*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/myguruvalmiki/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/22
Review Requests: OFF
1,893 Public Reviews Given
1,893 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 18 19 20 21 -22- 23 24 25 26 27 ... Next
526
526
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a fantastic fiction, a three sentence story, I liked.


I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the visual projection.


Truly speaking, I could not like that much the third or last sentence. I find the use of the phrase ‘puncturing the night and more importantly, my sister’ is not quite natural, as if it has not flown naturally, rather, it appears to me a jumpy in the read, and I think, it is not so expressive, I mean, clarity is missing there, but you are the author, you know exactly what you wanted to mean and I fail to understand or reach you or reach your thought. To me, it appears something spoken unnaturally or forcefully, just to complete the story.



The first sentence, or say, the beginning of the story is not catchy, expression of the first sentence does not appear to me natural, besides, I do not like the style of expression.



Second sentence is OK, it is simple and appreciable. Though, in this sentence, you have put the readers to make guesswork, it is not expected particularly in a fiction in three sentences. I do not like guesswork. In the sentence the trigger is not clarified, I mean, trigger of what? Being a reader, I cannot make guesswork in read of a specific sentence, though in the next sentence you have mentioned the word gunshot. I think, clarity is most vital in a fiction, particularly when it is in three sentences.



I enjoyed the mystic part of the third sentence. Credit goes to you. I do appreciate you have a solid concept of the story and I must appreciate your imagination and thought power.



Practically speaking, you are wise and you have talent, but I do not like to appreciate your art and style of expression. Your expression is not interest-grabbing or catchy, honestly speaking, as I read this fiction in three sentences. Please do not take it personally and feel hurt. Maybe it is me. I know I am not the best reader or reviewer. I have expressed my feeling to help you.



Edit and comments:
She inspected the object, and put her finger on the trigger.
(My sister inspected the object, and put her finger on the gun.)

Or,
(My sister inspected the object, and put her finger on trigger of the gun.)




Title of the fiction is appropriate but it is not catchy.




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions and have changed of words as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the fiction.



Well done; thank you for sharing this fiction with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
527
527
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The first oddquain is good that I have enjoyed the read, but, the fifth line is not clear to me, and I could not relate the word to the concept, and it is inexpressive, it appears to me.



The second oddquain is fantastic, I have enjoyed the read, the story, the taletelling, the imagery and the word visuals.



The third oddquain is excellent, I have enjoyed the read, the story, the taletelling, the word visuals and the imagery.



Use of the word Oddquains or oddquains is great, I wish to use some new words, as I know, poets have right to use poetic license, but, there is no author’s note about your use of the new or created word, I expected a note about your use of the word, I do not like to guess, being a reader I think you have put me in a dilemma and I feel bad for I fail to make out the meaning of the word. And honestly speaking, in absence of making out a meaning, I found myself helpless and questioned my own intelligence, that is why I do not like to make guesswork, you are the author, writer, creator or user of the word, only you know it and you feel good and enjoyed. Honestly speaking, you have done it for self-pleasure, self-enjoyment or self-pride and I know a poem or post in public should not be placed simply for author’s own enjoyment, as I think, readers enjoyment is more important.



Edit:
His
big brown eyes
gaze adoringly
Is it me he loves? Or just
walks


(His
big brown eyes
gaze adoringly.
Is it me, he loves? Or just
he walks.)



Edit:
Vast
lonely road
opens up ahead
Scorched red earth passes me by;
Home


(Vast
lonely road
opens up ahead.
Scorched red earth passes me by
home.)



Edit:
Soft
falling rain
puddles at my feet,
coolly splashing at my toes;
Boots!

(Soft
falling rain
puddles at my feet
coolly splashing at my toes, boots.)



Please note, you have not used author’s note about the form or type of the poems, and I dislike guesswork, I could not find any other ways but to offer my suggestions and or change of words and change in lines the way I have done, please never mind, I know you are the author, you know the type or form of the poems and I do not like to make any guess about..



Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions and have changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poems..



Well done; thank you for sharing three oddquains (poems) with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
528
528
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Rightly, you have expressed when it may be called vacation, as a concept, and explained, exemplified, and use of the concept like a lesson, telling use of vacation highlighting where of vacation.



I enjoyed the subjective, thematic, and informative poem in rhymes and in educative mode, acrostic form of expression, the story, the taletelling the concept, the imagery, the word visuals and the read.



Title of the poem is good and it relates to the theme.



Edit:
Vacation is a concept that’s woven
Against the backdrop of incessant work.
Conceptually those who do not work
Are not entitled to a vacation.

(Vacation is a concept that’s woven
against the backdrop of incessant work.
Conceptually those who do not work
are not entitled to a vacation.)



Edit:
The place we visit just does not matter;
In fact what matters is the difference.
Only if there is striking difference,
Novelty can then, the boredom, shatter.

(The place we visit just does not matter.
In fact, what matters is the difference.
Only if there is striking difference
novelty can, then boredom, shatter.)



Edit and comments:
VACATION: an acrostic--winner
(VACATION)



It is great to feel proud of one’s own achievement, and there is no harm, a winner has right to announce and declare about his pride of winning anything; achievement may be announced, but, I think, title of a poem is not the right place to make a mention of achievement as a part of the title; for I hope and expect a title of a poem may be appropriate, significant and catchy, and in addition, complete, captivating, attractive, tricky, and or unforgettable. I find, the title is correct but incomplete and exaggerated. Interestingly, you have already mentioned about the recognition status of the poem at the footnote or end of the poem and it is appreciable.



Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions and have changed words as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother read of the poem, though I know editing may not be so much important today, but I think it would make the poem a better read.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
529
529
Review of The Wishing Well  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
In this poem, you have clearly asked the readers for what they would wish for, you have stated there are hundreds of things one could wish for but what could be the worthy and meaningful wish one could wish for.



I have enjoyed the story, the topic, the concept, the flow of thoughts, the taletelling of facts, subjects, themes, aspects and things for making wish for, monologue flavour of expression, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.


Title of the poem is appropriate, if not catchy; I hope and expect a title of a poem may be in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, interest-grabbing, memorable, tricky and or unforgettable.



Edit:
Then there’s toxin’s in the ground.
(Then there’s toxin in the ground.)



Edit:
So careful I must be.
‘Cause a wish is forever and I want the best don’t you agree!

(So careful I must be
‘cause a wish is forever and I want the best don’t you agree.)



Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions and have changed words as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
530
530
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A poem stands at its own, honoring the veterans, speaks about a soldier’s Christmas, pays tribute righteously, tells about enjoying and remembering another holiday, and explaining why dad is away, and explores hopes, expectations and waiting.



I enjoyed the poem in anomalous rhymes, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the story, the theme, the taletelling with tribute and explanation, the catch in the beginning of the taletelling with wishful ending, the diction, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, significant, if not catchy; I hope and expect a title of a poem, may be in addition, complete, comprehensive, captivating, interest-grabbing, memorable, remarkable, tricky, and or unforgettable.



