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451
451
Review of Flowers  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
This poem speaks about the flowers, a true gift of Nature, those just get birth from a beautiful seed, and the flowers do entice the sighs of pleasure and grow with colours and scents to offer naturally and they live as a symbol of love’s measure in the world of human beings glorifying human living with the grace and gift of colours, fragrance and love. The flowers always have many admirers as a part of Nature and it is well said.




I liked and enjoyed the acrostic, the story, the taletelling, the imagery, the word visuals and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant.

Edit and comments:
Fusion of colors with scents that
Live all around the world.
Opening slowly to tease us.
Wishing only to please us.
Eliciting sighs of pleasure.
Remaining a symbol of love’s measure.
Sweet and beautiful, a gift from a seed.



Though as an acrostic poem, it has been fantastic and it is not easy to offer my suggestions for editing, as per the nature of an acrostic, but, lines of the poem are not proper in terms of clarity of expression.




I have just offered my humble suggestions as edits in the brackets as below and I think the poem would now is expressive read better read, I know change of words is not feasible at this stage after about six years of posting:



(Fusion of colors with scents flowers
live all around the world
opening slowly to tease us and
wishing only to please us and.
eliciting sighs of pleasure to
remain a symbol of love’s measure, they are
sweet and beautiful, a gift from a seed.)




Well done; thank you for sharing this acrostic poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
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452
452
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this 5-line poem. You have spoken the truth.




Confidently you have expressed the truth of a life. Inevitable death comes. Soul departs from the body. A soul gets free. Free soul goes up from its shell. Soul ascends. It is believed that soul goes up above and joins the worlds of God. At the end of our life journey, death comes, and it is well said, you believe, the soul reaches its destination and the soul joins the worlds of God.




I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the concept, the belief, the message, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




The title of the poem is appropriate, complete, correct, significant, if not catchy. I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, and or tricky. Though, interestingly enough, I find the title of the poem has relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit and comments:

At journey's end
the soul
freed from matter's shell
ascends
into the worlds of God.


(At the end of a life’s journey
the soul freed from matter's shell
ascends up into the worlds of God.)




The 5-line stanza is not expressive, as it is not clear to me, as it has been too metaphorically stated and expressed, at the cost of brevity, I think the subject has been too mystic and implied, and I find there is loss of clarity.




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, and changed words and lines, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes.




Though, I never wonder, I am glad to read and am happy to review this nice poem and I feel proud of writing this review of the poem about death, now I read and review the thoughtful poem in public after about six years of its posting.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber Author IconMail Icon
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453
453
Review of Kissing  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good poem, I like, indeed, you have orderly maintained Pathya Vat, a form of the poem, as you have composed the poem in 4 lines of 4 syllables with rhymes in 2nd and 3rd line of the poem.




I enjoyed the story, the flow of thoughts, the taletelling, the emotion and the romantic feeling, the theme, the imagery, the word visuals and the read.




The title of the poem is appropriate, correct, complete, and significant but it is not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, captivating, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit and comments:

Your lips come close
Touch those parting
My brain’s starting
To conceive joy.

(Your lips come close
touch those parting
my brain is starting
to conceive joy.)





As per the requirement of the form, the only stanza of the poem is well expressed, but it might have been better expressed as I have tried to express it as under:

Your lips came close (to)
touch those parting
my brain was starting
to conceive joy.




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes.




Though I never wonder, I am glad to read and happy to review this nice poem in a special form, and I feel proud of writing this review the first one in four years, after about four years of posting here.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber Author IconMail Icon
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454
454
Review of The Star Kittens  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good poem, I like, a poem about star kittens.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the monologue flavour of taletelling, the wish and expectations from the kitten; the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and catchy.




Edit:

Deneb Hokule’a, sweet
Star Kitten, you came to me
From heaven, You fell straight down
To my loving arms.

(Deneb Hokule’a, a sweet
star kitten, you came to me
from heaven. You fell straight down
to my loving arms.)




Edit:

And Altair Leilani
You left too soon, returning
To the stars you became the
Magic Star Kitten.

(And Altair Leilani
you left too soon, returning
to the stars you became the
Magic Star Kitten.)




Edit:

Together in my heart you
two will always be, one is
here to comfort me and one
in heaven to pray.

(Together in my heart, you
two will always be. One is
here to comfort me and other one
in heaven to pray.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber Author IconMail Icon
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455
455
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like this poem, your writing from the heart is evident, simple, rational, and justifiable and straightforward, you have considered today’s state and status of politics in America under Trump’s presidency, his act and activities and decisiveness about wall are well viewed impartially and within the parameters of human rights, international politics and diplomatic roles of Trump and his misleading twittering and remarks about his own indulgence of presidential act; there is clear response of the poet to the survey.




I have enjoyed the story, taletelling in righteous viewpoint, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the rhymes (except in the last stanza), the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and complete, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, compact, comprehensible, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:

I Agree ... Alternatively
(I Agree Alternatively)




Edit:

Instead let’s build a wall between
Trump and his entities.
I think I’d feel much safer
knowing who he wants to please.

