find, I could not reach your thoughts clearly, fully or completely, and I could not enjoy the read, but I liked the word visuals, rhythms of thoughts, as if I find some grave or vital part of the concept is missing.


I like the philosophical view that you have tried to inject in your work and the expression has been subtle and I think as a whole the poem has gone over my head and I fail to catch the inner essence of the theme of the poem in term of enjoyment in the read.


Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, clear, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in a subjective order.


Edit and comments:
It's raining.
There's solace in the sound.
My mind's afire,
but the rain is soothing.

You lie,
I sit.

You there,
I here.

Separate,
alone,
apart,
having touched
but never clasped!

I would have given ALL
to protect you-
to keep you safe.

But such things as these
are not,
nor have they ever been,
in the spaces where
life actually occurs!

(It's raining.
There's solace in the sound.
My mind is afire
but the rain is soothing.

You lie
and I sit.

You are there
and I am here.

Separate,
alone,
apart
having touched
but, never clasped.

I would have given my all
to protect you
to keep you safe.

But, such things as these
are not, nor
have they ever been
in the spaces where
life actually occurs.)


Comments:
Inexpressive is there in the poem, as it is evident, narration is confusing and incomplete, particularly in the following phrases ‘Separate, alone, apart having touched but, never clasped.’

And the last stanza is completely confusing, your point is not clear, I think, something is missing.

I appreciate your endeavour, you have really done a good poem but, it is inexpressive, so I could not get full enjoyment in the read.

It is always good to share a poem on public read and review, and I think you have achieved your own or self-joy, self-enjoyment from your work but what about readers’ enjoyment from the read, maybe it is my inability to understand you within my limited level of intelligence or knowledge.

I think a writer is known by the readers and become popular at the enjoyment or entertainment readers get from read of the work.

It is true that the poem has a philosophical viewpoint about living and I could not enjoy it fully within my limited knowledge of philosophy put into practice of writing a poem.

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in October, 2007 and I am proud that my review is the fifth one of your poem I have written in about twelve years after creation of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1236/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
374
374
Review of Power Stems  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
It is good to learn once more that flowers have glory and power of their own as Nature provides and gifts the offer; you travel enough, visit places and have experienced and felt the truth, the power and glory flowers gift through their beauty of Nature.


I liked and enjoyed the read, the rhymes, the word imagery and word visuals, and good use of the required words for the contest.


But, the theme is not quite clear, and the point of view, and I think you need to write at least a word to help readers to understand and get into the theme fully, rightly, clearly and completely.


Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.


Edit and comments:
Venlo, Holland, the site of Floriade:
look at the beauty that nature has made.
Every ten years blooms a flowering fest;
we now admire what nature does best.
On down the river past castles we ride,
Switzerland, Germany, Dutch countryside.
Look at the colors so vivid and deep,
rousing in spring from a long winter sleep.
Far from the Alps with a glacier on high,
tulips and lilies recapture the eye.
Neither strong storm nor a shipwreck on Rhine,
shall ever uproot the glory we find.
So, international, flowers remain
joy to the heart and a warmth to retain.


(Venlo, Holland, the site of Floriade:
look at the beauty that nature has made.
Every ten years blooms a flowering fest
we now admire what nature does best.
On down the river past castles we ride
Switzerland, Germany, and Dutch countryside.
Look at the colors so vivid and deep
rousing in spring from a long winter sleep.
Far from the Alps with a glacier on high
tulips and lilies recapture the eye.
Neither strong storm nor a shipwreck on Rhine,
shall ever uproot the glory we find.
So, international, flowers remain
joy to the heart and warmth to retain.)


Comments:
The theme is not clear and I find there is inexpressiveness in the lines of the poem; I have just tried to make it expressive. I think, you need to flesh and add some words to make the poem wholly or fully understood for appreciation.


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


It is always good to add a word in Author’s Notes to help readers to understand and appreciate a work.


A writer is expected to think of readers’ enjoyment from the read. I think it is not wise to write something and place on public read and review only for writer’s own or self-pleasure, self-joy, self-pride or self-enjoyment.


I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in May, 2012 and I am proud that my review is the third one of your poem in about eight years after creation of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1235/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
375
375
Review of Same Old Henry  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A nice refreshing story it is, indeed, I liked.

It is easy to relate the taletelling to anyone’s life.

Friends meet unexpectedly after about a decade, they share their memories. There is no commendable or noticeable change in your friend Henry. Though, they refreshed their memories and shared a lot of facts reluctantly and happily. That nature or habit does not change in man for years.

I liked and enjoyed the read, the beginning and the end.

Title of the short story is significant, and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a short story maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the short story.


Edit:
"What's it been, Henry? Ten years? Twelve? You haven't changed a bit," said Trevor, glancing at his childhood friend in the rearview mirror.

("What has it been, Henry? Ten, twelve years, right? You have not changed a bit," said Trevor, glancing at his childhood friend in the rearview mirror.)


Edit:
As they approached 38th, Henry tapped on the plexiglass and motioned for another left. When a railway overpass appeared through the windshield, he said, "Here's good."

(As they approached 38th, Henry tapped on the plexiglass and motioned for toward another left. When a railway overpass appeared through the windshield, he said, "Here it is good.")


Edit:
Sparks from the cab's radio provided fitful light for a few more seconds, then the interior fell dark.

(Sparks from the cab's radio provided fitful light for a few more seconds, and then the interior fell dark.)


Edit:
"Yeah - you haven't changed a bit."
("My God, you haven't changed a bit.")


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words of the short story grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your short story.


I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in February, 2010 and I am proud that my review is the third one of your short story written in about a decade after creation of your short story.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this fantastic short story with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1234/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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