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675 Public Reviews Given
703 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
A review you purchase from me will always be proofread, thorough, and carefully considered. I try to strike a balance between encouragement and honesty. What you can expect from me is a discussion of what your piece said to me as I read it and strategies for what I thought could be improved. I also point out specifically any errors that I found in the piece (although if it is a repeating problem, I will explain this deficiency generally rather than try to fix each and every one). I always keep my reviews conversational and positive. I'm generous with praise, and I try to speak with confident authority in areas where I have some knowledge. I approach each review I do with the idea that the best way to help someone become a better writer is to model that behavior to the best of my ability. Reviews that contain multiple grammatical and/or spelling errors, present incomplete thoughts, or show a lack of effort do not send a good message to those receiving the reviews concerning my advice.
I'm good at...
Grammar, spelling, sentence and paragraph structure, vocabulary (word choice), characters, dialogue
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Horror, Science Fiction, Thriller, Drama
Least Favorite Genres
Nothing really. I'll give anything a look.
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Flash Fiction, Poetry, Personal Narratives and Essays
Least Favorite Item Types
Nothing really. I'll give anything a look, from contests to group pages to forums to activity rules. If you want someone to take a look at your activity and give it a review, let me know! I'll try to locate inconsistencies in rules and guidelines.
I will not review...
The only items I will not review through this system are novel chapters. I would much rather trade services and make you review mine as I review yours. If you are interested in setting this up, feel free to email me.
Public Reviews
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201
Review by PatrickB
Rated: E | (3.5)
I think this is a wonderful exercise for you to learn about people, what makes them tick. It has instant value in creating fictional characters by giving you a treasure trove of interesting eccentricities, motivations, and life-paths of real people. There may also be a different value if you are interested in becoming a social historian. Just about everyone has something interesting in their life, and your love of interviewing can pull gripping stories from people who deserve to have their story told.

Keep writing, improving, and thinking!

Patrick
202
202
Review of Shades of Reality  
Review by PatrickB
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Ok, wow. A very very interesting revelation and story, unfortunately strangled by paragraghs entirely too long and a lack of correct sentence structure. The good news is that both of these problems are totally fixable. The story and premise are interesting enough that you should certainly spend the time editing it. Some specific ideas:

"They were there but I found myself simply disregarding them, as I said, I was prone to flights of fancy and sometimes ignoring something unbelievable can be just as foolish as acknowledging it." -- this sentence is poorly punctuated and needs to be split into two.

"eager-faced slack jawed" -- just an example of how you should use commas to assist the reader.

"My knowledge of such things being limited I still hadn’t been able to help but stare at the young man as I made my way to his station."--again, poor sentence structure; needs editing.

"I save my regrets for where this tragedy led me." --very good foreshadowing

"Most have heard of the idea that the loss of a sensory modality can strengthen another and it became clear to me over time that there must be some basis for this."-- very good sentence

"I had lost two of my sensory modalities, I had been born without a third, and with only two remaining I made the decision that the truth was all that mattered." -- perhaps the best sentence in the entire work.

Unfortunately, a wonderful story and premise are totally destroyed by fixable mistakes. Your vocabulary is outstanding, but reading this in its current format is very tiring. I would have given up if I was reading this for fun, or maybe not began it at all after looking at the humongous paragraphs. Please seek outside editing, for this story is worth it.
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Review by PatrickB
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Your heroine is interesting but a bit predictable. I am interested in her powers and her cause, but her attitude seems to be that of an anti-hero. If that is what you are going for, then by all means have her care little for the victim of the gang-rape. If she has any honor or care for humans, then her behavior toward the girl is not showing me that. She seems to be fascinated by delivering justice for its own sake, but not for the victim. This stance will eventually have to be explained.

I think your action writing is very good; the descriptions make it easy for me to see.
"Torn between being inspired to lust by my surreal beauty or inspired to fear by the promise of death in my eyes." Very good sentence, except it is a fragment. Consider revising.

Good work! Keep writing and improving!
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204
Review of Werewolf Eve  
Review by PatrickB
Rated: E | (2.5)
Your story has an interesting angle in that it brings together two horrow fables, the ghost and the werewolf. You do a good job of describing and using ample sensory images. I think that your story could be fleshed out quite a bit to add a bit more conflict. Because it is so short, you could double its size and increase its quality. Why did the farmer keep the secret? Maybe the ghost was of his mother and he was happy to have her at rest. Keep writing and improving!
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