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476
476
Review of Life  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
You have shared a good point of thought about life. In this poem (free verse poetry) you have tried to express our lives, and how we live unhappy and disturbed living, how we live worrisome state of living, how we maintain or live two lives in a life; you say about our second life in our one life; how we live, consciously or unconsciously, willingly or unwillingly, but naturally and uncontrollably, and how we achieve our own life with own things and originality.



I have enjoyed the story, the flow of thoughts, the philosophic point of view of living in perspectives and dimensional realms, the taletelling, the viewpoint about living two lives in a life, the state of our living two lives in a life, the art of happy living, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, captivating, compact, comprehensible, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit and comments:

There are two lives in one's Life.
It's all about the achieving our own life with own things and originality.
Being away from the Fake things,fake people.It makes us really pleasant.
Those are the one who makes u literally Disappointed and mentally Deppresed.
It's our own Life and Only Life,Being End up our lives with reasons those who doesn't meant for us is a really a Crazy thing..
Having Experienced from all kinds of Hurdles,difficulties,mental Thoughts,deppresions,abuses,Harrasements etc.
Knowing that those persons are not permanent in our lives is the First step to our Success..


(There are two lives in one's life.
It's all about achieving our own life with own things and originality.
Being away from the fake things, fake people it makes us really pleasant.
Those are the ones who make you literally disappointed and mentally depressed.
It's our own life and only life, being end up our lives with reasons those who do not mean for us is really a crazy thing.
Having experienced from all kinds of hurdles, difficulties, mental thoughts, depression, abuses, harassment
and knowing that those persons are not permanent in our lives is the first step to our success.



Still, I find the fifth line onwards, all the lines of the poem, is not expressive, and grammatically correct, though, I have tried to offer my edits for the first four lines of the poem, also.



Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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477
477
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Right, I have liked this poem (free verse poetry) for you have shared a humane and happy adventure walking in a natural voice in words.



I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the message of happy and joyous living, the joyful and friendly living, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is significant and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, the title has relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit:

friends, walking by starlight
(Friends, walking by starlight)



Edit:

We walked by starlight
The several of us
One house to another
On dark dirt roads
Where ne'er shone a light.

(We walked by starlight
the several of us
from one house to another
on dark dirt roads
where ne'er shone a light.)



Edit:

We walked by starlight
Carrying wine and friendship
To see the neighbors.
And share our happy hearts.

(We walked by starlight
carrying wine and friendship
to see the neighbors
and share our happy hearts.)



Edit:

We laughed in whispers
Fearing our voices might be too bright
And take the starlight from our eyes.

(We laughed in whispers
fearing our voices might be too bright
and take the starlight from our eyes.)



Edit:

Our feet knew the road sure
Scarce making a susurration with a scuff
And we moved like shadows.

(Our feet knew the road sure
scarce making a susurration with a scuff
and we moved like shadows.)



Edit:

One held another's hand and
The farther the walk, the plainer the way
As we inhaled the dark
Becoming dark, that starlight would
Shine brighter.

(One held another's hand and
the farther the walk, the plainer the way
as we inhaled the dark
becoming darker, that starlight would
shine brighter. )



Edit:

We walked by starlight
With wine and friendship and happy hearts.

(We walked by starlight
with wine and friendship and happy hearts.)



Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
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#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



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478
478
Review of EGO  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I liked this poem (free verse poetry), a poem about ego.



I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the theme, and the concept, the example of showing the state of ego and egoistic attitude, free flow of thoughts, the monologue flavour of expression, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and complete, if not catchy; I think, the title is subjective and formal. I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable.



I do not find the poem has anything clearly expressed to be called under the genre: inspirational.



Moreover, the genre: Philosophy is also not clearly conveyed in the poem; rather, I find, a philosophical aspect of a person about egoistic attitude and practice is explored and expressed.



Edit:

EGO
(Ego)



Edit:
A look beneath the superficial surface, may reveal the truth.
(A look beneath the superficial surface may reveal the truth.)



Edit:

I want someone to notice,
to say I’m significant, special ---
because I feel invisible.

(I want someone to notice.
To say, I’m significant, special.
Because, I feel, I am invisible.)



Edit:

So, when I laugh too loud,
talk too much, and say the wrong thing ---
excuse me.

(So, when I laugh too loud
talk too much, and say the wrong thing
excuse me.)



I think the aforesaid three lines of the poem are neither expressive nor grammatically correct, in order to keep their originality of expression and keep the expression poetically appreciable, or keeping the poetic licence in view, I did not offer any more suggestions.



Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, as you have not used Author’s Notes, or not mentioned your style of expression, accept or reject any suggestion, I maintain integrity, whether or not you plead for your mistakes.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




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479
479
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
In this poem (free verse poetry), you have tried to express your views, share your experiences and feelings, and mentioned your cause of concern about the present state of the world and the state of living and stated why this world is a saddened place and why there is no peace, and you fail to understand why we fight and fight only and make a pointless war and you proposed unity and ways to achieve peace and maintain a happy living and make this world a better place of living and wish when all these will end and the world be a place of peaceful living, free of war living.




I liked this informative poem and enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the theme, the concept, the imagery, the word visuals, the flow of thoughts, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and complete, but it is not catchy; I hope a title of a poem maybe in addition, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title has relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:

exactly what the title implys basically
(Exactly what the title implies basically.)



Edit:

when can it all just end
(When Can It All Just End)



Edit:

The world is a saddened place, full of crooks, jerks, terds and more
We don't know the term peace, we know the term fight
Why do we fight? It's always a pointless war
Why can't we just get along, why can't the unity between a marriage ceremony be the peace between a country and its citizens
Why can't people open their eyes to pain in the world caused by us
Surely no one is so blind they cannot see what damage we have done
Surely the world has given us a glimpse of what terrible yet good lies ahead.
If not when will the wars, the fighting, the endless feuds, the pointless bickering
END.