(Instead, let’s build a wall between
Trump and his entities.
I think, I’d feel much safer
knowing who he wants to please!)




Edit:
“And what about Obamacare?
How soon should we repeal it?”
We didn’t fight for coverage
so Republicans could steal it!

“What about Obamacare?
How soon should we repeal it?”
We didn’t fight for coverage
so, Republicans could steal it!)




Edit:

Instead let’s rename it Trumpcare!
He can then take all the credit.

(Instead, let’s rename it Trumpcare!
He can then take all the credit.)




Edit:

To be honest, I’d feel better
if his daughter was with child ...
by her brother ... and on welfare.
A woman’s rights should not be trialed!

(To be honest, I’d feel better
if his daughter were with child
by her brother and on welfare.
A woman’s rights should not be trialed.)




Edit:

I’m sure when the survey’s over
Trump will tweet how much he's backed!
It’s easy to see his support
in a world of “alternative facts.”

(I’m sure when the survey is over
Trump will tweet how much he is backed.
It’s easy to see his support
in a world of “alternative facts.”)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber Author IconMail Icon
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456
456
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem is an example, I like, and how simple, easy, plain, interesting and entertaining a poem could be!



I enjoyed the story, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the taletelling, and the diction, the rhythm in expression of thoughts, the theme, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




The title of the poem is appropriate, complete, significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, I find the title of the poem is relevant to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:

Mama’s roasting turkey,
Grandma’s baking pie;
Papa’s in the doghouse
(I can’t tell you why)!

(Mama is roasting turkey.
Grandma is baking pie.
Papa is in the doghouse
I can’t tell you why!)




Edit:

Zachy found the cookies,
Lauren sips her pop;
Caleb holds his bottle,
Drinking milk nonstop!

(Zachy found the cookies.
Lauren sips her pop.
Caleb holds his bottle
drinking milk nonstop!)





Edit:

Devon munches pickles,
Grandpa spies the peas;
Jerry snacks on olives,
I devour the cheese!

(Devon munches pickles.
Grandpa spies the peas.
Jerry snacks on olives
I devour the cheese!)




Edit:

Potatoes are still cooking,
Corn is almost done;
Coffee’s in the thermos,
Dinner is at one!

(Potatoes are still on cooking.
Corn is almost done.
Coffee is in the thermos.
Dinner is at one!)





Edit:

Salad’s on the counter,
Homemade bread awaits;
Silverware on napkins,
Next to Christmas plates!

(Salad is on the counter.
Homemade bread awaits
silverware on napkins
next to Christmas plates!)




Edit:

We now sit at the table—
Bow our heads to pray,
Thanking God for family
On this Christmas Day!

(We now sit at the table.
Bow our heads to pray
thanking God for family
on this Christmas Day!)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber Author IconMail Icon
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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457
457
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a nice collected poems, I like.



Though, I have enjoyed the second and third poems, but I could not understand objects of the poems in full. I expected use of Author’s Notes about the poems or some links about the type, form or nature of the poem, for appreciation of the essence of the poems.




I enjoyed the poems, the stories, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, honest paying a tribute to a special person, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is good and meaningful, but I do not find it is correct, complete, appropriate, significant or catchy; I expect a title of a poem may be in addition, interest-grabbing, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poems.




Edit and comments:

A poem that I wrote for a special person who's no longer with us in this life plus more.
(A poem I wrote for a special person who is no longer with us in my life.)



This is an inexpressive sentence; I have tried to express it expressively. The phrase or part of this sentence – in this life plus more, is not clear to me, I mean, this does not express any purpose or object clearly.




Edit:

I didn't even know her, and I probably never would,
but the story's always the same, no matter where you stood.

(I didn't even know her, and I probably never would.
But, the story is always the same, no matter where you stood.)




Edit:
Just when you think humanity is back on its feet,
on a cold October night, a young girl dies in the street.

(Just, when you think humanity is back on its feet
on a cold October night, a young girl dies on the street.)



Edit:

This senseless loss of life can't be replaced at any cost.
As time presses onward, the memory of her will be lost.

(This senseless loss of life can't be replaced at any cost.
As time presses onward, memories of her will be lost.)

Or,

(As time presses onward, memories about her will be lost.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber Author IconMail Icon
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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458
458
Review of Fog  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good haiku, you have worked, I like. Nature and human feeling are balanced and orderly exposed the state and effect of fog.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the flow of thoughts, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the haiku is appropriate, correct and significant. But, I think it is not catchy. I expect a title of a haiku maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, I find the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the haiku.




Edit and comments:

Moisture in the air.

Obscures things you want to see.

Clouds that kiss the earth.

(Moisture in the air
Obscures things you want to see.
Clouds have kissed the earth.)




I find the first line and the last line (third line of the haiku) are inexpressive and grammatically not correct, so I have tried to offer my suggestions to edit the lines, though I understand the last line may break the syllable count, but I think it is important in terms of grammatical correctness and expressiveness.




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this haiku with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber Author IconMail Icon
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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459
459
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a clear draft of a column you have written, I like.



