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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
The Monthly Script Writing Contest looks like it could be a lot of fun. I've only ever worked on one, with my now ex-boyfriend in high school. A lot of contests don't have as much information as this one does, but I think the way it is laid out helps readers from being too overwhelmed. I think the font choice is fun, considering it resembles script writing.
 
I hope to try this contest in the future,
 
Ash
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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
The Dark Forest Serenade is a great flash fiction piece! I like that we get enough of the backstory for why they are there and you can tell in the action of the boys that they are getting nervous. I like that Nicoli is the first to be eaten because he was hesitant to go in the first place but gave in to peer pressure. I would love to read this as a longer piece as I like urban legend type stories.
 
Ash


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Review of Silent Hallow  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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*Jackolantern* *Pumpkin* *Leafo* Fall into Hallow-Scream Raid *Jackolantern* *Pumpkin* *Leafo*

 
What I Like:
 
You do a great job interweaving the words from the challenge you participated in, with the story you tell. The story is very dark from beginning to end, dulled like her promise ring, to the point that her dog won't even follow her out to the car.
 
Suggestions:
 
I really liked this story, I just wish it were longer (shakes fists at contest restrictions), as I wanted to know why the relationship(s) fell apart, and where the worm came from and where it was going. It wasn't clear by the end, if there was anything left of David, as the worm slithers out to the pumpkin patch.
 
Ash


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Review of Women of Woden  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*Jackolantern* *Pumpkin* *Leafo* Fall into Hallow-Scream Raid *Jackolantern* *Pumpkin* *Leafo*

 
What I Like:
 
The thing I like most about this piece is that the ending is set up so well in the very beginning, without being stated outright. We get a few details about the lives of the women, and the hint that the narrator has lost a husband. The imagery of the evening and its events are well written without being over the top.
 
Suggestions:
 
I am curious if the husbands did something to incur the wrath of their wives, or if they were doomed to be slaughtered from the beginning, in order to have the women regain their youth.
 
Ash


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5
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Review of The Rat Woman  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*Jackolantern* *Pumpkin* *Leafo* Fall into Hallow-Scream Raid *Jackolantern* *Pumpkin* *Leafo*

 
What I Like:
 
The title of the story makes me think the story will be about a woman who shapeshifts into a rat. I like that rather than start with her craving trash, you start with her glorification of power and standards. She doesn't seem like a real person in the beginning as she's whatever she thinks she needs to be a success, regardless of whether it makes her truly happy. Her midnight naked dumpster diving ritual shows that she has another side.
 
Suggestions:
 
I don't really have suggestions, as I think you do a great job laying out this story. I am curious to know if she does actually turn into a rat after her initial dumpster dive, as she stays there for several hours before returning home. Either way it is a cool concept.
 
Ash


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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*Jackolantern* *Pumpkin* *Leafo* Fall into Hallow-Scream Raid *Jackolantern* *Pumpkin* *Leafo*

 
What I like:
 
We know why the character is out walking late at night, and it seems like a believable situation because of how he thinks about the environment. I like that the demon pulls up in a fancy car, rather than just appearing, because it continues to play on the idea of his aversion to vehicles. The suspense of the story is handled well, as we pass exits, the man's fear grows with him until he bails from the car. I particularly like the way he has to pretend that it's the hiss of the car stopping that he hears behind him when he escapes.
 
 
Suggestions:
 
I think you do a great job crafting the evil entity in the car. I was hoping there would be more of a struggle for the hitchhiker to get away, rather than his just becoming a complete hermit after surviving his ordeal.
 
Thanks for a good read!
 
Ash


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Review of Mary's Lucky Day  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

 
Here’s a Power Review Just For You!
 
What I Like:
 
The reader gets enough backstory about Mary that we can sympathize or empathize with her problems, without being hit over the head with grief. Her character is strong, despite her illness, and she does her best to get by, even before the leprechaun shows himself.
 
The scene and dialogue between Mary and the leprechaun really lighten the tone of the piece, helping to firm up her belief that things are going to turn out for the better.
 
Suggestions:
 
I don't have any suggestions for the story. I think you have already done a bit of polishing with the idea of the story and the mechanics of writing in general.
 