(The world is a saddened place, full of crooks, jerks, terds and more.
We don't know the term peace, we know the term fighting.
Why do we fight? It is always a pointless war.
Why can't we just get along, why can't the unity between a marriage ceremony be the peace between a country and its citizens?
Why can't people open their eyes to pain in the world caused by us?
Surely, no one is so blind they cannot see what damage we have done.
Surely, the world has given us a glimpse of what terrible, yet good lies ahead.
If not when the wars, the fighting, the endless feuds, the pointless bickering will end.)




Comments:
The word ‘terds’ that you have used in the first line of the poem is not a real word, as a result there is loss of expressiveness.




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, as you have not used Author’s Notes, or not mentioned your style of expression, accept or reject any suggestion, I maintain integrity, whether or not you plead for your mistakes.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
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#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




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480
480
Review of The Next Step  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, you have hinted a fiction in a few words, you have proposed a story for revelation of the truth, as you think, you know him rightly, as you have stated, you know him, and without evidence of proof you cannot prove him telling lies, and while, there is always a story before a story begins and after a story ends, and you know, power of imagination and power of creation can tell stories to reveal the truth, maybe here you give a hint for making a story about his nature and hypocrite stand of activities, or something else, I find, there are ample hints for making fictions or stories on the basis of these few words.




I liked and enjoyed the read.




Title of the work is appropriate and catchy.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




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481
481
Review of waiting  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a very nice poem, a poem (free verse poetry), I like.




I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the monologue flavour of taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the visual state of feeling waiting, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, but it is not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:

waiting
(Waiting)




Edit:

even so, it's hard to let go
(Even so, it is hard to let go.)




Edit:

as the stars fade
and the sun rises

(As the stars fade
and the sun rises)



Edit:

the light touches your eyes.
making shadows of your lashes
steal down your cheeks
I want to reach out
trace the path.
my fingers are too heavy
to escape the coverlet.

(The light touches your eyes
making shadows of your lashes
steal down your cheeks.
I want to reach out
trace the path.
My fingers are too heavy
to escape the coverlet.)



Edit:

I’m burning out. I can see it
in what the doctors fail to say,
in the way you look at me,
in the pain that fills me,
every time they change the bag
that pumps fire in my veins.

(I’m burning out. I can see it
in what the doctors fail to say.
In the way you look at me
and in the pain that fills me
every time they change the bag
that pumps fire in my veins.)



Edit:

sometimes, when I pretend to sleep
I hear you pleading, stay—
for the children, grandchildren.
for you. you’re not strong enough,
you say, to continue alone.
I’m sorry, my darling.
it’s growing too difficult to fight.

(Sometimes, when I pretend to sleep
I hear you pleading, stay
for the children, and grandchildren
for you. You are not strong enough
you say to continue alone.
I’m sorry, my darling
it is growing too difficult to fight.)



Edit:

when we were young together,
lightning struck the desert
the tumbleweed burned
turning barrel cactus into coal.
sometimes life burns the old
so new sprouts can grow.

(When we were young, together
lightning struck the desert.
The tumbleweed burned
turning barrel cactus into coal.
Sometimes, life burns the old
so, new sprouts can grow.)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words, and have corrected a few lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.




Keeping readers engaged in thinking is a good practice; proper use of Author’s Notes is helpful to readers and writers for clarity and style of expression; we all make mistakes, good authors acknowledge mistakes; but, I find authors do not use Author’s Notes and they do not accept their mistakes, instead they plead for their mistakes as their style of expression and do not appreciate edits as help; I know my job, I try to help authors and make the site popular, I am committed to maintain integrity for I do not work for recognition but for truths.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




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482
482
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic!



This is a lovely poem (free verse poetry), I like. This tells diverse nature of spaces and places in Nature and you have discovered the loneliest place.



I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the theme, the spiritual influence, the spiritual and Nature in appreciation of peaceful living, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and mystic, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, attractive, captivating, interest-grabbing, and or tricky. Interestingly enough, I find the title of the poem relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit:

There's a tall wrought iron fence
A thicket of dead leaves piled against it.
Somewhere in the trees
Below the endless gray sky
A crow caws out displeasure
At the change of seasons,
The failure of fall,
The woe of winter.


(There is a tall wrought iron fence.
A thicket of dead leaves piled against it.
Somewhere, in the trees
below the endless gray sky
a crow caws out displeasure
at the change of seasons,
the failure of fall,
there is the woe of winter.)




Edit:

It's the loneliest place
A garden full of stones
Stones with names
And dates and brief epitaphs
Together Forever
Resting in His Arms
Sweet Wife, Devoted Husband


(It is the loneliest place.
A garden full of stones,
stones with names
and dates, and brief epitaphs
together forever
resting in His Arms
sweet wife, devoted husband.)




Edit:

The chill wind wanders
Amid the stones
Tossing leaves from its path
Lingering at an obelisk from early last century
Curling around a mausoleum
With its stout wooden door
Locked to keep out the living.
A scattering of flowers are shriveled and shedding petals
Mortal like the quiet ones buried here.


(The chill wind wanders
amid the stones
tossing leaves from its path
lingering at an obelisk from early last century
curling around a mausoleum
with its stout wooden door
locked to keep out the living.
A scattering of flowers are shriveled and shedding petals
mortal, like the quiet ones buried here.)




Edit:

It's the loneliest place
Yet all of us will one day visit
Some to linger for a moment, an hour
Some to stay
Till trumpets call to the dawn
And bring us to His presence


(It is the loneliest place.
Yet, all of us will one day visit.
Some to linger for a moment, an hour
some to stay.
Till, trumpets call to the dawn
and bring us to His presence.)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words, and have corrected a few lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.