Edit:
A foot-tall artificial tree -
a decorated memory
of time spent with a family -
stands by his dusty bed.

(A foot-tall artificial tree
a decorated memory
of time spent with a family
stands by his dusty bed.)



Edit:
A Christmas card sits underneath
with a bright yellow ribboned wreath.
A printed sign stands in relief –
“Daddy, come home soon.”

(A Christmas card sits underneath
with a bright yellow ribboned wreath.
A printed sign stands in relief,
“Daddy, come home soon.”)



Edit:
He remembers carols that they sing
but knows the gift he’s offering
finds meaning in “Let freedom ring.”
He proudly stands his post.

(He remembers carols that they sing
but, knows the gift he’s offering
finds meaning in, “let freedom ring.”
He proudly stands his post.)



Edit:
It’s times like this that make him sad.
(It’s time like this that makes him sad.)


Edit:
For just a moment, his eyes tear
but in his mind, his vision’s clear
to keep his loved ones free from fear.

(For just a moment, his eyes tear
but, in his mind, his vision is clear
to keep his loved ones free from fear.)



Edit:
Afghanistan, the DMZ,
dozens of places we don’t see,

(Afghanistan, the DMZ
and dozens of places we don’t see)



Edit:
At home, another holiday
explaining why Dad is away.
“He’ll be home soon,” Mothers say.
Someday, perhaps, for good.

(At home, another holiday
explaining why Dad is away
“He’ll be home soon,” Mothers say
someday, perhaps, for good.



Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother read of the poem.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
531
531
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This limerick speaks about the remarkable lad had a special liking about dress and bad habit of smoking nicotine, like as it might be, he thought himself to be living in the appearance of a detective, but he wanted to maintain green, fresh, lively and he waits for green to renew his winter hangover, something special, even more likeable leading a life of a successful private detective, I liked.



I enjoyed the story, free flow of thoughts, the taletelling about the lad, the poetic flavour of expression, the realistic portrayal of a character, dramatic appeal of the expression, the projection of a typical character, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the limerick is appropriate, significant and complete, if not catchy; I expect a title of a limerick may be, in addition, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, compact, comprehensible, easily rememberable, tricky and or unforgettable.



Edit:
I once met a young lad from Dover
Who constantly wore a pullover.
He smoked nicotine
while waiting for green
to renew his winter hangover!

(I once met a young lad from Dover
who constantly wore a pullover.
He smoked nicotine
while waiting for green
to renew his winter hangover.)



Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother read of the limerick.



Well done; thank you for sharing this limerick with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
532
532
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem clearly speaks about the man who once runs for the White House and the president of the United States of America; he ran short of fund and bounced back for making a controversial campaign and his drug addiction story came to public.



I enjoyed the story; the free flow of thoughts, the taletelling, the tragedy of the man who wanted to go for the presidency of the nation, the fictitious story reveals the truth about nature and character of the prospect president, the imagery, the rhymes, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and catchy; though, I hope and expect a title of a poem maybe, in addition, comprehensible, compact, complete, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable.



Edit:
Once, a man named Terry Edwards
Spoke a few well-chosen words;
Told a story that people liked
About the taxes our government hiked…

(Once, a man named Terry Edwards
spoke a few well-chosen words
told a story that people liked
about the taxes our government hiked.)



Edit:
Soon, the public wanted more
From the gentleman who took the floor.
So, he vowed to make a stand
And run for president of the land!

(Soon, the public wanted more
from the gentleman who took the floor.
So, he vowed to make a stand
and run for president of the land!)



Edit:
Edwards traveled and campaigned proud,
Spoke touching words which pleased the crowd,
Gathered them in droves and bunches,
While raising funds at countless lunches.

(Edwards traveled and campaigned proud
spoke touching words which pleased the crowd
gathered them in droves and bunches
while raising funds at countless lunches.)



Edit:
His new campaign was gaining ground
As people drove from miles around…
Then he promised the entire nation
To receive his party’s nomination!

(His new campaign was gaining ground
as people drove from miles around.
Then, he promised the entire nation
to receive his party’s nomination!)



Edit:
But soon his meager funds grew low,
And opponents landed a crucial blow –
He once had had a DUI,
Was found with drugs and really high…

(But soon his meager funds grew low
and opponents landed a crucial blow.
He once had had a DUI
was found with drugs and really high.)



Edit:

This controversy proved quite a strain –
It wound up killing his campaign…
So, he went back home to his family
Not knowing what type of president he might be!

(This controversy proved quite a strain.
It wound up killing his campaign.
So, he went back home to his family
not knowing what type of president he might be!)



Please check, I think it is important; you have not used author’s note, but you are the author; I have humbly offered some suggestions as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother or better read of the poem.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
533
533
Review of Made of Iron  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
He is an interesting character, if he is really there, you have rightly described about him, confidently and explicitly, we may call him like that of an iron man, though metaphorically, we may think so, again, the man is hard as the armor he wears over his heart; though, I could not find him as cold inside, and shockingly I find the man is imprisoned, I liked the twist.



I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, and the free flow of thoughts, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and a little bit catchy; though, I expect a title of a poem may be, in addition, comprehensible, captivating, compact, complete, appealing, attention-drawing, tricky and or unforgettable.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
534
534
Review of Dream  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Everything is possible, like imagination, in dreams, we see almost everything we expect or not, or desire or not, want or not, wish or not, but you have gone a bit more, interestingly enough, you have set aftermath of a dream, that you wish to see the setting sun, it is really fantastic with a mix of realistic and thoughtful plan, and rightly interesting part is that in the dream you have got all the desires fulfilled, or something even more than you expected; I like.



I enjoyed the story, the planned and organized taletelling with realistic flavour of thought, the free flow of thoughts, the rhymes (though, not regular or consistent), the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and correct, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem, in addition, may be appealing, attention-drawing, unforgettable, tricky, compact, catchy, comprehensible and or captivating.



Edit:
I saw you in my dream last night,

but then, that's nothing new.

I saw your smile so warm and bright,

it filled my heart with you.


(I saw you in my dream last night
but, then that's nothing new.
I saw your smile so warm and bright.
It filled my heart with you.)



Edit:
And in my dream, right from the start,

you loved me, I loved you.

And in my dream you gave your heart,

and I gave mine to you.


(And in my dream, right from the start
you loved me, I loved you.
And in my dream you gave your heart
and I gave mine to you.)



Edit:
With loving hearts we lived our days,

we filled our nights with sighs.

And in my dream I saw the way,

the future filled our eyes


(With loving hearts we lived our days
we filled our nights with sighs.
And in my dream, I saw the way
the future filled our eyes.)




Edit:
And in my dream we stood embraced

And kissed so tenderly

I saw the years our lives encased

There was so much to see


(And in my dream, we stood embraced
and kissed so tenderly.
I saw the years our lives encased.
There was so much to see.)