I have enjoyed the story, the rhythmic and free flow of thoughts, the taletelling, the performance, the target fulfillment, the dedicated contribution, the planning, the target, and the read.



The title of the column is good, but I think it is neither appropriate, nor catchy; I expect the title of a column maybe in addition, appealing, attractive, captivating, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, I find the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the column.



Edit:

The writing will go on

(The Writing Will Go on)

Or,

(The Writing Will Go On)



Edit:

Since November 29th I was on leave from my job due to an injury.
(Since November 29th, I was on leave from my job due to an injury.)



Edit:
Despite the pain I made good use of my time.
(Despite the pain, I made good use of my time.)



Edit:

So here I am some 30 years later and the book is finished.
(So, here I am some 30 years later and the book is finished.)



Edit:

I chose to self publish on Amazon and intend the book to increase suicide awareness.
(I choose to self-publish on Amazon and intend the book to increase suicide awareness.)



Edit:

I use a pen name but in my real life I work with juveniles.
(I use a penname but, in my real life, I work with juveniles.)



Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the column, though I think it is not necessary, but I know it is important, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.



Well done; thank you for sharing this column with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber Author IconMail Icon
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460
460
Review of Coffee Dreams  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Excellent!



I like your poem (free verse poetry), a poem of dreams, and a poem of coffee dreams.



I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the monologue flavour of taletelling, the lovely and fantastic imagery, the sensational word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, correct and complete, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, captivating, compact, comprehensible, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, I find the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit:

Coffee is a part of my life and becomes part my dreams
(Coffee is a part of my life and becomes a part of my dreams.)




Edit:

I smell coffee brewing
Its rich aroma wakes
The nightingale of dawn;
Recalls my dreams to me
Like a deer calls her fawn.

(I smell coffee brewing
its rich aroma wakes
the nightingale of dawn
recalls my dreams to me
like a deer calls her fawn.)




Edit and comments:

I smell coffee brewing
And symbol by symbol
Each dream returns to rest
Its weary head against
The warmth of my soul’s chest.


(I smell coffee brewing
and symbol by symbol
each dream returns to rest
its weary head against
the warmth of my soul’s chest.)



The last line of the poem is not clear to me, I mean it is inexpressive for soul is invisible and soul is indestructible by fire, water or anything, so I do not understand what you wish to mean by soul’s chest; I am sorry, it is not expressive to me.



Edit:

I smell coffee brewing
Its scent enters my dreams
As part of the landscape
It becomes an emblem
Prevents my dream’s escape.

(I smell coffee brewing
its scent enters my dreams
as part of the landscape.
It becomes an emblem
prevents my dream’s escape.)



Edit:

I smell coffee brewing
I inhale the perfume
Of Columbia’s gold
And pour myself a cup
As the new day unfolds.

(I smell coffee brewing.
I inhale the perfume
of Columbia’s gold
and pour myself a cup
as the new day unfolds.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber Author IconMail Icon
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461
461
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I praise your effort. I like your poem (free verse poetry).


You have shared your experience, feelings and emotions well. You have rightly expressed your helpless state and status. You have pleaded your stand nicely.


I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, and the monologue flavour of expression, word visuals and the read.


Title of the poem is appropriate and complete, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit and comments:

"HOW CAN I TELL HIM"
(How Can I Tell Him)

Or,

("How Can I Tell Him")



I do not understand why you write the title within an inverted comma, you are not quoting someone’s speech or words, or even you are not quoting anyone.



Again, the poem is clear to express your words to yourself, I mean, you are speaking to yourself and not to others.



Further, this is an incomplete sentence.


Besides, I find your words are monologue that means you are speaking to yourself.


Thus, the expression of the title is not appropriate, correct and right.




Edit and comments:

HOW I TELL.
(How I tell.)



There is no need of writing all words and letters capitalized. When you have not written the poem all capitalized.




Edit and comments:

How can i tell that I love him?."

How can i tell what he's done for me?."


(How can I tell that I love him?"

How can I tell what he has done for me?"



This is a bad practice of writing, you have not followed grammatical rules, you have written incorrectly and inexpressively, rather you have written self-contradictorily, I mean, you have not followed rules uniformly, you have used sentences anomalously.




Edit and comments:

HOW can i tell I want to please.

How can I tell him to show the peace and love

with a beating heart.


(How can I tell I want to please?
How can I tell him to show the peace and love
with a beating heart?



Here again, you are not stick to rules, you have used sentences whimsically, not following grammar, you have mixed wrong use or you have misused rules.




Edit and comments:

How can I tell him thanks and praise

with peace within.

How can i tell him?."
I go in the silence of prayer.

(How can I tell him thanks and praise
with peace within?
How can I tell him?
I go in the silence of prayer.)



You have not used space properly. Again, you have not followed grammatical rules. I find, there is mix of misuse of rules.



Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber Author IconMail Icon
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. (E)
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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462
462
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Indeed this is a good poem (free verse poetry), I like. The nostalgic viewpoint is straight and related to the description of environment and feeling about the object is somewhat funny and awkward.