Keeping readers engaged in thinking is a good practice; proper use of Author’s Notes is helpful to readers and writers for clarity and style of expression; we all make mistakes, good authors acknowledge mistakes; but, I find authors do not use Author’s Notes and they do not accept their mistakes, instead they plead for their mistakes as their style of expression and do not appreciate edits as help; I know my job, I try to help authors and make the site popular, I am committed to maintain integrity for I do not work for recognition but for truths.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
483
483
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Righteously right!


You have exalted and appreciated the God-sent Messengers and rightly worded how enormously they have offered God’s words, God’s promises, God’s proclamations, God’s will and messages to the cause, development, advancement, progression and welfare of humanity and mankind and how they have inspired man for living on this earth.




I liked and enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the messages, the roles and services of the Messengers, the revelation of the truths, the imagery, the word visuals, the rhymes, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, if not complete and catchy; I wish a title of a poem may be in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable.




I expected at least a word about the form Roserian Sonnet or a link or reference, but you have not used Author’s Notes.




Edit and comments:

God has sent divine messengers through out history to guide humanity.
(God has sent divine messengers throughout history to guide humanity.)



This line is not expressive; I fail to understand why ‘God has sent divine messengers’ when God sent the messengers, there is no need of mentioning ‘divine messengers’ is appears to me like divine God, because, I know, God sent is divine and it is the truth, so there writing ‘divine messengers’ is redundant.



Besides, ‘throughout history’ is not clear, I do not understand what actually you are trying to mean, the word ‘history’ does not mean anything itself, for example, history becomes clear if we write ‘human history’ or ‘history of civilization’ or ‘history of human beings’ or ‘history of mankind’, and the like. Because, authors should not expect all readers must be too assumptive or wise.




Edit and comments:

Looking into the mist of history,
I see signs of the divine Mystery,
Men who reflected the Holy Spirit,
Proclaimed the will of God to humankind,
And helped souls immortality to find.

(Looking into the mist of history
I see signs of the divine mystery.
Men who reflected the Holy Spirit
proclaimed the will of God to humankind
and helped souls immortality to find.)



I do not understand how soul can find, because souls are different from men.




Edit:

They were the living temples of the Most High,
Their laws helped civilizations to fly,
To create artistic works of merit,
Standing stones, temples, and monoliths,
That conceal spiritual truth behind the myths.

(They were the living temples of the Most High.
Their laws helped civilizations to fly
to create artistic works of merit
standing stones, temples, and monoliths
that conceal spiritual truth behind the myths.)




Edit:

Each divine prophet or manifestation,
Revealed the attributes of the Almighty,
Encouraged the progress of humanity,
And inspired the chapters of religion.

(Each divine prophet or manifestation
revealed the attributes of the Almighty
encouraged the progress of humanity
and inspired the chapters of religion.)




Please check, as it is evident, you have not used Author’s Note telling there just a word about your style of expression of your work published in public; my experience compels me to write the truths; my experience reminds me to write all the authors are not ready to acknowledge my work of reviewing and they are never prepared to accept the mistakes or wrongs in their expression; honestly speaking, I know my job and I do my duty and I believe I help not only the authors but also the site, for I do not work for appreciation or recognition but I work as my commitment, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words, and have corrected a few lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
484
484
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
It is nice to read your poem about prophecy, though I think, I do not understand your poem clearly, but I appreciate your endeavour and find you have a solid concept, excellent idea and I enjoyed the story as I read, and I find there are some good imagery and word visuals.




Edit and comments:
Skeletons Rising Prophecy-Look in Book 1
(Skeletons Rising Prophecy)



I do not understand why the title has a direction, I think it is not a good practice writing a title, by giving a direction in a title for doing something, you confuse your readers instead of passive advertisement or propaganda, as I get such idea after reading the title of the poem, interestingly enough, you have already given a clear direction at the end (footnote) of the poem, as such I think the words – ‘Look in Book 1’ is redundant and appears vague in a title.




Title of the poem is good but I think it is neither complete, nor catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, the title has some relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit and comments:

Of a lover, strong and bold-Of a lonely twin-Of a heart that’s black and gold...

(Of a lover, strong and bold, of a lonely twin, of a heart that’s black and gold)


Though, this description is inexpressive, I think, as I do not understand what you are actually talking here.




Edit:

When evil rises from a flood
And crowds the earth with shadow
Before all the land flows with blood
Three dragonets must dry the flow

(When evil rises from a flood
and crowds the earth with a shadow
before all the land flows with blood
three dragonets must dry the flow.)




Edit and comments:

Of a lover strong and bold
of a lonely twin
of a heart that’s black and gold
together they must win



These lines are inexpressive and grammatically incorrect, and I could not offer more changes, that are not my job, I think.




Edit:

The only way, the only cure
The only one who can
It’s time to decide if they’re ready or not
To finish what they began


The only way, the only cure
and the only one who can
it is time to decide if they are ready or not
to finish what they began.



Again, these lines are not only grammatically incorrect, but also inexpressive and I could not offer my suggestions to change your words any more.




Please check, as it is evident, you have not used Author’s Note telling there just a word about your style of expression of your work published in public; my experience compels me to write the truths; my experience reminds me to write all the authors are not ready to acknowledge my work of reviewing and they are never prepared to accept the mistakes or wrongs in their expression; honestly speaking, I know my job and I do my duty and I believe I help not only the authors but also the site, for I do not work for appreciation or recognition but I work as my commitment, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words, and have corrected a few lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
485
485
Review of Future generation  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a good poem about the future generation and the future leaders. This is a poem of a future generation, though it is not clear why purpose you wish to fulfill and the object is not clearly mentioned or expressed, I mean, what the future generation will do and why there is need of the future generation, this part is not clearly voiced.



