Lovely!
I have loved this poem, a poem of love at first sight.
I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the story of love at first sight and challenging love at other side, the imagery, the word visuals, the anomalous or irregular rhymes, the free and flair flow of thoughts, and the read.
Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and catchy, if not complete. Though, I find the title has relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.
Edit:
Under the stars, I first gazed in your eyes,
There were many things unspoken but still,
The love I saw there, you could not disguise.
(Under the stars, I first gazed in your eyes.
There were many things unspoken but, still
the love I saw there, you could not disguise.)
Edit:
It’s funny how love has so many highs,
Despite it being summer, I felt a chill,
Under the stars, I first gazed in your eyes.
(It’s funny how love has so many highs.
Despite it being summer, I felt a chill.
Under the stars, I gazed first in your eyes.)
Edit:
We’ve just met, yet to you I feel ties,
There in the sand, upon a small hill,
The love I saw there, you could not disguise.
(We’ve just met, yet, to you I feel ties.
There in the sand, upon a small hill
the love I saw there, you could not disguise.)
Edit:
We lie in the dunes; hear the sandpiper’s cries,
Your touch on my arm, what a wonderful thrill,
Under the stars, I first gazed in your eyes.
(We lie in the dunes; hear the sandpiper’s cries.
Your touch on my arm, what a wonderful thrill!
Under the stars, I gazed first in your eyes.)
Edit:
When we’re together, time sure flies,
Our bodies weave closely with such skill,
The love I saw there, you could not disguise.
(Together, when we are, time sure flies.
Our bodies weave closely with such skill.
The love I saw there, you could not disguise.)
Edit:
I’ve finally found you, the grandest prize,
Love you forever and a day I will
Under the stars, I first gazed in your eyes,
The love I saw there, you could not disguise.
(I’ve finally found you, the grandest prize.
Love you forever and a day I will.
Under the stars, I gazed first in your eyes.
The love I saw there, you could not disguise!)
Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.
Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber ![](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/costumicons/ps-icon-regular-10.gif)
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