Edit:
We shared a life of love it seems,

a love that made us one.


(We shared a life of love it seems
a love that made us one.)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother or better read of the poem.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
535
535
Review of Marie's Life  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
You have expressed the story realistically; your parents died before your eyes, your school teacher and others helped but you lost everything.



I have enjoyed the dialogues which are realistic and appropriate, the beginning and the climax of the story, and the ending, the funeral and night events, and the read.



Edit:
And Marie was an Autistic 1st grader in an elementary school called Lake Forest Elementary School.
(Marie was an autistic 1st grader in an elementary school called Lake Forest Elementary School.)



Edit:
"Why are some of my friends gone Mrs Jasmine?"
("Why are some of my friends gone, Mrs. Jasmine?")



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Then, Mrs. Jasmine told Marie in a stern yet calm tone,
''Some of my students are gone because they didn't listen to my rules for a day and that's why they are suspended for
the rest of the school month because they burned all of the recycling bins in all of the classrooms!"

(Then, Mrs. Jasmine told Marie in a stern, yet calm tone,
''Some of my students are gone, because, they did not listen to my rules for a day, and that is why they are suspended for the rest of the school months, because, they burned all of the recycling bins in all of the classrooms.")



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"But what about me Mrs. Jasmine?''
("But, what about me Mrs. Jasmine?'')

Or,

Grammatically correct or expressive sentence:
“What about me, Mrs. Jasmine?”



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"You've been a very sweet student who always follows the rules and helps others to follows the rules and I'm so sorry that my students didn't make you feel well enough for the last couple of weeks, I hope they will learn better to listen to you.
'' Mrs. Jasmine smiled sorrowfully.

("You've been a very sweet student who always follows the rules and helps others to follow the rules, and I'm so sorry that my students didn't make you feel well enough for the last couple of weeks, I hope they will learn better to listen to you, Mrs. Jasmine smiled sorrowfully.”)




Edit and grammatical corrections:
"I hope so too Mrs. Jasmine.''
Marie told Mrs. Jasmine in a strong yet calm tone of voice. ''Now let's get started with today's schedule, shall we?"
Mrs. Jasmine told Maria sweetly.

("I too hope so, Mrs. Jasmine.''
Marie told Mrs. Jasmine in a strong, yet calm tone of voice. ''Now let's get started with today's schedule, shall we?"
Mrs. Jasmine told Maria sweetly.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Then, after Mrs. Jasmine talked about some new techniques in reading, writing, science and math, It was lunch time in the cafeteria, and they had some salad and a tomato soup for lunch and Marie loved the lunch that the school gave her.
(Then, after Mrs. Jasmine talked about some new techniques in reading, writing, science and math, it was lunch time in the cafeteria, and they had some salad and a tomato soup for lunch and Marie loved the lunch that the school gave her.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Mrs. Jasmine told Marie to get her Social Studies Book and she turned to pg.56 and read through the English revolution.

(Mrs. Jasmine told Marie to get her Social Studies book and she turned to page 56 and read through the English revolution.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
After that, It was Recess time outside at the playground. She interacted with nature and with the animals and drew some pictures of her family and her house that she lives in.

(After that, it was recess time outside at the playground. She interacted with Nature and with the animals and drew some pictures of her family and her house where she lives in.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"What's wrong my dear?"
"My Grandparents had died due to heart cancer!''
the young girl cried.

("What's wrong, my dear?"
"My Grandparents died due to heart cancer,'' the young girl cried.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"It's nice to see you Ameila,
'' Marie greeted sweetly.
"It's Nice to see you too.
'' Ameila greeted back.

("It's nice to see you Ameila,”
'' Marie greeted sweetly.”
"It's nice to see you too.”
'' Ameila greeted back.”)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Marie went to show Ameila her pictures of her family and her house that she lives in. Amelia told Marie in a humble yet joyful way,
''You're a great artist Marie!"
''Thank you Amelia!'' Maria told Amelia.

(Marie went to show Ameila her pictures of her family and her house that she lives in. Amelia told Marie in a humble, yet joyful way, ''You're a great artist Marie!"
''Thank you Amelia,'' Maria told Amelia.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"Have a good rest of your day Mrs. Jasmine!'
' "You too Marie, My sweet student!''
Mrs. Jasmine told Maria.
Her mom asked Maria if she had a good day and Maria nodded happily. She went back home and saw that dad is very ill because he got terminal cancer and was taken to a hospital.

("Have a good rest of your day Mrs. Jasmine!'
"You too, Marie, my sweet student,'' Mrs. Jasmine told Maria.
Her mom asked Maria if she had a good day and Maria nodded happily. She went back home and saw that dad was very ill, because, he got terminal cancer and was taken to a hospital.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Marie's mother was being harrassed by some teachers. Her mother talked to the counselors and they helped her out as well. The only person who Didn't care about her grandfather was the principal.

(Marie's mother was being harassed by some teachers. Her mother talked to the counselors and they helped her out as well. The only person who did not care about her grandfather was the principal.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Then, She plunged the knife straight into the chest. As her life ebbed away, her knees buckled and she fell to the floor. Marie went to look for her mother in the living room but wasn't there.


(Then, she plunged the knife straight into the chest. As her life ebbed away, her knees buckled and she fell to the floor. Marie went to look for her mother in the living room but, she was not there.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Marie looked upstairs in her mother's bedroom but wasn't there. Marie looked downstairs in the kitchen and she found her. She checked to see if she's ok or not.


(Marie looked upstairs in her mother's bedroom but, she was not there. Marie looked downstairs in the kitchen and she found her. She checked to see if she was ok or not.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"WAKE UP MOTHER, WAKE UP!" Marie screamed. But her mother wouldn't wake up.

("Wake up mother, wake up!" Marie screamed. But, her mother would not.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"Marie?" "What's the matter?" What's Happened?"

("Marie?" "What's the matter?" What has happened?")



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Got That?
Nine. One. One. Ask for an Ambulance and tell the operator exactly what you've told me... I'm on my way.''

(Got that? Nine, one, one; ask for an ambulance and tell the operator exactly what you have told me; I'm on my way.'')


Edit and grammatical corrections:
The Physicans and the nurse were trying their best to keep Marie's parents alive but unfortunately, Her parents didn't make it alive well.

(The physicians and the nurse were trying their best to keep Marie's parents alive, but, unfortunately, her parents didn't make it alive well.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"Y-y-yes Ma"am?" Marie answered tearfully.
("Y-y-yes Ma’am," Marie answered tearfully.)


Edit and grammatical corrections:
Mrs. Jasmine Started to tear up.
"I'm sorry to say this but... Your mother and father can't make it through.''

(Mrs. Jasmine started to tear up.
"I'm sorry to say this but, your mother and father can't make it through.'')



Edit and grammatical corrections:
The next day, It was Marie's Birthday and Mrs. Jasmine made a birthday breakfast for her and a ice cream smoothie. Tonight was also the funeral of Marie's mother and father. After Marie finished her breakfast, She went downstairs to meet Mrs. Jasmine in the dining room to have a talk about the funeral.