I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, free flow of thoughts, the nostalgic event memories, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, significant but it is not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title has relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit and comments:

It breathes memories;
the torso of a piano,
the bambilegged tables
and seats that irked
and pained our thighs.

(It breathes memories
the torso of a piano
the bambilegged tables
and seats that irked
and pained our thighs.)




This stanza is not expressive, I find, you have used poetic licence and have used the word ‘bambilegged’ instead of correct use of the word bambi-legged or bambi legged, however bambi-legged would have been better. The stanza does not make a complete sentence as divided in lines.




Edit and comments:

The room was uncared for:
broad brooding windows
gazed on a grassy nomansland
where a few inadequate trees
huddled together a woodland feel.

(The room was uncared for
broad brooding windows
gazed on a grassy nomansland
where a few inadequate trees
huddled together a woodland feel.)



For using the word nomansland is not proper here in this stanza, again you have used poetic licence, no problem, a poet has right to use a poetic licence.



Edit:

Beyond, the housing estate:
red and innocuous
spread in defiance, while
landscape rolled on and on and on
pressing far to distant lanes.

(Beyond, the housing estate
red and innocuous
spread in defiance, while
landscape rolled on and on and on
pressing far too distant lanes.)

Or,

landscape rolled on and on
pressing too far to distant lanes



Edit:

On rainy dates,
with windows smeared
i would yearn you my way
into the smug isolation
of the North Common Room:

stained with the tears
of my new-blooded love.

(On rainy days
with windows smeared
I would yearn you my way
into the smug isolation
of the North Common Room
stained with the tears
of my new-blooded love.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is an excellent poem (free verse poetry), I like. This speaks the changes in seasons by degrees in a natural (or diurnal, regular or daily) process, and it is compulsory, people may like it or not, like other seasons, autumn comes, sometimes it comes with a shorter period.




I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and catchy.



Edit:

Sun surrenders to overcast skies
Leaves change from green to red
The days get a little shorter
The air gets a little crisper

(Sun surrenders to overcast skies.
Leaves change from green to red.
The days get a little shorter.
The air gets a little crisper.)



Edit:

Gone is the heat of summer
As memories of vacation fade
Everyone buckles down and gets to work
As the holidays appear on the horizon

(Gone is the heat of summer.
As memories of vacation fade
everyone buckles down and gets to work
as the holidays appear on the horizon.)




Edit:

Break out the heavy coats
Pack away the swimsuits
Scarves replace shorts
And sandals become boots

(Break out the heavy coats.
Pack away the swimsuits.
Scarves replace shorts.
And sandals become boots!)



Edit and comments:

Some resent the encroaching dreariness
Others rejoice as the world transitions
But whether you look forward to it or not
Autumn always comes

(Some resent the encroaching dreariness.
Others rejoice as the world transitions.
But autumn always comes
whether you look forward to it or not.



In the last two lines, use of whether is not grammatically correct, because the word ‘whether’ is always used when two alternatives are possible and it is used as a conditional sentence to a sentence, for example, as shown:
Wrong use or incorrect: But whether you look forward to it or not. Autumn always comes.
Correct: But, autumn always comes, whether you look forward to it or not.



Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
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Review of Beauty  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
It is a very nice poem (free verse poetry), I like.



Beauty is natural and a gift; we should enjoy beauty, we should not try to change natural beauty for beauty has its own way, it is well said. Likewise, man should not change his or her beauty using make-up.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the symbolic message, the lesson about beauty stating that beauty should not be changed, the free flow of thoughts, the use of alliterations, the theme, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and complete, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:

your beautiful the way you are.
(You are beautiful the way you are.)




Edit:

Roses grow in the middle of spring
They are so beautiful
They grow with ever so beauty
One that humans crave the most

(Roses grow in the middle of spring.
They are so beautiful.
They grow with ever so beauty.
One that human craves the most.)



Edit:

Beauty is never given it is what your born with
The rose is always born pure and beautiful
Humans change how they look because they don't believe they are beautiful enough

(Beauty is never given; it is what you are born with.
The rose is always born pure and beautiful.
Humans change how they look, because they don't believe they are beautiful enough.)



Edit:

You are beautiful enough
You are perfect like a rose
You don't need the make-up it's all in your head

(You are beautiful enough.
You are perfect like a rose.
You don't need the make-up; it's all in your head.)



Edit:

Don't let the world change you
You change the world
Be you, be beautiful in your own way.

(Don't let the world change you.
You change the world.
Be you; be beautiful in your own way.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





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Review of Under The Stars  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Lovely!



I have loved this poem, a poem of love at first sight.



I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the story of love at first sight and challenging love at other side, the imagery, the word visuals, the anomalous or irregular rhymes, the free and flair flow of thoughts, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and catchy, if not complete. Though, I find the title has relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:

Under the stars, I first gazed in your eyes,
There were many things unspoken but still,
The love I saw there, you could not disguise.

(Under the stars, I first gazed in your eyes.
There were many things unspoken but, still
the love I saw there, you could not disguise.)




Edit:

It’s funny how love has so many highs,
Despite it being summer, I felt a chill,
Under the stars, I first gazed in your eyes.