I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the role, the feelings, and state of living of the future generations and the future leaders, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



The title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I hope and expect a title of a poem may be in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, complete, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit:

Future generation
(Future Generation)




Edit and comments:

I am a freshman in high school this is for my class of 2022,
(I am a freshman in a high school. This is for my class of 2022.)



The idea of freshman is not clear to me; I fail to understand what actually you wish to mean by the word ‘freshman’ for I cannot relate the role or purpose of a freshman in a high school and in terms of a class in the year 2022.




Edit:

The birds chirp away at the crack of dawn
A new day awaits and a new adventure to start

(The birds chirp away at the crack of dawn.
A new day awaits and a new adventure to start.)




Edit:

Every day is something new
something different

(Every day is something new
and something different.)




Edit:

Every day is a memory made
a scar to add

(Every day is a memory made
and a scar to add.)



Edit:

Every day is a risk to take
Every moment of breath is worth every tear

(Every day is a risk to take.
Every moment of breath is worth every tear.)



Edit:

every heartache is worth the look of the sunrise
Every smile is worth a thousand scars

(Every heart ache is worth the look of the sunrise.
Every smile is worth a thousand scars.)



Edit:

But to me it's all worth the pain to keep on living
For yesterday, for today, and for the tomorrow.

(But, to me it’s all worth the pain to keep on living
for yesterday, for today, and for the tomorrow.)



Edit:

We are the past, the present, the future, we are lessons learned and scars embedded
We are the embodiment of memories

(We are the past, the present, the future.
We are lessons learned and scars embedded.
We are the embodiment of memories.)



Edit:

We are the future generation
We are the class of 2022! We are the future leaders.

(We are the future generation.
We are the class of 2022.
We are the future leaders.)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words, and have corrected a few lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
486
486
Review of Ice  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good poem I like.


This speaks clearly about a lady’s psychological and feeling based response to a man’s letter, the response was so intelligent and innovative and I think it is emotional and passionate the man could understand in terms of their relationship.



I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the shocking matter was responded psychologically, the free and flair flow of thoughts, a word acrostic, the imagery, the word visuals and the read.



Title of the poem is metaphorically appropriate, if not catchy; I hope a title of a poem maybe in addition, attention-drawing, captivating, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, the title has relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit:

Your letter made me cry for days, and
heart pain was all I felt.

(Your letter made me cry for days, and
heart pain all I felt.)



Edit:

As days pass, I struggle to survive and I know,
Ice will not numb the passion that we felt.

(As days pass, I struggle to survive and I know
ice will not numb the passion that we felt.)



Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
487
487
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Fantastic!


This is a poem that I have liked at the first read. This is very imaginative and you have thought to do something fantastically and it is interesting to learn that you are planning for a new reconfiguration of human species, interestingly; you wish to work as the Mashe of Earth.



I have enjoyed the fantastic story, the thoughts and the style of expression, the free, flair and fast flow of thoughts, the innovative thought of reconfiguration of human and human birth, the rhymes and rhythms of storytelling, the tone and diction, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, if not catchy; I hope a title of a poem maybe in addition, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, complete, comprehensible, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, I find the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem, though it is partially complete, partly correct and a bit clear.



Edit:
Drix Ranze is the name, I'm the Mashe of Earth,
Totally in charge of each and every human birth.
Appointed for life by the High Abbeth of Phapes,
Renown for reconfiguring humans from the apes.

(Drix Ranze is the name, I'm the Mashe of Earth
and totally, in charge of each and every human birth
appointed for life by the High Abbeth of Phapes
renown for reconfiguring humans from the apes.)



Edit:
The average life span of a Phapanite clears,
The equal to a hundred million human years.
For us a thousand light year journey's as tiny,
As a one way trip to the island of Hawaii.

(The average life span of a Phapanite clears
the equal to a hundred million human years.
For us a thousand light year journey is as tiny
as a one way trip to the Island of Hawaii.)



Edit:

We engineered the current size of the human brain,
A higher intelligence is more useful to tame.
For use of tools we gave opposable thumbs,
For diets, new teeth were grown from human gums.

(We engineered the current size of the human brain.
A higher intelligence is more useful to tame.
For use of tools, we gave opposable thumbs.
For diets, new teeth were grown from human gums.)



Edit:
Thousands of changes we put humans through,
As a created species, all humans were brand new.
Then into the unknown future humans were hurled,
Left alone to develope their own modern world.

(Thousands of changes we put humans though
as a created species, all humans were brand new.
Then into the unknown future humans were hurled
left alone to develop their own modern world.)



Edit:

And now a new reconfiguration is come,
To our redesign, human beings must succumb.
We'll spread out changes over the next million years,
To keep changes invisible and minimize man's fear.

(And now a new reconfiguration comes
to our redesign, human beings must succumb.
We'll spread out changes over the next million years
to keep changes invisible and minimize man's fear.)



Edit:
First to go, the genitals, because there'll be no need,
Cloning will replace sexual reproduction by the seed.
Machines are more efficient, so legs will disappear,
Feet will be flatter, attached directly to the rear.

(First to go, the genitals, because there'll be no need
as cloning will replace sexual reproduction by the seed.
Machines are more efficient, so legs will disappear
and feet will be flatter, attached directly to the rear.)



Edit:
Again, we'll double the human brain in it's size,
The nose, just a hole between three night visioned eyes.
Heads and bodies will share an egg shaped frame,
No navel, no neck but their arms will be the same.

(Again, we'll double the human brain in its size.
The nose is just a hole between three-night visioned eyes.
Heads and bodies will share an egg-shaped frame.
No navel, no neck but their arms will be the same.)



Edit:
Former functions will be replaced by implanted chips,
Their thoughts will be shared, no use for their lips,
TV shows and movies will be shown inside their mind,
The same technology cures the deaf, dumb and blind.