(The next day, it was Marie's birthday and Mrs. Jasmine made a birthday breakfast for her and an ice-cream smoothie. Tonight was also the funeral of Marie's mother and father. After Marie finished her breakfast, she went downstairs to meet Mrs. Jasmine in the dining room to have a talk about the funeral.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Then, All of the guests listened to some heartwarming funeral music as they looked at pictures of Marie's mother and father spending time with Marie.

(Then, all of the guests listened to some heartwarming funeral music as they looked at pictures of Marie's mother and father spending time with Marie.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
The last 3 songs that they sang as a tribute to Marie's mother and father's death. The three tribute songs were: Someone Like you, Ave Maria, and Keep Me In Your Heart. As they sang each song, They went to Marie and Mrs Jasmine's Table and hugged and kissed Marie and Mrs. Jasmine on the forehead as for respect and as for comfort for Marie's sadness of her parent's death.


(The last three songs they sang as a tribute to Marie's mother and father's death. The three tribute songs were: Someone Like You, Ave Maria, and Keep Me In Your Heart. As they sang each song, they went to Marie and Mrs. Jasmine's table and hugged and kissed Marie and Mrs. Jasmine on the forehead as for respect and as for comfort for Marie's sadness of her parents’ death.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"Alrighty then, Your orders will be up soon but in the meantime, hangout with our special guests: The 2 Sultry Incubuses.'' Then, The sultry incubuses came

("Alright then, your orders will be up soon but, in the meantime, hangout with our special guests: The 2 Sultry Incubuses.'' Then, the sultry incubuses came)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Then, the sultry incubuses gave them the 2 bouquets of flowers and Mrs. Jasmine and Marie loved them so much. Then, Laito asked Seductively yet mourningfully,
"I have heard that your mother and father have died of suicide and cancer respectively, Isn't that right?"

(Then, the sultry incubuses gave them the two bouquets of flowers and Mrs. Jasmine and Marie loved them so much. Then, Laito asked seductively, yet mournfully, "I have heard that your mother and father died of suicide and cancer respectively, isn't that right?"


Edit and grammatical corrections:
Parent's death that they gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead and said some comforting words to her. Then, Usagi gave the food and drinks to Mrs. Jasmine and Marie and They started to eat their food and Mrs. Jasmine and Marie loved the food they were given.

(Parents’ death that they gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead and said some comforting words to her. Then, Usagi gave the food and drinks to Mrs. Jasmine and Marie and they started to eat their food and Mrs. Jasmine and Marie loved the food they were given.)



Please check, I think it is important; you have not used author’s note, writing a word about your style of expression, but you are the author; I have humbly offered some suggestions and given some corrections of or to English grammatical mistakes as edits and edits and grammatical corrections, in the brackets, as above, for smoother, better and expressive read of the work.



Really, editing of this work was a tough job; I have tried within a limited time available.



Though I find, you have edited this copy work as per my suggestions (# 2180022 – title: Marie’s Life Part 1 with 4,338 GP offered for the review request, just hours back I sent).


Well done; thank you for sharing this novel with us.



Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
536
536
Review of Marie's Life  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
You have expressed the story realistically; your parents died before your eyes, your school teacher and others helped but you lost everything.



I have enjoyed the dialogues which are realistic and appropriate, the beginning and the climax of the story, and the ending, the funeral and night events, and the read.


Edit:
And Marie was an Autistic 1st grader in an elementary school called Lake Forest Elementary School.
(Marie was an autistic 1st grader in an elementary school called Lake Forest Elementary School.)



Edit:
"Why are some of my friends gone Mrs Jasmine?"
("Why are some of my friends gone, Mrs. Jasmine?")



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Then, Mrs. Jasmine told Marie in a stern yet calm tone,
''Some of my students are gone because they didn't listen to my rules for a day and that's why they are suspended for
the rest of the school month because they burned all of the recycling bins in all of the classrooms!"

(Then, Mrs. Jasmine told Marie in a stern, yet calm tone,
''Some of my students are gone, because, they did not listen to my rules for a day, and that is why they are suspended for the rest of the school months, because, they burned all of the recycling bins in all of the classrooms.")



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"But what about me Mrs. Jasmine?''
("But, what about me Mrs. Jasmine?'')

Or,

Grammatically correct or expressive sentence:
“What about me, Mrs. Jasmine?”



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"You've been a very sweet student who always follows the rules and helps others to follows the rules and I'm so sorry that my students didn't make you feel well enough for the last couple of weeks, I hope they will learn better to listen to you.
'' Mrs. Jasmine smiled sorrowfully.

("You've been a very sweet student who always follows the rules and helps others to follow the rules, and I'm so sorry that my students didn't make you feel well enough for the last couple of weeks, I hope they will learn better to listen to you, Mrs. Jasmine smiled sorrowfully.”)




Edit and grammatical corrections:
"I hope so too Mrs. Jasmine.''
Marie told Mrs. Jasmine in a strong yet calm tone of voice. ''Now let's get started with today's schedule, shall we?"
Mrs. Jasmine told Maria sweetly.

("I too hope so, Mrs. Jasmine.''
Marie told Mrs. Jasmine in a strong, yet calm tone of voice. ''Now let's get started with today's schedule, shall we?"
Mrs. Jasmine told Maria sweetly.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Then, after Mrs. Jasmine talked about some new techniques in reading, writing, science and math, It was lunch time in the cafeteria, and they had some salad and a tomato soup for lunch and Marie loved the lunch that the school gave her.

(Then, after Mrs. Jasmine talked about some new techniques in reading, writing, science and math, it was lunch time in the cafeteria, and they had some salad and a tomato soup for lunch and Marie loved the lunch that the school gave her.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Mrs. Jasmine told Marie to get her Social Studies Book and she turned to pg.56 and read through the English revolution.

(Mrs. Jasmine told Marie to get her Social Studies book and she turned to page 56 and read through the English revolution.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
After that, It was Recess time outside at the playground. She interacted with nature and with the animals and drew some pictures of her family and her house that she lives in.

(After that, it was recess time outside at the playground. She interacted with Nature and with the animals and drew some pictures of her family and her house where she lives in.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"What's wrong my dear?"
"My Grandparents had died due to heart cancer!''
the young girl cried.

("What's wrong, my dear?"
"My Grandparents died due to heart cancer,'' the young girl cried.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"It's nice to see you Ameila,
'' Marie greeted sweetly.
"It's Nice to see you too.
'' Ameila greeted back.

("It's nice to see you Ameila,”
'' Marie greeted sweetly.”
"It's nice to see you too.”
'' Ameila greeted back.”)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Marie went to show Ameila her pictures of her family and her house that she lives in. Amelia told Marie in a humble yet joyful way,
''You're a great artist Marie!"
''Thank you Amelia!'' Maria told Amelia.

