Riot's (riot) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

1,559 Public Reviews Given

2,107 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

My reviews typically cover: initial responses, technicalities and mechanics, favorite parts, areas of improvement, and overall impression.

I'm good at...

Honesty, and finding what works versus what doesn't work. I will never give you a rating I don't think your work deserves. I am also particularly good at spotting grammatical errors and typos.

Favorite Genres

Philosophy, Steampunk, Horror, Dark, Emotional, Science Fiction, Technology, and Political Science. I'm sure there are more that I'm missing.

Least Favorite Genres

Romance, Western, Religious, and anything froufrou.

I will not review...

Chapters and Novels, unless arrangements are made prior.

301

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3232224

Review of Circle of Life

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Hello, ♥HOOves♥ . I am reviewing your item "Circle of Life" on behalf of Simply Positive. Below are my thoughts on your work.

This is a very touching poem that nearly put me to tears.

I really enjoyed the structure of this poem and it's rhyme scheme of A/B/C/B. While I didn't detect any specific syllabic count I didn't feel one was needed. It read both perfectly in my head and out loud. What I like best about this poem is how you move through the seasons but still incorporate the flowers. This poem speaks a lot of volume and has a very distinct voice.

Overall I felt this was a really great poem that I felt was flawless and masterful. This is an excellent tribute to your mother.

Riot

302

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14 days may be credited.

#3230857

Review of Ingenuous

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.5)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" by SPACE COBWEBS @ 18! .
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Edgar Allan Poe Fan Package!
The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our various members.

Hello there, George R. Lasher ! I am reviewing "Ingenuous" - Below are my thoughts on your work.

I really liked the flow and meter of this. The structure is pretty great, too! The rhymes, Mother/others, frank/thank, spent/meant, head/red, lesson/messin', girls/curls, Gracious/Salacious were spot on and very clever.

What I liked best about this was the casualty of it. There were a couple of places, where, read outloud, the flow seemed a bit off. On closer examination I feel this could be part of the syllabic count. That is, if they were all even it may not have this problem. There are certain words that are really one syllabic count but read as another when a flow is established.

Stanza 1: 6/6/5/7 - The first stanza was perfect with this flow, I felt.
Stanza 2: 5/5/5/6 - I found this stanza to be a bit awkward. I think it was with these things I am not, for which she is to thank. It seems wordy but I understand the syllabic nature.
Stanza 3: 6/5/6/5 - Instead of 'would lecture' I think just 'lectured' would sound better, as it's a recollection of the past.
Stanza 4: 6/6/6/5 - Excellent stanza.
Stanza 5: 5/6/6/6 - Another great one!
Stanza 6: 5/5/6/5 - Good line, good flow.
Stanza 7: 6/6/7/7 - The punchline, the one that put a smile on my face and laugh out loud. Great meter and intermingling of dialogue into this story.

Overall I found this to be an amusing read that put a smile on my face. Thank you for sharing it with us.

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Write On!
Riot

303

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14 days may be credited.

#3230647

Review of My Child, I Love You

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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I have dreamed in my life, dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they have gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" by your Secret Santa!
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Emily Bronte Fan Package!
The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our various members.

Hello there, Daizy May ! I am reviewing "My Child, I Love You" - Below are my thoughts on your work.

I found this to be a very great poem about God's love to all his children. More specificially, the authors who is speaking through this poem.

This had a distinct rhyming pattern and syllabic count. The word child is not technically two syllables but as it's read, especially outloud, it does in fact sound like two with the beat. The first two stanzas are distinctly 7/6/7/6 in syllabic count but when you get to the end it varies slightly with "Of the morning dew." being only five. I am sure this could be stretched another syllable if it really means a lot to you, but quite honestly I didn't find it all that detracting, if at all.

Overall, I really liked this poem. Aside from one minor syllable difference in the last stanza, I found this to be flawless and moving. Excellent job!

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Write On!
Riot

304

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14 days may be credited.

#3230120

Review of Front of the House

Review by Riot

In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Hi there, KimChi . I am reviewing you on behalf of Just Because I Want To. Humming Bird has nominated you for the Read All About It package. This is review 2 of 3 for that package. Below are my thoughts on your item "Front of the House" .