(Former functions will be replaced by implanted chips.
Their thoughts will be shared, no use for their lips.
TV shows and movies will be shown inside their mind
the same technology cures the deaf, dumb and blind.)



Edit:
If there comes a need, to move from place to place,
They'll link to a Segway where their mind will interface,
Out the door, down the porch, from their own driveway,
To fly one hundred miles per hour across the blue skyway,

(If there comes a need, to move from place to place
they'll link to a Segway where their mind will interface.
Out the door, down the porch, from their own driveway
to fly one hundred miles per hour across the blue skyway.)



Edit:
When Phapanites reevaluate the depth of our success,
We hope not to have created another complete mess,
The New Reconfiguration's aim advances unafraid,
As humans will reap benefit of any changes we've made.

(When Phapanites reevaluate the depth of our success
we hope not to have created another complete mess.
The New Reconfiguration's aim advances unafraid
as humans will reap benefit of any changes we've made.)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words, and have corrected a few lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
488
488
Review of Lost Boy Found  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a lovely prime love poem, I like.



I enjoyed the story, the adventure, the taletelling, the monologue flavour of expression and storytelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the dramatic finding of a lost boy, the expectation of love making relation, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem may be in addition, attractive, captivating, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit:

Adventurer -
You are
My darling boy.
My tiny fairy wings flutter
Like the swift beating of my heart.
Your wild spirit is a beacon, calling to my twinkling light
A lost boy always, but can my fierce love tame your wild soul?

(Adventurer
you are
my darling boy.
My tiny fairy wings flutter
like the swift beating of my heart.
Your wild spirit is a beacon, calling to my twinkling light.
A lost boy always but, can my fierce love tame your wild soul.)



Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother read of the poem,



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
489
489
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (1.0)
This is about a story and you say, I mean, you declare, that a story is a mix of fiction and non-fiction, well, I understand, right you are, but, whither is the story, frankly speaking, I do not find a story in the posting, though, interestingly enough, you have mentioned - this is dedicated to my mom, dad, sister, and my boyfriend; I do not like to assume or guesswork, but as I read, I find the only sentence you have posted, where ‘this’ indicates the story, but the story is missing, therefore, I find no story here, I mean, the title of the story, as you have mentioned, A tale of two love birds, the story is not posted in this post.




But you mention, 'this' (maybe the story, I am not sure, though), is dedicated to your mom, dad, sister, and your boyfriend.



I fail to understand, how you can dedicate anything (here the story, as you have mentioned, but the story is missing) to someone this way, I never understand your wish, purpose or practice of dedication.



I do not like to make any guess what happened, but I may think, you have not read your post after posting here on this site, because, I cannot think, you are playing with the readers.



Anyway, as and when you post the story, I may write a review on the same.



We make mistakes, this is no assumption, I made so many mistakes in the past, everyone makes mistakes every day, there is a proverb, you too know, ‘to err is human, to forgive is divine’ and if I follow the adage, I may say, this is not to prove myself a perfect man, I may forgive you for the mistake you have made.



And if you are playing with the readers, you may think at your such act, or if you are confident of thinking this is a part of practice of riddle or to plead yourself more intelligent, I am sure, you are mistaken.



I am sorry, since I have not read any story, as it is evident, and I have not reviewed any story, I cannot rate the words you have posted.


And in a sentence, I think, I do not find any of your declared genres – Drama, Relationship, Romance/Love, as such I am sure, you have not posted the story. Maybe you have written the story very well and you may obtain the highest rating for your endeavour. But, I am sorry, I find no story here.



Thank you for sharing this work with us.



Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
490
490
Review of Christmas Ritual  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a nice poem composed as it expresses well the state of remembering those who were lost through celebration and practice of Christmas ritual.




You have clearly stated how you pay tribute and remember and honour the veterans in course of celebration of Christmas.




I liked the poem for its clarity of purpose and have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the rhymes, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




But, I do not understand how you have maintained the form of the poem Cascade in making the poem, as it is not clearly to be seen as you have used in producing the poem, maybe the form of the poem is not clear to me, I mean, maybe how you have used the form of the poem is not evident and explicit to my understanding and appreciation of the poem.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; though, I hope and expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, captivating, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, the title has a relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem, but I think, the title is not either comprehensive or complete.




Edit:

Each Christmas we adorn the tree -
a moment’s pause, a hallowed rite -
to honor those who’ve kept us free.

(Each Christmas we adorn the tree
a moment’s pause, a hallowed rite
to honor those who have kept us free.)




Edit:
A gentle wind is faintly heard.
It seems to command, “Carry on!”
Perhaps the branches have been stirred
adorned with dog tags of those gone.

(A gentle wind is faintly heard.
It seems to command, “Carry on!”
Perhaps, the branches have been stirred
adorned with dog tags for those gone.)




Edit:

The price of freedom has been paid.
There’s no resistance as we're drawn
ever onward, unafraid
as darkness yields before the dawn.

(The price of freedom is paid.
There is no resistance as we are drawn
ever onward, unafraid
as darkness yields before the dawn.)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel








*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
491
491
Review of Christmas Ritual  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a nice poem composed as it expresses well the state of remembering those who were lost through celebration and practice of Christmas ritual.



You have clearly stated how you pay tribute and remember and honour the veterans in course of celebration of Christmas.



I liked the poem for its clarity of purpose and have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the rhymes, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



But, I do not understand how you have maintained the form of the poem Cascade in making the poem, as it is not clearly to be seen as you have used in producing the poem, maybe the form of the poem is not clear to me, I mean, maybe how you have used the form of the poem is not evident and explicit to my understanding and appreciation of the poem.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; though, I hope and expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, captivating, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, the title has a relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem, but I think, the title is not either comprehensive or complete.