Ash


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

 
Here’s a Power Review Just For You!
 
Good afternoon! I have been meaning to raid your short story portfolio for a few months now. Shivay💃 Author Icon won one of my review packages in an auction earlier this year, which included five short story reviews for him and five short story reviews for a friend. You are getting six reviews, because I really wanted to review your welcome page.
 
What I Like:
 
Your welcome page is really original. I’m not sure I’ve seen any welcome pages like this in my time on WDC. They may have been there, and I just overlooked them, but your title “Welcome to my Garden of Creativity really caught my attention. The design of the page is overall pleasing, and easy to navigate.
 
I like that you have a space for the WDC classes you’ve graduated from. I think it says something about your commitment to your writing that you’ve completed so many classes. Also, I think it gives you more credibility in your reviews, particularly if you were putting review packages in an auction. I also think it’s cool that you have some spaces that you update on a regular basis, so your page is regularly being refreshed.
 
Suggestions:
 
I have no suggestions for your garden of creativity. I think it is awesome, and it has inspired me to at least want to make my own, if I ever renew my upgraded membership.
 
I look forward to reviewing your short stories. My goal is to finish them throughout the day, as we are working on getting the house in order for a family visit.
 
Ash


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
The Night I Ate My Words is a very funny short story. I like that you so easily commit to making Hooves of Fire, your muse (?), a real character. The bull inhabits his own world, and has his very own writing animal computer. It's humorous, but it's not gimmicky, because the reader is already in on the bull being able to do things that not all animals could do.
 
I was curious if the twins who gave him his nickname were human children or other animals/muses. I thought it was interesting that the human left the writing bull behind, and wonder if the human will have writer's block because of it.
 
Ash


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I think you used the prompt very well in Reflection of the Night. Tolerance is something that seems to be in short supply these days. This prompt was written in 2003, but the particular situation still applies so many years later. I wish the world would get itself sorted out.
 
Ash


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Review of To Shenandoah  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
To Shenandoah is a wonderful, but bittersweet love story. I think you do a great job of building up the characters and their relationship to one another before allowing their passion to overtake them. I was relieved that they didn't get caught, because it seemed like he was concerned someone other than Lilliana had come to bother him.
 
I think you handle the death of Lilliana very well. She's not the only one who gets sick, and the story doesn't become overly sad or sappy. It fits into the plot as something that very easily could have happened in that time period.
 
Ash


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Review of The Painting  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi! You are receiving this review for The Painting (and 4 other short stories) as part of an auction package that Tiggy Author Iconwon a few months ago.
 
I thought you added more depth to the prompt that you used by making the woman in the painting be the character viewing it.
 
I thought that you did a good job of dropping the reader into the alternate life of this woman, particularly since you could only use about 1,000 words to write your story. I would like to know a little more about the woman's life outside of the painting, before she realizes that she has lived another life. Who was she on the tour with? Did she love anyone? Had she lost another man in her new world?
 
Ash


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13
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Review of No Time To Scream  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Here's a Power Review Just for You!

 
Title: 1st Haunted Library Horror Contest Review
 
From: Ash Author Icon

 
Hi Angus Author Icon! Thanks so much for entering "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. The Librarians greatly appreciate your participation!
 
What I like:
 
I like the way the various characters are set up before they are eaten by the beast. I like that the beast's dietary needs are discussed, and how it is important for them to get enough to eat before the full moon is gone.
 
Suggestions:
 
What type of beast is it and why does he need to eat before the moon is no longer full. Will there be time for a full investigation of the grisly attacks, and why didn't Corey accept a ride, if the park where the attack happened isn't far from his apartment?
 
I liked the setup of the story. It would be interesting to see how the police handle such an investigation, especially when Corey is taken as well.
 
--Ash
 
A Note about the Contest: There are two judges for this activity. All 16 entries will be reviewed before winners are announced. Winners will be announced no later than January 20th. Winners will be e-mailed and the contest page will be updated as well.




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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (3.5)
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Here's a Power Review Just for You!

 
Hi! I am helping ~Minja~ Author Icon judge entries for the Parallel Universe contest.
 