I really love the way you've organized your portfolio. I know that this is only half of your portfolio, Front of the House, but even still I find it really creative and interesting.

A lot of folks when creating a portfolio often times split it up into the usual boring categories: Poetry, Fiction, Non-Fiction, etc. I think that the way you have it split up is fantastic: Chef's Specialties, Appetizers, A la Carte, Desserts... I like best that it sticks to a real theme (food) and how your short descriptions still tell us what lies within the folder.

Overall, this is a very fun and exciting port to browse. It's littered with beautiful awardicons and from what I can tell are very much deserved. Keep up the excellent work!

Riot

305

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14 days may be credited.

#3230076

Review of cramp of discovery

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (3.0)

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Hello, . I am reviewing your item {item:} on behalf of Simply Positive. Below are my thoughts on your work.

Her mother was sick, a heart defect had been discovered that affected the strength of the pump in her veins feels awkward. Perhaps try rewording. Her mother was sick with a heart defect that affected the strength of the pump in her veins. - The best way to rewrite is to cut out unecessary words. If there's an actual technical term for this maybe use that instead.

Careful how you have your characters speak, in dialogue. Most people do tend to speak with run on sentences but for the sake of dialogue in the story I would be careful how many sentences you squish into one. (This is seen when the mother speaks for the first time.)

She poked, and poked some more. isn't really needed. You already stressed earlier on that her mother was a bit of a corrector concerning Rachel and her "wrongs" - adding this line is not needed and makes it feel written from a younger person. If this was from Rachel's perspective and she was in fact younger, it may work. You'll have to decide for yourself if that's the feel you're going for.

Rachel's sister, Katarina, had developed a slight eating order... did you mean disorder?

Paragraphing, or even an attempt at paragraphing, would make this a much easier read.

Overall, I found this to be a fairly average piece of writing. While I understood where the read was going (at least somewhat) I had a hard time following most of this or seeing any real point or plot to it. With a bit of work I'm confident this could be much more. Keep on writing and reaching for the stars.

Riot

306

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14 days may be credited.

#3229616

Review of A dream

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

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Hello, Bluejay07 . I am reviewing your item "A dream" on behalf of Simply Positive Newbies. Below are my thoughts on your work.

Normally I don't critique the format of an item because this, along with grammar errors of that nature are for an editor. However, since the spacing on this left it just over one pagelength and only consisted of two stanzas, I think it may be better read single-spaced as opposed to its double spacing. On a note of the stanzas, I also feel that with a few more "breaks" that the meaning behind each set of phrases would have been better received.

After reading this a few times, I got the distinct impression that most of it was written with couplets in mind. There were a few spots where this didn't ring true to the rules, with unmatched rhymes. My thought on this is to go back and alter those words to rhyme better if that was in fact the structure you were looking for.

Overall, I did think that a lot of this was very emotional, however I did get the impression that this may better read in a short story format. Keep writing!

Riot

307

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14 days may be credited.

#3229611

Review of I Tried Some of Meg's Vegemite

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I have dreamed in my life, dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they have gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" by your Secret Santa!
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Emily Bronte Fan Package!
The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our various members.

Daizy May , Daizy, Daizy!

I saw your name on the boards, and I jumped with glee. I told you I'd be back and I'm so happy I did. While cruising through your port again I came across something I had missed last time. "Invalid Item"

. I'm so very glad I read it, because I really needed the laugh this morning!

Personal experiences are a dime a dozen, especially on a site of this nature. In fact, as I read through this it almost seemed like it could have easily been a blog entry. I'm so very glad that even if you considered it that you didn't, because the story and anecdote of this experience is so worthy of an item on its own.

You told this story with perfect voice. I'm sure there's so much more you could've said about the experience but you practiced something that a lot of writers fail to do. Less is sometimes so much more!

The ending had me in shock. I think my face turned white for you. I absolutely loved the descriptions and how you described the butter seeping through the cracks as "butter worms" - that really said it all for me! As I was reading this I couldn't help but think of "I Love Lucy" and the whole Vita-Vita-Vegamin episode. (Different product if I recall, but same initial reaction!)

