I think you are wrong about this. At the time the bill of rights was written, some native Americans had issues with Europeans coming over here and stealing their land. That being said, your writing is good and your idea well presented.
As a child I had a stutter. They put me in speech class or I would never had realized it until maybe someone teased me about it later in life. That never happened as I grew out of it. However, I found it easier to express my ideas through writing.
I've been around wdc for quite a while and enjoy reviewing newbies work. There are some really creative individuals here and they give generous and helpful reviews, so don't be bashful, jump right in and have fun.
Don't be alarmed at the three star rating, as you've not put anything creative as of yet and they want a rating of sorts to post this.
It seems most difficult for a writer to be bored.
A writer can build a world and live therein
A writer can build a city and tear it down
A writer can create a lover and cast her aside
and a writer can make a friend who shall forever abide
Great writing here. Flawlessly executed. If the reader likes crime/thrillers this fills the bill. Perfectly designed to draw the reader in while making them lust for the next page. Well done.
I don't know what you are shooting for here, but the way the piece reads it seems like a scene from a film script. Leaves a lot of latitude for the director to interpret the scene.
I don't know where the story is going from here, but you've got a great beginning. It appears that your are working in the fantasy genre. One thing that is great about fantasy is you're only limited by your imagination.
Keep up the good work.
Well written. Your piece digs into the thought processes of all children who have to adjust to living in an unkind world. It reminds me of a testimony a minister once told his congregation. He was waiting for a bus when the Lord impressed him to go knock on the door of a house nearby for someone in there needed encouragement. He obeyed the Lord and was invited in. There was a widow living there and the house was a dump and smelled awful. "How can a person live in this mess." he thought to himself as he tried to lift the person from their depression. Then the Lord spoke to his heart, "you're here for only a few minutes, I live here every day." Parents should teach their children that their body is the temple of the Lord and once invited he will come and dwell within. If God likes your temple what other people think means nothing.
Loved it. Spooky but enticing, but you left me hanging. For you that's a good thing. Makes the reader want more. For me, not so good I'd like to see what happens next. And that's a good thing.
I love a good prologue. I use them in my own stories to draw the reader in. The only thing I would change is in the very last sentence. The words 'only seconds' I would change to 'a heartbeat'. Waiting seconds could get a man knifed in the night.
Great work. Reads like a rousing western.
Boundless soul?, Disembodied?, The Copy?.
My first impression, is a lab, perhaps with a fresh cadaver on a stainless table. The brain having been scanned of every memory and recorded, reassembled on the hard drive of a super computer. She regains consciousness but can only see the face of the woman who is attempting to let her live beyond death of her body. She's been uploaded.
This sort of sounds like the Johnny Dep Movie where he gets uploaded and loosed on the internet to attempt creating a new world. But that's the impression I get.
Good work, highly creative. If I were you I'd move forward on this, but take it in your own direction and personal vision for your story. My impressions mean nothing in the face of your own vision.
It is our traumas that form our character. Those same emotional scars drive the artist in us to break out in song, pictures, and word craft. I think word craft best exposes to the world the fabric of the artists mind.
Good writing, do more.
This is one of the most creative pieces I have read in a while. Really good work. Spelling and diction is perfect, so that means you took time to edit, or you were so good you didn't have to.
I think you're oozing with talent, keep up the good work.
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