Edit:

Each Christmas we adorn the tree -
a moment’s pause, a hallowed rite -
to honor those who’ve kept us free.

(Each Christmas we adorn the tree
a moment’s pause, a hallowed rite
to honor those who have kept us free.)



Edit:

A gentle wind is faintly heard.
It seems to command, “Carry on!”
Perhaps the branches have been stirred
adorned with dog tags of those gone.

(A gentle wind is faintly heard.
It seems to command, “Carry on!”
Perhaps, the branches have been stirred
adorned with dog tags for those gone.)



Edit:

The price of freedom has been paid.
There’s no resistance as we're drawn
ever onward, unafraid
as darkness yields before the dawn.

(The price of freedom is paid.
There is no resistance as we are drawn
ever onward, unafraid
as darkness yields before the dawn.)



Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother read of the poem.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
492
492
Review of Revelation  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You have generalized the view, viewpoint and point of view about love, I mean, love and or first love, and stated that love has magic powers to imbue the lovers and power to create a memory of time and place, and you have shared your own experience of love, for example. And, you experienced how the pains were forgotten and how love by the grace of magic powers gave you promise of change of good feelings, and good or lovable state of living to come about.



I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the rhythmic and lovable tone and rhyme as well rhythms of love in appreciation, the diversified feelings and romanticism of love, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, but I think it is not complete and catchy; I hope and expect a title of a poem may be in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, compact, comprehensible, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, the title is significant and I see it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem. Truly speaking, the title is subjective and incomplete.



Edit:

It’s said that love has magic powers,
turning minutes into hours,
imbuing each, by fate or chance,
with inner warmth from just a glance.

(It is often said that love has magic powers
turning minutes into hours
imbuing each by fate or chance
with inner warmth from just a glance.)



Edit:

This gift from long forgotten fates
retains the power to create
a memory of time and place
that time’s abrasion can’t erase.

(This gift from long-forgotten fate
retains the power to create
a memory of time and place
that time’s abrasion cannot erase.)



Edit:

My life was subtle shades of gray
until first love, like breaking day,
illuminated my dim world
with colors that around me swirled.

(My life was subtle shades of gray
until my first love like breaking day
illuminated my dim world
with colors that around me swirled.)



Edit:

I stood in awe at wondrous sights
that had been hidden in the night
of loneliness; what was concealed,
in love’s fresh light was now revealed.

(I stood in awe at wondrous sights
that had been hidden in all the nights
of loneliness what was concealed
in love’s fresh light now revealed.)



Edit:
We grow and what was found is lost;
the past’s a gulf that can’t be crossed.
Those precious memories, it seems,
are only found in first love dreams:

(We grow and what was found is lost
the past was a gulf that can’t be crossed.
Those precious memories as it seems
are only found in first love dreams.)



Edit:

I see her smile, in my mind’s eye.
I hear the passion in her sigh.

(I see her smile in my mind’s eye.
I hear the passion in her sigh.)



Edit:

The pain’s forgotten with the years
and there’s no need to shed more tears.
Those magic moments stay with me -
a promise of what’s yet to be.

(The pain was forgotten with the years
and there was no need to shed more tears.
Those magic moments stayed with me
as a promise of what was yet to be.)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words, and have corrected a few lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, even if you may think it is not important today, I think, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this lovely poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
493
493
Review of IM Me  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good poem you have composed, I liked.
In this digital age, you say, there is confusion, as you express, and you have rightly mentioned, how some people express about their identities or nature of their stand or status, and you depict, as some people do so, it is confusing, and you add something more, you say, it is silly what the people say about themselves.



But, you have mentioned in the last line of the poem, that IM me means something else in reality or really or really speaking.



IM means, message me, here, I think, it may be I message, so there is an implied message, and particular or specific use of digital informative style or use of informative message or use of technical abbreviation, in that perspective, it is nothing so harmful or meaningless, we may use the abbreviation, with wide use, it will become an acceptable practice, and the confusion will go out, I think.



When one use the abbreviation and clarify the abbreviation, there is no confusion, I think, but when there is no clarification or exemplification, there is confusion, but you say, you always find use of such abbreviation or abbreviated use of word or short use of alphabets comes to you with clarification or explanation, so there is no chance of confusion, as often you get such abbreviated use of alphabets, so you think it is confusing, right you are.



I have enjoyed the order of expression.



Title of the poem is appropriate but it is not catchy. I hope a title of a poem maybe in addition, tricky and complete.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
494
494
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a clear, good moral and psychological poem, I liked.



I enjoyed the story, the subject, the theme, the concept, the message, the taletelling, the viewpoint, point of view, attitude and qualities of a good man for living, the generalizations about a good man, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and a bit catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable.



Edit:

A good man embraces optimism;
His actions are guided by a higher purpose and
Far-reaching, unwavering principles.
His mark is his solid commitment to his beliefs,
And his achievements are a cause for celebration.


(A good man embraces optimism.
His actions are guided by a higher purpose and
far-reaching, unwavering principles.
His mark is his solid commitment to his beliefs
and his achievements are a cause for celebration.)



Edit:

A good man possesses wisdom;
He speaks the truth, and backs up his words with appropriate actions.
He is keenly aware of the consequences of his decisions
And always seeks to reward the good endeavors of others.
His belief in God, or a higher power, is consistent and unwavering,
And he forever loves his family:
His wife, his children, his parents, and his siblings.

(A good man possesses wisdom.
He speaks the truth, and backs up his words with appropriate actions.
He is keenly aware of the consequences of his decisions
and always seeks to reward the good endeavors of others.
His belief in God, or a higher power, is consistent and unwavering
and he forever loves his family
his wife, his children, his parents, and his siblings.)