Overall, a very amusing story. Thank you for sharing it with us.

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Keep Writing!
Riot

308

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14 days may be credited.

#3229604

Review of Batman: Revenge - Chapter 1 & 2

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

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Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" by SPACE COBWEBS @ 18! .
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Edgar Allan Poe Fan Package!
The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our various members.

Hello there, George R. Lasher !

I am reviewing "Batman: Revenge - Chapter 1 & 2"

- Below are my thoughts on your work.

Generally speaking, I don't make a habit to review chapters and work publicly because most of them are a work in progress. As someone who has put chapters in my own port, I feel the anxiety that comes from getting fly-by reviewers. I know it can also be quite disheartening when somebody reads one chapter and reviews it, then never reads the rest. However, when I stumbled upon Batman: Revenge I couldn't help but take a peek. I'll be honest, so far I've only read chapter one. Below are my thoughts on that in itself. Please keep in mind this is not my reflections on what you've written on a whole.

Firstly, I want to say that I did take a peek at the ideal cover art for this novel. Being a bit of a Batman buff myself I'd have to say that this is one of my favorite symbols that is frequently seen regarding Batman. I like the simplicity of the text and the gold embossing. It's easy to read and stands out nicely against the black. I also like how the outline of the symbol goes beyond the front cover to its binding.

The hook on this first chapter is well done, by playing on our love/hate relationship with Batman's most indespitubale arch-nemesis, The Joker. I know that you have "set" this story based off the 1989 film with Jack Nicholson and Michael Keaton. I don't personally hold this film in high regards as to being one of the better Batman movies, however, that's irrelavant to my feelings on your story. Being that I still know the background, I liked how you incorprated the hook of your story by mentioning the grave robbing of The Jokers grave. It got me interested, especially with the questions posed and the teasers.

I quite enjoyed the "introduction" to Batman, Gordon, and Alfred. The touch with the little laughing boxes was a really nice flare to this and reminded us of the sick personality twists of The Joker. Had he been brought back from the grave? Is this somebody impersonating him, a copy-cat? Loyal gang members retrieving him for some other sick purpose? Why now? Why him? All great questions for the curious reader.

The best part, in this reader's humble opinion was the references to the all familiar feel we have come dependent on over the years. Chapter Two was another good hook, but I'll be honest in that I know less of those characters than the ones in Chapter One. Overall, this looks to be the beginnings of a really epic and wonderful novel. Excellent work!

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Keep Writing!
Riot

309

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14 days may be credited.

#3229025

Review of The Immature Brain of a Child

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Hello, JudyB . I am reviewing your item "The Immature Brain of a Child" on behalf of Simply Positive. Below are my thoughts on your work.

Firstly, I want to commend you on the casualness of this trip down memory lane. Often times we try and play up what really happened and censor our feelings on it now. That, or we try and make ourselves out to be more "mature" than we really were at the time. I think it's important to recognize that we all start somewhere (as a child) and need to grow from personal experiences. "Why do we fall?" comes to mind. The answer is, "So we can learn to pick ourselves back up again."

There were a few things I noticed while reading this rather amusing share:

Except for dates, numbers should be spelled out for easier reading and better absorption. I believe the rule is if the number is over ten to write it out. So 16 would be sixteen and 20 would be twenty.

You begin by introducing your past as a child then switch casualties by mentioning kid, then switch once again to child. Someone once told me that using the term kid was informal and separated the difference between amature writing and professional writing. While I agree on many levels I think it's depended on the writing. In this case, I think kid works because of the context you're using it in. I'm merely pointing out that you switch back and forth interchangeably.

The use of exclamation marks is always a good thing, but I think that one is suffice, in this readers humble opinion. Maybe, for extra emphases, two. Four stretches it in my opinion.

"now that was..." should be properly capitalized.

I appreciate the sentiments behind numbering the incidences, however as it reads in storytelling mode I think it could do without them. As it stands, it feels like a list. This may have been your intention, but again, I felt the urge to point it out from a different perspective.