What I Like:
 
         Santa needs help saving Christmas for the children of Torrim. I like the idea that he thinks the bad Torrims would use the opportunity to figure out where Santa's workshop is.
 
Suggestions:
 
Is Santa's Torrim workshop the only workshop, or specific to that planet? What would they do with the knowledge of his location? Why is he afraid that the children will find out that he exists?
 
Thanks for participating in the contest!
 
Ash


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Review of Holiday Sweaters  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Here's a Power Review Just for You!

 
Hi! I am helping ~Minja~ Author Icon judge entries for the Parallel Universe contest.
 
What I Like:
 
         I thought the story of Migal and his sweater fixation was great. He has a real reason for wanting what he wants, and his mother thinks he is just a weird kid. I like that the science fiction elements in this story seem very similar to the ones we have today.
 
Suggestions:
 
I feel like Sarri would figure after five years, that her son was still unaware that his father was dead, or at the very least might have more sympathy for her son.
 
Thanks for participating in the contest!
 
Ash


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16
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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
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Here's a Power Review Just for You!

 
Hi! I am helping ~Minja~ Author Icon judge entries for the Parallel Universe contest.
 
What I Like:
 
         I love the science fiction aspect of how Santa is able to live as long as he has, as well as how he works. I thought it was interesting that you had Santa send the letter to a planet other than Earth. I liked the larger, typewriter style font you used to format your letter.
 
Suggestions:
 
Because the letter is sent to another planet, I wanted to know more about the planet of Korm. It seems very similar to our own.
 
Thanks for participating in the contest!
 
Ash


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Review of Merry Christmas!  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Here's a Power Review Just for You!

 
Hi! I am helping ~Minja~ Author Icon judge entries for the Parallel Universe contest.
 
What I Like:
 
         I think the language you use in your story creates a vibe that makes the reader feel as uncomfortable as Alex as he waits in line to receive his "gift". I also liked that the story seemed like a Christmas spin on The Giver by Lois Lowery.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I was curious about what the sweaters symbolized, beyond fulfilling the prompt. I also wanted to know more about Alex's friend, as he is the first person Alex seems concerned about.
 
Thanks for participating in the contest!
 
Ash


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18
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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Here's a Power Review Just for You!

 
Hi! I am helping ~Minja~ Author Icon judge entries for the Parallel Universe contest.
 
What I Like:
 
         I think your Christmas sweater poem is great! The poem is funny, and has a rhyme scheme that makes me think of something like the Night Before Christmas poem. The form of your poem also makes it look really professional.
 
Suggestions:
 
I don't have any suggestions for your poem. *BigSmile*
 
Thanks for participating in the contest!
 
Ash


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19
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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Here's a Power Review Just for You!

 
Hi! I am helping ~Minja~ Author Icon judge entries for the Parallel Universe contest.
 
What I Like:
 
         Santa sends a letter to a very unlikeable character. The address makes me think that Tim's name stands in for all the lousy parent-worker-spouses in the world.
 
Suggestions:
 
Santa mentions that Tim would complain and say that he needs his bonus to get by, and his wife and children, no matter how mistreated they may be, are likely also benifitting in some small way from that bonus--at least bills. What does his suffering family do when Santa withholds the Christmas bonus?
 
Thanks for participating in the contest!
 
Ash


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20
20
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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Here's a Power Review Just for You!

 
Hi! I am helping ~Minja~ Author Icon judge entries for the Parallel Universe contest.
 
What I Like:
 
         I think the idea of a kid wanting an ugly sweater over an Xbox is an interesting prompt. I like that he will wind up getting what he wants in the end, but his mom is smart enough to wait for the after Christmas sales.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I was hoping for a longer story. I wanted to know why he "enjoyed" being teased. What does he do when he isn't counting his ugly sweaters? Does he get his sweater or are they sold out when his mom goes to buy it at the store.
 
Thanks for participating in the contest!
 
Ash


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
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Here's a Power Review Just for You!

 
Hi! I am helping ~Minja~ Author Icon judge entries for the Parallel Universe contest.
 
