DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. The subject is good deeds.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
Centering the stanzas worked well for you. It is like a list poem.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no mechanical errors that hurt your poem.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing lines take your poem full circle. It is true we will be somewhere one million years from now. Either with Christ or without Him. When I lost my wife 18 months ago, she was totally at peace and looking forward to it.
SUGGESTIONS:
The problem I have is your poem does not follow the prompt. My prayer is that you don't go out into eternity and hear your creator say, "I never knew you."
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MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
I was impressed with your honesty. Angel Feathers is an interesting title. The Bible says we become AS angels when we leave this world. No need to reproduce because we will go through eternity with a body to lie in Heaven with.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
The lines make this free verse. More poetry devices, like allegory, and you may have a keeper.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I know you are a very good writer. I find no mechanical errors.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closure is a good way to end your poem. I am glad that God is not religious. Religion is people trying to reach God. It is not possible because we have a sinful nature and God is Holy. That is why He has made a way to reach us. He can make it real to you.
SUGGESTIONS:
These would be good questions to put on the discussion page. I would love to answer them, but the Holy Spirit will be the one who will convict you - not me.
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MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. You made me wonder what day of the week I went forward in an evening service. It was a three-day event.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
The rhyme scheme worked well for you. It kept the flow going and added a lot to your poem. Also, the stanzas were well done,
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no mechanical errors that hurt your poem. Only one typo in the last stanza.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing lines remind us that sanctification is a lifelong event. Becoming more like Jesus.
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. I am a fan of the four seasons and look forward to each. Especially when everything tarts coming to life.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
I enjoyed the images and allegory throughout your poem. It brought the "New Season" to life. The form worked well.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no mechanical errors that hurt your poem except not starting the second line with upper case. It sticks out because it is not consistent with the rest.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
I really do like the closing stanza. The final lines leave something for the reader to discover for him/herself.
SUGGESTIONS:
The problem I have is it does not meet the prompt. However, your poem is a keeper.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
I'm only an author like you. Hopefully, you will take only what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace.
Where poem was read:
Contest entry.
Subject:
Pentecost based on Acts chapter 2.
Opening:
I love the opening line. It puts you on the scene.
Sight Devices:
Not using strong active verbs can remove the reader from the scene. EX: filled to filling - gave to giving - turned to turning - accused to accusing - etc. It also gives you internal rhymes. (See observations and suggestions).
Sound Devices:
I had no problem with the flow. All poems have a rhythm and sound.
Sense Devices:
The sense devices worked well.
Closure:
The closing line is a good way to end your poem. It is a good poem to give an invitation.
Placement On Page:
I have no problem with placement on page. More line breaks would hurt your poem.
General Observations & Suggestions:
I believe your poem needs tightened. Using more active verbs will help. Example: second line "it was" is not needed with the simile "like." Line three "it" is not needed with an active verb like "filling." Active verbs will keep the reader engaged and reading.
I'm only an author like you. Hopefully, you will take only what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace.
Where poem was read:
Contest entry.
Subject:
It is an interesting subject that makes one think.
Opening:
The title is more than a label and adds to your poem. The opening line draws the reader in and sets the tone kept throughout.
Sight Devices:
The word pictures worked well. The Father - just, strong and destructive. The Son - kind, healing and loving. The Spirit - holy, present and working.
Sound Devices:
The short lines and color coding both added to the sound and gave it consistency.
Sense Devices:
Your poem brings out a lot of "unsaid" things that bring in the senses. The reader has a lot to discover - which makes it an even better poem.
Closure:
I love the closing lines. They have me re-reading each of the poems separately. Also, I like not making another stanza with the last three lines.
Placement On Page:
Your poem looks good on the page. I wouldn't change anything.
General Observations & Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for this well written poem - it's a keeper.
Disclaimer:
I'm only an author like you. Hopefully, you will take only what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace.
Where poem was read:
Contest entry.
Subject:
The question of will - interesting.
Opening:
The title adds to your poem. The opening line was confusing until I read your poem several times.
Sight Devices:
I thought your images were exceptional.
Sound Devices:
Two things every poem needs to be a poem is sound and rhythm. I had a hard time with the rhythm for a while, but it sounded good when read out loud.
Sense Devices:
You covered all five senses with your images.
Closure:
I do like the closing lines. It is a good way to end the poem.
Placement On Page:
I had no problem with the placement on the page.
General Observations & Suggestions:
I found the poem confusing until I read it out loud.
I think it was the form and not your poem.
I have no suggestions.
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
I like both the subject and the form. The title adds to your poem. You say a lot in a few words.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
The mental pictures made me think of the littering commercial with the tears on a Native American. My personal belief is we entered the perilous days just before the rapture. Your poem leaves much for the reader to discover, which makes a good poem better. The flow and slowing the words down worked well.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no mechanical errors. The form is done properly and looks good on the page.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
I liked the closing line; it took your poem full circle. First word "gone" to the last word "dead."
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this well written and needed poem.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
Disclaimer:
I'm only an author like you. Hopefully, you will take only what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace.