Overall, a worthwhile read. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Riot

310

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14 days may be credited.

#3224995

Review of Sky Flowers

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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If one by one we counted people out For the least sin, it wouldn't take us long To get so we had no one left to live with. For to be social is to be forgiving.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" by stacylynn71.
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Robert Frost Fan Package!
The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our various members.

Hello again, 🌖 HuntersMoon !

I am reviewing "Sky Flowers"

- Below are my thoughts on your work.

Wow, I really love the image at the top! Those colors are just beautiful. While this poem was short, I really found it beautiful! My favorite line in it was the very center line, an amazing bouquet, in a new guise, because I felt that it said so much!

Overall, I felt that you did a great job with descriptions and imagery. Great read, Ken!

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Keep Writing!
Riot

311

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14 days may be credited.

#3224993

Review of Dark Music

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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If one by one we counted people out For the least sin, it wouldn't take us long To get so we had no one left to live with. For to be social is to be forgiving.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" by stacylynn71.
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Robert Frost Fan Package!
The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our various members.

Hello there, 🌖 HuntersMoon !

I am reviewing "Dark Music"

- Below are my thoughts on your work.

Oooh, Ken, I really like this! As you probably know I'm big into dark and vampire poetry but in all honesty this is just really great! I am glad you included the notes at the end to explain what this was about. I think it's a great thing that having read it twice I couldn't tell you what was missing but that it was about vampires. That to me is really excellent.

The structure that you've based this poem on is masterful. I love how you've done a/b/a/b/c/c/d/d/c - After reading and re-reading this I'm really tempted to up and write one myself. Some of the things that really struck me as I read this poem:

A pulse, like music in the night,

to seek the source, to darkly feed.

echoes a lovelorn heart.

Overall, an excellent read. Thank you for sharing! It's always a pleasure, Ken!

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Keep Writing!
Riot

312

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14 days may be credited.

#3224788

Review of The Last Bridge

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
If one by one we counted people out For the least sin, it wouldn't take us long To get so we had no one left to live with. For to be social is to be forgiving.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" by stacylynn71.
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Robert Frost Fan Package!
The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our various members.

Hello there, 🌖 HuntersMoon !

I am reviewing "The Last Bridge"

- Below are my thoughts on your work.

Ken, this is a very lovely poem. The image at the top really helps set the mood of the poem but in the end your words and the imagery within them are what made this poem remarkable.

What I like best about this was the repeating line at the path's end, the final span, and how it works its way down each line of the poem until the very end. I think the magical number of 8 syllables is a good one and was utilized very well. It's clear that you put a lot of time, effort and thought into this because I wasn't able to find any 'straggler' words. That is, I felt each word and phrase you used was perfect in itself and uncluttered.

Overall, a delightful read. Thank you so much for sharing it with us!

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Keep Writing!
Riot

313

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14 days may be credited.

#3223540

Review of Crayola

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
If one by one we counted people out For the least sin, it wouldn't take us long To get so we had no one left to live with. For to be social is to be forgiving.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" by stacylynn71.
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Robert Frost Fan Package!
The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our various members.

Hello there, Dave !

I am reviewing "Crayola"

- Below are my thoughts on your work.

I really liked this poem. The smooth transitions from the couplets to the refrain line at the end of each of the stanzas is really attractive. What I liked best about this poem was the imagery that was abound in each of the stanzas.

Some lines I liked in particular:

and the redolent honeysuckle cape

through a round of colorful interactions

bringing a very welcome infusion / of lifeblood required for the soul's repair.

Overall, I highly enjoyed this poem. It lifted my spirits and despite being with the holiday cheer, made me look forward to the less dreary time of year. Thank you for sharing!

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Keep Writing!
Riot

314

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14 days may be credited.

#3221097

Review of Noble Sacrifice

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
After people have repeated a phrase a great number of times, they begin to realize it has meaning and may even be true.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" by 🌖 HuntersMoon .
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the H.G. Wells Fan Package!
The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our various members.

Heyas, Hyperiongate !

I am reviewing "Noble Sacrifice"

- Below are my thoughts on your work.