Edit:

His loyalty to his superiors, his subjects, and
His close, personal friends will always remain steadfast and firm…

(His loyalty to his superiors, his subjects, and
his close, personal friends will always remain steadfast and firm.)



Edit:

"A good man embraces optimism...His actions are guided by a higher purpose..."
(A good man embraces optimism. His actions are guided by a higher purpose.)



In more than eleven years of publication of this excellent poem, I am happy to write this review, and glad to scribe this first review of your poem.



Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
495
495
Review of The Painter  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a fantastic poem I like.



You have portrayed a beautiful picture of sunrise and painted beautiful sunrise in words. I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the painting, the colour of the painting, the picture of sunrise, the appreciation of the real painter as you think or visualize, the feeling of driving to Heaven, the atmosphere, the scenery, the view, the scene, the scenic beauty, the light and colour, the colour and objects, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



It is nice to read that the painter has painted the most beautiful sunrise for you to watch and enjoy, for driving, driving the car, and driving the car to your school.



Title of the poem is appropriate, if not catchy; I hope a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. I think, the title has some relevance to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem. However, the title is not complete and comprehensible, though, but it has significance in term of the theme of the poem.



Edit:

He must have had a wonderful dream
To paint such a dawning light
Of pastel pinks and soft jeweled greens
Glowing up from out of the night.

(He must have had a wonderful dream
to paint such a dawning light
of pastel pinks and soft jeweled greens
glowing up from out of the night.)



Edit:

I felt I must have been driving to Heaven
On that cold, snowy winter morning.
But, even as daylight washed out His creation,
I knew I'd remember that glory.

(I felt I must have been driving to Heaven
on that cold, snowy winter morning.
But, even as daylight washed out His creation
I knew I'd remember that glory.)



Edit:

Whether pastel or vibrance, I cannot recall,
It all just seared into my soul,
Like a gift painted out just for me and my car,
On that lonely commuter road.

(Whether pastel or vibrance, I cannot recall.
It all just seared into my soul
like a gift painted out just for me and my car
on that lonely commuter road.)



Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
496
496
Review of Diet of Love  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a great poem and I liked the concept.



I enjoyed the story, the theme, the taletelling, the direction, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attractive, captivating, comprehensible, tricky, and or unforgettable.



Edit:

Love brings smiles and tears
As hate brings sorrows and fears.
Happiness brings life of enjoyment
As success brings joy and fulfillment.

(Love brings smiles and tears
as hate brings sorrows and fears.
Happiness brings life of enjoyment
as success brings joy and fulfillment.)




Edit and comments:
Dream a dream of prosperity
As your heart's desires become reality.
Fill your life with joy and happiness
As cheerful memories enlighten your sweetness.

(Dream, as a dream of prosperity
as your heart's desires become reality.
Fill your life with joy and happiness
as cheerful memories enlighten your sweetness.)


Here the first line as above is not clear to me, I mean, it is not expressive and I fail to understand what you are actually trying to express; again, the line dream a dream of prosperity is not expressive, as such I have offered my suggestion to make it expressive and in this case, again, it is not expressive, so both the way, the line is not expressive.




Edit and comments:
Love is a commandment and is an adorable feeling;
God-given, a right embedded in the very core of our being.
Love is the fuel igniting the fire in a relationship;
We are endowed to live and show it.

(Love is a commandment and is an adorable feeling
God-given, a right embedded in the very core of our being.
Love is the fuel igniting the fire in a relationship.
We are endowed to live and show it.)



Though, I think, the last or fourth line here is not expressive, since the word ‘it’ is not expressive when we make this (last) line as a sentence, but when we express it (the last line here) as a part of the (third line) it becomes expressive and the word ‘it’ becomes clear for appreciation and understanding.



I do not understand how love is a commandment, and it is not clear to me, though. I think, love is not a command or mandate, rather it is a feeling.




Edit:
Share the love with your special person;
Spare the time to cuddle and reason.
Show real love and give it your all,
Otherwise you would disregard the earnest call.

(Share the love with your special person.
Spare the time to cuddle and reason.
Show real love and give it your all.
Otherwise, you would disregard the earnest call.)




Edit:
A lover decides to end a boring relationship and go in search of a new lover.

(A lover decides to end a boring relationship and wishes to go in search of a new lover.)

Or,

(A lover decides to end a boring relationship and goes in search of a new lover.)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words, and have corrected a few lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
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#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



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497
497
Review of Chill  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I do appreciate your endeavour. You have a great idea. Concept is good that you have tried to express in this 15-word poem.



I enjoyed the feeling contrasts that you have expressed in the poem. The setting of the environment is exposed well. Humour in appreciation of the environment is retained.



You cannot feel the chill of the sun simply by looking upward and it is rather hard to feel merely by looking upward even if the sun shines at a chilly day.



The feeling of chillness is real and it is not so easy to express in words.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, the title of the poem, I think as I read is not complete or comprehensible, though, it relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem and I do not find it is incorrect in term of the theme of the poem.



Edit:
Chilly day but the sun shines and it you look upward the chill seems less.


(Chilly day but, the sun shines, and if you look upward, the chill seems less.)


Or,

(Chilly day but the sun shines, and if you look upward the chill seems less.)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed a word, and have corrected the line grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
498
498
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)

It is good to know the state of completion of the jobs of the Rising Stars on targets, and then some literary exercises were undertaken, and only the worthy performers could win, but in tough competitive spirits, your members tried hard and victory was yet to be known and to see the result of incessant work; the spirit of competitions well conveyed in the poem.



I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the spirit of competitions, the state of competitive and sportsman spirit in performance, the ongoing performance experience, the feeling of the stand of winning, the concept, the imagery, the rhymes, the theme, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect and hope a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, I find the title of the poem relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit:

The Rising Stars have many things,
we need to do along the way,
Completing them, the heart it sings,
and work so great is on display.