Where poem was read:
Contest entry
Subject:
I always liked the authors here because they are creative. The subject made me curious.
Opening:
A challenge is a good way to open a poem. The title draws the reader in.
Sight Devices:
There are good mental pictures of our old sinful nature. We won't lose that until we leave this world. If we have been born with God's nature we have both until we leave this world. Judas only had his old nature and nothing to fall back on. Sight leads to insight and your poem does that.
Sound Devices:
Your enjambments slow the pace down and adds to your poem. Every poem needs to have a rhythm and sound, even free verse.
Sense Devices:
Your imagery has a direct effect on the senses. Your poem puts us on the scene, and we can relate with both.
Closure:
The closing lines are a good way to end the poem. It is sad that Judas had nowhere to go. Our resurrection was when we gave our life to Christ.
Placement On Page:
Your poem looks good on paper. I like the way the lines and stanzas are broke up. I found no mechanical errors.
General Observations & Suggestions:
I have no suggestions. It may just be me, but I would change the form to prose poetry.
You could use more devices without hurting your poem.
Disclaimer:
I'm only an author like you. Hopefully, you will take only what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace.
Where poem was read:
Contest entry.
Subject:
Our resurrection was when we gave our life to Christ. "The Day of Days" verifies it.
Opening:
The opening lines set the tone that is kept throughout your poem. The title is appropriate and adds to your poem.
Sight Devices:
The mental pictures put the reader on the scene making him/her see, hear, smell. taste and touch what is there.
Sound Devices:
The rhyming couplets worked well for you and helped the flow. I am sure I have, but I don't remember reading a poem with alternating meter. Your poem moved at a good pace and kept the rhythm.
Sense Devices:
Sight must lead to insight. Your poem does that with reality and tackles the senses. "The darkness was felt as He gave up the ghost" is a good example.
Closure:
The final lines is a good way to end the poem and takes it full circle.
Placement On Page:
I like the form you chose and it looks good on paper.
General Observations & Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem.
Disclaimer:
I'm only an author like you. Hopefully, you will take only what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace.
Where poem was read:
Contest entry.
Subject:
When I first read the title my thought was "finally," someone wrote about Saturday.
Your subject is good because you seldom hear about it.
Opening:
The title adds to your poem. The opening line puts you on the scene.
Sight Devices:
My first concern was the length of your lines. However, after reading them out loud I realized it increased the pace. This allowed richness of language, voice and imagery.
Sound Devices:
The rhyming couplets worked well in this poem. It helped the flow, rhythm and sound.
Sense Devices:
Putting ourselves in the shoes of the disciples always helps us understand the way they felt. Your poem did a good job with this.
Closure:
The closing line takes your poem full circle.
Placement On Page:
It looks good on paper. Shorter lines would have slowed down the pace and lost much of the meaning.
General Observations & Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem.
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
I read your poem "Breath" in your porfolio. The title drew me in to read it. It also adds to your poem. I found it to be creative, and liked your input.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
All poems should have a rhythm, sound and meaning - even free verse. The repetition of breathe, breath, breathing and the double spaced lines help do that.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no errors that would hurt your poem. The way you placed it on the page helped the flow. I read it several times and each time I liked it better.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The ending lines give it a strong finish. I will breathe mindfully the rest of the day now.
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem. Well done.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
I always like your subject and content. When I read Anna it made me think, not always a good thing. Then I remembered Anna in Luke - the lady who never left the temple. The title adds to your poem because few know who she was - a prophetess.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
The form is free form. After reading it over and over I realized something. Even Free Form needs to retain a rhythm and sonority (sound) like music.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no errors that hurt your poem.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The final line is no doubt how she felt and takes your poem full circle.
SUGGESTIONS:
First, I would not change a lot in your poem. To retain a rhythm and sound I suggest use shorter lines or change it to prose poetry.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
You picked a hard subject because he has been written about a lot. The opening lines are a good way to open the poem. The title is appropriate.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
I like the consistent rhyme scheme on the first and last line on each stanza. I also thought that internal rhymes would have given it action verbs and allowed the poem to be tightened. EX. "taking his duties to heart" eliminates the need for "who" and adds an internal rhyme. Every poem needs to retain rhythm and sonority (sound) characteristics (like music).
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
The five-line stanzas worked well and looks good. Pronouns referring back to the Lord need to be capitalized.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing lines take the poem full circle. I enjoyed reading your poem, and I know it has a lot of thought behind it.
SUGGESTIONS:
My only suggestion is to tighten the poem by using action verbs.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
Great title. It not only adds to your poem but sets the tone. The opening line is a good way to start the poem. My first impression was all positive.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
I love the imagery and how it is used with the sound of the vocabulary, line breaks and punctuation. They all worked together well which made it show vs tell.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no errors that hurt your poem. The placement on page makes it inviting.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing line is the result and takes your poem full circle. A great way to end your poem. It is what I was looking for.