I believe that in all my stay on Writing.Com that I've only ever written one fifty-five worder. A lot of people think that it's easy at a first glance but I know from other friends writing them and attempting it myself just how difficult it can be.

While I read through several of your entries, I found this one quite interesting. I think that it's titled appropriately given its context.

Overall, a very good set of reads. Thank you so much for sharing all these!

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Keep Writing!
Riot

315

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14 days may be credited.

#3221092

Review of Bloggishness

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
After people have repeated a phrase a great number of times, they begin to realize it has meaning and may even be true.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" by 🌖 HuntersMoon .
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the H.G. Wells Fan Package!
The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our various members.

Hello again, Hyperiongate !

I am reviewing "Bloggishness"

- Below are my thoughts on your work.

I think it's great when anybody blogs, especially on a site such as this. I think that a lot of people don't realize the real value behind writing about ones life. We do this in stories and poems, why not in a blog or journal format?

I read through some of your entries. I'll have to come back for more. The main point of me dropping a note here, is because I'd like to see more!

A lot of people on the site really deck their blogs out and for some its their only real source of personalization. I noticed you had an image of you and your dog in your portfolio... I think this would be a great spot about it! Also, tell us a bit more about yourself. You're already doing so by recounting things in your blog.

Overall, great job! I hope to see more from you soon!

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Keep Writing!
Riot

316

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14 days may be credited.

#3221090

Review of How To Write Good Flash Fiction

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
After people have repeated a phrase a great number of times, they begin to realize it has meaning and may even be true.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" by 🌖 HuntersMoon .
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the H.G. Wells Fan Package!
The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our various members.

Hello there, Hyperiongate !

I am reviewing "How To Write Good Flash Fiction"

- Below are my thoughts on your work.

Firstly, I just want to point out that I think this is an extremely well written article. In the beginning you say that you are not a great writer but I disagree. What makes somebody a good writer, anyways? I think good writers come in all fashions and are subjective to their readers. I, personally, think you are a good writer. Take that as you will!

I think the points you bring up in this article are good and informative. They are through provoking and made me reflect on my own stories. I think this is excellent.

Overall, a worthwhile read to any flash fiction writer on the site. Thank you for sharing it with us!

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Keep Writing!
Riot

317

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14 days may be credited.

#3220243

Review of No Choice.

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

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Hello there, Oceandweller . You have recently submitted your item "No Choice." into "Invalid Item" . I have been asked by stacylynn71 to help judge this round. Below is my review of your submission.

The Contest Rules

Only newbies may enter this contest. A newbie is defined as somebody who is 60 days old or less at the time of their submission. All entries must be poetry and cannot exceed 40 lines. Only two entries are allowed per person, per round and in order to qualify the item submitted must not have a previously awarded awardicon. Furthermore, the deadline must be met and only submissions submitted in bItem format will be considered.

As a reminder of the rules, you may place your mouse over "The Contest Rules" text. A pop-up will appear on your screen explaining the criteria I will be judging you on.

As I read this couplet, a few things came immediately to my attention. Below are my thoughts.

No Choice. as a title is properly capitalized, but a period at the end is not needed. A title is not the same as a sentence.
The repeating lines of If I could choose is good and the ending switch around was clever and well placed.
Every stanza until the sixth has a second line that is 6 syllables. It then changes to 7. When read aloud, this changes the pace just slightly. You may want to look this over and evaluate if you'd like to keep it this way or alter it to flow the same.
The only line that seemed awkward to me was I would see nature unfurled - In the context of the poem I'm unsure of its relevance.

Overall, I thought this was an interesting read that got me thinking. I see that it's marked as an emotional personal experience. Obviously you've put some feeling into this and I wish you the best of luck if you ever decide to alter it. Thank you for sharing!

Write On!
Riot

318

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14 days may be credited.

#3220214

Review of You always knew.

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Hello there, Oceandweller . You have recently submitted your item "You always knew." into "Invalid Item" . I have been asked by stacylynn71 to help judge this round. Below is my review of your submission.