(Marie went to show Ameila her pictures of her family and her house that she lives in. Amelia told Marie in a humble, yet joyful way, ''You're a great artist Marie!"
''Thank you Amelia,'' Maria told Amelia.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"Have a good rest of your day Mrs. Jasmine!'
' "You too Marie, My sweet student!''
Mrs. Jasmine told Maria.
Her mom asked Maria if she had a good day and Maria nodded happily. She went back home and saw that dad is very ill because he got terminal cancer and was taken to a hospital.

("Have a good rest of your day Mrs. Jasmine!'
"You too, Marie, my sweet student,'' Mrs. Jasmine told Maria.
Her mom asked Maria if she had a good day and Maria nodded happily. She went back home and saw that dad was very ill, because, he got terminal cancer and was taken to a hospital.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Marie's mother was being harrassed by some teachers. Her mother talked to the counselors and they helped her out as well. The only person who Didn't care about her grandfather was the principal.

(Marie's mother was being harassed by some teachers. Her mother talked to the counselors and they helped her out as well. The only person who did not care about her grandfather was the principal.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Then, She plunged the knife straight into the chest. As her life ebbed away, her knees buckled and she fell to the floor. Marie went to look for her mother in the living room but wasn't there.
(Then, she plunged the knife straight into the chest. As her life ebbed away, her knees buckled and she fell to the floor. Marie went to look for her mother in the living room but, she was not there.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Marie looked upstairs in her mother's bedroom but wasn't there. Marie looked downstairs in the kitchen and she found her. She checked to see if she's ok or not.

(Marie looked upstairs in her mother's bedroom but, she was not there. Marie looked downstairs in the kitchen and she found her. She checked to see if she was ok or not.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"WAKE UP MOTHER, WAKE UP!" Marie screamed. But her mother wouldn't wake up.
("Wake up mother, wake up!" Marie screamed. But, her mother would not.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"Marie?" "What's the matter?" What's Happened?"
("Marie?" "What's the matter?" What has happened?")


Edit and grammatical corrections:
Got That?
Nine. One. One. Ask for an Ambulance and tell the operator exactly what you've told me... I'm on my way.''

(Got that? Nine, one, one; ask for an ambulance and tell the operator exactly what you have told me; I'm on my way.'')



Edit and grammatical corrections:
The Physicans and the nurse were trying their best to keep Marie's parents alive but unfortunately, Her parents didn't make it alive well.

(The physicians and the nurse were trying their best to keep Marie's parents alive, but, unfortunately, her parents didn't make it alive well.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"Y-y-yes Ma"am?" Marie answered tearfully.
("Y-y-yes Ma’am," Marie answered tearfully.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Mrs. Jasmine Started to tear up.
"I'm sorry to say this but... Your mother and father can't make it through.''

(Mrs. Jasmine started to tear up.
"I'm sorry to say this but, your mother and father can't make it through.'')



Edit and grammatical corrections:
The next day, It was Marie's Birthday and Mrs. Jasmine made a birthday breakfast for her and a ice cream smoothie. Tonight was also the funeral of Marie's mother and father. After Marie finished her breakfast, She went downstairs to meet Mrs. Jasmine in the dining room to have a talk about the funeral.

(The next day, it was Marie's birthday and Mrs. Jasmine made a birthday breakfast for her and an ice-cream smoothie. Tonight was also the funeral of Marie's mother and father. After Marie finished her breakfast, she went downstairs to meet Mrs. Jasmine in the dining room to have a talk about the funeral.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Then, All of the guests listened to some heartwarming funeral music as they looked at pictures of Marie's mother and father spending time with Marie.

(Then, all of the guests listened to some heartwarming funeral music as they looked at pictures of Marie's mother and father spending time with Marie.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
The last 3 songs that they sang as a tribute to Marie's mother and father's death. The three tribute songs were: Someone Like you, Ave Maria, and Keep Me In Your Heart. As they sang each song, They went to Marie and Mrs Jasmine's Table and hugged and kissed Marie and Mrs. Jasmine on the forehead as for respect and as for comfort for Marie's sadness of her parent's death.

(The last three songs they sang as a tribute to Marie's mother and father's death. The three tribute songs were: Someone Like You, Ave Maria, and Keep Me In Your Heart. As they sang each song, they went to Marie and Mrs. Jasmine's table and hugged and kissed Marie and Mrs. Jasmine on the forehead as for respect and as for comfort for Marie's sadness of her parents’ death.)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
"Alrighty then, Your orders will be up soon but in the meantime, hangout with our special guests: The 2 Sultry Incubuses.'' Then, The sultry incubuses came

("Alright then, your orders will be up soon but, in the meantime, hangout with our special guests: The 2 Sultry Incubuses.'' Then, the sultry incubuses came)



Edit and grammatical corrections:
Then, the sultry incubuses gave them the 2 bouquets of flowers and Mrs. Jasmine and Marie loved them so much. Then, Laito asked Seductively yet mourningfully,
"I have heard that your mother and father have died of suicide and cancer respectively, Isn't that right?"

(Then, the sultry incubuses gave them the two bouquets of flowers and Mrs. Jasmine and Marie loved them so much. Then, Laito asked seductively, yet mournfully, "I have heard that your mother and father died of suicide and cancer respectively, isn't that right?"


Edit and grammatical corrections:
Parent's death that they gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead and said some comforting words to her. Then, Usagi gave the food and drinks to Mrs. Jasmine and Marie and They started to eat their food and Mrs. Jasmine and Marie loved the food they were given.

(Parents’ death that they gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead and said some comforting words to her. Then, Usagi gave the food and drinks to Mrs. Jasmine and Marie and they started to eat their food and Mrs. Jasmine and Marie loved the food they were given.)




Please check, I think it is important; you have not used author’s note, writing a word about your style of expression, but you are the author; I have humbly offered some suggestions and given some corrections of or to English grammatical mistakes as edits and edits and grammatical corrections, in the brackets, as above, for smoother, better and expressive read of the work.



Really, editing of this work was a tough job; I have tried within a limited time available.




Though I find, you have edited as per my suggestions (review sent hours back,#2180022: Marie’s Life Part 1: of 16/01/2019 at 6:59 pm per review request with 4,338 GP offered);this is a copy of the same.



Well done; thank you for sharing this novel with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
537
537
Review of Love is a sunset  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
In the perspective of feeling a particular vision of beauty, once and all, you feel love is a sunset, a onetime experience of the beauty like that of sunset behind the Earth, so you treat, consider and feel love is a sunset.



I think, you have postulated a different philosophy of love, I appreciate. The feeling of sadness is a part of experience and feeling of love. So, love is a feeling that goes after a period of time; this truth part is not highlighted in general, as life is a mix of both sorrows and happiness, love is not the embodiment of happiness only, as sunset brings in new hope of sunrise, love is like a sunset.



You have already highlighted the beauty and effect of a sunset; love is truly comparable with a sunset, as you have stated.