What I Like:
 
         Santa's letter to Jane Austen is basically one of the best pieces of fan mail Jane Austen would ever receive! I like that he is so encouraging to her, and reminds her that she is loved and supported by family and friends. It is funny and a little bitter sweet to think of Jane asking Santa to bring Mr. Darcy for Christmas.
 
Suggestions:
 
I would love to read a Christmas story about Santa bringing Jane Austen her Mr. Darcy for Christmas.
 
Thanks for participating in the contest!
 
Ash


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Review of Jo-Jo the Clown  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Here's a Power Review Just for You!

 
Title: 1st Haunted Library Horror Contest Review
 
From: Ash Author Icon

 
Hi willwilcox! Thanks so much for entering "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. The Librarians greatly appreciate your participation!
 
What I like:
 
         I like the setup of the story. we get a snipit of Jo-Jo's life before he is a clown, and can assume he has issues. We also see his transformation. I like that his cape is colorful on the outside and black on the inside (like his soul). I also like that the cape is used again at the end.
 
         What makes this clown story different from what I expected is that you give a reason why he would go after kids, and then give us kids we wouldn't like either. I think overall you do a good job with description and setting, and I like that you end with a new adventure.
 
This story is an older story, but it is also well polished. If there were issues with grammar or spelling, etc. I didn't see any.
 
Suggestions:
 
I don't have any suggestions for this story. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
 
An end note/ good luck, etc.
 
--Ash
 
A Note about the Contest: There are two judges for this activity. All 17 entries will be reviewed before winners are announced. Winners will be announced no later than January 20th. Winners will be e-mailed and the contest page will be updated as well.




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23
23
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Here's a Power Review Just for You!

 
         Hi! I'm working on reviews for ~Minja~ Author Icon's "WdC Kind Hearts" Open in new Window.
 
What I Like:
 
         I like the way the poem sounds in my head. It feels like there is some rhyme to the poem, which makes the words stronger, or at least easier to read.
 
I like that the word care is repeated so many times, in different ways. There are so many people in the world who believe that they are unappreciated, who worry if their lives will mean anything once they are gone. I think you do a good job of showing the apathy of the no longer "suffering being" after the poem ends.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I don't have any suggestions for this poem. I think this poem deals with a very hard subject, and a lot of people have had to cope with feelings of worthlessness, as well as the loss of someone they cared about. When someone's reached their lowest low, it is very hard to help them, even if they want help. I like to think that at some level, people are getting better at recognizing that suicide and mental health are real issues, and not something to make light of.
 
--Ash
 


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24
24
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Here's a Power Review Just for You!

 
         Hi! I'm working on reviews for ~Minja~ Author Icon's "WdC Kind Hearts" Open in new Window.
 
What I Like:
 
         "A Croatian Dreamscape" is a great poem! The tone of the poem is slow and calm. The tone reflects the idea that the vacation was a lazy and relaxing break from the typical day to day grind. I like how the second part of the poem is going back to that same reality and feeling as if the vacation were only a dream.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I have no suggestions for this poem. I like that you have a cover for the item itself that shows a glimpse of where the holiday occurred. It would be cool to see a bigger picture in the poem, but it isn't necessary. I was also curious as to what a cup of char was.
 
I am glad that you took the time to write this poem, even if it took you awhile to get it up after your trip. It is fun to learn about other people's adventures. *BigSmile*
 
--Ash
 


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25
25
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Here's a Power Review Just for You!

 
         Hi GerMac Author Icon! Welcome to Writing.com! This is the first incoming review I have ever received, and I've been on WDC for quite some time. *BigSmile* Below are my thoughts on your poem, take them as you will. I don't know much about music, but I thought this was a nice poem.
 
What I Like:
 
         I like that there is a story in your poem. The story is about the artist's various performances, alongside what he plays for these people. I found this part of the poem interesting, and will focus on it in my suggestions.
 
Suggestions:
 
         Like I mentioned above, I liked the idea that the artist performs everywhere. I think it would be interesting to see how the artist's experience with the music changes in various locations. How do they feel? Do they play a certain set of classical music for their audience? How does the audience feel?
 
Thanks for requesting a review from me! If you are interested, I am running an auction at the moment with various review packages, and some of them have not been bid on at all yet.
 
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#2067135 by Not Available.

 
--Ash
 


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