The Contest Rules

Only newbies may enter this contest. A newbie is defined as somebody who is 60 days old or less at the time of their submission. All entries must be poetry and cannot exceed 40 lines. Only two entries are allowed per person, per round and in order to qualify the item submitted must not have a previously awarded awardicon. Furthermore, the deadline must be met and only submissions submitted in bItem format will be considered.

As a reminder of the rules, you may place your mouse over "The Contest Rules" text. A pop-up will appear on your screen explaining the criteria I will be judging you on.

As I read through your poem, there were a few minor things I noticed.

The title You always knew. should be You Always Knew - Capitalization is important in titles and punctuation at the end is not needed, except in rare cases of ellipses, question marks and exclamation marks.
Clearly your couples were in a syllabic count of 7/7 - except in stanza 6 it breaks all the flow you've had in previous stanzas with a syllabic count of 6/8.
In stanza 7 it's 6/6. I'm not sure if this is important to you but it was noticeable. It veers from the form of the previous stanzas but I got the feeling it was because the poem was winding to a close.
The last stanza is 7/8 in syllabic count. This is something you'll have to decide if you want to change.

Overall, I think this is a sweet and thought provoking poem about the one you love.

Write On!
Riot

319

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14 days may be credited.

#3219625

Review of Little Creek

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.5)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hello there, uruku. You have recently submitted your item "Invalid Item" into "Invalid Item" . I have been asked by stacylynn71 to help judge this round. Below is my review of your submission.

The Contest Rules

Only newbies may enter this contest. A newbie is defined as somebody who is 60 days old or less at the time of their submission. All entries must be poetry and cannot exceed 40 lines. Only two entries are allowed per person, per round and in order to qualify the item submitted must not have a previously awarded awardicon. Furthermore, the deadline must be met and only submissions submitted in bItem format will be considered.

As a reminder of the rules, you may place your mouse over "The Contest Rules" text. A pop-up will appear on your screen explaining the criteria I will be judging you on.

Another free-verse, I think this poem is an interesting perspectual poem that depicts the life of a creek. When reading this poem after seeing the title and caption, it was clear what this poem was about. What I like best about this is how it clearly is about a creek but the words used to describe the life of the creek are also very basic in depicting life in general of humans. Very neat!

My suggestion for you on this second entry would be the same thing I stated in my last review. Since you're writing free-verse poetry, you don't really need to focus on exacting punctuation and capitalization like you would in a short story or structured formed poetry. I think that the theme of this poem overrides the need for punctuation at the end of every single line. In fact, I almost wonder how this would read if there was none.

Overall, this was a really great read. It reminds me a lot of human nature and has left me thinking about the deeper meaning behind this poem. Excellent job.

Write On!
Riot

320

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14 days may be credited.

#3219624

Review of Unfinished

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Hello there, uruku. You have recently submitted your item "Invalid Item" into "Invalid Item" . I have been asked by stacylynn71 to help judge this round. Below is my review of your submission.

The Contest Rules

Only newbies may enter this contest. A newbie is defined as somebody who is 60 days old or less at the time of their submission. All entries must be poetry and cannot exceed 40 lines. Only two entries are allowed per person, per round and in order to qualify the item submitted must not have a previously awarded awardicon. Furthermore, the deadline must be met and only submissions submitted in bItem format will be considered.

As a reminder of the rules, you may place your mouse over "The Contest Rules" text. A pop-up will appear on your screen explaining the criteria I will be judging you on.

Firstly, I want to say congratulations on 9 years with your wife! That's really awesome!

The sentiments behind this poem are very sweet. I could not detect any particular patterns with rhyme, structure or syllabic count but that's not to say that it needed it.

My only concern is the use of commas at the end of every single line except for a few. I assume that this is where you feel 'the sentence should end' but often times I've found it doesn't work that way in poetry. The alternating capitalizations of each line also threw me off.

You've help me to see, - If you're going to capitalize every single line, that's great and fine. If you're going to capitalize it because of a grammatical issue (like it's not a new 'sentence') then You've does not need its capitalization.

I like how you've put in senses into this poem for added feeling and imagery. Wind, Touch, Shadow - all very good in their context.