I enjoyed the story, the order of taletelling the philosophy of love, the correlation of love and sunset, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem may be, in addition, tricky, attractive, captivating, compact, comprehensible, and or interest-grabbing.



Edit:
Love is a sunset
(Love Is A Sunset)

Or,

(Love is A Sunset)



Edit:
Love is a sunset
filled with the essence of new.
Colors burn brightly in the sky,
Indescribable patterns emerge;
Each one a unique vision
of beauty, of perfection.


(Love is a sunset
filled with the essence of new
colors burn brightly in the sky
indescribable patterns emerge
each one a unique vision
of beauty, of perfection.)



Edit:
And as the passionate Sun
sets behind the Earth,
such satisfaction is formed.
But a sadness is also created,
as I know I will never see
that particular vision of beauty again.

(And as the passionate Sun
sets behind the Earth
such satisfaction is formed.
But, sadness is also created
as I know I will never see
that particular vision of beauty again.)



Please check, I think it is important; you have not used author’s note, writing a word about your style of expression, but, you are the author; I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother or better read of the poem.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
538
538
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
You being a lonely traveller, walking solitary in throng, you enjoy walking, and you do not like to be disturbed by noises, and you never feel any interest in promises for endless accompany, but interestingly enough, you wish to count on someone special, you never wish to keep trust in people and their thoughts or words, you want to sort out the dilemma of life.



I liked the spirit, your likes and passion, but I am afraid, I do not understand your theme, aim of living, purpose of walking is not clear to me, as you have just told about the story and shown lesser, though I find, the story ends with a curious ending.



I have enjoyed the taletelling of the story, and fantastic climax, and partial resolution of the story, establishing your character as an indifferent person, a gypsy like traveller, not concerned about living and people and their words or promises. Having established yourself a lonely traveller (though you have proved yourself not to be a traveller with a purpose or goal or destination definite, as such you may be a casual traveller who even does not like to trust people and their words).



Title of the work is appropriate but it is not catchy. Though, I expect a title of a work may be, in addition, complete, appealing, attractive, tricky, interest-grabbing and or unforgettable.



Though, I do not like the beginning of the writing as it is again not catchy.



Edit:
Solitary in throng
(Solitary in Throng)



Edit:
Thought that disturb us. To whom I can count on !
(Thought that disturbs us. To whom I can count on.)



Edit:
I afraid to say strongly, I can count on you!!!
(I am afraid to say strongly, I can count on you.)

Or,

(I am afraid to say strongly I can count on you.)



Edit:
I’m entangled in threads of my thoughts!!!
(I am entangled in threads of my thoughts.)



Edit:
I’m a lonely traveler, why I seek the face of trust?
(I am a lonely traveler, why I seek the face of trust.)



Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above.



Well done; thank you for sharing this writing (non-fiction) with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
539
539
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You have clearly voiced; a question – need of the hour, you have examined and viewed confidently.


You have pleaded the question righteously with reference to The Declaration of Independence.


Points of argument, you have placed straightforwardly and truthfully in view of the points, and your viewpoint is considered well.


You have warned and alerted wisely.


You have mentioned hope is still there, time is enough, and if willing, truly America can really achieve greatness as visualized in the Declaration of Independence.


Good suggestions and advice prescribed.


It is feasible, and America can achieve her greatness truly, and in reality.


You have expressed and viewed the matter in a positive order of faith and hope.


Nothing is impossible, America can achieve her greatness.



You have offered examples enough, why America has lost her greatness, and you have voiced explicitly how America can achieve or regain her greatness.



I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the statements, the arguments, the stand of pleading, and free flow of thoughts, the imagery, word visuals, and the read.



Edit:
America, it isn't too late
for you to become great;
there is still time
for you to achieve your full potential,
but only if
your citizens,
willingly,
tear down the walls
that separate.

(America, it isn't too late
for you to become great.
There is still time
for you to achieve your full potential
but, only if
your citizens
willingly
tear down the walls
that separate.)



Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions as edits, in the brackets, as above.



Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and catchy.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
540
540
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
You have tried to understand the man who helps or cared for about other people in terms of living righteously.



The state of plight is appreciable, as not essentially, others to whom the man helps may not appreciate properly as there is circumstance and other people involved in the process, so real assessment of help giving man is not always appreciated rightly and you have considered the point; though I think, it is not easy to think about someone correctly, because everything changes instantly.



Your poem speaks the stand of understanding is generalized. The poem has good flow of thoughts, imagery and word visuals, and it was a nice read.



The title of the poem is appropriate, if not catchy.



Edit:
It's no life to live
a soul adrift,
feeling like you have nothing to give.

You desire a lift
to boost your soul,
a soul adrift.

I feel life's taken its toll,
as you struggle
to lift your soul.

(It's no life to live
a soul adrift.
Feeling like you have nothing to give!

You desire a lift
to boost your soul
a soul adrift.

I feel life's taken its toll
as you struggle
to lift your soul.)



Edit:
You fight a battle within
to die or to live
and you are trapped in,
feeling like you have nothing to give.

(You fight a battle within
to die or to live
and you are trapped in
feeling like you have nothing to give!)



Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions as edits, in the brackets, as above.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
541
541
Review of Tea Time  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Tea!

See!



OMG! You have done a nice job.


I have liked your poem (free verse poetry), a poem about tea time, a poem about time for tea, a poem about tea time event, a poem about love at tea time, a poem about love at tea cup, a poem about love at tea, a poem about romantic tea time, a poem about romantic time for tea, a poem about tea romance, a poem about time for love at tea, a poem about seeing each other, a poem about seeing in love, a poem about seeing time at tea, a poem enjoying tea romance, a poem about romantic cup of tea, a poem about enjoying tea, a poem about seeing each other at tea time, a poem about engagement for love, a poem about love engagement at tea time, a poem about sharing of love at tea time, a poem about tea time love, a poem about tea time romance, a poem about tea break romance, a poem about love relationship at tea, a poem about tea time love relationship, a poem about romanticism at tea time.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, and the flow of thoughts, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy. I hope and expect a title of a poem, in addition, may be complete, compact, comprehensive, captivating, attention-drawing, appealing, easily memorable, tricky and or comprehensible. Though, as I read, I find the title of the poem relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Wish your thoughts words writing scribes inspire readers, are readable for 4000+ years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
542
542
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

A beautiful day!

Enjoyed at a beach today!




OMG! You have done a good job.


I have liked your work of poem (free verse poetry), a poem about a day, a poem about a day at a beach, a poem about staying together, a poem of love, a poem walking on a beach, a poem walking hand in hand at a beach, a poem about first love feeling, a poem about adventurous walk at a beach, a poem about romantic walk on a beach, a poem about first love confession, a poem about first love experience, a poem about romantic walk at a sandy beach, a poem about enjoying love’s laughter at a beach, a poem about enjoying romantic togetherness at a sandy beach, a poem about love sensation, a poem about love at first visit, a poem about love sharing at a beach, a poem about experimenting love at a beach, a poem of love experience on a beach, a poem about love at the first day, a poem about a chance love.