(The Rising Stars have many things
we need to do along the way.
Completing them, the heart it sings
and work so great is on display.)



Edit:

At first we struggled, then we cried.
What work was this we had to do?
We screamed a bit before we tried.
Then wrote some stories and haiku.

(At first we struggled then we cried.
What work was this we had to do?
We screamed a bit before we tried.
Then we wrote some stories and haiku.)



Edit:

All runners run to win the race,
but those, who stumble when they start
May show great dust upon the face,
to run, again, shows depth of heart!

(All runners run to win the race
but, those who stumble when they start
may show great dust upon the face
to run, again, show depth of heart.)



Edit:

We do our best and try some more.
Then eighteen thousand points we'll make.
Forever checking on our score.
We're Writing, writing, without a break.

(We do our best and try some more.
Then eighteen thousand points we'll make.
On checking of our score forever
we were writing, writing without a break.)



Edit:

The finish line we run across
with beads of sweat, that stream on face,
We'll know great Vict'ry and no loss
encouraged by The LORD of Grace.

(The finish line we run across
with beads of sweat, that stream on face.
We'll know great victory and no loss
encouraged by the Lord of Grace.)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words and have changed place of words, and have corrected a few lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
499
499
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Well, you have expressed a fair view about an eternal bad boy of contention, though whimsical, but natural and put in somewhat realistic state of expression in appreciation.




How love state and relation change state of living and turn a fair good person to a bad boy is well conveyed in a truthful appreciation of relationship.




I liked and enjoyed the story, the taletelling, and monologue flavour of taletelling and exploratory evaluation of living, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




The title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I hope and expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.




But, I do not find the stand of eternal bad boy of contention image is fully explored and expressed, as I find a natural and real stand of a bad boy of contention instead and there is no showing of any experience that could be treated fall of real love, as everything told, said, narrated or expressed ordinarily from the real course of living and nothing special moments shown that could help me to appreciate or understand the theme of the poem is rightly expressed or shown. For example, I quote the following lines of the poem, for appreciation:

Our love did not end
As well as it should
Your precious life
The same
You alone forced me
In such a way
It was a mistake
I warned you
When you left
Such a thing as us




As I find, you have pleaded your stand something more than required and reality, and appreciation has been somewhat unrealistic and beyond reality.




I find in the following lines, you have expressed some contradictory viewpoint about yourself and your feeling and sentiment and appreciation of love, love relationship, and you have failed to prove your clear role and living stand:

I won’t tell
I won’t confess
I’ll just sit back
And think of this
Of us
And our broken love




In the following lines, you have expressed feeling about broken love, as you think, and you have mentioned, you already had a broken love, and you have not mentioned the reason and effect of such stand in your life:

Of us
And our broken love




My favourite lines of the poem:
Love is forever
But what’s greater
Hate is unending
And I
An eternal
Bad boy
Of contention
Cannot forget
I won’t forgive
I survived it




I liked the most these lines of the poem:
That there is
A million miles
Between being suspected
And convicted of a crime




I liked much these lines of the poem:
You alone forced me
In such a way
It was a mistake
I warned you
When you left
Such a thing as us
Would be
Without a question
Inescapable…




Edit:
You alone forced me
In such a way
It was a mistake
I warned you
When you left
Such a thing as us
Would be
Without a question
Inescapable…


(You alone forced me
in such a way.
It was a mistake.
I warned you
when you left
such a thing as us
would be
without a question
inescapable.)




Edit:
An Eternal Bad Boy Of Contention
(An Eternal Bad Boy of Contention)




Edit and comments:
True love is hard, and when it goes bad all types of ideas and feelings come through.
(True love is hard, and when it goes bad all types of bad ideas and feelings come through.)




I do not understand what is true love, and I do not find there is any example or reference or experience given or expressed in the poem as true love; I think love is love and there is no concept of true love, rather it is just a feeling and only an example could make it better for appreciation, and you have not mentioned any example of true love in the poem.




Edit:

My hands
Throttled
In your eyes
Pain and fear
Over what if
Your face
Burdened red
All breath
Contained
Suffocating
While inflated
A hell of a thing
When I’m done
I’ll bury you deep

(My hands
throttled
in your eyes.
Pain and fear
over, what if
your face
burdened red.
All breath
contained
suffocating
while inflated
a hell of a thing
when I’m done
I’ll bury you deep.)





Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and have changed some words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother, and expressive read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
500
500
Review of tidal pool  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
You endeavoured composing a tanka in an extreme metaphorical stand, you express how you feel about your grandparents, as if you have started seeing your grandparents on a ship sailing into rain and you standing ashore are breathing salt spray, and that your grandparents are spraying blessing and you are getting a reflection of cloud on the tidal pool water.




But, I am not sure I have really understood the theme of the poem and the relation you have tried to mean and express in this tanka.




And I find the last line of the poem is not expressive.




The third line is not clear to me, because I fail to understand what exactly you wish to mean and what is the relation or link of this line with the previous two lines.




I enjoyed the relation of Nature and human and human with Nature, as I could understand per my poor intelligence and limited power of reading and appreciation.




Title of the poem is appropriate, if not catchy; I expect and hope a title of a poem may be in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, easily rememberable, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, I find the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit and comments:
reflections of cloud –
wind stirring mirror surface
our sole connection
you, ship sailing into rain
I. ashore, breathing salt spray

(Reflections of cloud
wind stirring mirror surface
our sole connection
you, ship sailing into rain.
I, ashore, breathing salt spray. )



The lines are not expressive and not grammatically correct; I could not offer any suggestion for editing more, because of the limitation of composition of a tanka.



Edit:
tidal pool
(Tidal Pool)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother, and expressive read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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