(It’s funny how love has so many highs.
Despite it being summer, I felt a chill.
Under the stars, I gazed first in your eyes.)




Edit:

We’ve just met, yet to you I feel ties,
There in the sand, upon a small hill,
The love I saw there, you could not disguise.

(We’ve just met, yet, to you I feel ties.
There in the sand, upon a small hill
the love I saw there, you could not disguise.)




Edit:

We lie in the dunes; hear the sandpiper’s cries,
Your touch on my arm, what a wonderful thrill,
Under the stars, I first gazed in your eyes.

(We lie in the dunes; hear the sandpiper’s cries.
Your touch on my arm, what a wonderful thrill!
Under the stars, I gazed first in your eyes.)




Edit:

When we’re together, time sure flies,
Our bodies weave closely with such skill,
The love I saw there, you could not disguise.

(Together, when we are, time sure flies.
Our bodies weave closely with such skill.
The love I saw there, you could not disguise.)




Edit:

I’ve finally found you, the grandest prize,
Love you forever and a day I will
Under the stars, I first gazed in your eyes,
The love I saw there, you could not disguise.


(I’ve finally found you, the grandest prize.
Love you forever and a day I will.
Under the stars, I gazed first in your eyes.
The love I saw there, you could not disguise!)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





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Review of Life  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
You have shared a good point of thought about life. In this poem (free verse poetry) you have tried to express our lives, and how we live unhappy and disturbed living, how we live worrisome state of living, how we maintain or live two lives in a life; you say about our second life in our one life; how we live, consciously or unconsciously, willingly or unwillingly, but naturally and uncontrollably, and how we achieve our own life with own things and originality.



I have enjoyed the story, the flow of thoughts, the philosophic point of view of living in perspectives and dimensional realms, the taletelling, the viewpoint about living two lives in a life, the state of our living two lives in a life, the art of happy living, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, captivating, compact, comprehensible, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit and comments:

There are two lives in one's Life.
It's all about the achieving our own life with own things and originality.
Being away from the Fake things,fake people.It makes us really pleasant.
Those are the one who makes u literally Disappointed and mentally Deppresed.
It's our own Life and Only Life,Being End up our lives with reasons those who doesn't meant for us is a really a Crazy thing..
Having Experienced from all kinds of Hurdles,difficulties,mental Thoughts,deppresions,abuses,Harrasements etc.
Knowing that those persons are not permanent in our lives is the First step to our Success..


(There are two lives in one's life.
It's all about achieving our own life with own things and originality.
Being away from the fake things, fake people it makes us really pleasant.
Those are the ones who make you literally disappointed and mentally depressed.
It's our own life and only life, being end up our lives with reasons those who do not mean for us is really a crazy thing.
Having experienced from all kinds of hurdles, difficulties, mental thoughts, depression, abuses, harassment
and knowing that those persons are not permanent in our lives is the first step to our success.



Still, I find the fifth line onwards, all the lines of the poem, is not expressive, and grammatically correct, though, I have tried to offer my edits for the first four lines of the poem, also.



Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Right, I have liked this poem (free verse poetry) for you have shared a humane and happy adventure walking in a natural voice in words.



I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the message of happy and joyous living, the joyful and friendly living, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is significant and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, the title has relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit:

friends, walking by starlight
(Friends, walking by starlight)



Edit:

We walked by starlight
The several of us
One house to another
On dark dirt roads
Where ne'er shone a light.

(We walked by starlight
the several of us
from one house to another
on dark dirt roads
where ne'er shone a light.)



Edit:

We walked by starlight
Carrying wine and friendship
To see the neighbors.
And share our happy hearts.

(We walked by starlight
carrying wine and friendship
to see the neighbors
and share our happy hearts.)



Edit:

We laughed in whispers
Fearing our voices might be too bright
And take the starlight from our eyes.

(We laughed in whispers
fearing our voices might be too bright
and take the starlight from our eyes.)



Edit:

Our feet knew the road sure
Scarce making a susurration with a scuff
And we moved like shadows.

(Our feet knew the road sure
scarce making a susurration with a scuff
and we moved like shadows.)



Edit:

One held another's hand and
The farther the walk, the plainer the way
As we inhaled the dark
Becoming dark, that starlight would
Shine brighter.

(One held another's hand and
the farther the walk, the plainer the way
as we inhaled the dark
becoming darker, that starlight would
shine brighter. )



Edit:

We walked by starlight
With wine and friendship and happy hearts.

(We walked by starlight
with wine and friendship and happy hearts.)



Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
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Review of EGO  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I liked this poem (free verse poetry), a poem about ego.



I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the theme, and the concept, the example of showing the state of ego and egoistic attitude, free flow of thoughts, the monologue flavour of expression, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and complete, if not catchy; I think, the title is subjective and formal. I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable.



I do not find the poem has anything clearly expressed to be called under the genre: inspirational.



Moreover, the genre: Philosophy is also not clearly conveyed in the poem; rather, I find, a philosophical aspect of a person about egoistic attitude and practice is explored and expressed.



Edit:

EGO
(Ego)



Edit:
A look beneath the superficial surface, may reveal the truth.
(A look beneath the superficial surface may reveal the truth.)