I have enjoyed the story, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the taletelling, the dramatic romantic love experimental storyline, the adventure spirit of love experience, the romantic environment and dramatic flow of romance in progression with adventurous romantic sensation, the adventurous environment and romantic Nature at the beach, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is metaphorically appropriate, and a bit catchy, if not tricky and attention-grabbing. Though, I hope and expect a title of a poem, in addition, may be complete, correct, catchy, appealing, easy memorable, captivating, remarkable and or unforgettable.




Edit:

We were almost there!!!
(We Were Almost There)



Edit:
You look deep into my eye's, searching for a sign of the same.
(You look deep into my eyes, searching for a sign of the same.)




Edit:
Before you even realize what you are doing.
Your down on one knee, holding my hand.

(Before you even realize what you are doing
you were down on one knee, holding my hand.)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed words, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Wish your thoughts words writing scribes inspire readers, are readable for 4000+ years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
543
543
Review of Lauren.  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)



OMG! You have done a nice job. I have loved your work of poem, a poem of hugs, a poem of kisses, a poem of hugs, a poem about a child, a poem about a child now a mummy, a poem about a lady, a poem about love of a child, a poem about tether to the test, a poem about a child now a lady, a poem about a family, a poem about love of a family.



I have enjoyed the story, the free and fair flow of thoughts, the taletelling of a child, the tale of a child’s love, the tale of memorizing a childhood days of a child now a lady, the imagery, the word visuals, the rhymes, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, but it is neither significant, nor catchy. I hope and expect a title of a poem, in addition, may be appealing, attracting, captivating, memorable, interest-grabbing, tricky and or unforgettable. Though, as I read, I find the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit:
Lauren
As a child she was a dear
And love from her
A shining light
Hugs and kisses
And held us tight
But when it was bedtime
And didn’t want to go
Screams and shouts
She let me know
And sometimes put my tether to the test
Now a lady And has flown the nest
A Mummy and family,a home a place to rest
And nanny comes to visit too
Her hugs and kisses
Are still the same207
Her love for me is Oh so true
Lauren dear I love you too.

(Lauren
as a child she was a dear
and love from her
a shining light
hugs and kisses
and held us tight.
But, when it was bedtime
and she didn’t want to go
but, screams and shouts.
She let me know
and sometimes put my tether to the test.
Now a lady and has flown the nest
a Mummy and family, a home a place to rest
and nanny comes to visit too.
Her hugs and kisses
are still the same 207.
Her love for me is oh, so true.
Lauren, dear I love you too.)



Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother and expressive read of the poem.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Wish your thoughts words writing scribes inspire readers, are readable for 4000+ years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
544
544
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Tribute!
Creator of Redwall!



OMG! You have done a good job.



I have loved your work of poem (free verse poetry), a poem pays tribute, a poem pays tribute to a warrior, a poem pays tribute to creator of Redwall, a poem pays tribute to a man who created Redwall, a poem exalts a warrior, a poem exalts creator of Redwall, a poem of personification, a poem about the heroes, a poem about the villains, a poem about the warriors, a poem Redwall speaks, a poem about Mossflower, a poem dedicated to Brian Jacques, a poem about adventure spirit, a poem about a Warlord, a poem about a Conqueror, a poem about an uncrowned hero, a poem about paying a tribute to a hero.




I have enjoyed the story, the free flow of thoughts, the taletelling with a good beginning and a good ending with gratitude, the taletelling in personification, the monologue flavour of taletelling the story of war and creation, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant but it is not catchy; though I hope and expect, a title of a poem, may be, in addition, attention-drawing, appealing, attractive, captivating, memorable, tricky, unforgettable and or comprehensible. As I read, I find, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:
Good always defeated evil,
Even if there was a cost.

(Good always defeated evil
even if there was a cost.)




Edit:
I-Am That Is
You had many roles,

(I-Am That Is
you had many roles)




Edit:
I-Am That Is
Redwall won’t be the same
Without you adding to the adventures
Of Friend and Foe.
Salamandstron will be lonely.
The Riddles lose their fun.
The songs, their meaning.


(I-Am That Is
Redwall won’t be the same
without you adding to the adventures
of Friend and Foe.
Salamandstron will be lonely.
The riddles lose their fun.
The songs, their meaning)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Wish your thoughts words writing scribes inspire readers and are readable 4000+ years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
545
545
Review of Lies  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Lies ridiculous! Lies humorous!

Lies whisperers! Rumour spreaders!



OMG! You have done a fantastic job.

I liked your work of fiction, a fiction about lies, a fiction about telling lies, a fiction about making lies, a fiction about spreading lies, a fiction about spreading ridiculous lies, a fiction about humorous lies, a fiction about making rumours, a fiction about non-sense lies, a fiction about awkward lies, a fiction about inadvertent lies, a fiction about fostering lies, a fiction about framing lies, a fiction about founding lies, a fiction about formulation of lies, a fiction about conforming lies, a fiction about forming lies, a fiction about rumour genesis, a fiction about misunderstanding makes lies, a fiction about misappropriation of truth, a fiction about misinterpretation of truth, a fiction about misinterpreting truth, a fiction about misspelling truth, a fiction about misappropriation of true feeling, a fiction on misappropriation of truth, a fiction on lies, a fiction on ridiculous lies, a fiction on spreading rumours, a fiction on misinterpretation of facts, a fiction on misappropriation of facts, a fiction on mistreating truth, a fiction on disgracing truth.



I enjoyed the story, the humour of the story, the taletelling of the theme and plot, the flow of thoughts, the theme, the plot, the setting free fiction, the climax, the beginning and the curious and mystic ending, monologue flavour of addressing and taletelling the story, and the read.



Title of the fiction is appropriate and significant if not catchy; I expect a title of a fiction, in addition, may be captivating, memorable, attractive, compact, comprehensible, interest-grabbing, tricky and unforgettable; though the title of the fiction has relevance to the theme and thematic appreciation of the fiction.



Edit:
“Exactly. Thanks for being so understanding.”
(“Exactly; thanks for being so understanding.”)



Edit:
Understanding? Was he insane?
(Understanding; was he insane?)



Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions as edits, for better expression or expressiveness, and grammatically correct, and smoother read of the fiction in 78 words, in the brackets, as above.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.



Wish your thoughts words writing scribes inspire readers continue readable over 1234 years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
546
546
Review of The New Truth  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
America is a land of free?
Find a scene of a crime spree?



OMG! You have done a good job.