I did find some of the phrases used within this poem to be a bit 'standard' (as in, I've seen them a lot in poetry) but again, because it's a personal romantic poem and written off pure feelings for the one that you love, it's hard to critique. If you were to re-write this I would suggest re-working these lines:

there is no description or way to put into words - I disagree. You have done a lovely job at this in the poem!
Without you I am unfinished, - Sweet, touching, but overused.
You complete me. - Jerry Maguire ruined this phrase for me, unfortunately.

Overall, a very worthwhile read. Thank you for sharing it with us and keep up the great work!

Write On!
Riot

321

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14 days may be credited.

#3219617

Review of Adriana A to Z!

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

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A serious writer is not to be confounded with a solemn writer. A serious writer may be a hawk or a buzzard or even a popinjay, but a solemn writer is always a bloody owl.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" by kiyasama.
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Ernest Hemingway Fan Package!
The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our various members.

Hello again, Mara ♣ McBain !

I am reviewing "Adriana A to Z!"

- Below are my thoughts on your work.

I think this is a lovely "tribute" to your best friend and sister on the site. I had a great time reading through this alphabet acrostic-like piece on the very many sides to Adriana. (B made me laugh out loud, amongst a couple others that I see on a glance.)

Angel Buddy is a really great network for friends and pairing up people to become future friends. I think this is a great example of the type of friendships that can be encouraged through programs like this.

The subcategories in S was pretty amusing, as well.

Overall, this is funny. Yet, as a reader, I can take a small glimpse at your friendship together and smile. Thank you for sharing it with us!

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Keep Writing!
Riot

322

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14 days may be credited.

#3219613

Review of Mara's Musings

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

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A serious writer is not to be confounded with a solemn writer. A serious writer may be a hawk or a buzzard or even a popinjay, but a solemn writer is always a bloody owl.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" by kiyasama.
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Ernest Hemingway Fan Package!
The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our various members.

Hello there, Mara ♣ McBain !

I am reviewing "Mara's Musings "

- Below are my thoughts.

Firstly, I just want to say, that I'd like you to post more frequently! I know that last time you posted was of joyous occasion (finishing Nano) but even still, reading through your past entries it's clear that you're a very talented writer. Even if it is "just" posting about your daily life endeavors.

I really love the images that you've used in this journal. The angel in black and white at the very top speaks volumes and I think that it's very important to personal things of this nature, which it seems you have.

I like how you update about everything. I saw one post a few down that was a simple but thought provoking quote.

Overall, really great blog! As I said before, I wish you'd update it more. I'll have to take a peek in on this from time to time and see what all you've added!

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Keep Writing!
Riot

323

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14 days may be credited.

#3216262

Review of Fire Flies

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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Hello again, Lupus . You have recently submitted your item "Fire Flies" into "Invalid Item" . I have been asked by stacylynn71 to help judge this round. Below is my review of your submission.

The Contest Rules

Only newbies may enter this contest. A newbie is defined as somebody who is 60 days old or less at the time of their submission. All entries must be poetry and cannot exceed 40 lines. Only two entries are allowed per person, per round and in order to qualify the item submitted must not have a previously awarded awardicon. Furthermore, the deadline must be met and only submissions submitted in bItem format will be considered.

As a reminder of the rules, you may place your mouse over "The Contest Rules" text. A pop-up will appear on your screen explaining the criteria I will be judging you on.

This short poem is a very good insight about one's possible journey to the next life. I found this poem to be very thought provoking in its own rights. The two stanzas, in my opinion, held enough context and excellent imagery to convey its overall meaning. Excellent job!

When reading this outloud, the last two lines to each stanza seem to be rhymed. It could be coincidence that the last two were, but having/passing feel close in nature. Because most of this seems free-verse, I don't think there's a lot of emphasis needed on making these exact rhymes.

To me, High does not need it's capitalization. Instead, I think that the beginning of each line should hold true to its needed capitalization based on the flow of the poem and its grammar. In poetry, it's not always necessary to punctuate the ends of lines or capitalize the beginnings, but in my opinion if you do one or the other you should take note of how you do it. For example, in the first two lines, you end line one with a comma and lead line two into the poem as part of its sentence, so I don't believe that "They" needs capitalization. Because you end line two in a period, line three should naturally be capitalized and so forth.