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title adds to your piece because it is not repeated, especially in the first line. The opening line set the tone that is kept throughout the poem.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
The choices of vocabulary, line breaks and punctuation are all so tightly interwoven that they can hardly be considered separately. The poem needs to be read aloud again and again to make the best choices. The "sound" of poetry is fundamental. Although it is not stated, I assume your poem is free verse.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no mechanical errors that hurt your poem.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing lines kept the tone that was kept throughout. There is a lot in this poem. It is always more difficult to write about something that has been written about for eons.
SUGGESTIONS:
If I told someone I was happy, they would need to take me at my word. However, if I gave them all of my symptoms, they would discover I was happy for themselves. That is show vs tell. I believe every poem needs to leave something for the reader to discover. Poetry devices used correctly will do that.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. I like the way the poem progresses after the opening line. It explains (shows) why you chose the opening line.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
I am not sure what the form is meant to be. If it is free verse, the inconsistent rhyme scheme is the author's choice. I did not have a problem with the flow.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no errors in the mechanics that hurt your poem. Indenting the second line worked well.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing lines are a great way to end your poem. It put an exclamation point on your poem.
SUGGESTIONS:
I did think your poem could be tightened a little without hurting the poem. One example is line five:'And the only reason I'm able to go on.' Both "And" and "only" are not needed.
You're the nourisher of my soul,
The reason I'm able to go on.
There is a reason the form, line count and word count are in the rules. I love this poem, by the way.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line sets the tone for the poem.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
I thought the images and similes (ex: line two) worked well in this poem. Although free verse, the couplets/stanzas made it easy to read and slowed down he reader.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no mechanical errors that hurt your poem. Placement on page makes it inviting to read.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing couplet is a good way to end the poem. It keeps the same tone throughout. I am a believer that a poem should leave something for the reader to discover for him/herself. If I said I was happy, you would need to take my word for it. If I described how I felt, you would discover I was happy. What I discovered in the closing couplet was your faith. Faith that God would do what He promised.
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem. I thought it was well written and keeping it a free verse allowed your images to work for you.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title made me curious and drew me in. My first impression was the author looking at God's creation through the eyes of science. The opening line made it personal.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
The rhyme scheme in each couplet worked well in this poem, as did the stanzas. The form adds to the poetry devices. The images leave a lot for the reader to discover.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no problem with the mechanics and the poem had a good flow. The placement on the page worked well. It made your poem inviting to read.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
I like the closing lines bringing the poem back to something personal, like the opening line. It was a good way to end the poem. One of the many ways we know earth was created and not evolved is in the creation itself. Your poem did an excellent job in bringing this out.
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line establishes the tone.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
This is a good example of a well written poem without rhymes. The specific image details are very good.
I had no problem with the scansion of flow and rhythm. The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
The line breaks seem right.
I doubt this poem could be tightened without hurting it.
I found no errors.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The last lines seem right for ending the poem with a strong finish.
I gotta admit my favorite line is the fourth - "Now chipped and scratched."
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem.
Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
1,000 GP's have been added to this review for your entry.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line reminds me of "verily verily" in the King James Bible.
It beckons one to pay closer attention.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
There are enough specific image details. I liked the texture of sound in this poem.
I found no odd word choices. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. The diction is consistent.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
The line breaks seem right. I found no errors that hurt your poem.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing line is right for ending the poem. It's not artificial or overwritten.
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem.
Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
1,000 GP's have been added to this review for your entry.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line The openinmg line establishes the tone.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of rhythm and flow.
I found no odd word choices. The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
The line bnreaks seem right. I like to see the left-handed caps consistent, either all caps or not.
When I don't use all capital letters, I indent the line that's different.
The second line in the second stanza has eight syllables instead of seven.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing line is a good way to end the poem.
I thought more active verbs would give you a stronger poem (ie washing - breaking - sharing - asking, etc.)
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no other suggestions for this fine poem.
Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
Included with this review are 1,000 GP's for your entry.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
Your poem is personal, but rises above the individual and becomes more widely relevant.
The title is appropriate and adds to your poem.
The opening line establishes the tone.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
The specific image details are good. I had no problem with the scansion of rhythm and flow.
The "texture" of sound adds meaning behind the words.
The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I find no errors. No punctuation works well with this poem.
The line breaks seem right. At my first reading I thought a dash before "I am freed" would be needed.
I would consider using one if it was a longer poem, but it is fine as is.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing line is a good way to end your poem.
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem.
Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work. 1,000 GP's are added to this review for your entry.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. The first line establishes the tone that is kept throughout the poem.
I liked the encouragement given to spread the "good news" (gospel) abroad.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of rhythm or flow.
The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
This poem worked well without punctuation, however, I suggest you replace the commas with a dash.
This not only eliminates punctuation for the reader, but put's an emphasis on what follows.
I like your being consistent on the first letter of each line - all caps.
I found a couple typos. Earths to earth's. Because "Hid" is capitalized, I assume it is referring to Jesus and needs to be changed to His. In line 5 HIs to his.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing line is a good way to end the poem.
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no other suggestions for this fine poem.
Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
Included are 1,000 GP's for your entry - and patience.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
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