Edit:

I want someone to notice,
to say I’m significant, special ---
because I feel invisible.

(I want someone to notice.
To say, I’m significant, special.
Because, I feel, I am invisible.)



Edit:

So, when I laugh too loud,
talk too much, and say the wrong thing ---
excuse me.

(So, when I laugh too loud
talk too much, and say the wrong thing
excuse me.)



I think the aforesaid three lines of the poem are neither expressive nor grammatically correct, in order to keep their originality of expression and keep the expression poetically appreciable, or keeping the poetic licence in view, I did not offer any more suggestions.



Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, as you have not used Author’s Notes, or not mentioned your style of expression, accept or reject any suggestion, I maintain integrity, whether or not you plead for your mistakes.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





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Rated: E | (4.5)
In this poem (free verse poetry), you have tried to express your views, share your experiences and feelings, and mentioned your cause of concern about the present state of the world and the state of living and stated why this world is a saddened place and why there is no peace, and you fail to understand why we fight and fight only and make a pointless war and you proposed unity and ways to achieve peace and maintain a happy living and make this world a better place of living and wish when all these will end and the world be a place of peaceful living, free of war living.




I liked this informative poem and enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the theme, the concept, the imagery, the word visuals, the flow of thoughts, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and complete, but it is not catchy; I hope a title of a poem maybe in addition, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title has relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:

exactly what the title implys basically
(Exactly what the title implies basically.)



Edit:

when can it all just end
(When Can It All Just End)



Edit:

The world is a saddened place, full of crooks, jerks, terds and more
We don't know the term peace, we know the term fight
Why do we fight? It's always a pointless war
Why can't we just get along, why can't the unity between a marriage ceremony be the peace between a country and its citizens
Why can't people open their eyes to pain in the world caused by us
Surely no one is so blind they cannot see what damage we have done
Surely the world has given us a glimpse of what terrible yet good lies ahead.
If not when will the wars, the fighting, the endless feuds, the pointless bickering
END.


(The world is a saddened place, full of crooks, jerks, terds and more.
We don't know the term peace, we know the term fighting.
Why do we fight? It is always a pointless war.
Why can't we just get along, why can't the unity between a marriage ceremony be the peace between a country and its citizens?
Why can't people open their eyes to pain in the world caused by us?
Surely, no one is so blind they cannot see what damage we have done.
Surely, the world has given us a glimpse of what terrible, yet good lies ahead.
If not when the wars, the fighting, the endless feuds, the pointless bickering will end.)




Comments:
The word ‘terds’ that you have used in the first line of the poem is not a real word, as a result there is loss of expressiveness.




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, as you have not used Author’s Notes, or not mentioned your style of expression, accept or reject any suggestion, I maintain integrity, whether or not you plead for your mistakes.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





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Review of The Next Step  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, you have hinted a fiction in a few words, you have proposed a story for revelation of the truth, as you think, you know him rightly, as you have stated, you know him, and without evidence of proof you cannot prove him telling lies, and while, there is always a story before a story begins and after a story ends, and you know, power of imagination and power of creation can tell stories to reveal the truth, maybe here you give a hint for making a story about his nature and hypocrite stand of activities, or something else, I find, there are ample hints for making fictions or stories on the basis of these few words.




I liked and enjoyed the read.




Title of the work is appropriate and catchy.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





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Review of waiting  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a very nice poem, a poem (free verse poetry), I like.




I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the monologue flavour of taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the visual state of feeling waiting, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, but it is not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:

waiting
(Waiting)




Edit:

even so, it's hard to let go
(Even so, it is hard to let go.)




Edit:

as the stars fade
and the sun rises

(As the stars fade
and the sun rises)



Edit:

the light touches your eyes.
making shadows of your lashes
steal down your cheeks
I want to reach out
trace the path.
my fingers are too heavy
to escape the coverlet.

(The light touches your eyes
making shadows of your lashes
steal down your cheeks.
I want to reach out
trace the path.
My fingers are too heavy
to escape the coverlet.)



Edit:

I’m burning out. I can see it
in what the doctors fail to say,
in the way you look at me,
in the pain that fills me,
every time they change the bag
that pumps fire in my veins.

(I’m burning out. I can see it
in what the doctors fail to say.
In the way you look at me
and in the pain that fills me
every time they change the bag
that pumps fire in my veins.)



Edit:

sometimes, when I pretend to sleep
I hear you pleading, stay—
for the children, grandchildren.
for you. you’re not strong enough,
you say, to continue alone.
I’m sorry, my darling.
it’s growing too difficult to fight.

(Sometimes, when I pretend to sleep
I hear you pleading, stay
for the children, and grandchildren
for you. You are not strong enough
you say to continue alone.
I’m sorry, my darling
it is growing too difficult to fight.)



Edit:

when we were young together,
lightning struck the desert
the tumbleweed burned
turning barrel cactus into coal.
sometimes life burns the old
so new sprouts can grow.