My only other thought would be to have the title be one word: Fireflies instead of two.

Overall, I thought this was an inspirational poem that held true to it's brief description. I think this is an excellent write that was very thought provoking and profound.

Write On!
Riot

324

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14 days may be credited.

#3216260

Review of We are Angels

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Hello there, Lupus . You have recently submitted your item "We are Angels" into "Invalid Item" . I have been asked by stacylynn71 to help judge this round. Below is my review of your submission.

The Contest Rules

Only newbies may enter this contest. A newbie is defined as somebody who is 60 days old or less at the time of their submission. All entries must be poetry and cannot exceed 40 lines. Only two entries are allowed per person, per round and in order to qualify the item submitted must not have a previously awarded awardicon. Furthermore, the deadline must be met and only submissions submitted in bItem format will be considered.

As a reminder of the rules, you may place your mouse over "The Contest Rules" text. A pop-up will appear on your screen explaining the criteria I will be judging you on.

I think that this is a very sweet poem about one person's view of the human spirit as a whole. How, as it so often is, heroes are in our daily lives, walking around in average lives making a difference in the world. It's such a shame that these wonders are taken for granted.

I think that this poem would be better presented in two or three shorter stanzas. The first five lines flow very smoothly, with a bit of a rhyme in there with poor/door. As I read on, I expected there to be another rhyme after off. Maybe what you could do, is add in a rhyming line with that one and have the last stanza be the couplet that it is.

Overall, I think this was a really great poem that everyone should read. Don't take the Angels around you and the Angel inside you for granted any longer. Excellent write.

Write On!
Riot

325

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3216250

Review of Kindness

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.5)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hello there, awordqueen . You have recently submitted your item "Kindness" into "Invalid Item" . I have been asked by stacylynn71 to help judge this round. Below is my review of your submission.

The Contest Rules

Only newbies may enter this contest. A newbie is defined as somebody who is 60 days old or less at the time of their submission. All entries must be poetry and cannot exceed 40 lines. Only two entries are allowed per person, per round and in order to qualify the item submitted must not have a previously awarded awardicon. Furthermore, the deadline must be met and only submissions submitted in bItem format will be considered.

As a reminder of the rules, you may place your mouse over "The Contest Rules" text. A pop-up will appear on your screen explaining the criteria I will be judging you on.

I found this poem to be so lovely. I had to read it several times before I could snap my brain back into my reality. To me, I found this poem to be a wonderful read and true to its subject. I think that you have put a lot of time, effort and thought into this. I don't know if this is a personal experience, but part of me feels as if it is because of the way it was written. I think this is a very positive thing for your poem and something that a lot of poets strive to accomplish. For that, great job!

The way you wrote this had a distinct structure to it. Each of your stanzas began with a couplet and ended with a standalone line. To break down your poem for you, your syallabic count was as follows:

Stanza 1: 5/5/10
Stanza 2: 5/5/8
Stanza 3: 5/5/8
Stanza 4: 6/5/7
Stanza 5: 6/6/6
Stanza 6: 6/5/9

I point the syllables out to you, because while they don't always matter and are usually there out of personal preference, I feel that the beginning stanzas which were almost exactly the same flowed best from the tongue. I personally find that taking away syllables in a poem is often easier than adding them, because there are many "filler" words that we typically use that aren't always needed in poetry.

For your poem, I personally like the 5/5/8 method you used in Stanza Two and Stanza Three.

One other thing I'd like to point out, is that there are two places where your true rhymes are slightly off.

1. desires/fires - This is actually a real rhyme but the reason I point it out is because all of your other couplets match in syllabic count. Because it's in Stanza Three, you could fix this by adding another word before it or by chosing another word that has the same meaning.

2. silence/kindness - Not a true match, but not all that distracting from the poem.

Overall, I felt this definitely a read-worthy piece that deserves recognition for what it is. Thank you for sharing it with us on the site, it's clear that you are a true poet at heart.

Write On!
Riot