I have liked your work of poem (sonnet), a poem of new truth, a poem about changed nature of a nation, a poem about changed status of a nation, a poem of truth about America, a poem of political image of America, a poem of political state of living in America today, a poem about living in America today, a poem about politics of living in America, a poem about living stand in America, a poem about family living in America, a poem about new state of living in America, a poem about telling of true tellers, a poem about undemocratic living in America, a poem about living in the land of the free today, a poem about a crime spree living in America, a poem about gunning down of righteous people, a poem about conquer and divide rule, a poem about tearful living.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling of the truth, the political state, the political stand of living and of the true state of living in America today, the introduction of the issues in the octave, the problems and the resolution of the problems in the sestet, and the summative thematic appreciation of the issue at the conclusive two lines, the theme, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; though, I expect, a title of a poem may be, in addition, comprehensible, compact, complete, attention-grabbing, memorable, correct, and haunting. Though, the title is relevant to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.



My favourite lines of the poem:
America isn’t the land of the free,
It’s the scene of a crime spree.




I liked most the lines of the poem:
Truth tellers killed
Righteous gunned down




Edit:
Conquer and divide
Everyone’s right
No one on the side
Every day a new fright

(Conquer and divide
everyone’s right
no one on the side
every day a new fright.)



Edit:
Families torn apart
Excuses given
Where to start
No one livin’


(Families torn apart
excuses given
where to start
no one livin’.)




Edit:
Truth tellers killed
Righteous gunned down
Too many tears spilled
These are seeds sown

America isn’t the land of the free,
It’s the scene of a crime spree.

(Truth tellers killed
righteous gunned down
too many tears spilled
these are seeds sown

America isn’t the land of the free
it’s the scene of a crime spree.)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother read of the poem (sonnet).




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem (sonnet) with us.




Write to inspire, to be readable 1000+ years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
547
547
Review of Game Over  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, you have done a good job.




I have liked your work of poem (free verse poetry), a poem about patience, a poem about patience in practice, a poem about requirement of patience, a poem about practice of patience, a poem about payment of license fee, a poem about patience in waiting, a poem about waiting game.




I have enjoyed the story, taletelling about waiting, waiting game and patience, the humour, the sense of humour in passing time in the queue, the ironic and humorous statement about the game of waiting, the theme, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is catchy, but I do not find it is complete; though I expect a title of a poem, in addition, may be comprehensive, compact, correct, appropriate, significant and attention-grabbing. Though, I find the title of the poem has a metaphorical relevance and significance to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:
Patience requires something else to do
While standing in line at the DMV queue
It is a simple game of stop and go
As the line, snakes forward toward the final goal.

(Patience requires something else to do
while standing in line at the DMV queue
it is a simple game of stop and go
as the line, snakes forward toward the final goal.)



Edit:
Patience requires something else to do
Therefore, I stand in line holding a Sudoku
Studying the game board as I wait in the queue
To get a number so that I can sit down
While waiting for my number to be called
Then pay for my license plate.

(Patience requires something else to do.
Therefore, I stand in line holding a Sudoku
studying the game board as I wait in the queue
to get a number so that I can sit down
while waiting for my number to be called
then pay for my license plate.)



Edit:
Will I finish the Sudoku puzzle book
Before the end of this waiting game
And I pay for my tag?

(Will I finish the Sudoku puzzle book
before the end of this waiting game
and I pay for my tag?)



Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions as edits, for smoother read of the poem, in the brackets, as above.




While standing in line at the DMV queue – I do not understand the word ‘DMV’ as it is not clarified; I expected a word of explanation in author’s note which is missing in the post.




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Write to inspire, to be readable 1000+ years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
548
548
Review of Dawn  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Blue to black!

Day to dawn!

Shift wakes!

Up with yawn!




OMG! You have done a nice job. I have liked your work of poem, a poem in the form of Dodoitsu, a poem in 7/7/7/5 syllables, a poem on dawn, a poem about dawn, a poem telling about city people, a poem about city dwellers at dawn, a poem about city living at dawn, a poem about beginning living at dawn, a poem describing a city living at dawn, a poem about city waking up at dawn, a poem about waking up city at dawn, a poem about state of living at dawn, a poem depicting living at dawn, a poem about a city dawn living, a poem about beginning city living at dawn, a poem telling a city living at dawn.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling of the city workers living at dawn, the word picture of the city shift workers’ state of living beginning at dawn, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem, in addition, maybe appealing, memorable, complete, compact, comprehensible, and captivating. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:
Bright rays ignite the blue sky,
Transform the black velvet night,
The city’s day shift wakes up
Stretching and yawning.

(Bright rays ignite the blue sky
transform the black velvet night
the city’s day shift wakes up
stretching and yawning.)




Please check, I have humbly offered some suggestions as edit, in the bracket, as above, for smoother read of the poem.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Write to inspire readers, publish your thoughts readable over 1000 years or more!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
549
549
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good quote you have composed in making a poem; I find wisdom of the quote is inspiring and it can uplift a reader’s soul.



When your star gets dimmer or loses its true light, I mean, when a star loses its light, and does not spark, or when it does not attract people, it means your level of perfection and performance has gone down from the standard level of its existence, or it may appear poor and not glossy like stars, and you need to work hard and come up with the level so as to make it a shining star by achieving wholesomeness, as a star is always a matter of appeal, attraction and following.



This poem is inspirational and self-motivating for inspires for better performance and teaches the readers for a high-up with performance for making the dim star or turning the star into a brightening star.



Title of the poem is appropriate if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem, in addition, may be captivating, comprehensible, appealing, memorable, and attractive. I do not like title of the poem and / or description of the poem is capitalized.



Edit:
QUOTES AND WORDS OF WISDOM
(Quotes and Words of Wisdom)


Edit:
QUOTES AND WORDS OF WISDOM THAT INSPIRE AND UPLIFT THE SOUL
(Quotes and words of wisdom that inspire and uplift the soul)



I liked and enjoyed the poem as it leaves a good and positive message for living.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.



Write inspire, readable for 100 years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
550
550
Review of Miss Bessie  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dreamt of a burger reheated!

Of clover, a cow dreamed!

OMG! You have done a good job.


I have liked the work of limerick (poem), a limerick about Miss Bessie, a limerick about Dover’s Miss Bessie, a limerick about eating reheated burger, a limerick about dream burger, a limerick about foul eating habit, a limerick about eating poisonous burger, a limerick about nutrition less eating, a limerick about non-nutritious burger, a limerick about eating cow clover, a limerick about wrong food habit, a limerick about unconscious food habit, a limerick about comedy of eating burger, a limerick about eating like a cow.



I enjoyed the story, the flavour of poetry larger and more than a limerick, the story about wrong food passion, the taletelling of unconscious food habit, the comedy of food taking habit, the lesson on healthy living, the message, the theme, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.



The title of the limerick (poem) is appropriate, if not catchy; though I expect a title of a limerick (poem), in addition, maybe appealing, attractive, captivating, compact, comprehensible, memorable, pleasant, polished, rememberable, tricky and unforgettable; though, the title is relevant to the theme and thematic appreciation of the limerick.



Well done; thank you for sharing this limerick with us.





Publish Writs And Scribes Readable To Change Inspire Man Even After 4000+Years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1,024 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 41 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/myguruvalmiki/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/22