(When we were young, together
lightning struck the desert.
The tumbleweed burned
turning barrel cactus into coal.
Sometimes, life burns the old
so, new sprouts can grow.)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words, and have corrected a few lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.




Keeping readers engaged in thinking is a good practice; proper use of Author’s Notes is helpful to readers and writers for clarity and style of expression; we all make mistakes, good authors acknowledge mistakes; but, I find authors do not use Author’s Notes and they do not accept their mistakes, instead they plead for their mistakes as their style of expression and do not appreciate edits as help; I know my job, I try to help authors and make the site popular, I am committed to maintain integrity for I do not work for recognition but for truths.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic!



This is a lovely poem (free verse poetry), I like. This tells diverse nature of spaces and places in Nature and you have discovered the loneliest place.



I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the theme, the spiritual influence, the spiritual and Nature in appreciation of peaceful living, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and mystic, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, attractive, captivating, interest-grabbing, and or tricky. Interestingly enough, I find the title of the poem relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit:

There's a tall wrought iron fence
A thicket of dead leaves piled against it.
Somewhere in the trees
Below the endless gray sky
A crow caws out displeasure
At the change of seasons,
The failure of fall,
The woe of winter.


(There is a tall wrought iron fence.
A thicket of dead leaves piled against it.
Somewhere, in the trees
below the endless gray sky
a crow caws out displeasure
at the change of seasons,
the failure of fall,
there is the woe of winter.)




Edit:

It's the loneliest place
A garden full of stones
Stones with names
And dates and brief epitaphs
Together Forever
Resting in His Arms
Sweet Wife, Devoted Husband


(It is the loneliest place.
A garden full of stones,
stones with names
and dates, and brief epitaphs
together forever
resting in His Arms
sweet wife, devoted husband.)




Edit:

The chill wind wanders
Amid the stones
Tossing leaves from its path
Lingering at an obelisk from early last century
Curling around a mausoleum
With its stout wooden door
Locked to keep out the living.
A scattering of flowers are shriveled and shedding petals
Mortal like the quiet ones buried here.


(The chill wind wanders
amid the stones
tossing leaves from its path
lingering at an obelisk from early last century
curling around a mausoleum
with its stout wooden door
locked to keep out the living.
A scattering of flowers are shriveled and shedding petals
mortal, like the quiet ones buried here.)




Edit:

It's the loneliest place
Yet all of us will one day visit
Some to linger for a moment, an hour
Some to stay
Till trumpets call to the dawn
And bring us to His presence


(It is the loneliest place.
Yet, all of us will one day visit.
Some to linger for a moment, an hour
some to stay.
Till, trumpets call to the dawn
and bring us to His presence.)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words, and have corrected a few lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.



Keeping readers engaged in thinking is a good practice; proper use of Author’s Notes is helpful to readers and writers for clarity and style of expression; we all make mistakes, good authors acknowledge mistakes; but, I find authors do not use Author’s Notes and they do not accept their mistakes, instead they plead for their mistakes as their style of expression and do not appreciate edits as help; I know my job, I try to help authors and make the site popular, I am committed to maintain integrity for I do not work for recognition but for truths.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Righteously right!


You have exalted and appreciated the God-sent Messengers and rightly worded how enormously they have offered God’s words, God’s promises, God’s proclamations, God’s will and messages to the cause, development, advancement, progression and welfare of humanity and mankind and how they have inspired man for living on this earth.




I liked and enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the messages, the roles and services of the Messengers, the revelation of the truths, the imagery, the word visuals, the rhymes, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, if not complete and catchy; I wish a title of a poem may be in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable.




I expected at least a word about the form Roserian Sonnet or a link or reference, but you have not used Author’s Notes.




Edit and comments:

God has sent divine messengers through out history to guide humanity.
(God has sent divine messengers throughout history to guide humanity.)



This line is not expressive; I fail to understand why ‘God has sent divine messengers’ when God sent the messengers, there is no need of mentioning ‘divine messengers’ is appears to me like divine God, because, I know, God sent is divine and it is the truth, so there writing ‘divine messengers’ is redundant.



Besides, ‘throughout history’ is not clear, I do not understand what actually you are trying to mean, the word ‘history’ does not mean anything itself, for example, history becomes clear if we write ‘human history’ or ‘history of civilization’ or ‘history of human beings’ or ‘history of mankind’, and the like. Because, authors should not expect all readers must be too assumptive or wise.




Edit and comments:

Looking into the mist of history,
I see signs of the divine Mystery,
Men who reflected the Holy Spirit,
Proclaimed the will of God to humankind,
And helped souls immortality to find.

(Looking into the mist of history
I see signs of the divine mystery.
Men who reflected the Holy Spirit
proclaimed the will of God to humankind
and helped souls immortality to find.)



I do not understand how soul can find, because souls are different from men.




Edit:

They were the living temples of the Most High,
Their laws helped civilizations to fly,
To create artistic works of merit,
Standing stones, temples, and monoliths,
That conceal spiritual truth behind the myths.

(They were the living temples of the Most High.
Their laws helped civilizations to fly
to create artistic works of merit
standing stones, temples, and monoliths
that conceal spiritual truth behind the myths.)




Edit:

Each divine prophet or manifestation,
Revealed the attributes of the Almighty,
Encouraged the progress of humanity,
And inspired the chapters of religion.

(Each divine prophet or manifestation
revealed the attributes of the Almighty
encouraged the progress of humanity
and inspired the chapters of religion.)




Please check, as it is evident, you have not used Author’s Note telling there just a word about your style of expression of your work published in public; my experience compels me to write the truths; my experience reminds me to write all the authors are not ready to acknowledge my work of reviewing and they are never prepared to accept the mistakes or wrongs in their expression; honestly speaking, I know my job and I do my duty and I believe I help not only the authors but also the site, for I do not work for appreciation or recognition but I work as my commitment, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words, and have corrected a few lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
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Rated: E | (4.0)
It is nice to read your poem about prophecy, though I think, I do not understand your poem clearly, but I appreciate your endeavour and find you have a solid concept, excellent idea and I enjoyed the story as I read, and I find there are some good imagery and word visuals.




Edit and comments:
Skeletons Rising Prophecy-Look in Book 1
(Skeletons Rising Prophecy)



I do not understand why the title has a direction, I think it is not a good practice writing a title, by giving a direction in a title for doing something, you confuse your readers instead of passive advertisement or propaganda, as I get such idea after reading the title of the poem, interestingly enough, you have already given a clear direction at the end (footnote) of the poem, as such I think the words – ‘Look in Book 1’ is redundant and appears vague in a title.




Title of the poem is good but I think it is neither complete, nor catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, the title has some relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit and comments:

Of a lover, strong and bold-Of a lonely twin-Of a heart that’s black and gold...

(Of a lover, strong and bold, of a lonely twin, of a heart that’s black and gold)


Though, this description is inexpressive, I think, as I do not understand what you are actually talking here.




Edit:

When evil rises from a flood
And crowds the earth with shadow
Before all the land flows with blood
Three dragonets must dry the flow

(When evil rises from a flood
and crowds the earth with a shadow
before all the land flows with blood
three dragonets must dry the flow.)




Edit and comments:

Of a lover strong and bold
of a lonely twin
of a heart that’s black and gold
together they must win



These lines are inexpressive and grammatically incorrect, and I could not offer more changes, that are not my job, I think.




Edit:

The only way, the only cure
The only one who can
It’s time to decide if they’re ready or not
To finish what they began


The only way, the only cure
and the only one who can
it is time to decide if they are ready or not
to finish what they began.



Again, these lines are not only grammatically incorrect, but also inexpressive and I could not offer my suggestions to change your words any more.




Please check, as it is evident, you have not used Author’s Note telling there just a word about your style of expression of your work published in public; my experience compels me to write the truths; my experience reminds me to write all the authors are not ready to acknowledge my work of reviewing and they are never prepared to accept the mistakes or wrongs in their expression; honestly speaking, I know my job and I do my duty and I believe I help not only the authors but also the site, for I do not work for appreciation or recognition but I work as my commitment, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words, and have corrected a few lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber Author IconMail Icon
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Review of Future generation  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a good poem about the future generation and the future leaders. This is a poem of a future generation, though it is not clear why purpose you wish to fulfill and the object is not clearly mentioned or expressed, I mean, what the future generation will do and why there is need of the future generation, this part is not clearly voiced.



I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the role, the feelings, and state of living of the future generations and the future leaders, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



The title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I hope and expect a title of a poem may be in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, complete, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit:

Future generation
(Future Generation)




Edit and comments:

I am a freshman in high school this is for my class of 2022,
(I am a freshman in a high school. This is for my class of 2022.)



The idea of freshman is not clear to me; I fail to understand what actually you wish to mean by the word ‘freshman’ for I cannot relate the role or purpose of a freshman in a high school and in terms of a class in the year 2022.




Edit:

The birds chirp away at the crack of dawn
A new day awaits and a new adventure to start

(The birds chirp away at the crack of dawn.
A new day awaits and a new adventure to start.)




Edit:

Every day is something new
something different

(Every day is something new
and something different.)




Edit:

Every day is a memory made
a scar to add

(Every day is a memory made
and a scar to add.)



Edit:

Every day is a risk to take
Every moment of breath is worth every tear

(Every day is a risk to take.
Every moment of breath is worth every tear.)



Edit:

every heartache is worth the look of the sunrise
Every smile is worth a thousand scars

(Every heart ache is worth the look of the sunrise.
Every smile is worth a thousand scars.)



Edit:

But to me it's all worth the pain to keep on living
For yesterday, for today, and for the tomorrow.

(But, to me it’s all worth the pain to keep on living
for yesterday, for today, and for the tomorrow.)



Edit:

We are the past, the present, the future, we are lessons learned and scars embedded
We are the embodiment of memories

(We are the past, the present, the future.
We are lessons learned and scars embedded.
We are the embodiment of memories.)



Edit:

We are the future generation
We are the class of 2022! We are the future leaders.

(We are the future generation.
We are the class of 2022.
We are the future leaders.)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words, and have corrected a few lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber Author IconMail Icon
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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